I see nothing wrong with doing things the common way, so long as that’s also the way I think is right after some study/prayer/experience/whathaveyou, but I do think that it’s maybe not the best if the REASON you do something is just BECAUSE it is the common way.

Somehow I need to work this out, because nothing makes me madder (i.e. lose my temper) than when it feels like my 9 year old is being disrespectful/talking back. I just want to smash her face in. Maybe my problem is that I know I’m acting from temper rather than from a reasonable desire to teach her respect? So then I don’t feel I have the moral authority (though I do have the responsibility) to discipline most effectively.

(I ordered a book called “Soft-spoken parenting: 50 ways to not lose your temper with your kids.” Hopefully that will help.

Thanks for sharing. I love hearing about other’s perspectives and experiences.

Rites of passage are very much a product of families and communities. I remember being quite disappointed at high school graduation. A feeling like–was that supposed to be a big deal? Right now we are living in a thriving homeschooling community and there are many, many ways I watch older kids experience rites of passages and they are less attached to age and more attached to experiences.

I’ve seen quite the opposite. I remember meeting a second cousin who was homeschooled. We were both recently graduated from college and I was just so–”ugh, i’m done with that” and she was just bursting forth of ideas. I remember being genuinely surprised by her desire to follow through on her ideas and projects. My thought process at the time was, “if no one’s telling me to do it…why would I do it?”

It took me a long time to get to a place where I started doing things for me instead of because of a deadline.

I definitely think each child (family?) is different enough that there are many right choices when it comes to schooling. I thrived on the competition of regular school. As I’ve mentioned, a big part of this (and the solution) is that it’s almost time for summer break, during which the kids will have a lot of unstructured time to do whatever. (And during which I’ll have time to wish they were in school!)

Just a couple of thoughts. Feel free to delete if you feel this is off-topic.

It’s like, even with faith — can you truly have faith in a religion if you haven’t at least at some point entertained the idea that other religions might be true? The whole opposition in all things — if there’s no dark, how do you know what light is?

Part of my thoughts about this (I didn’t say the stuff to her about brainwashing and “needing” homeschool) were a reaction to a piece I read in the Huffington Post about unschooling. (argh. Now I can’t find it. Maybe it was on one of the group mommy blog sites? I’ll keep looking.) In that post the writer criticized parents who fobbed their children off with things like “you have to go to school, it’s the law” because they were lazy or afraid or just wanted their kids squared away. And I was like, hey! I’m always trying to get my kids to stay home!

The other part is that it’s almost summer break. I’m sure by the fall, after three months of “homeschool” and a new baby, that I’ll be glad to see the backs of them every morning. ;p

And finally, I think she might like it if she tried it (and if I gave her plenty of opportunities for playdates and activities, etc); I do think she’s more resistant to any change than to what this would actually be. My sister and brother each homeschooled for a year and then went back to regular school. Both changes were the right thing for them at the time — my point being that I am flexible.

But you’re absolutely right — it would be lame to say I was considering homeschool to be the best thing for her without taking into consideration what she thinks would be best for her. If I made the decision w/o her consent, that would be worse than anything a well-meaning public school teacher could do!

But even if it is mostly her own personality, you gotta admit that the school structure (of necessity; how else can you manage 30 kids in a class?) rewards and requires conformity and compliance. Of course, I am guilty of this too, whenever I say “because I said so.”

With each new school she was always very excited to switch, but maybe that had more to do with being excited about our overall moves, which have been to better and bigger places each time (from the ghetto in Florida, to staying with my sister, to an apartment, to our current house).

Since this proposed switch would take her away from some friends without involving the excitement of a new house/place, I can understand her reluctance. Interestingly, when she talks about her favorite things about her school, one is the teacher she had last year (in 2nd grade) who still comes to sit by her at lunch time often. So it’s not even that she’s so attached to her current teacher, who she realizes she won’t have next year anyway.

I think I will insist that she switch to the charter school if she gets in, mostly because I am confident that after a couple weeks she will like it (and I’ll tell her truthfully that she could go back to her old school after a month trial period), and because several of her church friends/acquaintances attend there, so I think she’ll be surprised that she actually does know several people there already.

And yes — in Utah she’ll switch to middle school for 7th grade.

My older daughter was shy, and very nervous at the beginning of each school year, until she got to know the teacher and what the new teacher expected of the class. Then, once she understood the rules of the game, she relaxed and did very well. One year her school got a grant, and at the end of October, shuffled the teaching staff to take advantage of it. My daughter had to adjust to a new teacher. She was upset and claimed the school was unfair to take her teacher.

After attending 4 different schools, Sally may be resisting change because she is comfortable and happy in her current school, and knows exactly what the schedule is and what’s expected. If she is happy, and her grades and the standardized test show she is learning well, I’d be inclined to keep her in her current school. If Utah is like Georgia, and the kids move from elementary to middle school is 6th grade, she’ll have to change schools again in a year or 2 anyway.