I am not a radical feminist, probably because I usually sublimate my frustration in reading romance novels (and no, that’s not an oxymoron), but at a recent family scripture study, Tom pointed out that I was just being crabby with my insistence on substituting feminine pronouns and complaining that in 2 Nephi it says “Adam fell that men might be,” when everyone knows that it was Eve who fell first (and most wisely). Sometimes I don’t have the best attitude after dinner when we read scriptures. Sometimes I’d rather nurse the baby to sleep slowly and then hide up in my room while the normal pre-bedtime sounds echo through the downstairs.
(Who am I kidding? by “sometimes” I mean “always,” except then I am irritated when my routines of kids clearing up the kitchen and making lunches and packing backpacks for the next day and generally behaving like responsible members of society don’t get honored so well.)
But as I was updating my Jesse Tree, I grew more and more dissatisfied with the representation of women in it. Who wrote that thing? Is that the best she can do? (I hope not.) Already I do prod the kids to consider the unnamed or obscured women in each story we tell, but I need to edit my devotional outline to reflect this. For the Moses night, for example, I think I will read my meditation on Jochebed (Moses’ mother). Beyond that, I’m going to add six distinctly female stories: Deborah, Anna, Mary and Martha, Mary Magdalene, Abish and Mary Whitmer, to my Jesse Tree, bringing the devotional total to 31.
(This exercise has been a little frustrating. Why don’t we have better art and songs about women? Why isn’t there a Follow the Prophet verse for Deborah? Why does the picture of Mary presenting Jesus at the temple include Simeon and not Anna? Why does God hate women? Just kidding, I’m sure he doesn’t!?!)
You can find all 31 of the stories in (rough) chronological order on the Jesse Tree post, but here are the six additions:
Deborah (scales of justice), picture (Judges 4:4-9) Deborah was a prophetess, judge and warleader. Perhaps as judge and temporal savior of her people she is more a type of the Second Coming of Christ. Battle Hymn of the Republic, Hymn #60
Abish (feather) Picture (Alma 19:16-17, 29-31) Abish was the Lamanite woman who hoped that seeing King Lamoni and his household prostrate after the teachings of Ammon would convert her people. She also raised the queen and king from their stupor. Army of Helaman #172
Anna (Bible) Illustrated Video (Luke 2:36-38). Anna lived 84 years as a widow, fasting and praying in the temple. She is called a prophetess. I Know that My Redeemer Lives Hymn #136
Mary and Martha (cooking pot) GAK 219, GAB 45 (Luke 10:41-42, John 11:21-27) I love Martha. She was admonished by the Savior to care more about spiritual things, and yet, she is the one who told the Savior He could have saved Lazarus, had He only been there. Families Can Be Together Forever #188
Mary Magdalene (spices) GAK 233, GAB 59 (John 20:10-18) Mary was the first person to see the resurrected Lord. He asked her to tell the disciples that He was ascending to His Father. She did. I Know that My Savior Loves Me
Mary Whitmer (milking cow) Fourth Witness movie* (February 1989 Ensign) Mary Whitmer was rewarded for facilitating Joseph and Oliver’s translation of the Book of Mormon by an angel who showed her the plates. My Life is a Gift #164)
*I can’t find this twenty minute movie online anywhere, but it’s worth buying. I (briefly) dated the producer at BYU, and remember an uncut version that was impressive.
Tom startled me awake at 1 am to ask where the humidifier was. He handed me the baby, fresh from a stint in the freezer. Her breathing was better, but she needed some comfort and he had more work to finish before coming to bed. Molly went back to her crib for awhile, but I spent the rest of the night in and out, up and down, outside for cold air. Finally we rocked in the chair near the open window and dozed, upright, warm where her body nestled against mine, cold where the breeze hit my shins.
It was the kind of night where it is almost a relief to see the light out the window and give up trying to get anymore sleep, and a bigger relief to know that doctors and pharmacies and steroids will soon be available. I called my dad for a prescription, and decided that Lucy’s preschool feast would be getting instant mashed potatoes.
I drove Callie to school, grabbed potato flakes at the store (pharmacy not open yet), then ran home to boil over the easy directions (it was my first time), got Lucy into her carpool with an acceptable offering, drove Avery’s carpool to her school, and then, finally, stopped by home before my second pharmacy attempt to grab my forgotten phone and saw I had five calls and two messages from Tom.
