You might think that anyone can be Santa, but really it takes a lot of skill if you’re not going to have adults lamenting tragic Santa’s lap experiences years later. This Santa knelt down to be on the kids’ level with no scary throne-link approaching required. Very nice.

Tom got a little carrolled-out by the end (maybe the third rendition of Twelve Days of Christmas did him in? Though it was Callie who ran up to the microphone to sing it just one more time), but overall it was a great family outing. (Tom also asked me, as we drove north up Provo canyon, if we were going to the same train we’d stopped to look at on the way to Moab in October. If you know Utah at all, this might give you some hint of what I’m dealing with directionally-challenged-spousally-speaking,  seeing as the rest stop with the train exhibit is on the way south to Price.)

And now you too can take your family on the North Pole Express. Leave a comment by Sunday night for the chance to win four tickets on the 5 pm train next Thursday, December 16th. If you tweet or tell a neighbor about the giveaway, let me know for another entry. This is actually a pretty great giveaway (I mean both money- and magic-wise). I’ll announce the winner on Monday, and in the meantime, get $5 off coach tickets on December 7, 8, 9, 14, 15 or 16th. Call the train at 435-654-5601 and ask for the “Utah Blogger” discount — tell them you heard about it on Seagull Fountain (which doesn’t really make sense because fountains can’t talk (and this isn’t a podcast), but whatever).

***Contest closed, winner (according to random.org) is #7, Stacey! Look for an email from the prize administrators.

*Heber Valley Railroad gave us a free ride, which was awesome, because no matter how magical things are, I’m still pretty cheap.

Four tickets to the Museum of Ancient Life: Heather

Four tickets to Farm Country: Ange

Four tickets to the Children’s Discovery Gardens: Sharla

Look for an email and respond quick-ish. Congrats and enjoy!

(Pre.S. 2 Mr. Bennet needs to come to terms with the fact that even celebrity mommy bloggers fart.)

Yesterday I took Sally and Susan to a mommy-blogger PR tour at Thanksgiving Point, and the full disclosure is that they spoiled us with yummy food, gorgeous flowers, awesome dinosaurs, and more delicious food, but if you’ve read this site for any length of time (and I like to think that you’ve been reading since before I started writing) you know that my love for Thanksgiving Point is deep and true, and not influenced by bribery or swag.

Of course, the downside of that is — what more can I say? I love Thanksgiving Point, and everyone should go. The End. (And in August they have the Two-Buck Tuesday so it’s a great time to check it out, though Sue is right, it is HOT, so go early or late and if you are sensitive to noise, I’d, uh, reconsider the Dinosaur Museum until all those awful kids are back in school.)

It was fun to be with just two of my people (my kids always seem easier one-on-one or when at least one of them is missing), but it was also great to talk with the other bloggers who happen to be mothers.

I hate when people say this, because if I don’t get invited to some event where people meet awesome people and then write about it on their blog, I feel like I’m in seventh grade all over again (because I’m a secure adult), but I met a few fascinating women yesterday and at the risk of sounding like a prepubescent name-dropper, I am going to gush about them for a minute. (And if they were gracious enough to chat me up, then obviously they would LOVE you.)

First, the PR lady for Thanksgiving Point turned out to be a friend from college (Courtney, remember Heather G. from the Ally? She is still so cute and funny). It was one of those awkward things where I remembered her more than she remembered me at first, but hey, I’m sure that had nothing to do with the 40 pounds I’ve gained and the way-flattering haircut. Right?

Then I met Sue, from Navel Gazing at its Finest, who has been one of my blogging heroes for lo these many years. She is … well, I just really like her, and I wish she’d blog more, and she’s a technical writer so I think she and Mr. Bennet should meet some time, and her kids are cute and normal. (I’m sure she’s relieved to hear that.)

I saw a bunch of the bloggers that I’ve been running into here and there: Evonne, Lauren, Joanie, April, Rachel, Allison’s husband (and her kids, including her oldest girl, who told my oldest girl several jokes that we have been hearing over and over ever since, thank you very much), and Kelcey.

Those ladies are all more professional than me, but one thing I have learned about blogging recently is that, while it is beyond wonderful to have readers who live in other hemispheres (and states), it is very valuable to make connections locally. And by “valuable” I don’t mean I’m planning to use them or “network” with them or whatnot, but just that if you are a new or intermediate blogger and want to {insert smarmy business phrase meaning “take it to the next level}, you could do a lot worse than to meet in person with the other bloggers in your area who have similar-ish blogs.

How do you get invited to these things or find out who the other bloggers are? I have a couple suggestions, but first, let me tell you about meeting Lisa yesterday.

