We were having lunch with Chrysanthemum yesterday, after our walk, because they just got toys off KSL for their backyard. And because I like her, of course. Especially her food that appears magically on the table before me as I play with her chubby-handed baby. Dimples on the knuckles of a baby are maybe the best thing in the world.
The baby sat in his high chair while I ate my hot soup; he’s getting to the grabby stage and I didn’t want him burned. Then he got tired, and she took him up and laid him down for a nap. There was not even a peep from him. I asked if he always goes down for naps that easily. She has read the same sleep book I like, and said she just watches for signs of tiredness and lays him down, and he goes to sleep.
Mothers know it is not always that easy. And I said it makes me wonder, when you have a “difficult” baby, how much of it is what you do, how you act/react, and how much of it is the baby’s temperament and needs and developing stages. (And yours.)
I have always not co-slept with my babies. I might be philosophically attracted to the idea that babies can/should learn to self-soothe and go to sleep on their own, but I also like the idea — in the abstract — that babies and mothers are bonding even in sleep. Since both things seem good and sound, pragmatics decided it.
We started off with Sally’s crib next to our bed, but the first night I half-dozed while listening to her snurgle and then jerked awake each time the snurgle stopped. She moved to her own room the next day.
She still loves having her own room, now because her younger sisters can be locked out of ruining her stuff.
With this pregnancy, I can take a long afternoon nap and still fall asleep during scriptures at 8:30 pm. I stagger to bed and soon Spot and Susan are climbing into Daddy’s side. They know the rules: you can sleep in Mom’s bed as long as you hold still and don’t make a sound. And don’t touch the pillows that surround the grouchy queen.
They fall asleep quickly. Sometimes I have to warn gently: “Do you need to go to your own room?” Susan lies back, closes her eyes and they both forget the enormous amount of playing that has to be accomplished in their own bed before surrendering to sleep.
I rest my hand on Spot’s tummy and feel her breathing. (The fan from the bathroom and the fan at the head of the bed disguise any incipient snurgles). And we all sleep better, together.
Sometime in the night when I reach my hand over, it’s a harder, hairier body, and I know Tom has carted them off and taken their place. I plug his nose when he snores, or prod him to roll over. He is warm and big and fills the bed nicely. But . . .
I need a louder fan.
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When I’m talking with my husband, one of the reasons we continue to allow the children to fall asleep in our bed when they need to is that I can see and snuggle them while sleeping. Somehow, it’s so easy to fall in love with them again after a tough day when you see them so innocent and perfect. It helps to reconnect after a busy day (it’s sad that those are coming much more frequently with more children). My oldest asked for his own room last year and it was a big deal. He loves having his own space into which the girls don’t have to be allowed. However, he still sleeps in their room occasionally. Sometimes they fall asleep playing and that is the funniest to see.
But the biggers have the same rules for sleeping with mom…must be so quiet and still that I don’t know they are there. I sometimes have to do some gentle reminding
but they know “no stealing mom’s precious bedding, no talking, no kicking, etc.” Our bed is big enough that a couple of extra people makes no difference as long as nobody is trying to squish me…which is what happens most often. 
My personal space gets much bigger while pregnant.
But I love watching them sleep.
My son used to go down for naps like that when he was a baby. But my girls were not so helpful. Maybe it was easier to let a boy cry than a girl? But at night when my husband was home he could not stand to let them cry themselves to sleep so he would go and lay by them. My seven yr old still needs him to come even now. But it is a bonding time for them and pretty soon she will not need it anymore and we will miss those days.
My first child often used to scream for up to an hour before he went to nap. It was oh so tiring for me (and unpleasant with all the disapproving looks from others!). Then he used to scream the moment he woke up – tremendous deafening screams – for about an hour. He had to be rocked and swaddled straight away, nursed, rocked some more. When he was a toddler we used to be there with a bottle of milk and a biscuit as soon as he woke, which sometimes cut the screaming to 20 minutes or so. It wasn’t just me though, he did the same at the private nursery he went to. He was a sensitive child, hardly slept (or only 30 mins at a time), had eczema, food sensitivities etc, so I think it was all connected. I remember working full time on 4 hours of broken sleep for the first 2 years. It was a living nightmare
No 2 child was so easy by comparison. It was a novelty to discover that babies could actually wake up happy (!) – and that they were capable of sleeping through the night (my first was nearly 3 years old before slept more than 3 hours at a time). It made me realise why other mothers enjoyed motherhood!
I think the whole sleep, nap, nursing etc stuff is a mixture of parenting, baby’s temperament, how much support you get, how confident you are etc etc. No 1 was a demanding baby, but I was also a demanding mother, inexperienced, confused by so much conflicting advice, probably mildly depressed,and so desperate to do the right thing I couldn’t trust my own instincts (cosleeping and a dummy with no1 worked the best, but I resisted so long because of well-meaning but not helpful advice).
By no2 I had chilled, did a bit of co-sleeping for first few weeks, then busked it as we went along. When no3 came along I was so knackered that sleeplessness was just part of a normal routine and anything went!
I was absolutely against co-sleeping until my big husband sheepishly turned to me one night and said “but Lucy won’t always let me snuggle with her” and I didn’t know how to say no to that. Ever since then Lucy and Max (and now Harper) treat our bed like part of a giant, sleepy musical chairs. Everybody starts in their own bed but by 1:00 am Max and Lucy are in our bed and mommy is on the couch.
Part of me hates it. But part of me likes the fact that my sweet, big, masculine husband enjoys having his children close to him while he sleeps. That even though he may work 60+ hour weeks he spends time every night staring at his kids and gently holding their hands, smelling their hair and appreciating the little people with whom he doesn’t always have a chance to share his waking hours.
Well my two oldest are 10 months apart. from the time #2 was born till he was 3 I don’t remember ever sleeping for 4 hours at a stretch even. he still does not sleep well. the oldest decided to give up naps at about 14 months so he was awake all day and the other was awake all day AND all night….i slept with them in bed with me many times because it was the only way I could keep them safe and get some sleep myself.
i was a ZOMBIE. now #3 is 15 mos, he came home from the hospitgal sleeping so much we were terrified there was something wrong, he was a week old @ new years, and we cheered not because we saw the ball drop, but becausse we got to see his eyes open, both of them at the same time….
he still sleeps like the dead….
goes down no later than 9 every night sleeps thru the night, gets up breifly while we go to the bus stop @ 7 am, goes back to sleep usually till about 10, up a couple of hours goes down around 1 and sleeps usually till about 4. its the most amazing schedule, perfect for our crazy routines and he keeps it no matter what i am doing…when hes ready he says ni’love….which cracks me up, but he will immediately grab till he has something soft to rub in his hand and he will be out w/ in ten minutes.
It is still shocking. The only thing capable of disrupting him on his schedule is if his two clowns….oops I mean brothers….decide they must keep him awake by chattering/performing.
oh and his fav toy to his daddys total dismay is my U of A Razorback basketball.
thing is as big as he is but he totes it around the house like he thinks its a hot wheels.
Steff