Callie has been saving this shirt she found at DI for five weeks.

This morning I told Callie that St. Patrick was the missionary who took Christianity to Ireland. I have no idea if that’s entirely true, and I didn’t have four hours to spend on Wikipedia, not that it would take that long to look up, but when you add in the seventeen other things I need to know, it would be dinner time and this was a breakfast conversation.

Callie: “So . . . St. Patrick was a leprechaun? and green was his favorite color?”

I put green food coloring in the whipped cream for our pancakes. Lucy: “So our food won’t get pinched?” And as a hint, mint is not the best flavor for whipped cream, no matter the temptation. It’s too toothpastey. Better stick with mapleine or almond if vanilla is getting old, not that we eat whipped cream every single day so we feel the need to branch out.

Tara served us corned beef and cabbage a few years ago and ever since then I’ve thought that that would be a great idea, usually at about 5 pm on March 17th. So it hasn’t happened. But today I’ve got this crockpot version cooking away, with apple juice instead of water — reviewers call for beer but I’m out, and real carrots instead of baby-cut. And I made Irish soda bread, with a handful of craisins.

I think I cut the x a little deep.

If this sounds like a lot, please note that it’s the first time I’ve done anything for St. Patrick’s Day ever, and my kids also have no idea I love them because I didn’t give them Valentines. If it seems like a little (where’s the pot of gold place cards and shamrock centerpieces?), well forget you, it’s not a competition. (is it?)

This should probably be a food photograph, but Molly is more delicious.

I have tried several different things to solve the problem of “What’s for dinner?” I’ve tried making elaborate menus and I’ve tried buying what’s in season and experimenting. I wish I had what it takes (the flexibility, the commitment, the close-by foodie friends, and the desire to interact that much with said hypothetical friends) to start up a dinner co-op like Rixa’s.

I’ve put scrumptious things in the crockpot right after breakfast and I have stared at the stove while Tom walks in the door from work (ok, not really — I usually try to look more on top of things right at that very moment, even if it only lasts a second). I love trying new things, especially Asian dishes right now, and I’d definitely like to move towards an even more plant- and whole grain-filled diet.

So this is my latest brainstorm. It is both totally set in stone and completely flexible. It gives me the control of knowing what’s for dinner every day of the week for the rest of my life (or until I get tired of it) and the freedom of making any variation on these dishes based on ingredient availability, fluctuating desire for gourmet versus easy, and whim. I can throw each of these dishes together from scratch and a memorized-from-long-use recipe, or I can google up a new variation, or I can tell Tom that since Saturday is Asian perhaps we better head down to Thai Drift. All in the name of following through, of course.

This is all the foods we eat all the time anyway. You can use it if you want — or tell me if I’m missing a kid-friendly type of dinner altogether. It is lacking outdoor grilling- type food, but I’ll fix that come summer.

Apologies to Steph for not observing Thursketti. Something about Thursday screams out for leftovers to me. In fact, most days do, but the beauty of this menu is that most of the dishes can absorb a lot of different leftover ingredients. And none of them are elaborate or preparation intensive, beyond the chopping, which is kind of inevitable if you want to eat healthily.

Monday: Pasta (spaghetti/alfredo/tortellini)

Tuesday: Salad (chef/cobb/spinach)

Wednesday: Mexican (taco/fajitas/burritos)

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: Pizza (tomato&basil/ham&pineapple/bbq chicken)

Saturday: Asian (curry/stir fry)

Sunday: Soup (cream of veggie/stew/white chili)

Now that I’m writing this down, I think I was heavily influenced by Meagan Francis, though I didn’t realize just how appealing her Six-Meal Shuffle was when I read her post months ago.

I keep staring at this wondering on the one hand if Wednesday really is the best day of the week for refried beans, and on the other, why didn’t I do this years ago?

One thing that has made this experiment possible (besides financial necessity, which is always a great motivator) is that my relationship to food has changed this pregnancy. Instead of wanting to try new things every day, I am often just trying to get something on the table. It has to be relatively healthy, and I’m finally feeling up to making some of my favorites (bread, yogurt) from scratch again, but now that shopping and cooking are more of a chore that just has to be done on a more regularized schedule, it’s actually less of a hassle than it sometimes was before, and I find it just as satisfying to make a meal plan once a week, as it once was to get a craving and make that dish hours later. A case of restriction feeding rather than starving the creative impulse.

A couple other things: being on a strict budget ($150 a week total for all grocery/discretionary/household/entertainment spending, except gas, which I’ve cut back a lot on incidentally) makes me realize how little we need, especially in the way of prepared or convenience foods (or toilet paper. Kidding). Also, once I make a rule for myself, it becomes a matter of honor to stick to it, and since it’s not a forever thing but more in the manner of a goal, it’s almost fun. So we may not have any fresh fruit on Friday night: that’s a good excuse to eat the canned apricots in the pantry. $150 sounds like a lot to me; I’m sure many frugal people are able to live well on less, and before this month I would’ve guessed (hoped) I spent that little (though my bank account knew better).

But what I always want to know (especially when I’m in a rut) is what’s for dinner? I once made a seven-week meal plan that carefully balanced beef/chicken/fish/vegetable meals with rice/noodle/potato/bread accompaniments, but then I never felt like making things in that proscribed order. So now I look at cookbooks and AllRecipes and TastyKitchen for ideas and take things one week at a time. I usually add a salad or veggie sticks or frozen peas and corn or green beans or brussels sprouts as a side. (Costco has the best frozen corn ever. My kids like brussels sprouts so much I start to worry they’re aliens until they do something kid-like and complain about onions. In the spaghetti sauce! Call 911!)

My sister keeps binders of recipes and always makes notes of what worked and who liked what, along with the date and any alterations. I can’t imagine going to that much work without hoping that someone, somewhere will learn from my misadventures, so here you go:

What was  for dinner last week (I can’t remember the order, and I can’t assign days beforehand either. That just seems too regimented):

Chicken Piccata (The chicken and noodles were a big hit, but the sauce was a little tangy for the kids, and, fine, me too. I added lots of extra cream and broth, which made a huge quantity of sauce to languish in the fridge.)

Spaghetti Squash Lasagna (I make this just like regular lasagna, only I substitute baked spaghetti squash for the noodles.)

Sloppy Joes (It’s a long, tragic story, but I accidentally added about a 1/2 cup of salt to this recipe, (which I had doubled), so then I quadrupled it. It was still too salty, so nearly three pounds of sloppy-joed hamburger are in the freezer waiting for redemption. This is a good, easy recipe for serious comfort food, especially on homemade buns.I’ll make it again, once time has dimmed our memories.)

Chicken, Vegetable, and Barley Soup (This was good. I threw in the leftover sauce from the chicken piccata which gave it a lemony tang. My kids weren’t impressed with the barley. They wanted “noodles.” A couple days later I threw in some cooked ramen and they fell on it like devouring beasts).

BBQ chicken pizza and a pepperoni one for the kids, though Susan preferred the chicken. I used the 5 minute artisan bread as the crust, and it was the best pizza crust I’ve ever had, soft and chewy on the top, crusty and crunchy on the bottom. I didn’t have purple onions, and I’d used up my parsley, but I sprinkled fresh basil on it. Basil is good on any pizza.)