Lisa is a smart, pretty, extroverted lady with a 2 1/2 week old baby and a little girl about Susan’s age there. She and I talked a bit throughout the day, over the rose bushes and while the kids rode the ponies (or maybe it was the erosion table and the butterfly garden, but in any case we talked). She told me about herself, including that this was her first-ever blogging event and that she doesn’t Twitter or read many other blogs. (She also graduated from BYU the same year I did and has three daughters, which is very enlightened.)

So I felt like quite the blogging-event veteran. At dinner she asked how I had met so many of the women and how I’d gotten into the loop of getting invited to some of these things, and I spent ten minutes of her life that she’ll never get back tracing my blogging-in-real-life roots to the first time I met Laura Moncur at a geek dinner almost two years ago.

(It is a pretty fancy story.)

She looked suitably impressed, and then I asked her how she’d gotten on the list for Thanksgiving Point, and she said that she goes on Good Things Utah every six weeks and I thought she meant she goes online and checks out what they’re up to or something. And then she had to explain that she actually goes on the TV show every six weeks to share her science/math/music/art/reading activities for parents to do with their kids.

Then I made Mr. Bennet take another picture of us. Just in case. I mean, I fully expect to dine with Hugh Laurie and Ingrid Michaelson someday, but if not . . . I’ll always have Lisa Bergantz.

I only wish this was a staged photo

(If you have no idea where to find local bloggers of interest, get on Twitter, join the relevant Social Media Club chapter, search for blogs by place, and talk about your blog at every awkward check-out line opportunity — someone you meet is bound to know someone who knows some people.)

Then I talked to Cindi Braby and made funny (original) jokes about how similar her name is to Cindy Brady. (I also met Kalli, Camille, and wish I’d met everyone else, but hopefully next time!)

I can’t say enough about how gracious Thanksgiving Point was to us. I think I understand a little bit now why nutjob celebrities get that awful sense of entitlement. Because I’m feeling a little bit entitled too now. Why, when I asked Sally to set the table for breakfast and she jumped right up, I merely thought, “dang straight, girl.”

****

The Giveaway: Family four packs to each of Thanksgiving Points’ four venues (Gardens, Dinosaur Museum, Farm Country, Children’s Garden). To enter, simply leave a comment telling me which venue you’d like tickets to. You can get extra entries by doing any of those social media things (twittering this:”Thanksgiving Point Giveaway at http://seagullfountain.com” or facebooking it or blogging about it or writing it in the sky — just leave an extra comment for each extra entry). Contest ends August 5th. (This is open to anyone, but you or friends/family have to be in Utah at some point to use the tickets.)

But. At the risk of sounding like a sheep, I would like to publicly declare that I love Stephanie Nielson. She doesn’t need my love in any way or know of it, but I love the blogging that she is doing, that she has been doing since she started blogging again after the accident. I read her and suddenly, what anybody says about me doesn’t matter. (Actually that’s a line from Some Kind of Wonderful, but you know what I mean.) I read her, and suddenly my kids smell better, my husband looks gleam-y eyed, and my doughy thighs that nevertheless function pretty darn well, even them I am quite grateful for.

I’ve been really emotional for the past couple months, and unfortunately it’s not because I’m pregnant, and I didn’t even know how badly I wanted to be pregnant again until the test this morning was negative. But my odd hormonal fluxes aside, read this post on Love and this Elephants and on Beauty and this one called A Mother, and then tell me you didn’t cry. A lot. In a good, cleansing-cathartic-reborn-renewed sort of way.

Stephanie is having a birthday this Saturday, and The Sweet Tooth Fairy down Provo-way is donating all proceeds from the sale of their vaNIElla cupcakes to the burn fund. I’m so cold and dead at heart that usually even fundraisers for good causes bring on a big Humbug, but I am going to be at the cupcake store buying cupcakes on Saturday. Tom and I have had these cupcakes, and though Tom says the frosting is almost too sweet (it isn’t), he really likes the cake part, which has an intriguing hint of nutmeg or cardamom (which I know aren’t that similar, it’s probably just nutmeg, but I have dreams that it could be cardamom).

If you don’t live in driving distance of the Provo, you can order cupcakes online, AND, you can enter to win a dozen cupcakes over at my friend Vanessa’s I Never Grew Up blog.

Amen.

About gifts, Nette said:

I prefer to get something from my hubby that I have hinted at. He is notorious for wanting to surprise me, then giving me something I did NOT want at all. I tend to like the practical gifts. I don’t do flowers because of bad allergies they just make me sick. So I prefer to get something that I can use. As for giving, I like to look seriously at what a person has wanted forever, or could really use. I don’t want to give them a clunker gift they will “regift” with.

Amen on the re-gifting thing!

Thanks to all who entered/tweeted/etc. And thanks to Goldsmith Co. Jewelers for a wonderful evening and a great giveaway!

