The worst is when I make something I feel pretty confident about: creamy curry sweet potato soup or bruschetta pizza, and he’ll say “Wow, this is really good,” as if it’s a complete surprise to him after ten years that I know how to boil water. (I know — he really can’t win. I feel hurt if he over-compliments, and underappreciated if he just tucks in).

Then there are days when I learn he doesn’t like something I’ve been cooking forever. I mean, I know he doesn’t like straight spaghetti sauce. When I make my favorite sausage-bell pepper red sauce, I add a bit of heavy cream to his portion to make him think it’s a (very) robust alfredo sauce.

But some things he’ll eat ten times over several months, and then casually mention one day that he doesn’t actually like oatmeal chocolate chip muffins or brownies or . . . white chili. Who doesn’t like white chili?

Maybe I made it too often when I first got the recipe. But Dick said I could make it for the church chili cook-off last Saturday (not that I asked his permission of course, but I allow him some input in the meals around here). My version of Winter White Chili got an Honorable Mention, which Dick has not stopped joking about ever since. Honorable Mention being the Miss Congeniality of food contests. “We’d like to reward you for not threatening our superiority. Thanks. Have a sash.”

Dick pretended indignation on my behalf, saying they probably felt they had to pick a traditional chili as the winner, but would I get the recipe for the barbeque chili? That one was really good.

Honorable Mention Winter White Chili

(Got this recipe from some church function of my sister’s in the first place; can’t find my own copy any more, but I just throw in what looks good anyway. See ChaCha’s White Chicken Chili or . . . Wow, in looking for a recipe similar to mine, I’m beginning to see why I might have a little bit of a weight problem. Who uses fat-free sour cream? — Oh, check out my friend the Compulsive Writer’s White Bean Chili. She won a first place.)

Have ready:

2 cups chicken, cooked and cubed. I buy bulk frozen chicken breast, cook it on low for 4 hours in the crockpot, chop it, and then freeze it in 2-cup portions for this kind of thing. Great with leftover Thanksgiving turkey too.

2 cans of great northern or white kidney (canellini?) beans OR 1 1/2 cups dry beans that you’ve soaked overnight and then cooked on low in the crockpot since breakfast. (Pour off extra water, but leave some for the soup base — you can always add more later, but it takes a long time to simmer off extra liquid.)

Saute 1 onion (chopped) and 3+ cloves garlic (minced) in some butter and oil ’till soft and sweet.

Add the beans to the pot of sauteing onion/garlic, or the onion/garlic to the crockpot. Add chicken and chicken soup base or bullion cubes to taste. (I don’t use chicken stock because it’s more expensive, and also, if you add the water and the seasonings separately, you can adjust the flavor easily).

Add 2 cans of (mild) diced green chili peppers. Add cumin, oregano, and salt and pepper to taste.

Just before serving, add 1/2 cup (or more) heavy cream and 1/2 cup (or more) sour cream. (Don’t boil after adding the dairy). (I don’t know why they always say this. I always accidentally boil mine after adding the dairy, probably because I keep adding other things too, and it’s always fine.)

Toppings I really like include: fresh cilantro, sharp cheddar (or Monterey Jack) cheese, Fritos, and diced tomatoes.

I hope you enjoy it!

Also, if anyone has a recipe for barbeque chili, I’d really appreciate it.

Jane

Oh, I wanted to say that if you participated in my HELP WANTED quizzes and gave me your valuable feedback, Thank You! I’m still reading through the comments, and many of them have made my day. If you subscribed during the carnival (which is why you’re reading this now), another Thanks! It means a lot to me. I would probably blog even if no one but my sister read, but it’s more fun/addictive/rewarding to have conversations with you!

Man am I glad WFMW is back! I’ve had this post ready for WEEKS!

Tired of grilling hotdogs? Want to get your kids excited about cooking? Hate stale hotdog buns? (If so, try Paris, where the street vendors impale baguettes for the best buns ever). Whatever your motive, Pigs in a Blanket were a big hit when I was little, and they’re a favorite with my kids now. They’re pretty cheap, too. They even have their own Wikipedia page.

