I know that I am ready to rejoin the world; I have both gotten incensed over someone else’s post and had thoughts for seven posts of my own that want writing. This has something to do, I am sure, with Molly’s sleeping eight hours straight most nights, but also, probably six weeks is about as long as the human brain can take with trying to live so exclusively in the moment. I love Molly fiercely, I love the weight of her on my chest as I type diatribes, the tug of her sweet rosebud mouth on my breast as I devour the paper online, but I probably should get writing things here, so that I don’t go crazy.
(My scope for the importance of personal blogging has shrunk. It’s mostly to keep People With Thoughts and Not Much of A Platform from going crazy.)
Have you seen the show Lie to Me? It’s great, and apparently based on a true story — at least I heard an interview with the real-life human lie-detector scientist guy on NPR, so it must be true. This season hasn’t been as exciting; probably just the conceit losing its novelty. But last week there was a beauty pageant on it; beauty pageants fascinate me. (You’ll remember, or not, that I was in the Miss Salem pageant after Dad bet me 50 bucks and all expenses that I wouldn’t do it. It was a great experience, and I am told that the Snow White evening gown Mom made is still talked about).
Anyway, there was some horrifying plot about a pageant mother who said creepy things that indicated she was unhealthily invested in the outcome, living vicariously, ruining her daughters life, etc.
And Lightman (the human lie-detector scientist guy) asked, rhetorically I thought, “You know how you create a disturbed person?” But then he answered, as if it were obvious, accepted, and for sure: “Constant criticism and lack of affection.”
Ouch. Double-plus-triple ouch. “Critical-ness” warring with “lack of patience” as my greatest flaw as a mother. (Perhaps they are the same. In which case: quadruple-plus-sextuple ouch.)
The older my kids get, the harder it is to show (physical) affection, especially when my arms are full of the most demanding one. You just don’t have that many opportunities for cuddling an almost-ten year old with flying, pointed limbs and greasy hair.
It’s not that I don’t love them, it’s just that I want to love them from across the room, preferably with earplugs in.
But this week is going to be different. No criticism, and constant affection. Wish me luck.
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Yeah. I am having a hard time giving physical love to my eldest, too. It’s tough when they no longer seek your hugs and kisses, you know? And he doesn’t always smell too fresh, either.
Okay, maybe I will take the same challenge. I am in the exact same place you are and I *don’t* have a little one in my arms. Is that double quadruple-plus-sextuple ouch?
At least you ladies figured it out while your kids are still kids. Mine were adults when I figured it out. So I guess that’s quadruple quadruple-plus-sextuple ouch. Good luck!
Sounds like a great challenge….I am in….actually right now 7 and 6 are fun its 2 i am wanting to feed to the gators.
Steff
shall we return here often to commiserate with each other?
As they get bigger/older, they fly in and out faster, with more of their attention on their friends and other pursuits, but if you accept and offer a quick kiss or hug before they leave, or when they’ve been disappointed and want some moral support, they’ll come looking for it when they need it. When my younger daughter was in middle school and high school, I often had to demand a hug before she went out, but now as an almost graduated college girl, she -and her friends- stop and hug me before they leave to go back to school. Hang in there. Children’s needs for displays of family affection will rise and fall as they grow up, but they’ll be secure knowing it’s there when they want it.
I failed this morning… I need to be better about this.
I go out of my way to purposely give affection, even when they are stinky and their skinny bones poke into me everywhere. That is one thing I’ve always been good at…..but dont’ worry, I fail at plenty of others.
I’m so happy you did write, because this is spot on for me too, and in more ways than one. Thank you!