And the winner is . . . Kelly, who said:

We LOVE Dr. Seuss around here! And while I’m all about reading to my kids, there are days that I can’t read Fox in Socks more than twice in a row without going cross eyed! Both kids (5 and 2.5 yrs) can recite the first few lines of Cat in the Hat already, actually… which doesn’t stop them from insisting that they HAVE to hear it yet again. And If I Ran the Zoo, and Cat in the Hat Comes Back… and Horton (either one)… the list goes on of course. The only one they don’t love is The Lorax… it makes my son sad, he says.

Anyway, they would LOVE something to help them read when I have to be making dinner or something, you know, unavoidable. The only thing I think would be a problem for us is the limited memory. 5 books?!? Hmm. Well, reading straight through, that wouldn’t keep my kids busy too long – but it seems the books have activities and games on each page too, so that would definitely help. But I do think I’d need to keep the computer handy and be pretty familiar with the software to switch the books out frequently, because I can see us buying the entire Tag library! Dr Seuss? Check! Cars! Princesses! Plus classics – gotta love it! Only one I’m not sure of is that Kung Fu Panda one… I’d have to review that before giving it to my son. Oh, and I don’t think we’d use the Spanish ones… although… it would be an interesting way to intro the language a little, I guess.

Congratulations, Kelly, and thanks to LeapFrog for sponsoring this giveaway.

Only, we didn’t read the fine print where it says that Benadryl can actually cause “excitement,” rather than the listless stupor of lethargy we were aiming for.

We survived, somehow, and now that I look back, it’s hard to imagine that we were ever so overwhelmed by the needs of one child. But we were, and when we asked our good friends how they managed to keep their son entertained on the flight, they showed us their LeapPad.

I don’t think I’m the only mother who expected her first child to read by the age of three (in fact, I’ve got some cute photos of my dad showing alphabet blocks to his firstborn (me) at six weeks). But even though Sally didn’t start reading until after she hit six, she loved playing with the LeapPad we got her, especially the princess stories and the Mother Goose songbook.

Which is why I’m glad to be part of the LeapFrog Tag Reader giveaway thingie (even if they’re not giving me a free one for my kids, which is kind of sad, right? I mean, here I am this loyal customer of six years, and all I get is a lousy giveaway. Lousy for me, SUPER COOL for whoever wins, I mean).

The Tag Reader is an optical pen that reads specially-tagged books to your kid. It doesn’t actually replace a parental unit in your child’s life, but it works as a next-generation book-on-tape that includes comprehension games and fun interactive features. And it’s probably better than another re-run of The Brady Bunch during that 5 pm witching hour, though even LeapFrog can’t compete with Little House on the Prairie, especially when they’re showing season five.

To enter to win the Tag Reader ($50 value) and two Dr. Seuss books (The Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham), read this review of the Tag Reader system, then return here and tell me what you think of it, or who at your house would like it, or that your three year old honestly did learn how to read using that crazy Phonics system and I should give it a try with Spot before it’s too late.

You can leave extra comments for extra entries if you Tweet or blog about the giveaway; or, if you can get your neighbor to enter and swear undying subscription to What About Mom?, leave another comment for yourself telling me that, and I’ll light a candle for you next time I’m at church. (Just kidding. Mormons aren’t fun enough to allow candles at church, not even the soy-based yummy-smelling ones.)

LeapFrog will ship anywhere in the world on this one, and the giveaway ends March 24th at midnight. Good luck!

Jane

(Note to my mom and dad and Dick’s family: I expect you to enter this and join twitter and get all your friends to enter and then when you or they win, you can give it to your favorite grandchild, who I’m sure is one of my three kids and definitely not any of my sister’s kids or Dick’s sister’s kids, either.)*

(Oh, and LeapFrog is totally sponsoring this, though I still think they should send me a couple Tag Readers for Susan and Spot to review, and you can also join the 1 Million Reading Hours Pledge which is apparently some gimmick to encourage reading and also purchase of LeapFrog products.)

(And finally, you can enter this same giveaway at these fine blogs also: Thinking Some More, So Much More Than a Mom, Goddess in Progress, Parenting by Trial and Error, Stop, Drop and Blog, and Callapider Days.)

*This is a joke. People related to me should enter the contest at one of these other fine blogs. But the part about my kids being the favorite granchildren — that part was TOTALLY true.

Welcome to the What About Mom version of the Bloggy Giveaway. I’ll warn you that once again this is not a blind “pick me” giveaway, but rather a quick quiz and a desire for your opinion in exchange for the chance to win a $25 gift certificate to the online store of your choice. (I had only 120 entries last quarter, so your chances of winning aren’t too shabby.)

I’m sure you’ve heard that it’s supposed to take seven compliments to counteract one criticism; I try really hard to observe this ratio, which means that I need to give A LOT of compliments. To my husband, to my kids, to people in the news, speakers at church, and the drivers in the cars around me.

