My mom nursing me in 1977. If she looks young -- she was.
Breastfeeding is one of those things that I feel differently about, depending on who I’m talking to.
My dad reported on a continuing medical education thingie they had at work (“Most of them are yawners”) with a lactation chief and a neonatology chief (“one of the best lectures I’ve been to”). He said he was emotionally moved when they presented the evidence for skin-to-skin transfer of antigens and antibodies (Because God’s design is great!) and they said that physicians should strenuously promote/support breastfeeding instead of trying to neutrally ask bottle or breast? Even formula supplementation isn’t a neutral practice, because it can hinder digestion and decrease supply.
I have a friend who got mastitis while still in the hospital recovering from an unplanned-natural birth; she hadn’t been successful in nursing her other two kids, hadn’t enjoyed it or seen that they benefited from it, so she decided to formula feed from the start.
My sister swears by feeding her babies one bottle a day so that she can get a relief pitcher when she needs one.’
In the hierarchy of things that will make both mother and baby happy and healthy, mom’s sanity trumps breastfeeding, every single time. This I am sure of, no matter who I’m talking to. Luckily, most of the time, as with everything related to mothering, what’s good for baby is also good for mom, it’s very rarely an either-or.
Me nursing Molly with the 1977 wash from Instagram.
I like to think that my feelings (how strongly I feel about breastfeeding) vary on context because of empathy, but I do know that my personal experience informs my feelings about it as much as the other way around. I know everyone comes with their own personal context, but two attitudes in particular about breastfeeding irritate me:
1- Some men in my neighborhood think that breastfeeding in public is “disgusting.”
2- A lady on Facebook wrote: “Can I just say I hate women who say they don’t have enough milk?”
Both of these absolutely baffle me, from a human-female-Christian–human– standpoint. I can see the men saying they don’t think it’s modest (move to burqa-land, please), or that it seems an intimate thing to do in public (then you can’t ever eat in public either), but the word “disgust” — it’s like the word “contempt.” It’s corrosive. And if you find something natural and female to be “disgusting,” let’s just say I’m glad to not be married to you.
The second — I’m at a loss. It assigns some attitude or motive to the woman that I just can’t fathom. It’s probably true that the woman has mistaken perceptions about her milk-production abilities (since only two percent of women suffer from primary lactation failure), but even so, it’s more important that the woman thinks this to be true (unless you’re accusing her of lying, which again, I don’t get). Her perception is more important than reality, because that is what will guide her to either get help or give up: it’s too-often a self-fulfilling prophecy and if someone is “pro” breastfeeding, shouldn’t the response to that sort of statement be compassion? It’s also word choice here that is troubling — “hate” is as corrosive as “disgust.”
The only sort of comment I ever get when I nurse in public or post a picture of me nursing is of the “I could never type and nurse at the same time!” or “I was never able to be that discreet!” variety. So I feel that I have maybe presented a misleading picture of how I do it, and I also feel (quite strongly, so many feelings in this post already) that it is important to nurse in public. I am good at doing this in real life, but I have been hesitant online. And that would be fine if I was also reticent about posting other pictures of my family life.
But nursing in public (online or in real life) is important for many reasons (besides how wrong the ghettoization of women would be):
1. You’re more likely to nurse (longer) if it fits into your life. Breastfeeding exclusively is easy for me now, because I don’t mind taking my baby wherever I go. If I can’t take her, I don’t go. I need a break from the other kids at least weekly (sometimes hourly), but the baby? Once you have more than one child, you appreciate how easy the one is who doesn’t have to be told ten times to put her shoes on. When I went back to work after Avery was born I pumped at work and she also got a bottle of formula every day, because it’s really hard to pump as much as a baby would nurse. But I know I was very, very lucky to have a workplace where pumping fit in my life (I even nursed her to sleep for a nap several times there, lying on the floor in the office of the chairman of the economics department.)