What’s for dinner this week (again, not in this order. Probably):

Thai Curry Chicken and Rice (I bought green curry paste for this — now I could make a rainbow of curries — and I’ll probably have cilantro and limes on the side, because it’s Thai, and I love cilantro and limes. Oh, and I’ll use chicken that we canned this summer, which means it’ll be on the shredded side, but with strong flavors like this it’ll be a fine economy.)

Stephanie’s Macaroni and Cheese (I’ve wanted to try a baked macaroni and cheese with swiss cheese even though I don’t like swiss cheese by itself. Stephanie makes good food, so this seems like a good one to try.)

Spinach and Feta Pita Bake (I have a great recipe for pita bread from Chrysanthemum, and this’ll be a nice change from the (delicious) chicken salad we’ve been stuffing our pockets with.)

BBQ chili (Yes! Inspiration strikes for my too-salty sloppy-joed hamburger in the freezer. I bought dried black and red beans and have 5 gallons of dry pinto beans. Beans will soak up that salt like nothing else. And Tom has been asking for BBQ chili ever since we had it at that church cook-off when my white chicken chili took the Honorable Mention. Ingrate. I’ll also make Marcy’s cornbread that’s really more like corncake even with the buttermilk. I haven’t found a great recipe online for BBQ chili, so unless someone has a link, I’ll just throw stuff in.)

Crab Salad (This is one of my favorite pasta salads ever. I use sugar instead of artificial sweetener, of course, and fresh herbs whenever possible instead of the dried, and twice as many vegetables as noodles. I’ll used canned chicken in this too, because even fake crab costs more than what I’ve got in my pantry, and the kids aren’t crazy about crab anyway.)

In conclusion

I hope that gives you some ideas, even if what not to do, and at the least, I can look back at this in a few months and have two weeks planned for me. If you have any (easy, cheap, delicious) favorites, I’d be most grateful for a link or notes. I try to let each child pick one of the five meals, and involve them in cooking with me. I find they’re more likely to try things when they’re invested that way, plus I can’t wait for the day when each of them has a day of the week to cook from start to finish. Five meals works out well; then we have leftovers for Tom’s lunches and ours, a night for quesadillas or breakfast for dinner, and a night for cleaning-out-the-fridge-you-don’t-get-anything-else-until-this-casserole-is-gone.

On the way home, the tickle in my throat turned, in one slow-motion curve of the freeway, to throbbing temples and a full-body ache. Spot and I were the last holdouts against this cold, not the swine flu (which is what we are telling ourselves anyway so that Dick can go in all good conscience to contaminate the good people of Austin).

In times of sickness, any mother (especially any temporarily-single-mother) knows the most important thing is provisions: drugs, vitamins, food, liquid, tissues, barf bucket, cleaning supplies, movies, books, maybe a large shotgun in dire cases. (For self-inflicted wounds, stop worrying about my kids.)

So I planned to stop at the library (no one was coughing or feverish at this point, and we’d be really fast), the Walmart, and Little Ceasar’s pizza. But after I stocked up on Anne Stuart gothic novels and several books recommended by my friend Susan, I had no heart for stopping anywhere else.

In terms of the provisional heirarchy, a good book (and the movie Big Business I think my girls will like as much as Marcy and I did) is simply more important than Pumpkin Spice eggnog (though wouldn’t that have been throat-soothing?) and $5 hot-and-ready pizza.

Anyway, we’ve got fixins’ for hot chocolate in the pantry, and for lunch?

Seagull Fountain Ramen Noodle Special:

2 packages chicken top ramen w/ seasoning packets

water

2 handfuls classic coleslaw mix (shredded carrot and cabbage, for roughage)

1/2-1 cup home-canned chicken (for protein)

1 tsp curry (for spice)

1 (or three) tblsp heavy cream (for love)

I think I should submit this to the New York Times High-Low segment, though that’s usually fashion, and even the Low end of whatever ensemble they’re pimping is way out of my range. Kinda like this Ramen Noodle concoction. Not just anyone has this stuff available year-round, you know.

Two Saturdays ago, late in the afternoon, Dick asked me to remind him to call his mother the next day to say Happy Birthday. I felt the dismay that every daughter-in-law feels when she realizes that no gift, card, or Western Union telegram has been sent to her generous mother-in-law in time for her birthday. (This is similar to the male-visitor-seeing-Susan’s-panties-on-the-floor-of-the-bathroom dismay.)

So maybe I should start with a 12-step program for bad gift-giving. Because this missed birthday comes after the time I sent Lindt truffles (to Florida) that melted all over the rest of the package, and the time I sent a See’s Candy gift certificate (to Florida) to a woman who lives five states over from the nearest See’s Candy store.

Unfortunately, gift-giving is not my favorite thing, mostly because I suck at it. I feel like I know what people are interested in, but somehow that doesn’t easily translate into something I can find, afford, and ship across country without feeling like a dork. Like the time I bought dry ice to ship my homemade oreo cookies to Idaho. I almost wanted to drive to Idaho instead, with a paper plate of cookies on my lap.

But there is hope, in the form of the perfect neighbor/cookie exchange/birthday favor treat ever. I don’t know why you people didn’t tell me about these Rolo/pretzel/pecan thingies before, but since you’re the same people who held out on me about Smitten Kitchen, I’m not really surprised that you wanted to keep something so easy, so perfect, and so yummy to yourselves.

You probably all have the recipe (if you can call it that) memorized, but I mixed it up a bit, and gave it a new name. And then I mailed ziploc bags of the ingredients to my mother-in-law, and forgot to ever tell her how to assemble them. I did double bag the Rolos, though, and they didn’t melt all over the photos I also sent, so that’s something. Step #5 in my gift-giving course, I think.

(And if you’re wondering why I didn’t just send the finished treats to her, then you’re forgetting that they had to withstand Florida’s severe February heat — and the other beauty of these treats is that if you’re too busy watching reality television (or studying, Karin, sheesh) to assemble them, the ingredients aren’t bad straight from the bag –of course I’d never send a gift that’s useless without assembly. What am I — Ikea?).

Jane’s Round Pegs on Squares

Ingredients

Rolos, lots

pretzels, same

pecans, or more pretzels or something else crunchy

white chocolate for drizzling, if you want to get fancy

Directions

Preheat oven to 250. Unwrap Rolos. Slap little (and big) hands away from them (gently). Place on the pretzels. Soften in oven for 5 minutes. Squish a pecan or second pretzel down on the top. Eat seventeen and realize you really do need to go on some sort of portion controlly plan.

Look, I even have pictures:

These are Snyder or Hanover or, heck, Windsor. I'm not a pretzel expert. I just liked the neat squares.

One of the best things about these is that you can "cook" them while surfing the net. Dick looked over at the pile of Rolo wrappers by my laptop and thought I'd snarfed the whole bag. Nah. I'm not an animal. I waited till they were all melty to inhale.

Baked this first batch too long. Rolos keep their shape deceptively well.

These aren’t going to replace brownies any time soon, but they’re quick and delicious, and go well on those treat plates.