But what makes a really good compliment? Are there compliments out there that are so flattering, so feel-good, so heartfelt, that they might count for three or four compliments of the “good job washing your hands, baby” variety that I find myself doling out to the kids all day long?

Compliment Quiz

1) What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

2) Have you ever given someone a compliment and known that you’ve made a real difference in their day? (What was it?)

3) How do you make your compliments meaningful?

Hurry. Answer (at least in your head). I want to tell you mine, but I don’t want to influence you. Okay. The other week I was throwing a bit of a bloggy-comment-tantrum. I felt underappreciated and misunderstood, which should be a song, if it isn’t already.

Then reader Erin emailed to say, among other nice things: “Thanks for being real.” And you know what? I think that is the best compliment for me. I’m not going to be the next American Idol or Mother of the Year or the next Stephenie Meyer (Well, maybe I’ll have a shot at this one when I finish my zombies in Alabama saga).

Anyway, “Thanks for being real”: short, sweet, and it hits me where I live.

4) What’s your most coveted compliment?

And then, if you can humor a little fishin’ expedition, skim these posts (which my friends have told me are quite good*) and tell me which kind of post you prefer (there’s a link back to this post at the bottom of each of these posts):

A Post, B Post, Red Post, Blue Post

A) Photographic Realism: Public Service Announcemnet: The FULL Monty

or

B) Gorilla Commentary: The Curious Case of the Never-Good-Enough Mother

or

C) Practical Tips: Look, Ma: Princess Pancakes!

Tell me your compliment thoughts and your post thoughts in a comment below, and you’ll be eligible for the $25 gift certificate to the online store of your choice. This is open to anyone, anywhere.

Jane

Good luck at the carnival!

*Sense and Sensibility, the Emma Thompson version. (And if you know where the title of this post comes from, we’re probably kindred spirits.)

Comment of the day from Kikibibi: “Your benevolence is exceeded only by your beauty.”  I was a 16 year old waitress at Pizza Hut.  This was from an older guy (sitting there with his wife – not a creepy guy).  I did have to look up “benevolence,” and was very touched.

(The first time I read this I didn’t see the parenthetical part, and I have to say that I immediately was suspicious of some older guy chatting up his waitress. So I’m glad you clarified, Kikibibi!!)

That’s Larry, who said:

Our 5-year old dino lover, Seth, fractured his wrist (ice skating) three days before he is coming to Salt Lake for the big ski adventure due to start this weekend. Now, he’s wearing a nice cast and skiing is out of the question but he sure would love to spent some time with his prehistoric pals! He would also love to treat his older sister and parents to the same. Thanks for the chance.

In other words, I am confident the family four-pack of tickets could not have gone to a more deserving family. Hope you enjoy the show, Seth, and thanks to everyone who entered!

Remember, you can use the code RAPTOR to get $10 off if you still need tickets.

I may have mentioned that my girls would be happy on a deserted island with only a few princesses dolls and ponies to play with. Throw in some macaroni and cheese, the orange kind, a few books and a large carton of strawberry milk, and they wouldn’t care if rescue never came.

But they also like dinosaurs. At the risk of sounding horrifically gender-biased, dinosaurs are basically the only thing they love that doesn’t come accessorized in pink sequins and a matching plastic purse.

So far I’ve held out on Dick showing them Jurassic Park, even though that sentences me to endless viewings of the seventeen Land Before Time movies. And now that we have a pass to the Thanksgiving Point dinosaur museum here in Utah, the kids are getting just about enough of bones and fossils and playing in the erosion table.

Only, you can never get enough dinosaurs. Not really.

So I’m excited that the BBC’s Walking With Dinosaurs tour is coming to Salt Lake City next week. The friendly people there asked if I’d like to give away a family four-pack of tickets to opening night, which is Wednesday, January 14th, 7 pm, at the Energy Solutions Arena (where the Utah Jazz play).

Would I?

H-E-Double-Hockey sticks, YEAH!

Walking With Dinosaurs is supposed to be pretty darn cool. I mean, if those smarty BBC people are involved it’s gotta be good, right? It runs January 14th-18th, with matinees on Saturday and Sunday. (Not that I’d go on a Sunday, but then, if I were Jewish I wouldn’t go on a Saturday, and if I were Muslim, not on a Friday, so basically, we’re pretty much covered).

If you don’t win the giveaway or you need more tickets (because, hello? Utah? family FOUR-pack?), use the code RAPTOR to get $10 off each ticket.

To enter the Walking With Dinosaurs giveaway, simply leave a comment telling me who the dinosaur lover is at your house before January 7th, and I’ll use the random number gizmo-thingie. If you’re too far away from Utah to use the tickets yourself, enter anyway and give someone you love a surprise after-Christmas present. If you don’t know anyone within an hour of Salt Lake City, enter anyway still. I can recommend several deserving dinosaur-philes to you.

