I shaved my head when I was nineteen and out of the country for the first time. It was a sign of rebirth and a new direction in life. Plus it was awesome to take care of while backpacking on Eurorail and staying in hostels with communal bathrooms. And since I weighed fifty (FIFTY!!) pounds fewer then, a slick Italian near the Spanish Steps in Rome told me I looked like Demi Moore. This was just after G.I. Jane, so there actually was (a completely temporary) resemblance.

I have no delusions that I’ll look like Demi Moore by cutting my hair short like hers was in Ghost (remember those FIFTY pounds?), but I cannot stand to spend one more minute of my life drying my hair, brushing my hair, putting it up in a clip or ponytail, brushing it out of my eyes, or tucking it behind my ear. Maybe it’s that I’m now responsible for the VERY BASIC care of three heads of super-fine, easily messed-up hair resting on the heads of girls who, when I say “stand still,” they hear “pretend your knees are rubber bands and try to touch every single molecule of air in this bathroom in the next 30 seconds.”

I’ve cut Dick’s hair for ten years now, and I cut Sally’s, Susan’s, and Spot’s on a regular basis, often taking off “just a little more” during breakfast. There’s something so satisfying about cutting hair. If you don’t get a thrill from popping zits (your own or others’), you probably won’t understand when I say that it’s one of the greatest feelings on earth, not unlike, uh, cuddling with one’s spouse of many years. It’s incredibly stress-relieving, let’s say.

Dick just came home, smiled big, and told me I look really, really “cute.” Boy does that boy know where his bread is buttered (though he might have gotten jam on that bread if he’d said “outrageously sophisticated and gorgeous” . . .  I’m just sayin’, Dick, for next time.)

Jane

Comment of the day from Natalie:

I had REALLY long hair when I had my son 3 years ago. Then he pooped in it. (Long story short: IT WAS NASTY) So I cut mine off short and loved it! Of course I have had short hair before so I knew it would be ok. Now I am in the process of growing it out and it is a pain. Do you think I could wear a bag on my head for the next year and get away with it?