Before we get to our tips, though, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank Shannon for bringing us together each week as we discuss which post we should link up, and whether Shannon will be tricky and early this week or tricky and late. (By early I mean 9:27 pm and by late I mean 9:35 pm MST; that Shannon is trick-y.)

Making Works-For-Me Wednesday Work For You

1. Write a short(!) post about a useful tip. You can try linking up a clever book review, but people read through the WFMW posts for actual tips that can make their lives better or easier or sweeter-smelling.

2. Link up at the very beginning or at the very end. Middle children will tell you that it’s easy to get lost in a crowd of clamoring voices.

3. Follow the Ding-Dang rules. This won’t actually help you get pageviews or comments, unless you subscribe to the idea of karma or the Golden Rule, but you’ll breathe easier knowing you didn’t sleep your way to fame and fortune. Honestly, nothing makes me wish I had a taser set on stun more than going to a reputable blog and seeing that they’ve stolen (yes, STOLEN) traffic from someone else’s blog without linking back to the carnival. (I’m not talking if you forget once or twice, or if you honestly didn’t realize there were rules, but . . . YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. That’s all I’m gonna say. For now.)

4. Choose your Mr. Linky caption wisely . . . Titles with words like “sex” in them do quite well. This can be a post about sex (Am I the Only One?) or a post about the importance of scheduling (The Unsexy Morning Routine). Sometimes it’s tricky, since the linky caption is supposed to be only four words long (see #3), but it’s usually doable.

I’m pretty sure that if someone followed all of these rules she would be blog-famous in approximately 47 weeks. But I gotta be honest. Number one is the hardest for me to do. I keep trying, though, because even if Works-for-me Wednesday doesn’t translate into instant bloggy stardom, I live in hope that my real life will be enriched and organized and enlightened by my sometimes-frantic searching for just one useful tip to share.

Jane

If your microwave looks like, say, this:

[Oh, I give up. Dirty stuff just doesn't look as dirty in pictures as it does in real life. I wonder if this is sort of like a dirty-anorexic-distortion, where instead of looking fatter that your really are, things look cleaner/dirtier than they really are.]

Anyway, to clean even gunky dried-on spaghetti sauce, exploded black bean soup, and splattered sweet potatoes, simply place a glass container full of water in the microwave and turn it on High for about 5 minutes. Then wipe off the soggy ickies, and, voila:

In other news, Danielle sent me a video about a bioluminescent Mountain Dew experiment. Boy! Was it exciting, and Mountain Dew by itself is practically glow-in-the-dark, so I assembled the necessary ingredients:

I had to try it for myself even after Dick looked it up on Snopes.com and found that it was a false urban legend. Unfortunately (and not surprisingly, I guess, though seriously disappointingly), Snopes was right; it doesn’t work. (I’m glad I’m not as cynical as Dick; I’m sure he misses a lot of fun anticipation that way.)

But never fear, I know a fun soda pop trick that does work! The Diet Coke and Mentos Bomb is fabulous, and would make a great Last-Hurrah-of-Summer family activity.

Diet Coke and Mentos on the 4th of July from jane on Vimeo

Look at that! Actual tips for Works-for-me Wednesday:

1) Clean your microwave with boiling water.

2) Snopes.com debunks too-good-to-be-true tricks.

3) Diet Coke and Mentos make for FUN TIMES.

You can thank me later.

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Now, I know that there are no vows in blogging. And the stakes are much lower than a presidential election. Why, some people blog for fun. But other people view their blogs as businesses, and many are quite good. I enjoy their posts on blogging, especially, because I vacillate between seeing my blog as a “letter to the world, That never wrote to me,” and something that could provide income in a million years.

So my question is, on blogging: Does following the rules matter?

If you discovered that a blogger you admire appeared to be engaging in some shady practices, would that change how you viewed their blog?

Would you ask them to clarify the situation, hoping there was a good explanation for the apparent shady-ness?

Have you ever asked a question and then wish you’d never asked?

Last week my link on RIMD’s Works-for-Me Wednesday (WFMW) was deleted (long story, my fault, not the point). I was a little upset because my server was down, but the bottom line was that I hadn’t followed the WFMW guidelines, which clearly state that a post-specific url is required.

But it got me curious about Shannon’s enforcement of WFMW guidelines, especially when a friend pointed out to me that a blogger we both enjoy had not been following them. Have you ever asked a question and then wish you’d never asked? Here’s some advice:

For those who wish to continue in happy ignorance: If you see what looks like shady practices, ignore it. It doesn’t matter.

For those who wish to continue to appear honorable: Don’t lie about something that I can check on the internet in approximately four seconds. Especially if it’s something small, something that doesn’t matter.