If you’re holding out on me on any other treats that are as easy and yummy as these, you better fess up now; I’ve got Mother’s Day anxiety looming (not to mention Valentine’s, St. Patricks, President’s Day . . . ).

Jane

Come on, what works for you?

I was hoping they’d be the answer to my competitive Christmas baking needs: cheap, easy, and STUNNING, but, unfortunately, they were cheap-ish, WAY HARD, and (honestly) kinda yucky.

Luckily, I tried them out with my new friend Chrysanthemum, and she had two great ideas for making them that could be used for any number of other, better-tasting holiday treats.

First, whenever you need to shape something into a ball, use an ice cream scooper or melon ball thingie and keep your hands marginally cleaner.

Second, if you need to chill a few cookie trays worth of goodies, use short cups to build a pyramid o’ trays for efficient stacking.

I was disappointed by how much harder it was to coat the balls in the dipping chocolate than Pioneer Woman made it look. Despite freezing for over an hour, we had serious crumbs. We switched from white Milton dipping chocolate to regular semi-sweet chocolate chips for the second batch, and those turned out much better, taste- and looks-wise.

To be fair, Tara tried the cake balls the same day, using strawberry cake and cream cheese frosting, and she said they were a big hit at her son’s soccer practice. Also, Chrysanthemum’s husband said that ours (made with yellow cake and fudge frosting) were the tastiest thing he’d had in a long time.

And the best part was that the kids enjoyed decorating with the red and green sparkle gel frosting. Here’s Chrysanthemum’s son getting ready for some serious work.

Basically, children, husbands, and small furry animals will be ecstatic if you make these. Those women you want to impress at work or in the neighborhood? Not so much. Plus, you’ll be wishing you’d made Duncan Hines brownies for your own midnight snack.

So, melon ball scoopers and freezer-cup pyramids, not to mention pint-sized helpers, work for me.

Cake mix cake mashed up with canned frosting? Not going to win even Honorable Mention.

Jane

The worst is when I make something I feel pretty confident about: creamy curry sweet potato soup or bruschetta pizza, and he’ll say “Wow, this is really good,” as if it’s a complete surprise to him after ten years that I know how to boil water. (I know — he really can’t win. I feel hurt if he over-compliments, and underappreciated if he just tucks in).

Then there are days when I learn he doesn’t like something I’ve been cooking forever. I mean, I know he doesn’t like straight spaghetti sauce. When I make my favorite sausage-bell pepper red sauce, I add a bit of heavy cream to his portion to make him think it’s a (very) robust alfredo sauce.

But some things he’ll eat ten times over several months, and then casually mention one day that he doesn’t actually like oatmeal chocolate chip muffins or brownies or . . . white chili. Who doesn’t like white chili?

Maybe I made it too often when I first got the recipe. But Dick said I could make it for the church chili cook-off last Saturday (not that I asked his permission of course, but I allow him some input in the meals around here). My version of Winter White Chili got an Honorable Mention, which Dick has not stopped joking about ever since. Honorable Mention being the Miss Congeniality of food contests. “We’d like to reward you for not threatening our superiority. Thanks. Have a sash.”

Dick pretended indignation on my behalf, saying they probably felt they had to pick a traditional chili as the winner, but would I get the recipe for the barbeque chili? That one was really good.

Honorable Mention Winter White Chili

(Got this recipe from some church function of my sister’s in the first place; can’t find my own copy any more, but I just throw in what looks good anyway. See ChaCha’s White Chicken Chili or . . . Wow, in looking for a recipe similar to mine, I’m beginning to see why I might have a little bit of a weight problem. Who uses fat-free sour cream? — Oh, check out my friend the Compulsive Writer’s White Bean Chili. She won a first place.)

Have ready:

2 cups chicken, cooked and cubed. I buy bulk frozen chicken breast, cook it on low for 4 hours in the crockpot, chop it, and then freeze it in 2-cup portions for this kind of thing. Great with leftover Thanksgiving turkey too.

2 cans of great northern or white kidney (canellini?) beans OR 1 1/2 cups dry beans that you’ve soaked overnight and then cooked on low in the crockpot since breakfast. (Pour off extra water, but leave some for the soup base — you can always add more later, but it takes a long time to simmer off extra liquid.)

Saute 1 onion (chopped) and 3+ cloves garlic (minced) in some butter and oil ’till soft and sweet.

Add the beans to the pot of sauteing onion/garlic, or the onion/garlic to the crockpot. Add chicken and chicken soup base or bullion cubes to taste. (I don’t use chicken stock because it’s more expensive, and also, if you add the water and the seasonings separately, you can adjust the flavor easily).

Add 2 cans of (mild) diced green chili peppers. Add cumin, oregano, and salt and pepper to taste.

Just before serving, add 1/2 cup (or more) heavy cream and 1/2 cup (or more) sour cream. (Don’t boil after adding the dairy). (I don’t know why they always say this. I always accidentally boil mine after adding the dairy, probably because I keep adding other things too, and it’s always fine.)

Toppings I really like include: fresh cilantro, sharp cheddar (or Monterey Jack) cheese, Fritos, and diced tomatoes.

I hope you enjoy it!

Also, if anyone has a recipe for barbeque chili, I’d really appreciate it.

Jane

Oh, I wanted to say that if you participated in my HELP WANTED quizzes and gave me your valuable feedback, Thank You! I’m still reading through the comments, and many of them have made my day. If you subscribed during the carnival (which is why you’re reading this now), another Thanks! It means a lot to me. I would probably blog even if no one but my sister read, but it’s more fun/addictive/rewarding to have conversations with you!

Man am I glad WFMW is back! I’ve had this post ready for WEEKS!

Tired of grilling hotdogs? Want to get your kids excited about cooking? Hate stale hotdog buns? (If so, try Paris, where the street vendors impale baguettes for the best buns ever). Whatever your motive, Pigs in a Blanket were a big hit when I was little, and they’re a favorite with my kids now. They’re pretty cheap, too. They even have their own Wikipedia page.

And why not? One of the hardest things about living in Cairo was going without pork products. You never know how much you love a quality hotdog until you go without for a while. People have asked me how I put up with not drinking alcohol or coffee for my church, and all I can say is that as long as I’m allowed hotdogs and hot chocolate (and the occasional twice-daily Mountain Dew) I’m fine.

Susan was a great helper on the Banana Popsicles, but I can’t remember why she was so eager to help with the Pigs in a Blanket. Oh, right, might have been because she is a bottomless pit who makes teenage boys look like dieting supermodels.

Just the thought of eating gives her the warm fuzzies.

I’ve typed up a bare-bones recipe here. You can use any sturdy dinner roll recipe you like, but I’ve used the one my sister found. It’s easy and reliable, and Grandma asked for it after Thanksgiving dinner. You can subsitute some whole wheat flour if you like. The yeast-proofing stage isn’t strictly necessary, but I like to give it a headstart.

I had a friend in Cairo, Rebecca, who could never get yeast to work for her. She was an amazing artist and sewed and decorated and stuff. But she couldn’t work the yeast. I’d tell her to use “warm” water and that wasn’t very helpful to her. Too bad. It wasn’t very helpful to me when she described how to sew a kid’s Halloween costume, either. (Baking 911 has got some great yeast/bread tips).