And why not? One of the hardest things about living in Cairo was going without pork products. You never know how much you love a quality hotdog until you go without for a while. People have asked me how I put up with not drinking alcohol or coffee for my church, and all I can say is that as long as I’m allowed hotdogs and hot chocolate (and the occasional twice-daily Mountain Dew) I’m fine.

Susan was a great helper on the Banana Popsicles, but I can’t remember why she was so eager to help with the Pigs in a Blanket. Oh, right, might have been because she is a bottomless pit who makes teenage boys look like dieting supermodels.

Just the thought of eating gives her the warm fuzzies.

I’ve typed up a bare-bones recipe here. You can use any sturdy dinner roll recipe you like, but I’ve used the one my sister found. It’s easy and reliable, and Grandma asked for it after Thanksgiving dinner. You can subsitute some whole wheat flour if you like. The yeast-proofing stage isn’t strictly necessary, but I like to give it a headstart.

I had a friend in Cairo, Rebecca, who could never get yeast to work for her. She was an amazing artist and sewed and decorated and stuff. But she couldn’t work the yeast. I’d tell her to use “warm” water and that wasn’t very helpful to her. Too bad. It wasn’t very helpful to me when she described how to sew a kid’s Halloween costume, either. (Baking 911 has got some great yeast/bread tips).

My pizza cutter disappeared the one time that Dick unloaded the dishwasher. So now he gets to play with the kids while I work in my ‘office,’ and I get to use my fancy knife from Grampa to cut things like crescent rolls and quesadillas. It works surprisingly well.

Add some ketchup, or even better, some fry sauce, and you’re good to go. Oh, maybe a salad and some fruit, but your main dish is covered. It’s probably not hard to get your kids to eat hotdogs, but now you can get them cooking AND make the most delicious bun this side of the Seine.

Come back this weekend for the Back-to-School edition of Things That Must Go!

But who has to clean up after them? Me. That’s who. And somehow putting the blender back, which takes five seconds, is the absolute last straw.

I told Dick that the kitchen was like my office, and how would he like it if I messed up his office?

Of course he wouldn’t like that, he admitted, but now he has another way to irritate me: asking if I’m ever going to do the dishes in my office. So, I’d like to take back what I said about the kitchen being my office. I hereby lay no claim whatsoever on the kitchen or its contents.

In that spirit, I’ve been doing more “Cook with Your Children” stuff. I want my kids to learn to cook, be aware of sound nutritional principles (whether we live up to them or not) AND to appreciate that the food on the table doesn’t just magically appear.

One of our more successful experiments so far is Banana Popsicles, which we first had during spring break at The Well-Rounded Woman‘s house. Apparently in Arizona it’s a good idea to start freezing your fruit in March.

For this project I had only one lovely assistant, Susan, as Spot was napping and Sally was attending that ill-fated musical with Grandma.

Here she is holding the ingredients. I don’t know how bananas can be both green and freckled at the same time.

I like my bananas ripe in general, but they need to be pretty firm for the freezing and impaling process. Speaking of processes, here’s the complicated recipe:

I stole the phrase “not lengthwise” off recipezaar.com, I think. In case that sounds like “not-counter-clockwise” or something, here’s what they look like before you pop them in the freezer:

And here’s Aunt Marcy demonstrating the proper dipping technique, or at least, what results from proper dipping technique. (Notice her new pretty not-wedding ring):

Dick’s boss’s name in Egypt was Falak. She was kind of a pill, that woman. Here in Utah we have neighbors named Fallick. Anyway.

Whatever your name, these Banana Popsicles will work for you! Next time I’d like to try a layer of peanut butter topping (think Reese’s makes some), freezing for a minute, and then a layer of chocolate. Yu-um.

This weekend’s Things That Must Go features a $50 Giveaway from Hanes! (More Underwear + Socks = Less Frequent Laundry Loads!). Check back to share your Things That Must Go and to enter the contest.

Actually, I’m surprised I haven’t posted this recipe before. Of course, if you’re rich (or have been to the grocery store recently) you can add minced garlic and onion instead of the powder. I think my friend adds Oregano, too, only that sounded vaguely Italian when I was writing up the recipe.