He was worried I’d forget that Avery had to go to school and that when he left for work she’d leave too and Molly and Lucy would be home alone. This is how I usually feel about Tom when it comes to parenting logistics: touched that he is aware and concerned about the kids’ welfare, frustrated that he doesn’t remember that it is our week to drive carpool, so of course Avery won’t be leaving the house until I am home to take her there. And baffled that he didn’t just ask Avery if she knew what was going on. (she did) (I had warned her she might be in charge of her sisters for 5-10 minutes after daddy left and before I got home).
This morning my reaction was, “Oh honey, I got this.” I got this in my asleep. I got this with one hand eaten by a crocodile and the other doing a magic card trick.
Not that I never make mistakes. I’m* right about Molly having croup today, but Avery’s swimmer’s ear turned out to be twelve-year molars (two years early), wax and a $35 urgent care copay, and Molly’s cold six months ago was walking pneumonia.
And it’s not like I would ever want to try it alone. Tom changes a mean diaper, and I’m writing this now because Chrysanthemum is a saint of a friend who took my carpool/playdate shift (and because nursing and typing is more handy than skiing and doing your taxes).
I need a nap and/or an extra Mountain Dew, but when it comes to comfort for croup and mediocre mashed potatoes, I got this.
*Technically Tom is right; he stuck her head in the freezer first.
At Chick-fil-A I just ran into a girl I played clarinet with in the band when I was in ninth grade. She married a boy from my neighborhood and we each thought the other was still living outside Utah, but we’re not, we’re living twenty minutes apart, an hour from our hometown. She has four kids, I have four kids, though hers range in age from five to 8 months, and mine from ten to 14 months. She has three girls and a boy, I’ve got Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. Our husbands were each working late tonight and in a hundred (or ten, we were only together for an hour) small ways our lives are so similar. She had a little girl coming to the door of the play place conscientiously to see if it was time to go (apparently last time she got in trouble for not being responsive to the call to leave). I had a little girl take a nosedive off the chair and bonk her head on the hard tile floor.
We sat and reminisced, and I explained to one of her daughters that I grew up by her grandma and grandpa. A random young father bringing a kid out of the play place, said, “Wait, your father-in-law is Art B. who teaches French? I teach Spanish three doors down from him.” As we crossed the parking lot it was almost eery as we made our ways to matching minivans. I said to Lucy (perenially my straggler), “Stay right by me.” A couple feet over came the echo, “Stay right be me.”
I feel like it should bother me that we’re so alike, that our lives are so alike. Yes, we played clarinet together twenty years ago (I am freaking old, dude), and we go to the same church and my sister was friends with one of her sisters and my friend Tracey had a crush on her older brother and there’s even a less-salubrious connection that we’ve never discussed (though I could be indignant on behalf of my side), and basically this girl could be me, or I could be her, or something, and shouldn’t that be a bother?
Instead it warms the cockles, tickles the funnies. I don’t want to be special, but I do want be different, I think. Most important, I want to believe I have the life I have, the kids, the husband with the respectable job, the being-a-mom-ness, the consumed-by-childhood-things, out of choice, purposefully, not that my demographics dictated it for me. I am probably wrong about that. And tonight it’s okay.
*Marcy simplified the assembling (and storage) of her tree by just laminating little pictures for each ornament.
I’ve got a mild case of HAD this year — Holiday Affective Disorder, possibly triggered by the marathon month of Halloween (remember the innocent days of a 2-hour Halloween?). I’m tempted to serve chicken nuggets for Thanksgiving and to let my children off the hook for dish chores (for the day) as their “big” Christmas present. There is a Grinch huddled in the left ventricle of my feeble heart.
The other day at dinner I tried to get the fam to tell me what their favorite parts of Christmas are, if they really need stuffing at Thanksgiving, and they were a little vague on the whole thing. Avery wants a punching bag (sounds good for exercise and anger management, right?), Callie wants whatever Avery wants and Lucy wants Barbies (good for grooming, right? Dude, that’s not even funny).
Then Marcy asked me to re-post this thing on the Jesse Tree, and I remembered how much I like it, the symbolism and the stories. It gives meaning and purpose to what otherwise might be a soulless wallowing in evergreen bunting and empty carbs (which I plan to do plenty of). Every night we sing a song, tell a story, read some verses (probably more this year as more kids can read), look at a picture and hang an ornament on our little tree that corresponds to a prophet or episode in the Old, New or Another Testament of Christ or Church history that illuminates the story of Christ’s birth, life and death. And since it replaces our (theoretically) regular scripture study, it’s not just one more thing to do in December.