2. Women (and babies) benefit from seeing what nursing looks like. Even the way you hold a baby is radically different from bottle-feeding. Seeing how other women and babies do it helps with latching and general comfortableness.
3. Men and boys benefit from seeing women breastfeed. When they see what breasts are for, they see what breasts are for. Breastfeeding combats the hypersexualization and objectification of the female body.
I made a couple videos of nursing Molly, because I wondered what other people see if they look past the nursing bubble that usually seems to enclose me. Discretion is not my first priority when nursing in public. Getting baby fed is number one, then probably covering up my fat rolls as much as possible, but then, yes, I do nurse differently in public than I do at home, just as I eat differently myself too. At home I’m afraid I’m inclined to sit like a kindergartner and let my elbows rest on the table and I’ve even been know to let out the most delicate of lady-like burps (okay, I do that one in public, too). I’ve never used a cover, because I just never have, but I naturally don’t go for the same sort of skin-to-skin time in public that I can indulge in at home.
This first video is actually at home because I didn’t want to leave my house, and it’s shorter than an actual nursing session (I usually only nurse one side at a time, which takes about ten minutes, every 1-2 hours during the day; Molly sleeps through the night). You can see the logistics of wearing a nursing bra and that it’s easier to get to things if you’re wearing a looser shirt. I don’t own any actual nursing shirts.
molly nursing january 2011 from shannon johnson on Vimeo.
From my point of view there’s more showing, and this video is of a really successful nursing session: Molly isn’t tired or frustrated, she’s hungry but not starving. I try not to go out at all if she is going to be extremely tired, frustrated or hungry (or if I am!) during our outing, but of course sometimes this happens, and it always seems to be the case (for both of us) by the end of church. In that case, getting latched and settling down can take more time and include some crying, but one of the best things about breastfeeding is that it is almost always the solution. Even if what baby really needs is a nap or a diaper change or some Tylenol for her shots, breastfeeding will comfort her until the other things can be arranged. The other thing to keep in mind is that I spent practically the first week of nursing this kid naked from the waist up — this video shows how quick and simple nursing can be after four and a half months of daily practice.
We took the kids to the mall play place on Saturday. Tom took this video on my iPod:
Again, it surprises me how little shows from that angle. So here’s the controversial shot. Sometimes, when I’m nursing, and Molly gets distracted, or full, or tired of sucking, this is what it looks like:
You can call it anything you like (nourishing, comforting, not-something-you’d-ever-show, etc) — anything but “disgusting.”
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I love that you wrote about this in the way you did. When I had my first baby I was so nervous to nurse in public I was so worried about what others would think. I am so glad I got over it by my 3rd. It was so much more convenient to not stress about it and just nurse my baby wherever I was when she was hungry, public or not. Thank you for for sharing! This is such a good topic to discuss.
I like this post and I talked to Mike about it. I had a friend who was visiting. She was sitting in front of Mike talking to him when she decided to breastfeed. She did not cover up, rather just whipped herself out and began feeding. Now, if there are just women in the room, I have no problems. I personally would not feed my baby in public without covering up. When I asked Mike his feelings he said he was very uncomfortable with my friend doing this. However, he is not uncomfortable with my other friends that put a blanket or something over them.
Here are his thoughts.
1. Women ought to be modest in public. If we expect our daughters to dress appropriately with her breasts covered, then you should be an example and cover up.
2. The fact of the matter is that breasts participate in the female sexual response so why pretend they don’t? Look at any ancient document that discusses sexuality and you will find breasts are included. This isn’t a recent American phenomenon that resulted from women deciding to be modest while nursing. Like it or not, men have sexual feelings that are different from women. It is easy for a women to say that it is a natural process but so is urinating and taking a dump, as well as having sex. But we don’t do any of those things in public. If your concern is that it shouldn’t be that way, then we should all be nudists and eventually there would be no sexual association with the appearance of a naked body.
