At my 36/37 week appointment yesterday, I was 1-2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. This was only my second vaginal exam this pregnancy, and since I was getting the Group B strep test anyway, I said sure when the midwife asked if I’d like her to check how things were looking down there. I’ve been so happy with my care and preparation this time around, and having my provider ask if I want a check done is representative of the autonomy and confidence I feel in approaching the actual birth.
In some ways I’m still doing things conventionally — like having the Group B test at all, but a) I’d like to know if I am positive, and b) at least this time I did a couple homeopathic things to reduce my chance of getting a positive (I took Vitamin C and acidophilus supplements every four waking hours in the two weeks leading up to the test; you can be a lot more aggressive in preventing/treating Group B, but I had both of those on hand, and they’re good to take anyway, especially for, uh, digestive tract health, if you know what I mean). I don’t think I was ever positive before my three other births, but as an example of how much I relinquished responsibility, it’s possible that I was positive but wasn’t told or didn’t give it any thought because I had epidurals with each, and so always had IVs through which the antibiotics could be given without any disruption to my plans.
My appointment was with one of the midwives I hadn’t met yet, which isn’t ideal of course; ideally I’d fly to The Farm this week and give birth in Ina May’s shadow next week, but all things considered I’m happy with this group of midwives and I don’t begrudge them the life-convenience of sharing call, especially since it is their habit to stay with the mother for the entire labor. I reviewed my plans and hopes and fears with this new midwife, and after telling her how quick Lucy’s birth was (6 hours) even with an induction and epidural at 39 weeks, she supported me in staying home as long as possible but encouraged me to be prepared for things to go quickly and to maybe go from hanging out one minute to being ready to hop in the car the next (it’s a 30-minute-plus ride). Of course, anything could happen; I could be in labor for three days two weeks after my due date, but hopefully not.
Either way, it’s probably time to start getting ready. I have a lot on my To-Do List:
1. Write my birth plan (mostly a list of stuff I don’t want done, like an IV (I’ll sign a waiver to forgo the hep-lock the hospital requires in case of emergency; given my low-risk history my midwives are comfortable with this), taking the baby out of my arms (much less to the nursery) before I’ve had an hour to bond and breastfeed, cord clamping before it’s stopped pulsing, continuous electronic fetal monitoring (I’ve agreed to the initial twenty-minute baseline by telemetry which allows movement, then 90-second checks at 30-minute intervals).
I’m still researching the eye ointment and Vitamin K shot business; since Tom and I are life-long monogamists there should be no need for the eye ointment and since I’ll be producing tons of colostrum for a full-term baby the Vitamin K should be unnecessary too. On the other hand, these are relatively minor things (I think) and I don’t know how strongly I feel about them. Things like enemas, shaves, and episiotomies aren’t routine, but maybe I’ll include them just in case. 50% of the women who see my midwives have an epidural, and I plan not to — what I need instead is praise and encouragement, offerings of physical and emotional support, NOT of drugs (I know what’s available and can ask for it if I need to; Tom knows it’s his job, if that happens, to remind me that I want to wait 15 more minutes and see how I feel then, repeatedly, if necessary). Things I do want to have happen are harder to write down. I want things to go how they go; I want to feel comfortable in vocalizing (loudly if I feel like it), moving, bathing, drinking (I probably won’t want to eat if I arrive in active labor/close to transition), squatting, etc).
2. Pack a bag (with my own nightgowns, music on the iPod, a birth ball, juices and light snacks, a note for the door and maybe some cue cards for Tom and Chrysanthemum from Birthing From Within, stuff for the kid, 3 or 4 versions of Pride and Prejudice to watch (you know, the usual); Mockingjay if it’s after August 24th).
3. Wash some onesies and blankets, buy some diapers and a nursing bra or three (any recommendations? I was never very happy with my previous ones, and I’m bigger this time around — 38DD and not looking forward to engorgement).