Because here’s the deal. I don’t care what you do. I mean, I do care, especially if you’re someone I’ve practically idolized up ’til now. But I care even more that you would not be honest about it.

In blogging: Does honesty matter?

I explained this whole situation to my family over the weekend (sorry!), and my younger brother said, Who cares, it’s a BLOG.

True. Who cares?

One part of me wants to write a big expose piece, because DANG IT. SHE LIED. The other part of me (the better part, the part that reminds me I am far from perfect, the part that listens to Dick, who says we should ‘reprove in private and praise in public’) knows that there’s no way I wouldn’t sound like a jealous, petty tattletale (I prefer whistle-blower).

So I’m trying to forget it. I’m trying not to care. But here’s my take on blogging (and life). Following the rules matters. Honesty matters. The end.

]]> http://www.seagullfountain.com/2008/07/06/does-it-matter-blogging-rules/feed/ 15 http://www.seagullfountain.com/2008/06/17/the-art-business-and-technology-of-the-blog/ http://www.seagullfountain.com/2008/06/17/the-art-business-and-technology-of-the-blog/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2008 05:15:23 +0000 Shannon http://www.seagullfountain.com/?p=1072 For those of us not attending BlogHer, I thought I’d compile everything I know about blogging. This is sort of like the (unfair to teachers) maxim: “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” The list will make up in candor what it lacks in exhaustiveness. Go on, ask me how much I make on my BlogHer Ads. (I have no idea. Still missing my password, but my headline circle editor is on the job).

You can tell a lot about a person and their blog based on which aspect of blogging: Art (Writing or Photography or Quilling), Business (making money or expanding an IRL enterprise); or Technology (coding or design or web development), inspires their posts. A great blog will usually be artistically rich, income-generating, and technologically sophisticated, though there are many exceptions, and a great blog for me may simply be one that minimizes my angst.

Whatever your goal(s) for your blog, it’s good to explore the other aspects, if only so that if and when your interests or goals change, your blog will be set up to shift/expand more smoothly.

Art of the Blog

The most important thing is not how great your writing is. If fantastic writing were the only requirement for blogging greatness, I’d be on the beach with my new iMac right now. Instead, it’s important to have a hook. Skimpy clothes, great assets, loose morals. NO! Hook! You might be the rancher’s wife or the depressive ex-Mormon or the Southern “Can I get an Amen?” or the Alaskan Family Fun. Hook is closely related to voice: are you Sarcastic, Hip, Queenly, Fussy?

Provide a Service

Second most important is providing a service. That might be plain old entertainment, but honey, you better be dang entertaining if you’re not also offering tips, recipes, advice on baby naming, live blogging of American Idol, or wrong opinions to rail against. Even Dooce, who has never posted a recipe (that I can see) updates her Daily Photo, Chuck and Style sections about four times a week, encouraging people to spend more disposable income on funky knickknacks.

Rocks in My Dryer had a recent post that I cannot find right now. (Note: Get thee a search box on thy blog) about posts. Short is good. Frequent paragraph breaks is good. Focusing each post on one topic is good. Again, lots of exceptions, but overall good advice.

Business of the Blog

Two things here: traffic and subscribers. To give you a basis for comparison, The Pioneer Woman gets about 5.9 million pageviews a month; the lowliest Federated Media parenting author gets 30,000. Page views are generally 2-4 times higher than unique visitors and are what advertisers mostly track, though they might also want to know your subscriber numbers, as that indicates loyalty and signals quality, ongoing content. Sign up for Google Analytics to see how close you are to becoming famous being able to make 5 dollars a month from advertising.

Traffic unrelated to subscribers is determined by your Google (or other search engine) page rank, which is determined by your SEO (search engine optimization), of which incoming links are the most important aspect. For a great primer on SEO for mom bloggers in particular, check out WebMarketCentral. Incoming links are like gold. As one person said, you can shout that your name is Jane @ What About Mom as loudly and often as you like, but Google only cares when others start shouting that you are Jane @ What About Mom.

One non-intuitive thing I’ve learned from my friend Laura is that, when it comes to pay-per-click advertising (where you only get paid if a visitor actually clicks on the ad, like with Google Adsense), you make money when someone comes to your site and DOESN’T FIND what they are looking for, but clicks away on a promising-looking ad.

So which should you focus on? Traffic or subscribers? Both, of course. Ideally they’ll feed each other, though often a post that appeals to your regular readers won’t hook in new ones or random Google searchers and vice versa. Again, it’s a matter of what your priorities are and what kind (if any) ads you run.