Ok, it’s Adrianne again. I would just like to say that both myself and my husband agree that breastfeeding is natural and not gross and important. I haven’t always been able to breastfeed because of medical reasons, but when I can, I do it and he encourages me to do it. But I also agree with him that while it is natural and important, women ought to try and cover themselves when in public. I believe in modesty. It is not that hard to put something over yourself. If it’s not ok to see a woman walk around shirtless, I don’t see why having a baby attatched changes it.
Shannon Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 11:12 am
If covering up or going to a nursing lounge or going home is how a woman feels most comfortable nursing, great. Women being pressured externally to do those things, not great.
Comparing breastfeeding to “urinating and taking a dump” is so extremely offensive. It makes me cry, and makes me want to delete your comment, and it makes me wonder what else you really think about women. If you want to compare breastfeeding to something — compare it to what it is: “eating.” We do eat in public.
Of course I believe in modesty and want my daughters to be modest. I believe with all of my heart that breastfeeding is modest.
I’m sure I can’t change your mind, but you might be interested in a couple of church illustrations:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GViuVL6ppZI/S_nMs2xhKxI/AAAAAAAADPk/AVd5z0ptG5g/s1600/IMG_2159.JPG (upper right, by the toy car)
http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/08/breastfeeding-history-moment-lds.html (mural of women breastfeeding openly at the Church History Museum)
Natasha Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I appreciate your inclusion of this drawing and I appreciate your honesty about her comment, that it made you want to cry and delete it. I’m glad you didn’t delete.
Oh how I wish I could nurse my children so comfortably. I produced plenty of milk, but my breasts are super inconvenient without milk in them and nursing makes everything uncomfortable. I did get about 2 weeks of decent nursing with my first before he suddenly quit (the day after my pump broke), about 2 months with my second before I weaned her at 6 months so I could lose 50 pounds (I felt so selfish), and finally with my third I felt like it was pretty good at about a month and he started weaning himself at 3 months.
I understand the reasons to bottle-feed and I had my own reasons, but even with them I wish I was less selfish about it. I wish I could give myself so completely to my newborn to make it work. I suspect that with more patience and mental fortitude (and maybe if the little sleep I did get was more productive) I could have been a nursing super star.
That all being said, my husband LOVES bottle time with our newborns. That’s his chance to really bond when normally it’s just mommy that does it.
What would Mike have done 50 years ago, when breastfeeding was common in public? In church, on the trams, in parks, in stores, at court, everywhere? Women nursed in church without covering up. Always. I dare you to tell me they were less modest than the women today.
The truth is, it’s not a universal hangup, it’s a specific hangup that evolved from mid-20th century until today.
And it’s our job to re-educate and recalibrate so we can get back to what’s important: the babies.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by SeagullFountain, Living the Scream. Living the Scream said: RT @SeagullFountain: What breastfeeding looks like: http://www.seagullfountain.com/2011/01/28/breastfeeding-in-public-whats-the-big-deal/ [...]
Thanks for the link! By the way it’s missing the “l” at the “html” part so it doesn’t work right now.
Responding to this: “The fact of the matter is that breasts participate in the female sexual response so why pretend they don’t.”
Well, um, not my breasts! If anything, having my breasts touched as part of sex is a turn-off. I’m sure some women find sexual pleasure from having their breasts touched, just like others do from having elbows/necks/ankles/whatever touched. But breasts are not sexual organs in any way; they’re not part of our genitals and the nerve endings don’t connect between the two.
Using a coverup isn’t hiding your breasts – it’s hiding breastfeeding. It’s contributing to the idea that there is something about the act of a child drinking from her mother’s breasts that is shameful.
Thanks for this post. I love it so much.