In the past we’ve let the kids take turns picking an ornament (and therefore a story), but I think this year we’ll have them take turns figuring out which story comes next chronologically, thus making it more adventish-like. There are 25 stories, and, even in my atrophied state, I’m really looking forward to this.
A Mormon Jesse Tree: Witnesses and Types of Christ
(# Story (ornament) Gospel Art Kit/Gospel Art Book picture (scriptures with links) How it’s a type or witness. Song)
1) The Jesse Tree/Witnesses of Christ (book) GAK 326 (Isaiah 11:1-2, Jacob 4:4, 2 Nephi 25:26) All the prophets have known of Christ and had “a hope of him.” Tell me the Stories of Jesus #57
2) Creation/The Council in Heaven (world) GAK 600, 100, 201 (Alma 30: 44, Moses 4:1-2) God created the world for us and promised that He would send a Savior for us. I Lived in Heaven #4
3) Noah (rainbow) GAK 103 (Genesis 9:13, 15) God promised he would never again flood the world, and because He kept that promise, people knew to believe His promise about a Savior. Follow the Prophet, #110, verse 3
4) Abraham & Isaac (bundle of cinnamon sticks) GAK 105 (Genesis 22:2, Genesis 22:8, 11-12) Isaac as a type of Christ, Abraham as a loving father willing to sacrifice his much-loved son. Follow the Prophet, #110, verse 4
5) Moses (snake) GAK 123 (John 3:14-15, Helaman 8:14-15) This is one of my favorite symbols — If we would but look to Christ, we will live. Follow the Prophet, #110, verse 5
6) Deborah (scales of justice), picture (Judges 4:4-9) Deborah was a prophetess, judge and warleader. Perhaps as judge and temporal savior of her people she is more a type of the Second Coming of Christ.
Deborah the Prophetess (to Follow the Prophetess)
Deborah the Prophetess judged her people well
As she served the Lord and lived in Israel.
She led them to battle with her friend Barak
They defeated Sisera who never more would mock.
7) Ruth (wheat) GAK 124 (Ruth 1:16, Ruth 4:13-17) Ruth followed her mother-in-law because she was converted to the gospel. She was virtuous and became an ancestress of Jesus. I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ #77
Esther (crown) GAK 125 (Esther 4:14, Esther 7:3) Esther acted as an intercessor for her people, just as Christ is our intercessor.
Esther’s Courage (to Nephi’s Courage)
The Lord commanded Esther to go and wed the king
Haman told Ahaseurus the Jews were rebelling
Esther and Mordecai worked to save their lives
Esther was courageous and she would reply:
9) Isaiah (lamb) GAK 113 (Isaiah 7:14, Isaiah 9:6-7, Isaiah 53) Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus (mostly we listen, but maybe we’ll start singing along, and show the kids the flash mob; holy crap that gives me chills)
10) Jonah (whale) GAB 27 (Jonah 1:12-15, Matt 12:39-41) Jonah is in the great fish for three days, much like Christ is in the tomb for three days. Follow the Prophet, #110, verse 7 (Though I’d like to sing Called to Serve or The Army of Helaman too)
11) The Brother of Jared (stone) GAK 318 (Ether 3:8-15) Because of his faith, Mahonri Moriancumr saw that Christ would have a body like his, and learned that Jesus was “prepared before the foundation of the world.” Faith #96 (But my kids love I know He Lives, which turns out to be a really hard song to find by Clive Romney)
12) Lehi & Nephi (liahona) GAK 302 (1 Ne 16:28, Alma 37:45) Another great image — liahona as words of Christ. Nephi’s Courage #120
13) Enos (bow & arrow) GAK 305 (Enos 1:8, 26) Enos bore a powerful witness even without seeing or hearing Jesus. A Child’s Prayer #12
14) King Benjamin (tower) GAK 307 (Mosiah 3:2, 7-8, Mosiah 5:1-2) The people covenant to obey, take upon themselves the name of Christ, and experience a “mighty change.” Give Said the Little Stream #236
15) Alma the Younger (chains) GAK321 (Alma 7:10-13) Christ will loose the bands of death. Did Jesus Really Live Again? #64
16) Abish (feather) Picture (Alma 19:16-17, 29-31) Abish was the Lamanite woman who hoped that seeing King Lamoni and his household prostrate after the teachings of Ammon would convert her people. She also raised the queen and king from their stupor. Army of Helaman #172
17) Samuel the Lamanite (wall) GAK314 (Helaman 14:1-8) When I was a kid, I loved that the “bad guys” were the “good guys” at this time in history. I maybe still do. Samuel Tells of the Baby Jesus #36