4. Arrange babysitting, though Avery (9 /12) has expressed a lot of interest in being present. I’d like to have her there, but a lot will depend on the timing (and how I’m coping; I’d love her to see a natural birth, but not if I would scare her).
5. Finish reading the books and watching the dvds Rixa sent me (The Business of Being Born is available for instant play on Netflix,and I think Tom was surprised how interesting it was). Right now I’m practicing the stuff in Birthing From Within; it seems more helpful and realistic than Hypnobirthing, though I’m sure they could be complementary.
6. Finish cleaning and organizing the house. I’m not overdoing things; I nap most days and my blood pressure was a nice 107/67 yesterday. I mostly want things clean and organized because I feel so much calmer when they are. If I’m lost in reading or writing, I can ignore clutter or dirt for weeks. But if I want a soothing, comfortable environment for early labor, I know I’ll want things pretty clean and minimally distracting. This will be just as important in the sleep-deprived newborn months, especially with school starting for Avery and Callie just five days after my due date. Part of my organizing is a chore-training campaign with the girls. They’ve always helped in the kitchen and in caring for their personal space and belongings (though not terribly consistently), but now they’re old enough to do more, and more independently. Mom, if I whined as much as these hooligans do sometimes, all I can say is, I’m being sufficiently punished for that.
7. Get a priesthood blessing from my husband and maybe my father too. I read this call for stories about spirituality in birth, and realized, again and anew, how inadequately I prepared for birth previously. One of the tenderest moments of my life was when I asked for a blessing from Tom in Cairo before my first miscarriage, but I did not even think about asking for a blessing before my three deliveries. I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m not a very spiritual or faithful person, but the alternative, that I viewed childbirth as something that would just happen to me, something that would be “done” by my doctor and therefore not anything I needed help in “doing” is just as incompatible with my vision of who I am.
There are two things I’m worried about as the birth gets closer. I’m worried about the pain, and I’m worried about feeling inhibited in acting instinctively/naturally and asking for/receiving comfort measures for the pain other than a socially-acceptable epidural. Despite the numerous reassurances I’ve received from almost every single woman I’ve spoken to who has some experience (as a laboring women, nurse, or midwife) with the hospital I’ll be at — that it is a natural-birth-friendly institution, I can’t forget the things I’ve heard and read about the significance of the fundamental decision I’ve made to give birth in a hospital, despite being pretty convinced after extensive reading and research that both the baby and I would be more comfortable and just as safe at home.
Still, that’s the decision I’ve made based on Tom’s and my feelings/perspective/experience, and other circumstances such as what our health insurance covers and our distance from a hospital in case of true emergency, etc. It’s a bit disconcerting (in a cognitive dissonance sort of way) to read (and believe) a book like Birth as An American Rite of Passage and still plan to give birth in a hospital, but no other compromise presents itself to me as more reasonable given all the specific factors of my present life and understanding.
I feel lucky to not be worried about my body’s ability to give birth vaginally. Especially after reading Birthing the Easy Way and talking to my cousin who’s had two c-sections and three homebirths, it’s clear that many natural-childbirthers have more logical reason for concern; I admire their courage. I got lucky three times: despite welcoming any and all interventions, things went as well as possible. So it’s not my body I’m worried about, but my brain’s ability to turn off, surrender, relinquish control not to an institution or authority figure but to my own body’s natural wisdom and design.
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You’ll do great! You’re one of the most well read, well researched women I know when it comes to childbirth. You’ll rock it, I promise!
P.S. I still need to give you your baby gift!
I’m right there with you. Wish I could offer advice you needed but it sounds to me like you’re good to go.
If you get there (birth) and you decide to get the drugs – don’t beat yourself up. Modern medicine can be comforting even if it’s not medically necessary.
For me, I loved my epidural, but I also think it was necessary because of the precautions taken for the birth. Back labor sucks when you’re stuck on your back to be monitored the whole time. For my second, because it was such a surprise, there was no time and I was absolutely astounded (once I could think again) at the complete lack of pain for the actual birth. Sure, the contractions still sucked because again I was stuck on my back being monitored, but the birth was relieving and, well, I kinda liked it.