Sure, breasts “participate in the female sexual response,” but that doesn’t mean that they are exclusively for that. I really think the reason breastfeeding has become “obscene” to some people is because there has been a blurring of the line between sexual and non-sexual nudity. Just because something is exposed doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s pornographic, yet the rise of pornography and explicit images, coupled with the hypersexualization of the female form, has made it seem like anytime a breast is shown, it’s pornographic and arousing. But THERE IS A DIFFERENCE between breasts being shown sexually or suggestively, and breasts being shown while breastfeeding. In my opinion, breastfeeding is not obscene, pornographic, or in any way inappropriate.
Jane, this post is awesome and I applaud you for writing it! And thank you for addressing the “it’s natural to take a dump and have sex” comment too. Nothing infuriates me more than that argument, I find it so offensive. Kudos to you and your husband for continuing to normalize breastfeeding in public. If more people had the healthy attitudes that you guys do, than this wouldn’t even be an issue anymore!
I really liked the angle you took on this- I wish I had thought to video my nursing and do a post on it!
AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!
I needed to add to that
I once posted a video on my facebook account that was pro-breastfeeding in public, and oh my word, someone used the “peeing and pooping” argument on me. I was furious. And he was a man in his fifties, so he was definitely from the bottle generation.
When I have babies, I’ll nurse wherever I darn well please. No one will stop me.
This is a bittersweet post to my today; I am in the hospital with 8 month old Buster who is failing to thrive. When I brought him home at one month old, I was pumping between four and seven oz every few hours–I was a lactating machine! I was repeatedly told by the NICU staff that my milk was what was keeping his progress going at such a rapid rate, and they thanked me for bringing him milk every day. Now, seven months later, he has failed to gain weight and the treatment plan is now formula only.
I was heartbroken at the idea that my milk wasn’t enough or good for him right now, but this morning, on formula day one, I almost completely dried up. Seriously. I am looking at it like a tender mercy–I don’t have to be anguished about feeding him what is right for him right now because I don’t have a choice about it any more. (And I know I can try to get the milk back, but I am not going to stress about it any longer.)
I breastfed in public, in private, covered (my choice in public because the ladies are gigantic and I am not discrete at all with them)and uncovered (in the line for a ride at Disneyland, among other places). I have never looked at it as anything other than me feeding my child. And I don’t give a fig about how someone else feels about it–bottom line is my son is hungry.
I am sad to not have the nursing any longer, but so grateful for a society with options available for ensuring my boy’s health and weight gain!
Shannon Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 3:39 pm
La Yen, you don’t need me to say this, but Well done, Mama, Well done.
Hoping your beautiful boy is soon as fat and happy as a clam.
I’m one of the small % who did not produce enough milk. I had a “Nursing Nazi” at the hospital squeeze my breast SO HARD I almost cried. She was trying to prove to me that my baby wasn’t latching on properly. After the mauling she finally admitted “Huh, you really don’t have any milk”. We rigged up this complex system with formula and a tiny tube that I was supposed to manage while baby simulated nursing. Guess what, it didn’t work, I don’t have 4 hands. I got grief for a whole year over not nursing. It’s 6 years later and I still get annoyed over the random comments.
Shannon Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Christan — I’m sorry, both that it didn’t work after you tried so hard, and for the comments. No one should have to go through either of those.
Thank you for this post! You are one of the many women who are helping me to get over the things I heard growing up. I grew up around people who spoke ill of women who breastfed in public, and it caused real psychological issues for me when I had my first.
I think I’ll always chose to use a nursing cover because that will always make ME feel more comfortable, but I’m learning to be okay with nursing in public. Thanks for helping with that.
You inspired me to write my own post about breastfeeding this afternoon (and I linked to you in it, btw.).
My husband and I have had some interesting conversations about it. He served his mission in a rural part of South America, where public breastfeeding is totally normal. He said that it really didn’t bother him – but when he came back home, and a young mother in one of his classes whipped out her breast, it made him really uncomfortable. We discussed why he would have felt different in the same situation with slightly different circumstances, and we concluded that it is totally a cultural issue. Pretty sad.