Jane

What we have here is a chance to win a $25 giftcard to the online store of your choice in exchange for a few minutes of your time and some constructive criticism.

But first, a short quiz:

Tacky or Not?
1) Requiring people to subscribe to your feed to enter a giveaway.
2) Requiring people to leave an actual, thought-ful comment to enter a giveaway.
3) Throwing out all entries that don’t include the words “thank you for the giveaway” in the comment.
4) Holding giveaways in the first place.
5) Using spit to clean the baby’s face. (your spit). (in public).

And another quiz, though this one is more open-answer:

Which type of post do you prefer?

A) Dear Sally, Grandma Thinks You’re Autistic, and She Can’t Stop Talking About It

B) Molten Lava Cakes: 5 Ingredients to Chocolate Bliss

C) Shooting Yourself in the Foot

D) I’d Gaze at My Navel, But Have You Seen That Thing?

Go check them out. I’ll wait. There’s a link back to this post (HELP WANTED) at the top of each of these.

Tell me your Tacky or Not answers and which type of post you prefer (and why), and you’ll be eligible to win the 25 dollar giftcard. (Don’t forget to leave your email address so I can contact you if you win!)

Thanks!

Jane

Updated: The contest is now over. I’d still love your feedback, but the winner of the $25 gift card is commenter #15, Kathleen. Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions!

***Updated*** This giveaway is now closed. I’ll be posting a poll with the top 5 TTMG entries later today. Come back to vote for the winner!***

(If you’re here from the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival, you can skip my post if you’re pressed for time (really — Just subscribe to my feed while you’re here, and you can catch me later, after all the giveaway madness is over. For now, leave a comment with your Things That Must Go to be eligible for the $50 Hanes gift certificate, good for anything in their online store, plus shipping. Deadline July 30th, Wednesday, midnight.)

Welcome to Things That Must Go. I thought about postponing for a week, because I haven’t done last week’s entries justice yet and we just got back from camping for Pioneer Day. But Grampa forwarded a most serendipitous picture that I must share.

If you Blog Hop at all, you probably heard about the BlogHer conference, and, even if you didn’t get spoiled by the swag there, you might still be pretty blase about bloggy giveaways. So, free underwear? Even 50 dollars worth? Pretty smokin’ prize, huh? Especially now that Hanes promises to solve Susan’s wedgie problem, just in time for back-to-school. There’s nothing worse than a wedgie on your first day.

Or, if you’re not ready to talk Princess backpacks and class schedules yet, Hanes is partnering with Disney for a Vacation in Comfort promotion. Although, the “family of four” part of the vacation prize must go. Right? I mean, have a third kid, and you’re always trying to decide which one has to stay home. Or have ten, and it’s Survivor: Who gets to go with the family to Disney Edition.

To enter the $50 Hanes giveaway (good for anything in their online store, plus shipping), simply leave a comment with your Things That Must Go before midnight Wednesday. Good luck! And, to get you thinking, here are mine (ridiculous first, then sublime):

1. The Redneck Tanktop. Taken outside a Walmart (of course!) in Gardendale, AL.

(I regret to say that I don’t know to whom I should give credit for this fantastic photo. If anyone knows who is responsible for such fashion and/or photographic genius, please advise).

******

2. Death that comes too early. I’d hesitate to mention this so close to the Redneck Tanktop, but I think that Randy Pausch wouldn’t mind the juxtaposition. Also, it’s been on my mind ever since I heard the news (on CNN, at a fast food joint on Bear Lake). I discovered and posted the video of Prof. Pausch’s Last Lecture four months ago. At the time, some bloggers were speculating that he wasn’t really dying because he’d outlived his pancreatic cancer prognosis. What a way to prove those bloggers wrong.

I know (relatively) little about Randy Pausch, and I know that around the world people die every day before their time (or so it feels). And yet. I can’t think of this man’s wife and three kids without imagining how empty their house must feel tonight. Whatever your beliefs: resurrection or reincarnation or recycle; whatever your faith: strong or weak or nonexistent, good examples of living well are beyond value, and I mourn for this complete stranger, and his family. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from his last lecture:

I probably got more from that dream and not accomplishing it than I got from any of the ones that I did accomplish.

It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

and, for Marcy who will soon be free to date again:

Syl said, It took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy.

Now it’s your turn. Share your Things That Must Go — ridiculous or sublime, humorous or humbling. And hug your kids tonight (unless that would wake them up. Then just whisper that you love them. Because you can.)

I’ll be posting the winners from last week’s LLBean giveaway and this week’s Hanes giveaway on Thursday. Thanks for participating. I just love reading your things that must go. Somehow complaining sounds a lot better in writing.

Thanks to all who shared their Things That Must Go! The comments are now closed. I’ll be listing (and linking to) the winner and a few favorites on Friday evening. Check back to see if you’ve won, and to share some more Things That Must Go!