I made a batch of these last night and took some pictures. I don’t know much about photography (an understatement), but I’m thinking it’s kind of like real estate, only, instead of location being the most important thing, it’s all about lighting, so I’ve been taking more photos outside. I don’t actually cook on my apartment balcony, though. And I don’t let the girls dip their fingers in the pot unless they have SCRUBBED THEIR HANDS right before. That red stuff is indelible marker, formerly known as “Crayola’s Washable Markers.”

I guess it’s a good sign that the kids like these. When they get squeamish about other sources of protein (and show me a girl who doesn’t go through at least a phase of soft-hearted vegetarianism), we’ll have the beans to fall back on. And hot dogs (show me a kid “vegetarian” who doesn’t like hot dogs).

One of my favorite things to do with leftover refried beans (it doesn’t get more recession-friendly than leftover homemade refried beans, I tell you), is to fry an egg over a bowl-full. This is especially great after a hard workout. Oh, the cheap and delicious protein.

And if you need even more protein, you can add cheese (or bacon or sausage. Since I’m not vegetarian, in case you couldn’t tell). These are also delicious with homemade flour tortillas.

And that works for me whether we’re in a recession, or not.

This weekend’s Things That Must Go giveaway is a custom LLBean Tote bag. Can’t wait to hear what’s bugging you this week!

Thanks to Messy Vegetarian Cook for the beautiful recipe card templates!

This year I thought of fun 50th birthday stuff: black balloons, black roses in a coffin. Luckily I’m a procrastinator, because a week before her birthday she told me she was going in for a biopsy.

Black balloons seem a bit inappropriate when someone’s in the middle of a cancer scare. Chocolate, however, is always a good thing (especially if you’re my mom). Food is a comfort when we’re worried or sick and a way of rejoicing when we’re not.

Mom’s biopsy came back benign, and we celebrated her birthday with the usual summer fare: hamburgers on the grill, corn on the cob, and chocolate. I offered to make her whatever dessert she wanted, and she requested brownies and ice cream. Now, you know I have NOTHING against a good brownie (i.e. one made from Duncan Hines mix), but there are one or two things in life that are even better than brownies.

And since Mom is just about my (counting on fingers) 5th favorite person on earth, I wanted to make something just a little extra-special. So I called up Tara and asked her what she’s made that’s special, and chocolate, and has easy-to-find and cheap ingredients. She read me this recipe from Allrecipes.com, and the rest is . . . chocolate bliss!

I had to take extra photos, because in the first ones I put the actual amount of whipped cream we like, and then you couldn’t see the cakes. So this picture is highly misleading, dairy-wise.

Here’s what “cakes puff but centers jiggle” looks like:

The first time I made this I accidentally used 4 tablespoons of flour, and they were still good, but they’re better with the right amount. The original recipe calls for making this in a regular muffin pan with jumbo-size liners, but I’ve been wanting some ramekins for baked custard (and I don’t have jumbo liners).

I’d tell you these were a big hit, but that’s pretty obvious, right? The best thing is that you can mix up a batch and then refrigerate the batter for up to three days (maybe more, but we’d eaten it by then). Just bring it up to room temperature before baking.

The best, best thing is that I think Mom will be around for another 50 years to enjoy these with us.

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Natural Mommy’s Recipe Swap.

I think she’s too skinny now but maybe I am just jealous, only not of the misery part. Next to her, I am the jolly fat lady. This lardy feeling is compounded by my recent surgery. You might be surprised to learn that when you have shoulder surgery your legs stop working too, and you can no longer go running. Odd, but then medical science doesn’t know EVERYTHING.

Also surprising is that in order to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise more. I KNOW. But it’s true: I once won a weight-loss challenge by switching to Coke Zero and sugar-free hot chocolate. So I’ve decided to resume running because it’s more likely that my legs will start working again than that I’ll go back to a sugar-free existence.