Building Traffic

Once you’ve nailed SEO, it’s about getting subscribers to be traffickers too. Get your subscribers to click over to the actual site by hosting a carnival, writing great content they have to comment on, hosting giveaways, contests, or polls; posting something special that can only be seen on the blog, and compiling helpful lists for readers to check back regularly too, esp. if you have a cute button for it.

You can also try the social news aggregators like Digg, Kirtsy, etc. Go to Share This to get an easy plugin for all the main sites. Ideally your readers will submit your stories, but, hey, there’s no law against tooting your own horn. I submitted my own Dooce post (I know, uber-tacky), but it worked!

Also, give Twitter (or Plurk, if you must) and Facebook (or Myspace or blahblah). I’m getting too tired to create hyperlinks. Just type .com after any non-hypered nouns from now on, okay? Also, if this all seems too weird/insane in a really bad way, go read Memarie Lane on the bloggy optimization madness.

Building Subscriber Loyalty

People love it when their comments are acknowledged, almost as much as bloggers like to get comments. You can respond in the comments section or by email. Which do people prefer? I should do a poll. Click on over to vote (Kidding. Maybe later). Some techy-type needs to write a plugin that automatically asks people if they’d prefer a response by email or in the comments section. Of course, we all (you know you do, admit it) dream of the day that the number of comments is just TOO overwhelming to even think of responding to each one. Yeah, any day now.

Also, once your readers trust you, maintain that trust by writing the sort of post they expect from you, rather than obvious link-bait or search-bait or unbelievably-glowing (not one of my weaknesses) product reviews.

Getting Incoming Links

This is very similar to Building Traffic. Carnivals, contests, indispensable lists, etc, anything you can use to motivate people to link to your site. Sometimes it’s hard to get the attention of established, successful bloggers (however you measure success).

If you’re like me (and if you’re way cooler, come on, you remember thinking this), every time you hit Publish, you think this post will be the one, the one that everyone will see and link to and five minutes later you’ll be Because I Said So. I live in hope of being part of Rocks in My Dryer‘s or Musings of a Housewife‘s weekend linkie love fests. I did get on to Fussy’s once. How? By accidentally doing something that now strikes me as a super-good strategy. I asked her permission to use one of her photos. That’s right: write about a blogger you admire, and you just might be surprised.

One final note. Blogging isn’t so different from life. The Golden Rule applies, but be even nicer. Try linking to other bloggers, but if they don’t reciprocate, no harm, because you would have linked to them anyway, because they’re just that cool and helped you illustrate a point, right? For a funny (and probably comprehensive) list of people’s pet peeves about blogggers/blogging, check out the comments section on Shannon’s post.

Advertising

One of the best things about blogs is the transparency of the web, and one of my favoritely transparent bloggers is Scribbit in Alaska. Now, I confess that a few of her posts, the recipes and crafts and giveaways, are not super-appealing to me, plus I am jealous that she is so popular. So I have some angst. But Scribbit is incredibly helpful, candid, and transparent. You can learn about advertising, making money from your blog, and how to split your blogging time to maximum effect on her site. Here me shout: Michelle is Scribbit, Google! Hear me?

Branding

The power of good branding cannot be overstated. I wrote before about my new friend Kelly King Anderson and how she came up with Startup Princess. Catchy, right? Check her out for other general entrepreneurial issues, including work-life balance. (To Dick: What!?! I’m COMING to bed).

Technology of the Blog

Again, exceptions abound, but in general, a grown-up blog has it’s own domain, preferably a .com. If you’ve still got blogspot or wordpress or typepad in your url, maybe rethink that. Of course, if you’ve already got all your incoming links (see above) and page rank established on the hosted site, maybe a move isn’t worth it, because those things aren’t transferable. When registering your domain, think branding and hook (see above).

Blogging Platform

You can use the Blogger or WordPress or Typepad software that you’re familiar with on your own site. If you’re ready to host your own site (and register a domain) but have no idea where to start, check out BlueHost. They’re 6.95/month and have 24/7 online chat support, not that you’ll ever need that. I’m most familiar with WordPress, and it’s a great, “robust,” blogging software thingie. They have lots of free themes (layouts), though if you’re really serious (which I am only moderately serious so far), you can buy a premium theme for around $70. Dick wrote a Quick Start Guide on the WordPress codex. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but I think it would to your average third-grader.

Help!

A great resource for blogging in general (though I use it mostly for technology questions) is Melanie‘s and Shannon‘s BloggingBasics101. They’ve got a great Google-based search tool, so type in anything. Go ahead. I bet, if it has to do with blogging, they’ve got something, or know who does, on it.

Down with Photoshop!

The only other tool (besides WordPress) that I use regularly is Snagit. Snagit is like Photoshop, only easier and without that layers crap. You can write on photos, take screenshots, uh, do other cool things. I am not a designer/artiste (surprise!), but I like how handy SnagIt is. They don’t even pay me to say that . . . YET. Hey, SnagIt, love me as much as I love you, okay?