Phew! I was feeling a bit frustrated without my weekly therapy session of Things That Must Go. Our server was upgraded and we’re giving it one more chance, but the first time it comes home with non-herbal tea on its breath, we’re outta there.

First, a few great Things That Must Go from last weekend:

Jenna‘s “Tanorexia. Once your skin starts looking like a leather saddle bag, it’s time to get out of the sun.” (Tanorexia inspired an entire post on Sit. Stay. Good Blog).

Heather’s “People who talk on their cell phones, or text on their cell phones while placing an order or talking with a sales clerk.” (I totally agree that everyone else should stop doing this. But I only do it when it’s important, okay?)

Tracey‘s “Water (?) on the toilet seats of a restroom by the pool. I mean, COME ON. I know it’s probably WATER, but how can I be sure? If you use the toilet, please wipe it off if you drip ANYthing onto it. PLEASE.” (Tracey got an amen from EMama, and frankly, I think all public restrooms must go. Or, we could pay a small amount (as you do in many countries) to the attendant, in exchange for cleanliness, and actual toilet paper.)

And now for my Things That Must Go

1. People who air-kiss me (Zat’s how Austrians say Goodbye) before they’ve told me their name. After introductions, sure, let’s go find a dark corner. But, in general, I like to get a person’s name before we start with the Eskimo hugs. (Und zis is how ve say Goodbye in German, Dr. Jones).

2. Men criticizing mothers who multitask. A deejay on the radio shared a TTMG about a mother he’d seen at the pool. This mother was talking on her cell phone while her kids swam in the shallow end, and when one of the kids went under, she reached in with ONE HAND and fished him out and KEPT TALKING ON THE PHONE THE WHOLE TIME. Oh, the nerve. The kid survived, didn’t he?

3. People who blog, who, on hearing that I blog, say all of the following in a five-minute conversation:

“I just have so many friends who blog.”
“I just already read so many blogs.”
“Seriously, I just have so many real friends who blog. And now that we’ve moved from Washington, I have another twenty blogs of real friends to keep up with.”

Um, if you don’t want to read my blog, that’s ok. Really. You don’t have to explain.

4. Soda. Oh, how I love your fizziness, your zest for life, you syrupy sweetness balanced by the life-giving jolt of caffeine. But you’re making me fat. You must go. Maybe we can make arrangements for regular, supervised visits, but you cannot live in my fridge anymore.

iTunes Giveaway: Share your Things That Must Go to be entered in the iTunes $15 giftcard giveaway. I only ask that you promise to download either Coldplay’s Lost or The Killer’s Read My Mind or MGMT’s Time to Pretend (the not-explicit version) if you win. Just kidding. It’s a free country. You can download whatever you want. I guess.

Deadline: Midnight Monday.

Azucar, for example. I can’t agree that flip-flops (even with wedding dresses) must go. Even though we’re now Twitter-BFFs, I have to stand on my own on this one.

Loved Marie‘s “family reunions. . . . That’s what email is for, people!” I enjoy family reunions, mostly because there’s lots of people to help take care of my kids, BUT email was a big improvement over actually having to talk on the phone to people.

Carolina‘s “lemonade and otter pop stands” was great; I can almost taste the sickly-sweet, too-warm lemonade. And, uh, no thanks on the leftovers you’ve got in your freezer.

Beth and Karin, with “People who are already fit and at the gym” and “woodticks,” respectively, made me laugh and grimace, respectively. Amen. Karen — hope the woodticks stick to your dog from now on!

And Suzie, thank you for the TMI (wink, Mary J!) on “saggy nursing boobs and the sweat underneath them!” Could not agree more.

But the winner is: Gladis. Because it sounds like she would understand my deep and abiding hatred of shoe shopping. Let’s hear it for Things That Must Go: “Inordinately narrow shoes.” Although, with my poor appendages that Dick has called “spatula” and “Flintstone” feet, I probably need the “regularly narrow” shoes to go too. Email me your IRL address, and we’ll get that $50 gift certificate out to you.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and thanks to Warm Biscuit for sponsoring Things That Must Go!

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I’m looking for a sponsor for this coming weekend. It has to be a product or service that I would actually use myself, so that kind of narrows things down, but I know there are tons of cool Mom-trepreneur and big corporations out there just dying to do giveaways.

Actually, it would be cool if there were a website where people/companies looking to sponsor giveaways could match up with bloggers who want to host giveaways. Like a GiveawayMatch.com. Anyone know of something like that?

In the meantime, I’ve posted a (very incomplete) wish list of stuff I’d like to giveaway (It’s heavy on brand names, but only because that’s what’s on the top of my head). If you have any other ideas, please let me know; I’d like to add to my list.

I’m not above contacting companies myself, but I’m interested to see if any of them have Google Alerts set up for their company names, or check their incoming links. If you’re interested in sponsoring a Things That Must Go giveaway, email me at whataboutmom (at) gmail (dot) com. I can supply you with all my reader/traffic statistics.