So maybe instead of an epidural, you could consider something to take the edge off without going full bore. Just something to think about – in case you do think you’re wussing out.
I hope everything goes perfectly!!
I cannot recommend Bravado bras enough. Speaking as a highly busty gal…
I know I’ve said this before but trust me, you will not feel inhibited. Your body will take over and I swear that Queen Elisabeth could have been standing in my delivery room and I would still have yelled, moaned and done everything I did. You suddenly become very internally focused. It is amazing how you find yourself in an emotional tunnel vision – everything on your mind is your body, your baby. I barely could tell you who was standing in my room. Even David became secondary to me. I was more focused on my delivery nurse (Kendra) who was amazing and coached me through labor and contractions.
Was it painful? yes. At times did I think I didn’t want to do it any more? Yep. Did I cry? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. However, having my nurse there and David there constantly telling me how great I was doing and that I needed to just keep doing what I was doing really did help. It seems silly, but that constant encouragement and reminders to breath, relax, etc. did the trick. The pain prevents you from thinking straight and you need somebody there telling you exactly what to do and when to do it.
On a positive note, I was tired but after a three hour nap I felt FANTASTIC. I felt better than I did after any of my other deliveries. I was ready to go to the grocery store hours after birth. Seriously, I felt really good and my recovery was much faster.
I’m so excited for you and I can’t wait to see the new addition. I’m anxiously awaiting #4. good luck sweetheart!! I know you will do great!
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 5:25 pm
I believe you, truly. So, my real big fear? That I will lose control enough to be spouting obscenities left and right. It’s kind of a wake-up call to think that I have such a potty mouth that I fear being uninhibited….
Beth Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 8:59 am
The most Godly, sweet woman I know dropped the f-bomb during childbirth – several times. They are just words and if that is what comes flying out of your mouth then they do. You might poop on the table too, but nobody is going to hold that against you later. You are going to do great and I can’t wait to hear all about your new little one. So happy for you.
The best advice I have for you is: don’t panic. In HypnoBabies, we learn about the fear-tension-pain cycle—we fear birth experiences because we’ve heard so many negative stories, then we tense at the experience, which increases (or creates, depending on the person) pain.
So here’s a positive story for you. Eight weeks ago, I gave birth naturally in a hospital without even a (successful) Heplock (but two unsuccessful attempts at one). And the thing that really hit me was how different it felt when I allowed myself to panic and freak out, versus when I made the conscious choice to use my birthing tools and focus on not tensing up.
I full-on freaked out when they left me to change into a hospital gown—I wanted the drugs, I couldn’t do this, etc. Ryan got me to lay down and got my MP3 player on, and I finally really “got” it. If I just calmed down, it helped a ton, and then it was easier to be calm (and the reverse was true, too). The nurses and the doctor commented that they seldom saw a woman so “controlled” in the final stage of birthing. (Which I found ironic
.)
You can do this!
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Yeah, I definitely respect the whole fear-tense-pain cycle thing; hopefully I have internalized the principles about the pain of labor being a productive thing to work with, not against, etc.
You are planning a lot more than I did for my first try at natural childbirth, which is good. My “plan” was little more than a decision not to medicate. My advice (not specific for you) regarding baby meds is that no woman should risk their child’s health (or eyesight) as a demonstration of trust they have in their husband. The erythromycin and vitamin K have virtually no risk to baby but could be vision or life saving in certain circumstances. I loved reading about your birth plan, thank you for sharing it.
I know that God will be with you in whimpers, screams, and shouts of joy. I’m praying for a wonderful birth experience for you. Do remember how deeply you are loved by all of us.
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Thanks, Grampa, and happy birthday a few days ago. Tom and I are pretty self-absorbed right now.