Shannon Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 10:05 am
Perhaps the only thing I should say about breastfeeding in church is that I am wearing my garments appropriately in these videos and pictures. Nothing else matters.
Thanks Shannon, My grandmother made me feel better about it when she told me about a woman in her country town in the ’40s who also had no milk. She delivered at the same time that my grandmother delivered a stillborn. My grandmother’s dr. asked her if she would nurse that woman’s baby (I guess there was no good, healthy formula then, or that it was too expensive).
It made me feel less freakish and grateful to have good formula as an option.
I can relate to all of the points and feelings you mention here! Thanks for your bold, unapologetic explanation & background–breastfeeding is AMAZING for mother, child, and family!! I had a friend recently gawk with shock when she found out that I never gave my babies bottles. She couldn’t believe I would exclusively breastfeed, and commented on what an inconvenience it must be for me.
I feel the opposite, actually–1)I don’t have to wash bottles, 2) I don’t have to PREPARE bottles, 3) I can do it anytime, anywhere, 4)I can do it in my sleep, 5)it allows me to enjoy 10 minutes or so of solid down time every few hours during my busy day…how can this be bad??
Thanks for your awesome post!
Shannon, this is a beautiful post! I read your blog, but don’t usually have time to reply, but I wanted to say ‘thanks!’ for taking the time to share your thoughts. I whole heartedly agree, especially with #3 (regarding breastfeeding combatting “…the hypersexualization and objectification of the female body.” I took the time to read through a few of the comments…breastfeeding=eating…right on! How ignorant people can be…sending big hugs across the blogoshere!
Steph and I agree, you are a rock star! Fabulous post. Well written and though-out as usual. Though I didn’t breastfeed for months and months on end, I did do it long enough to enjoy the closeness and those intimate moments with my children. Though I do cover up when nursing, I do it more for me than for others. As a mom–like most moms–trying to simply stay sane, I say do whatever works best for you and your child…and don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks.
You always do such a really perfect job with your posts I have to say. I do need to figure out when this baby comes IF I produce enough milk or if my milk is…fat enough or nutrient filled enough? Because I had issues with my babies not gaining weight like they should and being very very fussy. Until they were old enough for me to make them baby food and feed them that way. Any suggestions on how to figure this out? I would love a happy healthy chubby baby for #3
I also have to say I find it sick that people are comparing breastfeeding to going to the bathroom… I mean really? How is that comparable at all? It is actually quite offensive to me that me nourishing my baby is compared to taking a dump.
At home I never cover up but when we have visitors over of if I am in public I ALWAYS cover. And you know why? Because that’s what *I* want to do. I have had family members that ask me to go sit in another room and I say no. With being covered up mind you. I am not covering up because I feel shameful or for any of the other reasons listed in the comments…it’s because that is what makes me feel the best.
Lastly…I was wondering what people to do at church. I want to be able to nurse sitting on the couch in the hallway or sitting (angled the right way) in the chapel or while listening to a lesson WITH a cover up. But I would get nasty looks and was told that was what a mothers room was for. But I think with baby #3 I am ready to tell them to shutie. I hate that mothers room, it is stinky and old and smelling baby diapers while sitting in a 70s chair that hasn’t been cleaned since 1970 is not where I want to be. What do you guys do?
Alright that is all, so many questions from me!
Shannon Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Vanessa — I think it’s important to find a lactation consultant that you really like and trust — does Raw Melissa “do” breastfeeding, or know someone who does?
I linked to this post of Rixa’s that has lots of good pro-active ideas: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/12/proactive-approach-to-breastfeeding.html
Things that worked for me include: having a baby moon (at least a week, up to as long as possible) where your husband and mom or friends or a post-partum doula or whomever take over the other kids and the house and everything, and all you do is sit or lie in bed and nurse the baby, eat, sleep, shower, get back in and just nurse. My milk takes a full 5 days to come in all the way (though it is a process not a one time thing), and it is helped by lots of skin-to-skin time, lots of rest and liquids and good food for mom; you can try fenugreek or brewer’s yeast or other supplements).