The Wrap-Up

I hope this is not too basic, not too advanced (not much fear of that, eh?). I know I’m exhausted, so even if this list isn’t exactly complete, it’s done (unless you help!). I’d love to hear what you think about the art, business, and technology of blogging. Do you think comments or emails are better as replies? Is Typepad nicer than WordPress? Why do you blog? How much money do you make? I remember when we taught conversational English in Japan and one thing we worked on was appropriate questions to ask of strangers. I never quite mastered that.

If you have any questions for me, please ask, and I’ll get Dick to research and answer right away.

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Oh, and this is what works-for-me. That Shannon! What she doesn’t know about making me a trafficker!

Mama Bear, on the other hand, is shown as the fount of all wisdom and motherly goodness, which I have no problem with, in theory. But her Politeness Plan goes against everything learned from behavior modification studies, being a system of punishments for bad manners with no reward for good manners. (Good manners are their own reward.)

So it’s no surprise that a sound Theory of Teaching Manners is based not on the parental units, but on the actions of Brother and Sister Bear, who scheme to subvert the Politeness Plan by being overly polite, hoping this will irritate Mama into scrapping it altogether. Instead, as Brother and Sister enjoy the happier, sunnier, all-around celestial harmony that is greater politeness, they gradually forget to be overly polite, and, of course, the over-politeness never bothered Mama in the first place.

Game Plan: Overly Polite

It’s really quite easy to teach manners. Simply model good language. For example:

“Please, Sally dearest, say May I have a glass of milk, Mommy dearest? or you won’t get anything to drink all day.”

or

“Please, Susan dearest, put your freakin’ boots in the closet right this second or I’m throwing them away.”

or

“Please, Spot dearest, sit your tookey down before I come whack it so hard.”

Simple.

Take it to the Next Level: Thank You

After you’ve taught your kids to say “please, xxxx dearest,” you’re ready to move on to possibly the most important phrase in any language: Thank you. Learning and using “thank you” in a foreign country is the best thing you can do to promote cross-cultural understanding and world peace. That and “I’m sorry”/”Excuse me”/”I’m just a clumsy tourist; please don’t judge all Americans by my cluelessness.” In Japan, for example, we used “sumimasen” liberally, to great effect.

Imitation: the Easiest Form of Parental Abuse

The Overly Polite Politeness Plan is highly effective. Sally, Susan, and Spot now often say “Please, Mommy dearest.” However, we’re still working on the “Thank you, Mommy dearest.” Here’s how it comes out as of today:

Sally (7): “Thank you, Mommy dearest” (snark, smirk, eye roll).

Susan (3): “Gank you, Mommy dearest” (sweet smile, syrupy singsong).

Spot (1): “dat do” (get the video camera: SPOT CAN TALK!).

Teaching manners by the book is what works for me this week. Head over to Shannon’s for the most amazing list of every tip you ever needed, and many you never could have imagined.

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In the meantime, here’s my recipe for a Happy Summer:

Now that you’ve got the kids occupied, it’s time for mom to have some quality time. If you get tired of reading blogs (I know, like that could EVER happen), put your computer to some good use. On sites like PrimeTimeRewind and Hulu, along with the network stations sites (nbc.com, fox.com, etc), you can catch up on all your favorite shows.

You might be thinking that TV is just so … so … shallow. But there are lessons to be learned and inspiration to be gotten. Tonight Hillary Clinton is (probably) (maybe) realizing that she is not going to win the Democratic nomination. Other women have faced similar setbacks, though, and I’d like to offer some encouragement to Hillary, inspired by Phyllis on The Office. In the season finale, Goodbye, Toby, Phyllis faces her toughest assignment: party planning. As she gets overwhelmed at the enormity of it all, she shares:

When I was a little girl, my mother told me I could be anything when I grew up: teacher’s aide, nurse’s assistant, some sort of volunteer. But now, I just don’t know.  

Despite these discouraging thoughts, Phyllis goes on to throw “the best party” ever. Complete with bouncy castles and fair food. I think Hillary probably needs a big hug, and to remember that she can still be anything she wants to be: teacher’s aide, nurse’s assistant, some sort of volunteer.

—-

And that’s how I responding to “Mom, I’m bored” this summer.

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It’s not a matter of intelligence, of course. Dick went to graduate school at an Ivy League Institution, but really that is nothing compared to the fact that last night he cleaned up copious amounts of Sally’s spaghetti vomit. He even threw the bedding in the washing machine.

I know, I know: I should be happy that he knows where the washer and dryer are, and stop with the quibbling about how it gets done. So, I will restrict myself to giving one simple tip for Man Laundry. A tip that I know Dick is eager to learn.