Luckily, Andrea’s bucolic town has a 5k Run Through the Lavender this month. Once I pay the entrance fee, I’ll be motivated to start training, since the race is two weeks from Saturday and it wouldn’t do to collapse under a lavendar bush. (If you’re in Utah and want to run, send me an email!)

I don’t even like the smell of lavender, but it sure is pretty.

Exercise more: check. Eat less: hmm.

I love French fries, but maybe they’re not the best nutritional choice. Or are they? Potatoes are high in potassium, which your heart needs almost as much as it needs to not be stomped on. In fact, a well-rounded diet might consist of ice cream for your bones, fish sticks for your brain, and French fries for your heart.

Some French fries are even more beneficial, having beta carotene for your eyes. We recently discovered sweet potato fries at Rumbi Grill. At home, I’ve tried chopping sweet potatoes like regular fries and then either skillet-frying or tossing in oil and baking. These methods work pretty well, but the resulting fry isn’t as crisp as the unifrom crinkle-cut. Then I found (and modified) a Sweet Potato Wedge recipe:

Dick says these are even better than Rumbi’s. They’re not very crispy, but they do absorb much less oil. Don’t forget the fry sauce!

I’m entering these puppies in Randi’s Recipe Box Swap and The Natural Mommy’s Recipe Swap. I would enter my sister in a divorce carnival, but I don’t know of any. I will tell her that “A Day Without French Fries” comes from Nora Roberts, who writes formulaic yet satisfying (and racy) romance. In the romance novel world, divorce is but a stumbling block on the road to meeting a virile-yet-sensitive, sensitive-yet-macho, macho-yet-cute-with-kids Prince Charming who will love you for who you are and also give you incredible connubial bliss. Amen.

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If you have a favorite bar or cookie that I haven’t covered, please tell me about it. I’d hate to think I’m missing out on anything that has fat and sugar as main ingredients.

General Baking Tips

Butter: I’m for it. You might, occasionally, sacrifice a bit of texture or height, but the taste is worth it. My mother-in-law says you should omit the salt if you’re using salted butter, but I say I have really low blood pressure. I always use salted butter and usually at least half (if not all) the salt called for.

Cookie Sheets: Don’t grease ‘em. Cookies will spread out less, so if you like them flat and thin (which can be nice for a change), grease away.

Gloopy batter: If your cookie dough is quite soup-like, refrigerate for a few hours. I think this happens because I nuke the heck out of my salted butter for easier mixing. Cookies turn out thicker and higher if the dough is quite stiff.

At the store: It’s kind of crazy that you can buy 1) actual ingredients or 2) a box mix or 3) refrigerated/frozen dough or 4) boxed cookies. That’s democracy in action, folks. There’s even those crazy microwaveable brownies-in-a-bowl. Because getting out your own bowl would just be too much work. I like a good mix, myself, just check out the variations listed on the back or side, and pick up the couple extra things needed to dress it up a bit.

Fresh out of the oven: When I make cookies at home, I bake one cookie sheet and then refrigerate (up to a week) or freeze (1 month) the rest of the dough so I can make another fresh batch the next day. Because there is nothing better than a cookie straight out of the oven. Plus, this way, I only eat one (sheet) a day. My sister bakes all of hers up and then freezes them on paper plates in gallon ziplocs. Which is nice if you ever have (unexpected) guests (or piggy sisters).

Golden Brown: Take cookies out of the oven just before you think they’re done. They’ll cook longer on the sheet, and “better-under-than-over-done” applies to more than makeup, sister.

My Favorite Bars

Lemon Bars

Dick went through a lemon bar phase when he was at Columbia. He made and took lemon bars to his class end-of-semester parties. But Dick likes them SOUR. Each batch he made, he put in a little more lemon juice. They were good, until the very last batch, which were like sucking on a raw lemon. Very Refreshing. I usually use this Bake Sale Lemon Bar recipe from Allrecipes (you had me at “bake sale”). I think I’ll try Randi’s recipe next time.

Brownies

I haven’t found a from-scratch recipe to match Duncan Hines Brownie Mix (in bulk at Walmart). Adding semi-sweet chips and walnuts or pecans is good. They also have a cream cheese variation that’s yummy, and fancy-looking, what with the marbling, swirly effect. If you want to make a brownie sundae, here’s an awesome hot fudge sauce.