18) Nephi (star) GAK 200 (3 Nephi 1:8-14) My favorite advent story, and where we always begin our reading on Christmas Eve. Christmas Bells (Lucy’s absolute favorite song) #54
19) John the Baptist (sandal) GAK 207 (Matthew 3:2-3, 11-17) John prepared the way, baptized Jesus and restored the Aaronic priesthood. Baptism #100
20) Mary (heart) GAK 241 (Luke 1:28-33, 38) Mary was pure and loving. (Also, probably patient, kind, and willing to play Sorry! all day long). Picture a Christmas #50
21) Joseph (hammer) GAK 206 (Matthew 1:18-25) Joseph’s interesting as a step-father. When Joseph Went to Bethlehem #38
22) The Shepherds and the Wise Men (candy cane) GAK 202, 203 (Luke 2:15-16, Matthew 2:9-11) The Shepherds and the Wise Men went to find Jesus as quickly as they could, and worshiped Him. I point out to the kids that we might have been among the heavenly chorus singing of His birth. The Nativity Song #52
23) Anna (Bible) Illustrated Video (Luke 2:36-38). Anna lived 84 years as a widow, fasting and praying in the temple. She is called a prophetess. I Know that My Redeemer Lives Hymn #136
24) Mary and Martha (cooking pot) GAK 219, GAB 45 (Luke 10:41-42, John 11:21-27) I love Martha. She was admonished by the Savior to care more about spiritual things, and yet, she is the one who told the Savior He could have saved Lazarus, had He only been there. Families Can Be Together Forever #188
25) Mary Magdalene (spices) GAK 233, GAB 59 (John 20:10-18) Mary was the first person to see the resurrected Lord. He asked her to tell the disciples that He was ascending to His Father. She did. I Know that My Savior Loves Me
26) The Atonement and Resurrection (cross) GAK 227, 239 (Luke 22:41-44, John 11:25) Without the Atonement and Resurrection, Christmas would be meaningless. He Sent His Son #34
27) Moroni (gold plates) GAK 320 (Moroni 10:4-7) The Holy Ghost testifies of Christ and the Book of Mormon. Book of Mormon Stories #118
28) Joseph Smith (temple) GAK 403 (D&C 76:22-24) Joseph Smith sealed his testimony of Jesus with his blood. The Golden Plates #86
29) Mary Whitmer (milking cow) Fourth Witness movie* (February 1989 Ensign) Mary Whitmer was rewarded for facilitating Joseph and Oliver’s translation of the Book of Mormon by an angel who showed her the plates. My Life is a Gift #164
30) Rescuers of the Martin Handcart Company (quilt) GAK 415 (from the Ensign & President Hinckley video.) The young men acted as physical saviors of their people. To Be a Pioneer #218
31) Modern Prophets (tie) GAK 520 (The Living Christ, from the Ensign, President Monson video) I might see if I can find videos of each prophet’s final testimonies on youtube — they are all about Christ. I Love to See the Temple #95 or Follow the Prophet #110 verse 9
Girl drama in the neighborhood this evening. Callie walked down the street and found Beatrice* reading a note from Hero* after an unspecified fight. The note called Beatrice “pissy.” Callie (who has previously liked both Beatrice and Hero equally) helped Beatrice write her response and delivered the second note. I heard about it when Hero’s mother (my friend and Sunbeam partner) called to ask if Callie said anything about why Beatrice wrote a mean note to Hero that included, among other epithets, the “b-i-t-c-h” word. Callie is six. (Okay, almost seven. Still. And her mother swears. But not that word!)
I asked Callie to tell me what happened. She didn’t want to. She wouldn’t look at me. We sat on the porch swing in the backyard, and she spoke to her bowl of brown fried rice (fiber! not as tasty as refined rice!).
It took awhile, but I got most of the story: that she hadn’t been told what the fight was about, but she was solidly on Beatrice’s side because Hero was mean to her friend. (Wasn’t Hero her friend too?) She confessed that she’d told Beatrice two really mean words to say to Hero, but she couldn’t tell me what they were. I did the whole “I’m not mad at you I just need to know what happened” routine and still she demurred. “You’re going to be really mad, Mom,” she said. Finally she whispered that she’d suggested the words “stupid” and “brat.”
I asked how she felt, how she thought Hero felt, Beatrice felt.
I’m aghast, of course, at such casual cruelty, but struck again by how quickly children can work their way to remorseful empathy, given only the opportunity.
And at least she’s not a sociopath.
*not their real names.
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