It’s also important to nurse the baby on cue. Breastfed babies will often eat every one to two hours, round the clock for the first few weeks. They will cluster-feed (where it seems like they eat for three hours straight) when they are growing or when they want your supply to increase. The only way for Mom to survive this is for her to have a serious support system, and for her to be able to take some serious time off from her other duties. As my babies get older they luckily start to sleep quite long at night, but even at four months with Molly sleeping 7-9 hours every night straight (sometimes even longer), she still likes to eat every 1-2 hours during the day, which is why it’s important to be able to nurse in public (covered or not, whichever you prefer), because otherwise you could never leave the house.
Which brings me to your last question. I nurse in Sacrament meeting, Sunday School, and Relief Society — usually at least two of those meetings each week and sometimes all three because Molly doesn’t nap so well when she’s not in her crib so church can make her need more soothing. I warned my ward when I was pregnant (in a little unrelated, well about motherhood, thing I was asked to give in SS) that breastfeeding is so important to me, and that they would probably see me do it, and that I don’t hide what I am doing.
So far I have never, ever had a negative comment said to my face. Some mother’s lounges are nicer than others, but even the nice new one we have now only has 2 chairs, and there are many more babies than that. Plus, I don’t want to miss out on the lessons/discussions. Our church goes on and on about how important and holy motherhood is. Breastfeeding is central, and to me, epitomizes motherhood. The church can put its money where its mouth is by supporting me in breastfeeding.
Not that I feel strongly about it or anything.
Natasha Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
I did the exact same thing. Once, my son did flash my nipple to our extremely stiff and unapproachable branch president. But it lasted a second, I’m sure he doesn’t have my nipple etched in his mind after so brief a flashing, and it’s the only oopsie I’ve ever had (although, what a target! Ha!). Why should I have to miss out on any church discussions to fulfill MY role, which is supposed to be twin to the role men are given? The priesthood certainly never requires men to be excluded from anything churchy; it IS churchy by definition. If motherhood is not churchy enough to be acceptable in church, then it’s NOT equal in weight or whatever to the priesthood, is it?
Mother’s rooms are there so that we have a choice. That’s all. (And yes, why are there only ever two chairs, no matter how big the ward??)
Mrs. Potts Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Regarding the breastfeeding in church issue, here is a blog post that has helped me with that particular dilemma.
http://itsallaboutthehat.blogspot.com/2009/01/modesty-and-breastfeeding.html
Shannon Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 10:10 am
Vanessa, a couple more thoughts I had (including what I responded to Mrs. Potts above: “Perhaps the only thing I should say about breastfeeding in church is that I am wearing my garments appropriately in these videos and pictures. Nothing else matters.”)
Also, while I am the first to say that a lot of the stuff you “need” for babies isn’t really necessary, there were a few things I really liked having. For my babymoon I bought a bed tray/lap desk with foldable legs so I could eat and work on my laptop easily in bed. When I was more mobile, I got an iPod Touch so I could be online, watch netflix, and read ebooks one-handed wherever I am.
As you know I didn’t breast feed my kids and struggled psychologically and physically with my first one. I’ve thought long and hard about why it didn’t work for me – why it was so painful – why I couldn’t make it work. I just keep coming back to not enough education about breastfeeding and not nearly enough support from La Leche who was very quick to give up on me. However, that isn’t the point. The controversy really is around people’s extreme need to be “right” – to somehow know the “right” thing and impose it onto everybody. I don’t mind people breastfeeding in public – if they are comfortable then I am comfortable.
Excellent post, pretty mom, adorable baby, supportive husband. Well done.
The fact is, people get more comfortable with new ideas, food, experiences with more exposure. As Carina put so well, we need to recalibrate society.