Eager because he actually asked me today why I buy liquid detergent when it has such a serious design flaw. And he might have a point. Men often approach household matters from a fresh, innovative perspective.

The wisest thing my brother-in-law ever said was in defence of hanging the toilet paper the wrong way. “It’s harder for the kids to unroll it that way.” I ran some experiments to test this theory, and, much as it pains me, I have to say he’s right: It is harder for a malevolent 18-month old to waste an entire roll of toilet paper if it is not flapping on the top.

Man Laundry Tip

To avoid this:

And this:

Rinse the dispenser in the water as it fills the washer. To be more specific: 1) dump the detergent in the washer, 2) fill the dispenser with the water pouring in, 3) dump the dispenser (in the washer), and 4) repeat as necessary.

Dick says that he does rinse the cap once, and I conceded that it often takes seven or eight rinses. Whenever I stand at the washer and rinse the cap, I remember Mr. Raine’s chemistry class, and how he taught us that scientific principle where each time you do something like rinse a cap, you never get all of the detergent out. Instead, each time you get a certain percentage, and so you have to do it over and over to get that same percentage of whatever’s left. You’d think that since I remember this from high school that I’d remember what it was actually called and be able to describe it coherently, but then you’d remember that I have three kids and am lazy.

Anyway, Dick thinks the fact that you have to rinse the cap eight times means that it’s engineered wrong. All I know is that our water is so hard that powdered detergent often doesn’t dissolve, and since I am a granola-girl dropout, I don’t see homemade detergent in my near future. I did buy this liquid stuff at Costco, though, so all the free food samples surely cancel out the flagrant misuse of monetary resources.

Next time we’ll cover:

1) Hot water is for whites, only.

2) Building relationships with pre-wash treatments.

3) Sorting by color is not really optional, especially if #1 has not been mastered.

4) Not drying shrinkable, favorite pieces of clothing (especially if your wife is getting fatter anyway).

5) Removing crayons from pockets BEFORE placing in dryer (bonus points for not mentioning that your wife has done that one before).

Any other ideas for Man Laundry Tips?

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Watching American Idol has brought us much closer as a family. And our musical know-how? Off the charts. But tonight Sally (7) and Susan (3 1/2) nearly came to blows. Sally says she’ll throw up if David Archuleta loses and if he wins, she’ll “scream so loud in the house” (it’s hard for me to tell which of those outcomes she thinks is better). Susan, getting a little tired towards the end, was livid. It was pretty heartbreaking to see our poor Cook falter a bit in critique.

Embarrassing as it is to have embraced American Idol so unreservedly, I have to say that music is what’s working for me lately. Dick and I didn’t have a song ten years ago. In fact, whenever we played newlywed-type games (not often, thank goodness), we made a point of proclaiming our songlessness. Suddenly, though, we are enjoying similar songs. Dick says my taste has improved, but I think it’s his that has improved, dramatically. He has always liked Bjork, after all.

Also singing my song are my iPod, iTunes and the new iLive docking station boombox I got for Mother’s Day from my favorite father-in-law (thanks Grampa!!). The only speakers in our house for years have been our wimpy computer speakers, and since I also love live radio, the iLive is awesome! I found it for $58 at Overstock.com (hope you didn’t pay more than that, Grampa).

The whole iOrganism could seem almost incestuous and repulsive if you didn’t consider that it’s Apple’s response to the evil Microsoft Empire. And frankly, once you invest in the iPod (or have a generous family member; thanks, Grampa! Again!) and iLive, the ability to buy one track at a time on iTunes is nothing short of nirvana. And for iTunes, gift cards can show up in your stocking; thanks Liz and Sean! Basically, the iWorld is an opportunity for people to give you stuff, again and again.

So, we’re downloading American Idol songs on iTunes (Carly Smithson’s I Drove All Night & Blackbird, Brooke White’s I Am, I Said, David Archuleta’s Imagine, David Cook’s All I Really Need is You, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Innocent & I’m Alive). From that list, it’s clear I should be texting like mad for David Cook. But Dick and I agreed to not vote. His votes and my votes would just cancel each other out, right?

As for our song? Lazy Eye was the first song I downloaded that Dick wanted for himself. We’re also playing the Estonian Kerli (who’s all international, eh?). Coldplay’s new Viva la Vida is awesome. But my favorite new artist is Ingrid Michaelson. Talk about an organic rise to fame. If you buy that whole thing about how she was just putting her stuff up on YouTube until the Grey’s Anatomy people discovered her. I love The Way I Am, Breakable, Die Alone, Far Away, and Starting Now.