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The good news is that Warm Biscuit is sponsoring this weekend’s Things That Must Go Giveaway by offering a $50 gift certificate.

It’s a good thing I don’t like to shop or sigh over cute stuff when I’m already over-budget for the month year, because I haven’t had this much fun browsing through an online store since I discovered Pottery Barn Kids. Warm Biscuit is just as fun and homey-elegant as PBK, and, well, their prices are more reasonable.

Warm Biscuit’s got lots of fun summer gadgets to entertain the kids, in addition to their regular cute, vintage bedding, curtains, furniture, jewelry, and more. They are all about encouraging kids to use their imaginations rather than rely on the demon electronics.

Here in Utah we’ve got “ox elder” bugs, as Susan calls them. Sally and Susan walk through the living room at least once a day with their hands cupped tightly over a glass, to release some insect outside our apartment. (Maybe if they stopped snacking in their room there wouldn’t be so much wildlife indoors?) Think how much more fun their mission of mercy would be with this stylish bug catcher. 

If you’re really brave, or want to get back at a friend with kids, consider the drum set.

And if your husband happened to get you, say, a carpet steam cleaner for Mother’s Day (again, and I love it! Honey!), Warm Biscuit has gifts just for mom, like this beautiful personalized bracelet (do I sound like Vanna White, or is it just me?) But really? I would totally wear this:

 
To be eligible to win the $50 gift certificate, simply leave a comment about your Things That Must Go. Deadline is Sunday at 10 pm, and I’ll announce a winner (and any other spectacular entries) on Monday. Warm Biscuit also has free shipping on any order over $45 right now (enter the code: wbblogging4148). 

My Things That Must Go

The bad news is I can think of about seven Things That Must Go. But a few of them are rather unmentionable. I’d say this period that is worse than any period I’ve had in thirteen years must go, but I don’t want to alienate my three male readers (Hi guys! Sorry!).

I’d also say that men with tongue piercings must go, but really, if I can’t see yours, then it’s fine. It’s when you’re walking across the street and sticking your tongue out to play with it that I have a problem.

My real Things That Must Go are:

1) People who say things like, “I’m really not happy unless I’m always learning something new.” Right. If I’m not studyin’ up on them esoteric Chinese horticultures, I’m just sick. Sick.

2) Taking life too seriously. A friend sent me a link to the hilarious blog Seriously, So Blessed. The best satire is that which almost sounds like it’s for real, like Swift’s A Modest Proposal. Seriously, So Blessed isn’t quite believable (although some of the commenters have been fooled), but if you’ve got a couple minutes to kill, head over for some laughs. Only, don’t forget to come back and share your Things That Must Go!

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Anyway, I enjoyed reading your Things That Must Go entries. And the winner of the Luvs and Anita Renfroe DVD giveaway is:

Beth of Blog o’ Beth with the Diaper Genie. It was funny, and so true, and, though this wasn’t a requirement, on-topic. I had a diaper genie with my first, took diapers to the can outside with my second. And with the third? Eh, at least I put them in the trash (which is more than I can say for leave-’em-on-the-ground Dick). Send me your address and we’ll get this out to you asap.

Laura Williams was a close second with: “My forgetfulness. I just came home because I forgot something that I actually had with me in the diaper bag.” Show me someone who has not forgotten something they really didn’t (not?) forget, and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t have enough to think about.

Thanks to everyone who entered (and don’t forget the $5 coupon on luvs.com starting June 25).

Next Weekend’s Things That Must Go giveaway is for a $50 gift certificate to a really cool online store.

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What can I say? I LOVE disposable diapers. There’s nothing better than a new pack of diapers. It’s like a baby trinity of comfort, technology, and convenience. Even worse, I love to wrap a stinky diaper in a PLASTIC grocery sack and throw that in a PLASTIC trash bag and throw that in a landfill. Will future generations want to flog me? Probably. Will that EVER decompose? Who knows. Future generations probably won’t even know.

Have you heard of Anita Renfroe? Yeah, uh, me too. On YouTube, you can see Anita do her William Tell “Mom-sense.” Even better is her Dad-sense piece:

Of course, we don’t want to fall into the Berenstain Bears trap of devaluing fatherhood, but this is too funny!

So it is with a light heart that I offer you the chance to win a pack of diapers and a DVD of Anita doing her Mom-Comedy thing. And I’m offering it on the weekend (when my traffic is lower), so if no one enters, I’m pretty sure I get to keep it myself.

I will say that, besides always using Rollings Reliable Baking Powder in my house of dreams, I have often bought Luvs diapers and I like them because a) they’re better than generic, b) they’re cheaper than Pampers and Huggies, and c) unlike those evil Sam’s Club brand diapers, they don’t give my kids hiney hives.