My pizza cutter disappeared the one time that Dick unloaded the dishwasher. So now he gets to play with the kids while I work in my ‘office,’ and I get to use my fancy knife from Grampa to cut things like crescent rolls and quesadillas. It works surprisingly well.

Add some ketchup, or even better, some fry sauce, and you’re good to go. Oh, maybe a salad and some fruit, but your main dish is covered. It’s probably not hard to get your kids to eat hotdogs, but now you can get them cooking AND make the most delicious bun this side of the Seine.

Come back this weekend for the Back-to-School edition of Things That Must Go!

But who has to clean up after them? Me. That’s who. And somehow putting the blender back, which takes five seconds, is the absolute last straw.

I told Dick that the kitchen was like my office, and how would he like it if I messed up his office?

Of course he wouldn’t like that, he admitted, but now he has another way to irritate me: asking if I’m ever going to do the dishes in my office. So, I’d like to take back what I said about the kitchen being my office. I hereby lay no claim whatsoever on the kitchen or its contents.

In that spirit, I’ve been doing more “Cook with Your Children” stuff. I want my kids to learn to cook, be aware of sound nutritional principles (whether we live up to them or not) AND to appreciate that the food on the table doesn’t just magically appear.

One of our more successful experiments so far is Banana Popsicles, which we first had during spring break at The Well-Rounded Woman‘s house. Apparently in Arizona it’s a good idea to start freezing your fruit in March.

For this project I had only one lovely assistant, Susan, as Spot was napping and Sally was attending that ill-fated musical with Grandma.

Here she is holding the ingredients. I don’t know how bananas can be both green and freckled at the same time.

I like my bananas ripe in general, but they need to be pretty firm for the freezing and impaling process. Speaking of processes, here’s the complicated recipe:

I stole the phrase “not lengthwise” off recipezaar.com, I think. In case that sounds like “not-counter-clockwise” or something, here’s what they look like before you pop them in the freezer:

And here’s Aunt Marcy demonstrating the proper dipping technique, or at least, what results from proper dipping technique. (Notice her new pretty not-wedding ring):

Dick’s boss’s name in Egypt was Falak. She was kind of a pill, that woman. Here in Utah we have neighbors named Fallick. Anyway.

Whatever your name, these Banana Popsicles will work for you! Next time I’d like to try a layer of peanut butter topping (think Reese’s makes some), freezing for a minute, and then a layer of chocolate. Yu-um.

This weekend’s Things That Must Go features a $50 Giveaway from Hanes! (More Underwear + Socks = Less Frequent Laundry Loads!). Check back to share your Things That Must Go and to enter the contest.

Actually, I’m surprised I haven’t posted this recipe before. Of course, if you’re rich (or have been to the grocery store recently) you can add minced garlic and onion instead of the powder. I think my friend adds Oregano, too, only that sounded vaguely Italian when I was writing up the recipe.

I made a batch of these last night and took some pictures. I don’t know much about photography (an understatement), but I’m thinking it’s kind of like real estate, only, instead of location being the most important thing, it’s all about lighting, so I’ve been taking more photos outside. I don’t actually cook on my apartment balcony, though. And I don’t let the girls dip their fingers in the pot unless they have SCRUBBED THEIR HANDS right before. That red stuff is indelible marker, formerly known as “Crayola’s Washable Markers.”

I guess it’s a good sign that the kids like these. When they get squeamish about other sources of protein (and show me a girl who doesn’t go through at least a phase of soft-hearted vegetarianism), we’ll have the beans to fall back on. And hot dogs (show me a kid “vegetarian” who doesn’t like hot dogs).

One of my favorite things to do with leftover refried beans (it doesn’t get more recession-friendly than leftover homemade refried beans, I tell you), is to fry an egg over a bowl-full. This is especially great after a hard workout. Oh, the cheap and delicious protein.

And if you need even more protein, you can add cheese (or bacon or sausage. Since I’m not vegetarian, in case you couldn’t tell). These are also delicious with homemade flour tortillas.

And that works for me whether we’re in a recession, or not.

This weekend’s Things That Must Go giveaway is a custom LLBean Tote bag. Can’t wait to hear what’s bugging you this week!

Thanks to Messy Vegetarian Cook for the beautiful recipe card templates!

This year I thought of fun 50th birthday stuff: black balloons, black roses in a coffin. Luckily I’m a procrastinator, because a week before her birthday she told me she was going in for a biopsy.

Black balloons seem a bit inappropriate when someone’s in the middle of a cancer scare. Chocolate, however, is always a good thing (especially if you’re my mom). Food is a comfort when we’re worried or sick and a way of rejoicing when we’re not.

Mom’s biopsy came back benign, and we celebrated her birthday with the usual summer fare: hamburgers on the grill, corn on the cob, and chocolate. I offered to make her whatever dessert she wanted, and she requested brownies and ice cream. Now, you know I have NOTHING against a good brownie (i.e. one made from Duncan Hines mix), but there are one or two things in life that are even better than brownies.

And since Mom is just about my (counting on fingers) 5th favorite person on earth, I wanted to make something just a little extra-special. So I called up Tara and asked her what she’s made that’s special, and chocolate, and has easy-to-find and cheap ingredients. She read me this recipe from Allrecipes.com, and the rest is . . . chocolate bliss!

I had to take extra photos, because in the first ones I put the actual amount of whipped cream we like, and then you couldn’t see the cakes. So this picture is highly misleading, dairy-wise.

Here’s what “cakes puff but centers jiggle” looks like:

The first time I made this I accidentally used 4 tablespoons of flour, and they were still good, but they’re better with the right amount. The original recipe calls for making this in a regular muffin pan with jumbo-size liners, but I’ve been wanting some ramekins for baked custard (and I don’t have jumbo liners).

I’d tell you these were a big hit, but that’s pretty obvious, right? The best thing is that you can mix up a batch and then refrigerate the batter for up to three days (maybe more, but we’d eaten it by then). Just bring it up to room temperature before baking.

The best, best thing is that I think Mom will be around for another 50 years to enjoy these with us.

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I think she’s too skinny now but maybe I am just jealous, only not of the misery part. Next to her, I am the jolly fat lady. This lardy feeling is compounded by my recent surgery. You might be surprised to learn that when you have shoulder surgery your legs stop working too, and you can no longer go running. Odd, but then medical science doesn’t know EVERYTHING.

Also surprising is that in order to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise more. I KNOW. But it’s true: I once won a weight-loss challenge by switching to Coke Zero and sugar-free hot chocolate. So I’ve decided to resume running because it’s more likely that my legs will start working again than that I’ll go back to a sugar-free existence.

Luckily, Andrea’s bucolic town has a 5k Run Through the Lavender this month. Once I pay the entrance fee, I’ll be motivated to start training, since the race is two weeks from Saturday and it wouldn’t do to collapse under a lavendar bush. (If you’re in Utah and want to run, send me an email!)

I don’t even like the smell of lavender, but it sure is pretty.

Exercise more: check. Eat less: hmm.