Susan, who will do the motions to Once There was a Snowman, but will not sing the words to save her life, knows the chorus to Keep Breathing. And will sing it. I know, it’s an easy chorus. But still.

Susan’s Keep Breathing from jane on Vimeo.

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My very generous mother-in-law always tells us to not get her anything for Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc. She usually sends a detailed email a couple weeks/months before the holiday, telling us what she has bought herself, and reminding us that her kids and grandkids are gift enough and that we needn’t bother ourselves about a gift for her. Usually I like to follow her admonition. Who am I to argue with someone who is happy to save me time, money, thought, and energy?

But now that we’ve moved far away and she can no longer delight in her (admittedly delightful) grandkids on a monthly basis, I thought I’d put together some sort of birthday package this past February. I bought a bag of Lindt truffles, assorted, and one of those new (to me, anyway) home fragrance oil thingies, the ones in the funky glass bottle with bamboo sticks purveying the fragrance to your gracious home. I put in some cards the kids drew, and a family picture in a clear magnetic frame for her refrigerator. Darn thoughtful, huh?

I think it got to Florida a couple days late (nobody’s perfect), and Nana was gratifyingly appreciative. About a week later she emailed to say that she really liked our family picture, and was sorry she hadn’t mentioned it earlier, but the Lindt truffles melted out of their bag and all over the other items, and in the horrific mess (my words) the picture had fallen under a cupboard, and she hadn’t seen it until now.

Lesson Learned: Do not send chocolate in the mail to Florida, even if where you live it is seven degrees and snowing.

About a week ago we got an email from Nana that more forefully than usual said, “Please don’t get me anything for Mother’s Day. My grandkids are gift enough.” Now there’s a challenge. I could slink away and save myself further humiliation, or I could try again and make an effort to be a little more thoughtful.

Costco made the decision easy, as it consistently beautifies and simplifies my life in so many ways (fresh, cook-yourself tortillas!, diapers in bulk!, 55 cent fountain drinks!). As the girls and I worked the sample tables, I saw a display for See’s Candies gift certificates, 2 for 20 bucks. Hot dog!

I realize that Nana Marian will probably read this before she gets the package that I sent today, but then she’ll just have longer to plan which See’s Candies yumminess she wants to get. And, if we find, when we visit later this year, that she has not used the gift card? We’ll take her to the store and force help her to choose something and MAKE her enjoy it!

So, gift-giving, it’s what works not for me.

—

And now for the giveaway. A very nice publicist sent me a review copy of Taylor Wilshire’s new fiction book The Book of Mom. I’ll be posting a review soon, but wanted to hold the giveaway before Mother’s Day. Also, I don’t want to give away the book by telling you how much I loved or hated it. Maybe you can guess by reading it yourself? The Los Angeles Review said:

This spiritual novel brims with humor, realism, and the day-to-day struggles of motherhood . . . Its fast-pace, irresistible, candid, and eloquent account of the human condition makes it impossible to put down.

Leave a comment telling me what you’re giving your mother for Mother’s Day OR the best Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever received and I’ll enter you in the completely random drawing for The Book of Mom. (Continental U.S. only, which unfortunately does not include Canada.)

If you have a favorite bar or cookie that I haven’t covered, please tell me about it. I’d hate to think I’m missing out on anything that has fat and sugar as main ingredients.

General Baking Tips

Butter: I’m for it. You might, occasionally, sacrifice a bit of texture or height, but the taste is worth it. My mother-in-law says you should omit the salt if you’re using salted butter, but I say I have really low blood pressure. I always use salted butter and usually at least half (if not all) the salt called for.

Cookie Sheets: Don’t grease ‘em. Cookies will spread out less, so if you like them flat and thin (which can be nice for a change), grease away.

Gloopy batter: If your cookie dough is quite soup-like, refrigerate for a few hours. I think this happens because I nuke the heck out of my salted butter for easier mixing. Cookies turn out thicker and higher if the dough is quite stiff.

At the store: It’s kind of crazy that you can buy 1) actual ingredients or 2) a box mix or 3) refrigerated/frozen dough or 4) boxed cookies. That’s democracy in action, folks. There’s even those crazy microwaveable brownies-in-a-bowl. Because getting out your own bowl would just be too much work. I like a good mix, myself, just check out the variations listed on the back or side, and pick up the couple extra things needed to dress it up a bit.

Fresh out of the oven: When I make cookies at home, I bake one cookie sheet and then refrigerate (up to a week) or freeze (1 month) the rest of the dough so I can make another fresh batch the next day. Because there is nothing better than a cookie straight out of the oven. Plus, this way, I only eat one (sheet) a day. My sister bakes all of hers up and then freezes them on paper plates in gallon ziplocs. Which is nice if you ever have (unexpected) guests (or piggy sisters).