To enter: leave a comment about Things That Must Go. I’ll give you two examples from my quick run to Blockbuster just now.

Things That Must Go

1) Clerks, especially female clerks, calling me Ma’am and telling me to have a nice evening. Do I LOOK thirty-five?

2) Grillz candy. When we lived in Florida, our next door neighbor had a gold tooth with the letter P carved in it. He carried around a brown paper sack that he drank from starting at 10 am. Turns out he didn’t actually live there, he just distributed drugs, which we learned after shots were fired into our house one day.

We never saw him again and later Eddie moved in. Eddie was a nice guy, and also not a drug dealer. Call me crazy, but I don’t think my kids need to mainline sugar while wearing tin-foil partial dentures.

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Enter as many times as you like, one comment per entry. (Even if you no longer need diapers at your house, they make a great baby shower gift). Deadline is Sunday night at 10 pm. I’ll pick a winner and get those diapers and a DVD to you asap. Whether you win or not, check out luvs.com on June 25th to get a special $5 off coupon. Have a great weekend!

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One lucky winner will win a place on my sidebar for as long as your blog remains family-friendly, which I expect to be for life. We do have decency standards around here, but, depending on how funny you are, those standards aren’t too hard to meet.

If you don’t already have a button for your blog, I can make you a custom one from a graphic you send me or from what is already on your site. Oh, and if you’d like a scrolling box to display the html code for your button on your own sidebar (encouraging your own readers to display it), I’ll make you a scrolling code box. [Any html-ness I can lay claim to I owe to Dick and to those lovely ladies at Blogging Basics 101.]

For examples of buttons and to see what a scrolling html code box looks like, direct your attention to my striking sidebar. The MMSM button is an example of a button made from a graphic tweaked from a Picasso print. The Fortune Cookie Kit button I made from a photograph Shalece sent. The Daily Delight and June Cult buttons I made from graphics that were already on Tara’s and June’s sites, respectively. So, my sidebar: that’s where you could be. Just think of it: my many readers and unwitting-Google-searchers-who-land-here will see YOUR custom button winking out at them day and night. Honey, you can’t buy that kind of publicity. Well, you could, but, better to get it for free, right?

To qualify, I’d like you to help me get a head start on the next Makes-Me-Smile Monday Carnival on April 28th. The MMSM carnival is a different kind of carnival: no more Mr. Linky’s! Instead, if you follow the guidelines here, I’ll include a link to your post in my own MMSM post, with a short blurb about it. If you know your SEO (search engine optimization) and Google/Technorati stuff, links in actual posts are much more valuable than in Mr. Linky (not to disparage Mr. Linky; he’s certainly necessary for the million-link carnivals like the Bloggy Giveaway!).

This Monday’s topic was a request from Dick, who wants to see “tips on how to make your husband happy.” We’re totally not influenced by self-interest around here. And I don’t need any more sex tips, so I hope that doesn’t rule out the top five things that immediately sprang to your mind. The movie I thought of to go along with this is The Philadelphia Story. (or the more jazzy — literally — remake High Society). You don’t have to have seen either movie to write a post with great tips on how to keep a significant other happy, but it certainly wouldn’t be a bad use of a Saturday night.

But I digress. You should probably automatically qualify for the Powerball Lottery if you’ve actually read this far, but, getting back to the Free Publicity For Life For Your Blog (button, sidebar, scrolling box) contest, simply leave one tip on the making of a loved one (child/parent/friend/spouse) happy, and you’re entered. If thinking up a happy-making tip gets you thinking on a post you could write for the MMSM carnival, even better. But not necessary. (Well, not for this contest. For the betterment of mankind, maybe).

Comments Closed — Winner to be announced SOON.

And Toni is the WIN-NER! She gets TurboTax, Mother’s Day Loot, SEATTLE, a Fortune Cookie Kit!! Email me at whataboutmom@gmail.com, and I will ship you your fortune, today!

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Breaking News on the MMSM Carnival!!

Since I am nothing if not flexible (mentally, anyway), the topic for next Monday (April 14th) is Melinda’s favorite movie, The Great Muppet Caper. I wanted to list some great quotes from the movie, but it was really hard to pick just a few.

If you haven’t seen it in awhile, I definitely recommend a re-view with — or without — the kiddies. In the meantime, here are some of my favorite quotes:

Miss Piggy: What am I? A glutton for punishment?

Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy, you’re a very different-looking woman. I’m so tired of the same type. Those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, well I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.

[In a hot-air balloon]
Gonzo: I’d like to try this without a balloon.
Kermit: Try what? Plummeting?
Gonzo: Yeah.
Kermit: I suppose you could try it once.

Kermit: Quiet!
[all fall silent except Janice]
Janice: So I said, Look, Mother. It’s my life. OK. So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked…” Oh.