William Blake’s Parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins, Tate Gallery
Tonight I told Tom a story that I have told him many times, it turns out.
When I was twelve, a new Beehive, our weekly activity for church was a panel question and answer with the full-time male missionaries in our area. I raised my hand (I want to say I was the first to volunteer to ask a question, but only because I have always had questions and no problem with the asking). I asked about the priesthood, why do girls not get it? why only boys? And my leader, our bishop’s wife, dismissed my words with her hand, waving them out of the air between us, apologizing to the nineteen-year-old boys, “Don’t mind her, we’re still trying to get her to let the men wear the pants.”
Eighteen months later we moved to another small town in Utah, a town people moved to on purpose, instead of a town of the children of coal miners and cowboys. Young Women groups got better, my memories get better, but what was her motive, when the whole purpose of the evening was for us to ask questions, is my question now.
This week Tom has been uncomfortable about the Singing Time(s) wholly devoted to the boys preparing their Superman Priesthood number for the program, he is aghast that the boys for scouts get money and time and purposeful adventures unheard of for the girls, and when I point out how endemic these things are, that women aren’t even allowed to pray in general conference, he is quiet for a moment and then admits he’s never noticed that women are silent at the endings and beginnings of our sessions.
I listened to his plans for how to approach our lovely primary president on these issues, the boys flying to Kolob/Krypton while the girls sit by and the scouts/activity days disparity on the way home from third Sunday dinner at my parents. I listened, and listened, and then I got distracted by a post on my phone, a post unread as I had righteously left my phone in the car as we ate and visited and strained the morning’s teachings through the colanders of our experience.
What did you say? I asked, surfacing from my bright little screen. My not hearing exasperated him, I apologized, he started again at the beginning and I said of course I heard that part, skip to the ‘what are you going to do about it part’ please.
But no, wait. How did you not hear me? I told you years and years ago about the sisters not praying in conference and the activity days of frosting sugar cookies and wrapping chocolates for primary prizes. I told you, and told you, and you never heard me.
And then I told him that story, my first and worst memory of when I was old enough to realize that the boys my age were not only getting cuter and smelling better, they were passing the sacrament and becoming the experts to answer our questions.
Last night Tom attended a Mormon Women Project salon with me, a Women in the Scriptures event that gave me a great quote from a colorful apostle character, about our Mother in Heaven — “It doesn’t take from our worship of the Eternal Father, to adore our Eternal mother, any more than it diminishes the love we bear our earthly fathers, to include our earthly mother in our affection,”
But also a lot of disappointment about the timidity we embrace and the “if only you look through the right lens, you’d see, and you’d know and not need to ask that question any more.”
And maybe my question, all of my questions, are one-issue voter questions and I need to pray and read my scriptures more, dedicate myself to the spiritual as I do the soul in my yoga hour that is so sacredly-guarded from outside encroachments.
Yes, I need to do that, of course I do, I’m not asking for the oil in your lamp, and frankly none of us are virgins waiting virginally here, are we? I’ll fill my own lamp in between caring for the one I gave that virginity to and the four who could not be here if that impediment had not been surrendered. (Why all the female body imagery and false conflation of virginity with virtue when motherhood is so proclamationally virtuous?)
I will do my part to see and hear and ask well.
But I need you to hear me. I need Him to hear me.
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I’m going to need to read this at least twice. It all resonates within my soul but my brain has yet to catch up.
Yep.
Shannon,
I love you. You are a great writer. I find great resonance w you on your last phrase. In our Mormon experience, one of the most poignant phrases, because I find myself meaning it so deeply myself, is, “Oh…Hear My prayer!” Said and meant so often because it seems too often that He doesn’t. At least not soon enough. Not quickly enough. Not when we seem to need it so badly. So, since that’s the way it is, what is expected of us? Undoubtedly – patience. Though knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
So, I’m sure you’ve thought of this: one reason women seem (are?)secondary to men in some things is that our Church changes slowly. But note: the Church changes faster than the world. Weren’t women in Utah /the church allowed to vote sooner than women in the country and the world as a whole? Weren’t women given leadership positions in RS and Primary sooner than leadership positions given to women in the world? Aren’t women in this country ahead of women in other countries? Wasn’t Christ an advocate and a champion of women sooner than the world around him? Aren’t our GA’s more champions of women now compared to their worldly counterparts?
What if it weren’t so? What if the church tried to out-distance the world too fast, in this progress? Wouldn’t that cause big problems? Some real rebellion among its members, both male and female? There are a lot of women who have a stake in the status quo. I don’t see suddenly changing as a good thing — our secular /western culture has inequities and problems, but it IS much better now than 1-2 centuries ago. And the Church leads the way, changing faster than the world, prodding and urging, slowly and hopefuly inexorably.
I encourage you to continue the fight, prodding and pushing, and making men and women in leadership positions think. But also, be kind; be introspective about why this is so important to you. And What is it exactly the He expects of you? And are you (am I?) HEARING HIM, right now?
Shannon Reply:
September 17th, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Thanks, Dad. Your praise means a lot to me and your love makes your advice even more meaningful. I agree about striving to hear as much/before/as earnestly as to be heard. In fact, I recently read the Prayer of St. Francis –
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
And your points about the church often leading the world in matters of equality are good. It frustrates me sometimes when it seems the church has regressed from earlier progress (women laying on hands, administering budgets, etc), and also it sometimes is what conflicts me about “the world is getting worse and worse” type retrenchment-admonishments. Because in so many areas, our world (culture) is a million times better than ancient times.
Anyway, I very very much appreciate your thoughtful response. Thank you.