I am somewhat empathetic to the plight of men, as I find breasts to be attractive and sexual, as well. However, I cannot look at a woman breastfeeding a child and have sexual thoughts, but maybe that’s just me and maybe it’s because I view her as being like me, a mother, and her breasts might as well be my own.
If any man is uncomfortable with seeing a woman breastfeed, that is a problem that he needs to fix in his own head.
I don’t think that Adrianne meant to equate breastfeeding with pooping other than to say that some bodily functions are normal, natural, and yet we don’t do them in public. (She also mentioned sex, which I hope no one equates with pooping either.) But what’s interesting is that she’s not even entirely correct with those examples, either. In some cultures, sex does take place somewhat publicly, when people live in close quarters. Also, toilets are public in some countries, as are bathing facilities. I don’t believe that we have any need to make people more comfortable with public bathing and elimination, since we have the luxury of privacy. If we did have a need, I would similarly be saying that it’s nothing to be ashamed of and that bathing and peeing are not sexual activities. We DO, however, have a need to make breastfeeding in public a normal and acceptable practise.
This is the best thing I’ve ever read about breast feeding. Not militant or guilt inducing and so accurate. A very good post for the normalizing and public acceptance of breast feeding. Thank you and good job!
Shannon love your posts and comments. With that said if it wasn’t for your words of advice and encouragement to not give up when learning how to breastfeed my twins I think they would have been formula feed babies. In regards to breastfeeding in public, well I think you know how I feel on that! I’m all for it, even though when I had to nurse my twins in public I had to go to the bathroom. There is no way to do this discreetly unless you have a friend that is willing to nurse one for you or don’t mind looking like a cow with the utters out.
Some babies are easier to nurse in public than others. My older daughter was a quiet, discreet nurser. I’d throw a cloth diaper or a receiving blanket over my shoulder, and everyone thought I did so to keep the light out of her eyes while she napped. My younger daughter nursed like a greedy pig. She sucked so hard that she nearly drowned in milk, then snorted and choked and thrashed around trying to catch her breath, and exposed us both in the process. And she was never quiet. She was always a noisy nurser, even when she didn’t choke herself, so everyone seem to look around, searching for the source of the funny noises. With her, I was much more likely to find somewhere private, even going to sit in my car.
Another note on painful nipples: Normally the hormones of pregnancy cause the skin on the mother’s nipples to darken and thicken before the baby’s birth. This does not always happen, and in fair-skinned women when it doesn’t, nursing can be painful when the skin cracks. I had a problem with that with my first baby, but someone at LaLeche told me to use diaper rash ointment to heal them. For my younger daughter, they darkened and toughened up like they were supposed to.
Shannon Reply:
February 1st, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Yes — my first was the loudest of my four nursers, and she was also the one who snurgled constantly in her sleep, except when she’d suddenly stop, and I’d wake up, terrified she must be dead because she was, you know, breathing normally for once.
Luckily with her I didn’t know any better, so when she guzzled and smacked and slurped loudly, I returned the knowing smiles with a helpless “what can you do?” one of my own.
But I hope I’m clear: mothers should nurse how and where they want to. I do think it’s important to be able to nurse anywhere because then you don’t feel quarantined at home, but what’s most important is the mother’s (and baby’s) comfort.
I had several people ask me to breastfeed in the bathrooms when I was out in public. I just ignored them and carried on my merry way. My Mom is European and I was raised watching women nurse and I didn’t think anything of it. I nursed in the open around all of my husband’s family and didn’t realize they thought it was “weird” until other members started having kids and would hide to nurse. Breasfeeding isn’t a punishment. You shouldn’t be condemed to the nursing corner.
I have seen you nurse in public and I would say you are a pro.
I don’t know you, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen your blog, but I love you!
Thank you for this wonderful post.
I have 3 boys. My oldest was almost 4 when my baby was born. I have been fortunate enough to have been able to nurse them all.
