The winner of the Hanes $50 giveaway is Alisha @ Party of Five with 35% of the vote. Congratulations! Email me your address, and we’ll get the gift cards to you. Thanks to all those who entered and voted, and mostly I want to thank you for validating my inability to love the SpongeBob. I feel like all my time on the internet has not been wasted.

Congratulations also to EMama @ Righter’s Writings for identifying the Pride and Prejudice quote and winning the iTunes card. One of the best things about the most recent version was that I wanted to hold Mr. Collins’ head to my bosom, in a completely maternal sort of way. Not the way that I ALWAYS want to hold Mr. Darcy, whether he’s Colin Firth or Matthew MacFadyen. Though I’ll pass on Laurence Olivier, so not ALWAYS.

And finally, after seven years of procrastination on my part, the winner of the LLBean Tote Bag is Michelle @ Woodbury’s Four with:

The White Van Abandoned in My Front Yard.

Yes, that’s right. A solitary evening last week I was nestled in my bed, listening to the rain pound against the panes of my skylights while reading when I heard something that resembled a tornado. Okay, so I have never survived a close encounter with a tornado, but I’ve watched enough of those storm chaser specials on the Weather Channel to know what a tornado supposedly sounds like. And it sounded like what I heard. And felt. A little rumbling on the ground, screeching, almost a groan like a train….

I dashed out of bed, ready to grab my kids — oh yes, and my 72 hour kits that are complete and ready to go … riiiiight — and hide out in the laundry room. I peered through the blinds to find a white van crunched into my lilac trees in my front yard.

I was too chicken to go outside to check out the situation (hubby was out of town) until the cops arrived. Apparently the driver of the van fled the scene and left me a fine yard ornament. GRRRR! Oh, and did I mention he ran over my recycling bin, too?

The nerve.

I think you’ll agree that it just doesn’t get any better than that. I mean, as far as things that must go.

Deadline on the Nora Roberts/Joan Wickersham giveaway is midnight Wednesday.

***Updated*** This giveaway is now closed. I’ll be posting a poll with the top 5 TTMG entries later today. Come back to vote for the winner!***

(If you’re here from the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival, you can skip my post if you’re pressed for time (really — Just subscribe to my feed while you’re here, and you can catch me later, after all the giveaway madness is over. For now, leave a comment with your Things That Must Go to be eligible for the $50 Hanes gift certificate, good for anything in their online store, plus shipping. Deadline July 30th, Wednesday, midnight.)

Welcome to Things That Must Go. I thought about postponing for a week, because I haven’t done last week’s entries justice yet and we just got back from camping for Pioneer Day. But Grampa forwarded a most serendipitous picture that I must share.

If you Blog Hop at all, you probably heard about the BlogHer conference, and, even if you didn’t get spoiled by the swag there, you might still be pretty blase about bloggy giveaways. So, free underwear? Even 50 dollars worth? Pretty smokin’ prize, huh? Especially now that Hanes promises to solve Susan’s wedgie problem, just in time for back-to-school. There’s nothing worse than a wedgie on your first day.

Or, if you’re not ready to talk Princess backpacks and class schedules yet, Hanes is partnering with Disney for a Vacation in Comfort promotion. Although, the “family of four” part of the vacation prize must go. Right? I mean, have a third kid, and you’re always trying to decide which one has to stay home. Or have ten, and it’s Survivor: Who gets to go with the family to Disney Edition.

To enter the $50 Hanes giveaway (good for anything in their online store, plus shipping), simply leave a comment with your Things That Must Go before midnight Wednesday. Good luck! And, to get you thinking, here are mine (ridiculous first, then sublime):

1. The Redneck Tanktop. Taken outside a Walmart (of course!) in Gardendale, AL.

(I regret to say that I don’t know to whom I should give credit for this fantastic photo. If anyone knows who is responsible for such fashion and/or photographic genius, please advise).

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2. Death that comes too early. I’d hesitate to mention this so close to the Redneck Tanktop, but I think that Randy Pausch wouldn’t mind the juxtaposition. Also, it’s been on my mind ever since I heard the news (on CNN, at a fast food joint on Bear Lake). I discovered and posted the video of Prof. Pausch’s Last Lecture four months ago. At the time, some bloggers were speculating that he wasn’t really dying because he’d outlived his pancreatic cancer prognosis. What a way to prove those bloggers wrong.

I know (relatively) little about Randy Pausch, and I know that around the world people die every day before their time (or so it feels). And yet. I can’t think of this man’s wife and three kids without imagining how empty their house must feel tonight. Whatever your beliefs: resurrection or reincarnation or recycle; whatever your faith: strong or weak or nonexistent, good examples of living well are beyond value, and I mourn for this complete stranger, and his family. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from his last lecture:

I probably got more from that dream and not accomplishing it than I got from any of the ones that I did accomplish.

It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

and, for Marcy who will soon be free to date again:

Syl said, It took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy.

Now it’s your turn. Share your Things That Must Go — ridiculous or sublime, humorous or humbling. And hug your kids tonight (unless that would wake them up. Then just whisper that you love them. Because you can.)

I’ll be posting the winners from last week’s LLBean giveaway and this week’s Hanes giveaway on Thursday. Thanks for participating. I just love reading your things that must go. Somehow complaining sounds a lot better in writing.