My Favorite Cookies

Homemade Oreos

Apparently I have plagiarized from the Amish, who call these Whoppee Pies. But the only recipes I could find involved cake mix, which I just can’t see the Amish using, so here is my version of chocolate cookies with a whipped cream cream cheese frosting filling.

Peppernuts

I don’t really like peppernuts that much. I mean, I’m not going to make them on a random Thursday night after dinner. But if I’m wanting to feel in touch with my ethnic (German?) roots, it’s time to pull out the distintive peppernut. I remember going to Grandma Ora Mae’s house as a child and finding them in the cookie jar. Being not so tasty probably contributes to the long shelf life. I have to confess, though, that I don’t have the recipe (Aunt Nancy? (or Carla or Bev — anyone else read this? Dad?).

Oatmeal Cookies

My mother-in-law (she of the sage salt advice) clipped this recipe for oatmeal cookies for me. It’s almost too bad having such nice in-laws; makes it hard to find something else to complain about. Oatmeal cookies are great the regular way (with raisins and walnuts), but they’re fantastic with dried cherries, semisweet chocolate chips, and pecans, or with coconut and white chocolate chips. They also take whole wheat flour well too, something about the chewy oats. I was going to post Nana’s recipe, but I made these cookies last night, and if you could see my kitchen, you’d understand why I don’t want to spend the next month looking for the recipe. Try these instead, keeping in mind what I said about butter and possible variations.

Cream Puffs

Not technically bars or cookies, but certainly “bite-size” and “finger-food” and “good.” Marie posted a recipe I’d like to try, though I’d use a filling recipe that doesn’t involve pudding mix. I once made cream puffs for Josh and Suzy in Cairo (don’t know if Suzy’s still reading since I had those couple posts about sex), and I put blue food coloring in the filling since they’d just had their second boy. Of course, you can also go to Costco or Sam’s and get the huge tub of frozen cream puffs, which aren’t too bad. Only you have to let them defrost FOREVER.

And last, but not least, have you tried the making your own Fortune Cookies yet? Me neither. But Shalece is going to be on Good Things Utah next month, and the next time she does a cooking demonstration at the Gygi Institute, I’m going to be front-and-center. I just hope my fortune says “Will move to beautiful dream home/cardboard box in the near future.”

Or when Sally talks Susan into taking off her panties while they’re in a mutual time-out. Why? For the love of everything holy. For the love of ponies and princesses and pink, why would you do that? We were playing ‘jokes.’ Please, please tell me this isn’t something you learned at school.

So. Since it’s only 9 am, and not physically painful enough for a Vicodin, I need some chocolate.

You know oatmeal’s good for you. Oatmeal cookies, with chocolate chips? Not so much. Since I am uber-healthy, I compromise with Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins. And if you buy me this cool muffin-top pan, I’ll whip you up some.

They’ve got applesauce (fruit), semi-sweet chocolate chips (anti-oxidants), oats (fiber), sugar (energy) and butter (dairy). Basically, all the food groups. You can see the original recipe at that greatest of recipe websites, allrecipes.com, but, as usual, I made a few changes.

At least if I die, Dick can look back through this blog and make some of my favorite foods.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins

1/2 c butter (you could use margarine, but, why?)
3/4 c brown sugar
1 egg
almost 1 c applesauce (unsweetened, because this is a health food here)
1 c wheat flour (white or red)
1 c quick-cook oats
1 1/4 t baking pwd
1/4 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 c semi-sweet chocolate chips (bittersweet and milk chocolate have their places, but they’re just not right for this recipe).

All the wet stuff in one bowl, all the dry in another. Whisk the dry and then whisk the wet. Mix the wet with the dry and add chips. Bake in a paper-lined muffin tin (unless you have the silicon muffin-top pan) and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean.