My MIL was/is extremely unsupportive of my nursing. It just doesn’t make any sense to her. She thought it hurt too much (what a shame! I think a lactation specialist could have helped, she says that she was quite milky) so it must be a bad experience for everyone. My FIL, on the other hand, is a MD and is extremely supportive and comments often on how he didn’t even know the baby was eating. He’s sweet.
The funniest thing for me with my youngest (7.5 months now) was the first time I nursed in Church. My hubby works nights and I tote all three boys to Church alone each week. After the first sabbath feeding I had a number of women approach me and compliment me on not being afraid to feed him during Church, in the pew. It was sweet.
I love nursing my babies. It’s a good thing since 2/3 wouldn’t let anything synthetic pass their lips, including pacifiers.
Thanks again for your lovely post.
First of all, I want to say I completely agree that women should breastfeed in public if they are so inclined. Whenever I hear of a restaurant manager approaching a breastfeeding mother and demanding that she stop or leave because it’s “unsanitary,” it drives me bonkers.
I also want to say that I am impressed with how discreet you are. I don’t think I could be that way.
But I want to point out another reason why people may be uncomfortable. I used to be uncomfortable if a woman didn’t cover up, but it had nothing to do with seeing breasts as sexual objects. It’s just that that area of the body is an area that is usually covered. To all of a sudden see a portion of that skin can be startling. I know many people wrongly think it’s gross to see a woman breastfeeding, but I wonder if others simply weren’t expecting to see the skin and now don’t know where to look so they become uncomfortable?
I used to work with a girl who would randomly pull up her shirt to show people scars on her stomach from an operation. It was her stomach, which most would say is harmless enough, but even still, most people would avert their eyes or start looking very uncomfortable whenever she did it. I think that just suddenly being exposed to skin that is normally covered can leave some people wondering what to do. (even though nobody has an issue with it at the beach or pool.)
Like I said, I used to feel this way about breastfeeding women, but I am now over this after having my own child and after being educated. I think that if more women do breastfeed in public and if more articles are written this way, the stigma will slowly go away and people (like me) can have a change of heart. But in the meantime, I hope that breastfeeding women won’t feel like EVERY naysayer is disgusted by them. Maybe some just don’t know where to put their eyes.
Rebecca Reply:
February 3rd, 2011 at 9:15 am
I just want to add that I absolutely am not excusing the rude people who are disgusted or who demand that a breastfeeding woman leave. I just want to speak up for the decent people who just want to be polite but don’t know where they should look. I really think most people would be ok with public breastfeeding if there was a more clear understanding of “spectator” behavior. Does that make sense? I hope I’m not sounding rude or argumentative.
Shannon Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Rebecca, I meant to reply but have been feeling sorry for myself about my tooth. So, I totally get what you’re saying and I think you make a very good point. There is a big difference between saying “what you’re doing is disgusting” and “I feel uncomfortable.” I remember feeling uncomfortable myself the first time (maybe only time?) a woman exposed her entire breast while nursing just a foot away facing me. As you say, I didn’t know where to put my eyes, and since it was so unexpected at the time it was hard to look away.
What’s interesting to me about that is that we seem to each have our own lines of comfort. Some women nurse in public, but only with a cover, some nurse in public but “discreetly”, some nurse without any attempt to cover. I think all of these are okay; what’s not okay is to say that the way I personally do it is the only appropriate way, or that you can go up to the line I draw but anything past that is bad. And I think we do this about other parenting things besides breastfeeding. (like, it’s okay to feed your kid as much junk food as I feed mine, but anymore than that, and you’re probably a bad mom; you can easily substute “let them watch as much tv…” etc).
I didn’t always feel comfortable with people nursing in public.
Then I actually got to nurse a baby.
I loved it.
I did it while I was eating at restaurants…and I was okay with it.
My opinions have changed, and I am glad that I was able to experience it all.
Thanks for this awesome post!