Best wishes! You will do wonderfully. Can’t wait to see your new baby
Best of luck to you, Shannon. Let us know when #4 is here! I’m sure she’ll be as cute as the other three.
And it’s been great hearing from you again.
You can do it! And I am pulling for you. We are way stronger than we think we are.
I had a fully unmedicated birth (well, I had an IV with antibiotics, so not fully unmedicated, but no pain medication) in February. For me, the most important preparation was meditating every day in the last few weeks. I practiced allowing whatever pain or unhappiness I felt just be there without trying to get rid of it. When I gave birth this helped me cope. I found if I could get myself through the first, most painful part of the contraction using the meditation techniques I learned the rest was comparatively easy. Of course, everyone’s birth experience is different, but I thought I’d share since I feel that that meditation practice was my key to success.
Also, I just want to say – remember that whatever you need to do, you need to do. If things don’t go exactly according to plan, remember that doesn’t make you a failure! You can choose what is best both now and in the moment. The important thing is that you have educated yourself so you can make the best choice for you and your baby. Good luck!
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Thanks for sharing that; both the meditating daily w/o trying to “escape” thing and the first part of the contraction being the worst make a lot of sense.
Re: shaves & enemas–these are hardly ever done at all and so it would be kind of archaic to even mention them. Plus if someone did offer them–and I would be uber surprised if that happened–you just say “no thanks.” No need to put it in a birth plan. Episiotomies: talk to your midwives, but my guess is that it’s really rare for them to do them anyway, so might not be necessary to put on your birth plan. Basically put down stuff you’d want communicated once you’re unable or uninterested in communicating yourself (ie, don’t offer drugs, don’t ask me to rate my level of pain, etc).
Well, I need to run…later!
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Archaic or not, I was given an enema with Avery, but you’re right, I’ve spoken about all of these things (and more) with my midwives, and the things they suggested most that I put in it were the IV and not being separated from the baby. Everything else that most people consider “natural” are their routine practice.
Shannon Reply:
July 31st, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Also, good point that it’s the verbal things that are more necessary to make clear (rather than physical) — it would be quite hard to administer an enema or shave w/o my cooperation, whereas an uninformed nurse could ask me any annoying question w/o my consent.
So I’ll make that clear and the parts where what I want differs from hospital policy — as I am confident in my midwives support, but not in the friendliness (or not) of the institutional routine.
Best of luck in your impending adventure.
Wow, you are so close! Crazy! Well I’m here if you need a sitter. And I would definitely recommend getting the blessings, I had one before all of my births. It helped to give me peace and calm before the storm.
Good luck and let me know if you need anything, k? I’m even closer now.
Another thought–staying present in the moment, not allowing yourself to do “labor math” (I’m only X cms dilated and I’ve been in labor X long–how can I possibly go Y more hours?), and practicing what I think is called nonfocused awareness (mentioned in Birthing From Within) are all really helpful for me. If you can allow yourself to experience labor without judging the sensations or creating extra mental layers around it, it helps so much. Especially because you have a nice break between every contraction, and you don’t want to be mentally “dealing” with the contraction even once it’s over! Movement, too, helped me immensely. It was probably my main labor tool. I rock/sway my hips during contractions while leaning over a counter or table, sitting on a birth ball, or lying in a birth pool. I think my SIL called it Rixa’s labor hula; she ended up doing it for most of her labor, too. For me, that just works to get me through the contraction (kind of like how you shake your finger after you jam it, and somehow it helps it feel better).
Reminder… cross your legs for 2 more weeks.
I know you will do great. You are amazing.
Wow! you are so close to the end!! Hope you’re feeling well. Good luck on your plans and the birth!
You are fully prepared. Amazing! I know you will do great, I can feel the positivity from you.
Do ask about the episiotomies. While midwives traditionally stay away from that procedure, you might have a rogue one who, um, enjoys procedures. Like I had with my first. I had to fight her to NOT give me an episiotomy. However, I am strong-willed and knew what my body needed and didn’t need. I know you are the same way. : )