Now that you’ve got heaven in the oven, let’s talk technology. You know you’re a really cool blogger or internet reader or just a geek if you know what a favicon is. Like I found out a couple days ago. Maybe you’ve always known what they are, in which case, Why didn’t you tell me? They’re those little doohickies to the left of the “http…” in your address bar. Look at mine, isn’t it cool? (or, like, descriptive? — Maybe I should get a diaper favicon and re-name my blog We don’t eat poop.)

Don’t Try This at Home‘s was the first favicon I noticed, and here’s a clever, yet potentially disturbing one from June’s new review blog, Chic-Critique. I can appreciate the blog name without having any burning desire to read more beauty product reviews. But June somehow makes even talk about foundation not make me want to poke my eye out, much.

Also check out Dick’s bold yet simple, and Sally’s cuddly yet trendy (in Japan) favicons. Once you know what to look for, favicons are everywhere. Learn how to add a favicon to your own site by googling “how to add a favicon to blogger/typepad/wordpress blog.” I know, you never would have guessed, right? I would link to Blogging Basics 101 for a tutorial, but they don’t have one. Crazy. You can make your own favicon, or choose from a collection.

So, eat, drink, make a favicon. It’s kind of like marking your territory, without the mess.

***

Those smart women at BB101 DO have a post on favicon (Fave-Icon, long A, long I, though I think fahvicon rolls better) making and placing. Guess I mis-searched or made a mistake (don’t tell my kids; I’m trying to keep that possibility a secret for a few more years). If you’re interested in starting or expanding a blog, you can’t go wrong checking out BB101. They even have a podcast, which, besides great information, features cute Southern accents.

polish sausage and fountain drink: 1.55

two churros: 2.00

all-you-can-eat samples and indoor room to run around: priceless

Dick said he thinks churros are like fried twinkies, in a good way. This made me remember the halcyon days of my youth, when I ate a chocodile (chocolate- covered twinkie) for lunch every day and never got fat. I also ate Black Cows, which are carmel-on-a-stick treats, covered in chocolate. Those mean boys at school, who just didn’t know how to show they liked me, called me “Cow Hyatt.”

I was feeling nostalgic, and hungry, at Wal-mart the other day, so I bought a box of twinkies. Sally and Susan were flatteringly interested to hear about my childhood, or maybe they just wanted to try a twinkie for the first time. The next day when we picked up Sally and her friend (Penny) from school, Sally raved about the twinkies, and Penny asked, “What’s a twinkie?”

Sally tried to describe the shape. I said, helpfully, that they’re like a train tunnel in shape (with the cream being the train, eh?), and Sally waxed lyrical about the three holes in the bottom where they put the filling in.

Is it a great step for the health of mankind or just plain sad that today’s children have no idea what a twinkie is? For Sally’s birthday dinner she requested macaroni and cheese, and not mom’s homemade gourmet kind, no, she wanted the “orange” kind. From the box.

Then she tells me she prefers store-bought bread to my hand-kneaded whole wheat love-offering for her school sandwiches. This after I labored in 10 degree weather to grind the wheat myself.

But there is hope. I have found a way to get the kids to positively devour s-p-i-n-a-c-h. Even after Sally found out it has spinach in it, she just shrugged and said, “it’s got gross stuff in it, but it still tastes good.” Amazing maturity for a seven-year old. (Certain people — Uncle Sean — could take some inspiration from this).

Dick likes it enough that he actually asked me to post a recipe for it. I don’t know why he couldn’t just ask me to write it down for him, but, anyway, I’ll do my share to spread the good word.

I’m talking, of course, about Green Juice, as my running/babysitting partner Shalece calls it. Speaking of running, I ran my first race, a 5k, this past Saturday. Sally and Susan asked if I was going to win like I used to in Florida. Bless their gullible little hearts. I said of course.

Unfortunately, they didn’t give out medals to everyone this time, so I had only a new shirt to show for it. We ran out near the Great Salt Lake, which apparently stinks really badly in the summer time. Guess there’s an upside to all that snow and ice on the race course.

Here’s a picture of me post-race. Apparently there’s a reason ski masks are so popular with burglars, although this is actually a balaclava. My time was 32:42, close to my goal of 31 minutes — I wanted to make a 10 minute/mile pace. Maybe next time.