I love French fries, but maybe they’re not the best nutritional choice. Or are they? Potatoes are high in potassium, which your heart needs almost as much as it needs to not be stomped on. In fact, a well-rounded diet might consist of ice cream for your bones, fish sticks for your brain, and French fries for your heart.

Some French fries are even more beneficial, having beta carotene for your eyes. We recently discovered sweet potato fries at Rumbi Grill. At home, I’ve tried chopping sweet potatoes like regular fries and then either skillet-frying or tossing in oil and baking. These methods work pretty well, but the resulting fry isn’t as crisp as the unifrom crinkle-cut. Then I found (and modified) a Sweet Potato Wedge recipe:

Dick says these are even better than Rumbi’s. They’re not very crispy, but they do absorb much less oil. Don’t forget the fry sauce!

I’m entering these puppies in Randi’s Recipe Box Swap and The Natural Mommy’s Recipe Swap. I would enter my sister in a divorce carnival, but I don’t know of any. I will tell her that “A Day Without French Fries” comes from Nora Roberts, who writes formulaic yet satisfying (and racy) romance. In the romance novel world, divorce is but a stumbling block on the road to meeting a virile-yet-sensitive, sensitive-yet-macho, macho-yet-cute-with-kids Prince Charming who will love you for who you are and also give you incredible connubial bliss. Amen.

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If you have a favorite bar or cookie that I haven’t covered, please tell me about it. I’d hate to think I’m missing out on anything that has fat and sugar as main ingredients.

General Baking Tips

Butter: I’m for it. You might, occasionally, sacrifice a bit of texture or height, but the taste is worth it. My mother-in-law says you should omit the salt if you’re using salted butter, but I say I have really low blood pressure. I always use salted butter and usually at least half (if not all) the salt called for.

Cookie Sheets: Don’t grease ‘em. Cookies will spread out less, so if you like them flat and thin (which can be nice for a change), grease away.

Gloopy batter: If your cookie dough is quite soup-like, refrigerate for a few hours. I think this happens because I nuke the heck out of my salted butter for easier mixing. Cookies turn out thicker and higher if the dough is quite stiff.

At the store: It’s kind of crazy that you can buy 1) actual ingredients or 2) a box mix or 3) refrigerated/frozen dough or 4) boxed cookies. That’s democracy in action, folks. There’s even those crazy microwaveable brownies-in-a-bowl. Because getting out your own bowl would just be too much work. I like a good mix, myself, just check out the variations listed on the back or side, and pick up the couple extra things needed to dress it up a bit.

Fresh out of the oven: When I make cookies at home, I bake one cookie sheet and then refrigerate (up to a week) or freeze (1 month) the rest of the dough so I can make another fresh batch the next day. Because there is nothing better than a cookie straight out of the oven. Plus, this way, I only eat one (sheet) a day. My sister bakes all of hers up and then freezes them on paper plates in gallon ziplocs. Which is nice if you ever have (unexpected) guests (or piggy sisters).

Golden Brown: Take cookies out of the oven just before you think they’re done. They’ll cook longer on the sheet, and “better-under-than-over-done” applies to more than makeup, sister.

My Favorite Bars

Lemon Bars

Dick went through a lemon bar phase when he was at Columbia. He made and took lemon bars to his class end-of-semester parties. But Dick likes them SOUR. Each batch he made, he put in a little more lemon juice. They were good, until the very last batch, which were like sucking on a raw lemon. Very Refreshing. I usually use this Bake Sale Lemon Bar recipe from Allrecipes (you had me at “bake sale”). I think I’ll try Randi’s recipe next time.

Brownies

I haven’t found a from-scratch recipe to match Duncan Hines Brownie Mix (in bulk at Walmart). Adding semi-sweet chips and walnuts or pecans is good. They also have a cream cheese variation that’s yummy, and fancy-looking, what with the marbling, swirly effect. If you want to make a brownie sundae, here’s an awesome hot fudge sauce.

My Favorite Cookies

Homemade Oreos

Apparently I have plagiarized from the Amish, who call these Whoppee Pies. But the only recipes I could find involved cake mix, which I just can’t see the Amish using, so here is my version of chocolate cookies with a whipped cream cream cheese frosting filling.

Peppernuts

I don’t really like peppernuts that much. I mean, I’m not going to make them on a random Thursday night after dinner. But if I’m wanting to feel in touch with my ethnic (German?) roots, it’s time to pull out the distintive peppernut. I remember going to Grandma Ora Mae’s house as a child and finding them in the cookie jar. Being not so tasty probably contributes to the long shelf life. I have to confess, though, that I don’t have the recipe (Aunt Nancy? (or Carla or Bev — anyone else read this? Dad?).

Oatmeal Cookies

My mother-in-law (she of the sage salt advice) clipped this recipe for oatmeal cookies for me. It’s almost too bad having such nice in-laws; makes it hard to find something else to complain about. Oatmeal cookies are great the regular way (with raisins and walnuts), but they’re fantastic with dried cherries, semisweet chocolate chips, and pecans, or with coconut and white chocolate chips. They also take whole wheat flour well too, something about the chewy oats. I was going to post Nana’s recipe, but I made these cookies last night, and if you could see my kitchen, you’d understand why I don’t want to spend the next month looking for the recipe. Try these instead, keeping in mind what I said about butter and possible variations.

Cream Puffs

Not technically bars or cookies, but certainly “bite-size” and “finger-food” and “good.” Marie posted a recipe I’d like to try, though I’d use a filling recipe that doesn’t involve pudding mix. I once made cream puffs for Josh and Suzy in Cairo (don’t know if Suzy’s still reading since I had those couple posts about sex), and I put blue food coloring in the filling since they’d just had their second boy. Of course, you can also go to Costco or Sam’s and get the huge tub of frozen cream puffs, which aren’t too bad. Only you have to let them defrost FOREVER.

And last, but not least, have you tried the making your own Fortune Cookies yet? Me neither. But Shalece is going to be on Good Things Utah next month, and the next time she does a cooking demonstration at the Gygi Institute, I’m going to be front-and-center. I just hope my fortune says “Will move to beautiful dream home/cardboard box in the near future.”

But, it’s true. I cannot deny that I have found something even better than Duncan Hines bulk brownie mix: Homemade Oreos. Not those nasty “homemade” things that involve cake mix. No. Homemade Oreos made from chocolate cookies and whipped cream cream cheese frosting. Two recipes I found on Allrecipes, modified just a bit, and introduced to each other.

And, voila! Heaven isn’t too far away. I’m closer to it everyday. No matter what your friends . . . Well. Give them a try, and you will be a true convert too.

I made these to eat while doing my taxes, and now I have a scientific explanation for why I always feel entitled to some serious snacks or and a caffeinated fountain drink when I have to do something taxing (haha).

The New York Times reports that “The brain has a limited capacity for self-regulation, so exerting willpower in one area often leads to backsliding in others.” So it can be smart, in the short-term, to focus one’s willpower on the most important task.

But willpower, like a muscle, can grow when used consistently. “People who stick to an exercise program for two months report reducing their impulsive spending, junk food intake . . . They also study more, watch less television and do more housework.”