Golden Brown: Take cookies out of the oven just before you think they’re done. They’ll cook longer on the sheet, and “better-under-than-over-done” applies to more than makeup, sister.

My Favorite Bars

Lemon Bars

Dick went through a lemon bar phase when he was at Columbia. He made and took lemon bars to his class end-of-semester parties. But Dick likes them SOUR. Each batch he made, he put in a little more lemon juice. They were good, until the very last batch, which were like sucking on a raw lemon. Very Refreshing. I usually use this Bake Sale Lemon Bar recipe from Allrecipes (you had me at “bake sale”). I think I’ll try Randi’s recipe next time.

Brownies

I haven’t found a from-scratch recipe to match Duncan Hines Brownie Mix (in bulk at Walmart). Adding semi-sweet chips and walnuts or pecans is good. They also have a cream cheese variation that’s yummy, and fancy-looking, what with the marbling, swirly effect. If you want to make a brownie sundae, here’s an awesome hot fudge sauce.

My Favorite Cookies

Homemade Oreos

Apparently I have plagiarized from the Amish, who call these Whoppee Pies. But the only recipes I could find involved cake mix, which I just can’t see the Amish using, so here is my version of chocolate cookies with a whipped cream cream cheese frosting filling.

Peppernuts

I don’t really like peppernuts that much. I mean, I’m not going to make them on a random Thursday night after dinner. But if I’m wanting to feel in touch with my ethnic (German?) roots, it’s time to pull out the distintive peppernut. I remember going to Grandma Ora Mae’s house as a child and finding them in the cookie jar. Being not so tasty probably contributes to the long shelf life. I have to confess, though, that I don’t have the recipe (Aunt Nancy? (or Carla or Bev — anyone else read this? Dad?).

Oatmeal Cookies

My mother-in-law (she of the sage salt advice) clipped this recipe for oatmeal cookies for me. It’s almost too bad having such nice in-laws; makes it hard to find something else to complain about. Oatmeal cookies are great the regular way (with raisins and walnuts), but they’re fantastic with dried cherries, semisweet chocolate chips, and pecans, or with coconut and white chocolate chips. They also take whole wheat flour well too, something about the chewy oats. I was going to post Nana’s recipe, but I made these cookies last night, and if you could see my kitchen, you’d understand why I don’t want to spend the next month looking for the recipe. Try these instead, keeping in mind what I said about butter and possible variations.

Cream Puffs

Not technically bars or cookies, but certainly “bite-size” and “finger-food” and “good.” Marie posted a recipe I’d like to try, though I’d use a filling recipe that doesn’t involve pudding mix. I once made cream puffs for Josh and Suzy in Cairo (don’t know if Suzy’s still reading since I had those couple posts about sex), and I put blue food coloring in the filling since they’d just had their second boy. Of course, you can also go to Costco or Sam’s and get the huge tub of frozen cream puffs, which aren’t too bad. Only you have to let them defrost FOREVER.

And last, but not least, have you tried the making your own Fortune Cookies yet? Me neither. But Shalece is going to be on Good Things Utah next month, and the next time she does a cooking demonstration at the Gygi Institute, I’m going to be front-and-center. I just hope my fortune says “Will move to beautiful dream home/cardboard box in the near future.”

I buy those funny twisty lightbulbs, but only because it saves shopping trips in the long run. I make most of our food from scratch, but only because it tastes better that way. And I run the washer and dryer sparingly, but that’s only because if I washed the clothes I’d probably have to fold and put them away. More energy wasted!

I would like to do my part for Earth day though, especially since the Seattle Mom Blogs and Goodies for Mom ladies seem really earnest about everyone doing their part, though every time a “green product” is promoted, I get just a bit skeptical.

Here’s the one thing I’ve done very conscientiously and consistently in the past seven years, and all for the good of mankind:

Breastfeeding. It’s natural, it’s healthy, it’s downright biological. And it’s cheap. And easy, once you figure it out and it stops hurting like a mother (get it?). There’s a lot of misinformation out there about breastfeeding though, so I thought I’d list a few of the Myths of Breastfeeding. If you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably right, but I have nursed three kids until they were 11 months 3 weeks, 14 months, and 18 months old. And my first kid? Sally? She was 9 lb 3 oz at birth and 10 lb 14 oz at 10 days old. Beat that, Enfamil!

(If you can’t or don’t breastfeed, don’t feel bad. We’re only talking about saving the planet, after all. Ah, ah, I joke! I jest! Just don’t look at me and my disposable diapers like that, ok?).

Myths of Breastfeeding

1) Baby knows how to breastfeed. Reality: Baby is freaking clueless and so are you. Get a consultant, read books, watch youtube.