Maybe if I ate more s-p-i-n-a-c-h.

Shrek Shake/Green Juice

Ingredients (wash hands first!)

handful of ice cubes

handful or two of fresh spinach (don’t see why you couldn’t use frozen, but fresh sure is pretty)

handful of frozen peach slices or other yellow or green frozen fruit

1-2 frozen bananas

1-2 cups of pineapple juice

1 apple, cubed (golden delicious is great, or granny smith)

Throw all ingredients in a blender and blend. Enjoy.

Keep in mind 1) you can throw in whatever you want, but if you start mixing in red/dark fruits, the color gets muddled and less-appetizing-looking; 2) enjoy responsibly: 5 days in a row can cause problems in the poop/diaper department, especially if your kids aren’t used to quite that much fresh goodness.

So, it looks kinda interesting, but trust me, kids really do like it. See?

First, I hate to brag, but the truth is out now: Spot is a prodigy child. What that kid (15 months, remember) can do with a spoon and fork, not to mention a cup and straw is scary-savant-like.

Second, doesn’t Susan look like Puss-in-Boots from Shrek? Maybe? Maybe she needs big contacts? Maybe I should stop seeing celebrity tie-ins everywhere?

That’s the news from Dick and Jane, where mom makes good bread, dad brings home the bacon, and the children are, indeed, above average.

After I went to Europe I had another prepared food to sneer at: yogurt, or what goes by the name of yogurt in most American grocery stores. Could there be any yuckier, low- or non-fat, too sweet awfulness?

(Now obviously, if I had the budget to buy gourmet brands, I’m sure the wonders of the American supermarket would be more appealing. But I digress.)

I’ve learned to make bread and tortillas (flour not corn), and noodles, and freezer jam. I haven’t found a noodle recipe that’s worth the effort, but the others are. In Cairo I made spaghetti sauce from actual tomatoes and cottage cheese from actual milk. And since my favorite restaurant right now is Bombay House, I make a mean saag shorba.

We’ve been staying with (“staying” sounds better than “living;” I think it sounds slightly less moocher-like) Marcy now for a couple months, and it’s been good for my culinary pretensions. Marcy’s a good audience; Dick likes and eats anything I make (he better!), which unfortunately means I don’t always know if something is really good or if he is just really hungry. Marcy is more critical (in a good way), and she appreciates, better than a man (besides all those Emeril-wannabes) how much work goes into a meal.

Marcy’s kids have to drink special milk and have butter slathered on every piece of toast because they’re weight-ally challenged. We don’t have that problem in our family, but I was happy to figure out how to make high-fat yogurt, with, incidentally, less sugar.

Jane’s Yogurt

Ingredients

1 quart milk (skim-whole; some people actually use water and powdered milk–what’s the point? Whole tastes best, obviously)

1/4-1/2 cup sugar (1/4 cup for plain yogurt to be used in savory dishes; 1/2 for just-right eating yogurt)

1/2-1 cup heavy whipping cream (I figure if you’re going to the trouble of making something, you might as well make it super-yummy, but, you can leave this out altogether without endangering anything).

1/4 cup plain yogurt or yogurt starter (can be purchased in healthfood store, I assume; we just use regular plain yogurt)

flavorings, as desired

Directions

Bring milk almost to a boil (one website said 185 degrees; I think boiling is like 212, but I don’t have a thermometer and don’t really care to get one at this point, so “almost to a boil” works for me) and then take off heat. Stir in sugar and cream. Allow to cool to almost room temperature (this takes about an hour or so. The same website said 110 degrees here, but I just stick my finger in periodically ’til it’s the same “warm” as the water I use to proof yeast). Stir in plain yogurt and pour into two mason jars (a 1 qt and a 1 pt jar work perfectly) and seal with some of those cool white plastic mason jar lids they sell now (how great is it too throw out all those rusty metal ones? You can store it in any glass container, and plastic might work too). Incubate overnight in an oven with the oven light on (just like you would sourdough starter). Add any pureed fruit or vanilla extract or other flavorings; I think it’s pretty perfect just as it is, even before it’s been chilled. Keep refrigerated.