More reasons to exercise regularly. Sigh. In the meantime, pass me some more cookies: I’m focusing all my willpower on this one thing until my refund comes through.

Homemade Oreos

Chocolate Cookies

1 1/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda

Whisk together. In separate bowl, whisk together:

1 cup butter (If you use unsalted (why?) add 1/8 tsp salt)
1 cup white sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs

Combine. Drop small cookies onto greased cookie sheet and bake for 8-10 minutes at 350. Move to wire rack after they’ve cooled.

Whipped Cream Cream Cheese Frosting

1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream

Whip until quite stiff (but not quite butter-like). In separate bowl, beat:

1 (8 ounce) pkg cream cheese (I use Neufchatel, because I am extremely calorie-conscious)
1 cup white sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla

Fold whipped cream into cream cheese mixture. If too soft, refrigerate for a bit (and next time whip the cream more before folding, and don’t over-fold). Assemble cookies, or just scoop a large dollop of frosting onto a cookie en route to your mouth.

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For more recipes, visit the Recipe Box Swap and The Natural Mommy’s Recipe Swap ’08.

Maybe she’s not the logical prodigy I thought she was. Or, maybe she really is like those apparently angelic kids who lived in Christ’s time (the ones He said were meek and mild).

Soup is forgiving: it takes a little of this and a little of that and a whole lot of heavy cream. So forgiving, in fact, that it’s hard for me to write down a recipe, because it’ll look like this: a handful of spinach, a pinch of curry, enough salt, a little more cream.

But i have to say (they of the great blog title) is having a Recipe Box Swap with a money-saving theme, and so I’ve decided to write down my take on a fantastic dish at my favorite Indian restaurant, Bombay House. I searched for a copycat recipe (because we’re cheap like that) and found this to be a good starting point.

I serve my Saag Shorba with homemade flour tortillas. I know, naan would be more authentic, but I’ve had a lot more success with tortillas, and the main ingredient difference is the yogurt, which we don’t miss enough for me to keep struggling with naan. If you have a fail-proof naan recipe, please share! In the cost-saving mode, you can also buy huge bags of ready-to-cook tortillas in the refrigerator section of Costco. Once you make your own tortillas, it’s hard to go back to the ready-made.

At the store

My soup calls for ingredients you can find at your local grocery store (or even Walmart). Ethnic groceries are sprouting everywhere, but they’re usually not so conducive to saving money. If you want to mince your own fresh ginger and mix your own curry powder with real saffron, go for it, and send me a picture. We’re pretty much philistines around here, and easily satisfied with generic versions of most things.

Saag Shorba, WAM?-style; serves 4

1 onion, chopped fine
2-5 cloves garlic, minced
butter and oil for sauteeing (butter for flavor, oil to keep the butter from burning easily)
2 handfuls of frozen spinach, drained
1 15 oz can of tomato sauce
1-3 TBSP curry powder
pinch of ground ginger and/or cayenne
2-4 TBSP of chicken stock base OR 1-3 cups chicken stock (or vegetable), depending on how soupy you want it. We actually roll up our tortillas with the “soup” inside almost like a burrito, so we like it really thick.
1/2 – 1 cup heavy cream (or milk, you diet-happy people)

Saute onions and garlic ’til translucent and sweet; add spinach and tomato sauce, simmering until spinach is tender. Add seasonings. Pour heavy cream into blender and add soup; blend until desired smoothness. Enjoy!

One thing to keep in mind is that, as with other spinach-rich foods, it’s important to introduce this slowly to your kids’ diet. My two youngest (18 mo and 3 1/2) love this, but an overdose can have seriously messy consequences.

Soft Flour Tortillas (thanks, Suzy A.); makes 8 tortillas

2 cups white flour (wheat would be healthier, but I just can’t do whole grains for everything, and tortillas are one food that require that bad white flour)
4 TBSP butter
1 tsp salt
water (start with 1/2 c)

Combine ingredients, adding water slowly until dough is similar to bread dough but maybe a bit stickier. Knead 30 times, cover with damp cloth, and let rest 30 minutes. (Good to start these first, then do soup, then while it simmers after blending, cook tortillas). Heat heavy skillet to medium high.

Divide dough into 8 balls and keep covered while rolling out each ball into a 8-10 in diameter on heavily floured surface. Place on skillet and turn as soon as brown spots appear (you’ll see corresponding puffs on the top side). Remove from skillet and place immediately in airtight container or plastic bag. This keeps them soft and steamy.

I had some leftover homemade play dough that the kids played with while I made these, which was good, because you have to keep the kids occupied if you don’t want them poking in your dough and touching hot skillets. The two doughs looked identical, so no one felt left out.

Easy Salt Dough: 2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, 1 TBSP oil, enough water to form dough, food coloring if desired. Mix and enjoy!

There, cheap restaurant-quality dish AND cheap play dough. Who could ask for anything more?

Since I am not a purist when it comes to cooking or eating, I’ve assembled recipes/methods for everything from easy individual pizzas on frozen dough to gourmet calzones from scratch. And for the sweet tooth, a great dessert pizza.

Whether you’ve got five minutes or fifty, and just a few ingredients in the pantry or lots of fancy fresh ingredients, you can impress your people tonight. Here it is, choose-your-own-adventure dinner, but first, a note for shopping.

At the store

For the crust, you’ll need frozen roll dough or flour, water, salt, yeast, sugar, and oil. Your sauce can be canned crushed tomatoes with Italian herbs or your favorite spaghetti sauce (I like Sandra Lee‘s, minus the mushrooms). Then, whatever toppings you normally like, including fresh basil and alfredo sauce if you want to try bruschetta pizza. Mozzarella, pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, olives, bell peppers, and for the calzones, also chicken, broccoli, and cheddar or meatballs and barbeque sauce. Whatever.

The only kitchen item that really makes a difference here is a pizza stone. You can get one at Pampered Chef, or do what I did: ask friends if they have any seldom-used bridal shower gifts lying around (thanks, Tracey!). Your pizza stone stays in the oven all the time, requires no cleaning (maybe the occasional rubber-spatula brush-off) and no greasing or cornmeal.

I lost my nice pizza cutter, but have found my butcher knife does a fine job. Oh, and a cutting board for getting the pizza from the oven to the table. Just pull the pizza off the stone with your fingers; or, if you still have feeling in your fingertips, (and really, if you cook a lot, why would you?) use a fork.

Oh, and check the last paragraph for dessert pizza ingredients.

Easiest Pizza

This is great for busy-night dinner. Preheat oven (and stone) to 450. Defrost frozen roll dough (evenly spaced on a plate) for about 10 seconds in the microwave. Roll each ball out to about 5-inch diameter and top as desired. Use enough flour when rolling out so you can transfer the topped pizza from counter to oven with your hands. It’s best to keep these simple so you don’t end up with toppings all over the floor. Bake for about 5 minutes, watching for this look:

Pizza from scratch

Shalece’s Pizza Dough
(makes 2 thick-crust or 4 thin-crust 15-inch pizzas)

Preheat oven to 450. In a small bowl, mix and let sit for 5 minutes:

1 c warm water
1 TBSP or 1 packet instant yeast
2 tsp sugar

In a large bowl:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 TBSP oil

Mix in yeast solution and kneed until smooth. For thick crust, separate into two parts. For thin, four. Roll out to about 15-inch diameter. Use plenty of flour so it doesn’t stick. Poke with a fork all over and place on pizza stone (or on a greased cookie sheet, if you must).

