Seagull Fountain » where i’m at http://www.seagullfountain.com online mother Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:32:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Everything Zen http://www.seagullfountain.com/2009/03/27/everything-zen/ http://www.seagullfountain.com/2009/03/27/everything-zen/#comments Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:32:10 +0000 Shannon http://www.seagullfountain.com/?p=3364 Dick likes to tell himself that I am irrational, emotional, and prone to lose my mind in times of stress. I think he had to read The Yellow Wallpaper in school and has flashbacks whenever I get a tiny bit upset that things are blowing up around the house.

Earlier this week I thought I broke my computer, and instead of freaking out, I calmly filmed it so I could show Dick just how placid I can be.

jane is calm from jane on Vimeo.

Impressive sang froid, non?

The truth is: the internet is probably as good as your garden-variety anxiety medication for suppressing the desire to indulge in a completely justified snit. And now that I’ve conquered my frustration with electronics, it’s time to convince Spot that it’s truly not necessary to tell me every single thing that crosses her mind throughout the entire day. Unfortunately, two-year-olds are about as logical as your average bundle of software, so this could take awhile.

]]> http://www.seagullfountain.com/2009/03/27/everything-zen/feed/ 9 Bittersweet http://www.seagullfountain.com/2009/01/19/bittersweet/ http://www.seagullfountain.com/2009/01/19/bittersweet/#comments Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:28:33 +0000 Shannon http://www.seagullfountain.com/?p=2765 I got a message on Facebook today from an old friend, who, if I had not ended our relationship thirteen years ago, I wouldn’t be in this life I have here. I wouldn’t curl myself up next to Dick every night. I wouldn’t read Mr. Fine Porcupine with Spot or play tooth fairy for Sally or cuddle a cranky Susan. I don’t think I’d be a church-goer. My grandma wouldn’t be reading my blog.

The message was a surprise and not a surprise. Years ago I thought of my friend every day, several times a day. In weak, curious moments, I’ve searched her name on Google. I never found her, and I’m pretty sure that if I had, I wouldn’t have tried to contact her.

I’d want to, though. I’d want to know if she has a life like mine now. Did she make choices like mine? Is she a  mother? Is she happy? (I hope she is.) Does she regret? Does she remember?

I remember. I remember everything. But that’s probably a little (or a lot) indulgent. Because I don’t regret the choice I made, and I want the life I have now. I want the husband, the kids. I want my parents proud of me and my fellowship in the gospel.

It hurt, back then, and today it scared me. I cried as I kissed my girls goodnight. It scares me that that one choice, a choice that hurt, a choice I might not have made if only this or if only that were different –

Some of the choices I make every day hardly matter at all. But that choice I made thirteen years ago changed everything.

Thank God.

Jane

Have any of your choices changed your whole life?

I’m entering this in Scribbit’s Write-Away Contest.

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