2) Consultants know how you should breastfeed. Reality: If any one lactation consultant knew how every mother should breastfeed, she would be a millionaire. Talk to a mother or sister or friend.

3) Breastfeeding only hurts if baby is not latching on correctly. Reality: Take a sensitive organ. Any sensitive organ. Attach a gnawing, clamping, totally self-involved, bloodsucking parasite to that sensitive organ for approximately 7 hours at a time 23 times a day for one year. Oh yes, that feels good.

4) When you’ve finally mastered breastfeeding, you’ll have years to enjoy this incredible bond with another human being. Reality: Sooner than you’re ready, it’s time to wean. No matter how much you hated it at first, or felt like a dairy cow the entire time, or wallowed in the sublime connection, baby will move on to Sippy Cups and 2% milk (hopefully from recycled materials and your local dairy goat farm).

I hope the tree huggers appreciate all the mommy breastfeeders! Sometimes I wonder, especially whenever there is another brouhaha about breastfeeding in public. Please. Can we talk about something more socially significant, like whether or not teenagers should be allowed to breathe in public or adults to talk politics in non-trans-fat-using restaurants?

Breast-feeding: Anytime, Anywhere

And that’s what works for me.

I asked if I were the only one to experience greater desire for sex than my husband and expressed frustration with (esp. Christian) marriage advice that assumes a man’s desire is always much greater, and bases whole marital strategies on this assumption.

Besides asking for help, the topic helped my post’s popularity. As one lurker commented, “I guess all it takes is the mention of sex for me to make a record of my cyber-presence on your blog.” Your response was overwhelming in understanding and good, concrete advice as to what I could do to reduce my frustration (both mental and physical, eh).

An interesting issue that has arisen from the continued comments is sex after pregnancy and childbirth. About how the maternal body reacts to pregnancy, labor and delivery, in feeling, perhaps, more vulnerable emotionally or physically, and also in experiencing pain again. I remember after my first daughter’s birth I was shocked by how much sex hurt (not as bad as our wedding night, though, when I feared we would have to get an annulment).

One commenter said that she was experiencing much reduced interest in sex post-baby, and that “with all of the lactation hormones . . . [I'm] feeling very protective of my own body, something I never experienced until after I had a baby.” I know another woman who experienced phantom pain and lingering fear, almost, of sex after childbirth.

Maybe this is just Nature’s way of spacing out our babies?

I’m curious as to how giving birth has affected you. Beyond the obvious sleep-deprivation and time-consuming care-of-a-new-infant issues that logistically limit opportunities/desire for sex, did you find yourself feeling more vulnerable or more protective? And has your experience varied after a first, second, third, etc, birth?

And one final, final question: What’s the best thing your husband’s ever done to make you feel desirable? Loved? Eager for intimacy? (I’m looking for hints to give Dick).

Thanks again for your willingness to share your ideas and advice on this topic!

I enjoy the Rocks in My Dryer WFMW carnival (which I shamelessly plundered for info on how to host mine), though sometimes it is overwhelming with how many links she gets. Other carnivals worth checking out include Tickle-Me Tuesday, Fight the Frump, and the Recipe Box Swap.

You can read past editions of the MMSM carnival here, though the Mr. Linkys are long gone as I have a minimalist account with them (and comments seem to be random too for some user error deep technological reason).

For this resurgence of the carnival, I’ve chosen some of my favorite quotes from books and movies as the “topics.” I really mean these as very broad starting points. You could write on anything that is sparked by thinking about the book or movie or by reading the quote or anything twice removed from that. And I would love to get your ideas for quotes or topics. Just email me at whataboutmom@gmail.com.

Click on the button to the left or the link in the header for more information, and here’s the tentative schedule. Hope to see you here next Monday!

March 31 from Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way . . .

April 7 from Some Kind of Wonderful

Keith: You can’t judge a book by its cover.
Watts: No, but you can tell how much it’s gonna cost you.
Keith Nelson: Wow, I never knew you were so deep.
Watts: You want shallow, call Amanda Jones.

April 14 from Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park

If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.

April 21 from House

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It’s not gonna happen.
or
Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.

April 28 from Thoreau’s Walden

However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do want society.
or
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

May 5 from The Kingdom (very last lines)

Adam Leavitt: Fleury. Tell me what you whispered to Janet, in the briefing, to get her to stop crying about Fran, you know, before all this, before we even got airborne. What’d you say to her?
Aunt: Tell me, what did your grandfather whisper in your ear before he died?
Adam Leavitt: You remember?
Ronald Fleury: I told her we were gonna kill ‘em all.
15-Year-Old Granddaughter: Don’t fear them, my child. We are going to kill them all.