Bake for a few minutes, then pull the oven rack out a ways and top while in the oven. (Uh, be careful to not have kiddies around at this point). Bake for an additional 10-15 minutes, or until crust is golden brown and cheese is bubbly.

For bruschetta pizza (thanks to Shalece’s Argentinian friends!), mix and set aside chopped tomatoes, chopped fresh basil, drizzle of olive oil and pinch of salt before making dough. Top with alfredo sauce and mozzarella, then sprinkle bruschetta mixture on top. Dick says it’s “in the top 10″:

“Gourmet” Calzones

I got the idea for making calzones from i have to say. . . though I found a dough recipe I like better at allrecipes.com. But Randi(?) has great ideas for fillings and amazing pictures of the rolling, filling, and sealing process. Mine did not look like that. They turned out quite edible, however, and are also in Dick’s Top 10.

I brushed mine with butter and garlic bread sprinkle before baking. It is important to not put the sauce inside the calzone. Besides being more authentic, it prevents the filling from sliding out onto your pan/stone. Sauce is for dipping here.

Dessert Pizza

Holy pepperoni this is a long post! I’ll summarize. Try this recipe for Best Rolled Sugar Cookies, rolling the dough (again on a lot of flour) into 8-inch diameters and baking as per blah blah.

Make Whipped Cream Cream Cheese Frosting, and prepare fruit toppings such as canned dark sweet cherries, sliced strawberries, kiwis, and bananas, and, my favorite, blackberries. Frozen blackberries are quite reasonable at Walmart. Let thaw and add sugar to taste. Heaven!

I wish I had a picture of this, but I think we ate it all before I could find the camera. Anyway, this is what works for me on Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday.

—

And since I still have contest fever, I’m entering this is My Ice Cream Diary’s favorite food experience contest. Obviously I’ve never made all of these foods in one experience, but learning to bake with ‘my’ pizza stone has been, indeed, a revelation. Usually I’m skeptical that some new-fangled (or even old) device can make such a difference, but it can. I’d even spend money to actually buy one for myself, if I had to.

Or when Sally talks Susan into taking off her panties while they’re in a mutual time-out. Why? For the love of everything holy. For the love of ponies and princesses and pink, why would you do that? We were playing ‘jokes.’ Please, please tell me this isn’t something you learned at school.

So. Since it’s only 9 am, and not physically painful enough for a Vicodin, I need some chocolate.

You know oatmeal’s good for you. Oatmeal cookies, with chocolate chips? Not so much. Since I am uber-healthy, I compromise with Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins. And if you buy me this cool muffin-top pan, I’ll whip you up some.

They’ve got applesauce (fruit), semi-sweet chocolate chips (anti-oxidants), oats (fiber), sugar (energy) and butter (dairy). Basically, all the food groups. You can see the original recipe at that greatest of recipe websites, allrecipes.com, but, as usual, I made a few changes.

At least if I die, Dick can look back through this blog and make some of my favorite foods.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins

1/2 c butter (you could use margarine, but, why?)
3/4 c brown sugar
1 egg
almost 1 c applesauce (unsweetened, because this is a health food here)
1 c wheat flour (white or red)
1 c quick-cook oats
1 1/4 t baking pwd
1/4 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 c semi-sweet chocolate chips (bittersweet and milk chocolate have their places, but they’re just not right for this recipe).

All the wet stuff in one bowl, all the dry in another. Whisk the dry and then whisk the wet. Mix the wet with the dry and add chips. Bake in a paper-lined muffin tin (unless you have the silicon muffin-top pan) and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean.

Now that you’ve got heaven in the oven, let’s talk technology. You know you’re a really cool blogger or internet reader or just a geek if you know what a favicon is. Like I found out a couple days ago. Maybe you’ve always known what they are, in which case, Why didn’t you tell me? They’re those little doohickies to the left of the “http…” in your address bar. Look at mine, isn’t it cool? (or, like, descriptive? — Maybe I should get a diaper favicon and re-name my blog We don’t eat poop.)

Don’t Try This at Home‘s was the first favicon I noticed, and here’s a clever, yet potentially disturbing one from June’s new review blog, Chic-Critique. I can appreciate the blog name without having any burning desire to read more beauty product reviews. But June somehow makes even talk about foundation not make me want to poke my eye out, much.

Also check out Dick’s bold yet simple, and Sally’s cuddly yet trendy (in Japan) favicons. Once you know what to look for, favicons are everywhere. Learn how to add a favicon to your own site by googling “how to add a favicon to blogger/typepad/wordpress blog.” I know, you never would have guessed, right? I would link to Blogging Basics 101 for a tutorial, but they don’t have one. Crazy. You can make your own favicon, or choose from a collection.

So, eat, drink, make a favicon. It’s kind of like marking your territory, without the mess.

***

Those smart women at BB101 DO have a post on favicon (Fave-Icon, long A, long I, though I think fahvicon rolls better) making and placing. Guess I mis-searched or made a mistake (don’t tell my kids; I’m trying to keep that possibility a secret for a few more years). If you’re interested in starting or expanding a blog, you can’t go wrong checking out BB101. They even have a podcast, which, besides great information, features cute Southern accents.

polish sausage and fountain drink: 1.55

two churros: 2.00

all-you-can-eat samples and indoor room to run around: priceless

Dick said he thinks churros are like fried twinkies, in a good way. This made me remember the halcyon days of my youth, when I ate a chocodile (chocolate- covered twinkie) for lunch every day and never got fat. I also ate Black Cows, which are carmel-on-a-stick treats, covered in chocolate. Those mean boys at school, who just didn’t know how to show they liked me, called me “Cow Hyatt.”

I was feeling nostalgic, and hungry, at Wal-mart the other day, so I bought a box of twinkies. Sally and Susan were flatteringly interested to hear about my childhood, or maybe they just wanted to try a twinkie for the first time. The next day when we picked up Sally and her friend (Penny) from school, Sally raved about the twinkies, and Penny asked, “What’s a twinkie?”

Sally tried to describe the shape. I said, helpfully, that they’re like a train tunnel in shape (with the cream being the train, eh?), and Sally waxed lyrical about the three holes in the bottom where they put the filling in.

Is it a great step for the health of mankind or just plain sad that today’s children have no idea what a twinkie is? For Sally’s birthday dinner she requested macaroni and cheese, and not mom’s homemade gourmet kind, no, she wanted the “orange” kind. From the box.

Then she tells me she prefers store-bought bread to my hand-kneaded whole wheat love-offering for her school sandwiches. This after I labored in 10 degree weather to grind the wheat myself.

But there is hope. I have found a way to get the kids to positively devour s-p-i-n-a-c-h. Even after Sally found out it has spinach in it, she just shrugged and said, “it’s got gross stuff in it, but it still tastes good.” Amazing maturity for a seven-year old. (Certain people — Uncle Sean — could take some inspiration from this).

Dick likes it enough that he actually asked me to post a recipe for it. I don’t know why he couldn’t just ask me to write it down for him, but, anyway, I’ll do my share to spread the good word.

I’m talking, of course, about Green Juice, as my running/babysitting partner Shalece calls it. Speaking of running, I ran my first race, a 5k, this past Saturday. Sally and Susan asked if I was going to win like I used to in Florida. Bless their gullible little hearts. I said of course.

Unfortunately, they didn’t give out medals to everyone this time, so I had only a new shirt to show for it. We ran out near the Great Salt Lake, which apparently stinks really badly in the summer time. Guess there’s an upside to all that snow and ice on the race course.

Here’s a picture of me post-race. Apparently there’s a reason ski masks are so popular with burglars, although this is actually a balaclava. My time was 32:42, close to my goal of 31 minutes — I wanted to make a 10 minute/mile pace. Maybe next time.

Maybe if I ate more s-p-i-n-a-c-h.

Shrek Shake/Green Juice

Ingredients (wash hands first!)

handful of ice cubes

handful or two of fresh spinach (don’t see why you couldn’t use frozen, but fresh sure is pretty)

handful of frozen peach slices or other yellow or green frozen fruit

1-2 frozen bananas

1-2 cups of pineapple juice

1 apple, cubed (golden delicious is great, or granny smith)

Throw all ingredients in a blender and blend. Enjoy.

Keep in mind 1) you can throw in whatever you want, but if you start mixing in red/dark fruits, the color gets muddled and less-appetizing-looking; 2) enjoy responsibly: 5 days in a row can cause problems in the poop/diaper department, especially if your kids aren’t used to quite that much fresh goodness.

So, it looks kinda interesting, but trust me, kids really do like it. See?

First, I hate to brag, but the truth is out now: Spot is a prodigy child. What that kid (15 months, remember) can do with a spoon and fork, not to mention a cup and straw is scary-savant-like.

Second, doesn’t Susan look like Puss-in-Boots from Shrek? Maybe? Maybe she needs big contacts? Maybe I should stop seeing celebrity tie-ins everywhere?

That’s the news from Dick and Jane, where mom makes good bread, dad brings home the bacon, and the children are, indeed, above average.

I’m talking pancakes and syrup. From a mix, no less, but you have to make the mix.

Pancake Mix (from Mom’s Make-a-Mix Cookbook via sister Marcy whose OCD’s (including recipe organization) come in very handy every time I want to find something.)

10 cups flour (you can do any combination of white and wheat flour; you can even add wheat germ or other healthy stuff)
2 1/2 cups instant nonfat dry milk (if you don’t have powdered milk, you can just always make it up with milk and buttermilk with no problems. But the more dairy the merrier, right?)
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup baking powder
2 TB salt

Mix well & store in airtight container.

To make 12 3-inch pancakes

1 1/2 cups Pancake Mix
1 egg, slightly beaten
1/4 cup buttermilk
3/4-1 cup milk or water (depending on if you’re running low on milk, which I never am, of course)
3 TB oil

Cook pancakes on high heat griddle. (I don’t know why pancake recipes call for high heat. I like to use just barely over medium; that way when I get distracted by a dirty diaper or a hair emergency (she’s only 6 for crying out loud — just shoot me when she hits 12) or the need to stuff my face with an already-done pancake, there’s a better chance that they won’t burn.)

Of course there’s all that stuff about having your wet ingredients at room temperature and mixing delicately and using the batter right away. Whatever. If you’re awake early enough to set your ingredients out to come to room temperature, you need better reading material on your nightstand.

Serve with homemade syrup. Good kid syrup is a bit watery so they think they’re getting a lot but aren’t really going into a sugar coma (it’s morning, right; we gotta pace ourselves). Adult syrup should be indulgent and yummy enough to make even butter seem almost unnecessary (but not quite — more dairy, remember?).

Kid Syrup

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 tsp Mapleine

Bring to a boil, let simmer for a few minutes.

Connie’s Buttermilk Syrup for Grown-ups (I don’t know who Connie is, but I got this recipe from Marcy, too, about six times)

1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 tsp baking soda (don’t forget this; some chemical reaction thing makes this really important)
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp Mapleine

Bring first four ingredients to a boil in LARGE saucepan for 1-2 minutes; remove from heat and add flavorings.

There you go. Guaranteed to keep everybody happy.

After I went to Europe I had another prepared food to sneer at: yogurt, or what goes by the name of yogurt in most American grocery stores. Could there be any yuckier, low- or non-fat, too sweet awfulness?

(Now obviously, if I had the budget to buy gourmet brands, I’m sure the wonders of the American supermarket would be more appealing. But I digress.)

I’ve learned to make bread and tortillas (flour not corn), and noodles, and freezer jam. I haven’t found a noodle recipe that’s worth the effort, but the others are. In Cairo I made spaghetti sauce from actual tomatoes and cottage cheese from actual milk. And since my favorite restaurant right now is Bombay House, I make a mean saag shorba.

We’ve been staying with (“staying” sounds better than “living;” I think it sounds slightly less moocher-like) Marcy now for a couple months, and it’s been good for my culinary pretensions. Marcy’s a good audience; Dick likes and eats anything I make (he better!), which unfortunately means I don’t always know if something is really good or if he is just really hungry. Marcy is more critical (in a good way), and she appreciates, better than a man (besides all those Emeril-wannabes) how much work goes into a meal.

Marcy’s kids have to drink special milk and have butter slathered on every piece of toast because they’re weight-ally challenged. We don’t have that problem in our family, but I was happy to figure out how to make high-fat yogurt, with, incidentally, less sugar.

Jane’s Yogurt

Ingredients

1 quart milk (skim-whole; some people actually use water and powdered milk–what’s the point? Whole tastes best, obviously)

1/4-1/2 cup sugar (1/4 cup for plain yogurt to be used in savory dishes; 1/2 for just-right eating yogurt)

1/2-1 cup heavy whipping cream (I figure if you’re going to the trouble of making something, you might as well make it super-yummy, but, you can leave this out altogether without endangering anything).

1/4 cup plain yogurt or yogurt starter (can be purchased in healthfood store, I assume; we just use regular plain yogurt)

flavorings, as desired

Directions

Bring milk almost to a boil (one website said 185 degrees; I think boiling is like 212, but I don’t have a thermometer and don’t really care to get one at this point, so “almost to a boil” works for me) and then take off heat. Stir in sugar and cream. Allow to cool to almost room temperature (this takes about an hour or so. The same website said 110 degrees here, but I just stick my finger in periodically ’til it’s the same “warm” as the water I use to proof yeast). Stir in plain yogurt and pour into two mason jars (a 1 qt and a 1 pt jar work perfectly) and seal with some of those cool white plastic mason jar lids they sell now (how great is it too throw out all those rusty metal ones? You can store it in any glass container, and plastic might work too). Incubate overnight in an oven with the oven light on (just like you would sourdough starter). Add any pureed fruit or vanilla extract or other flavorings; I think it’s pretty perfect just as it is, even before it’s been chilled. Keep refrigerated.