When I was young, a little younger than Sally, my parents left us with a babysitter. This wasn’t a common occurrence, but while they were gone, I sprinkled a bunch of baby powder all over the carpet. Mom came home and freaked out a little at the baby powder (probably close to a whole container’s worth), and made me vacuum it up right away. While I vacuumed, I sang a song about how I was such a bad girl who had done such a bad thing. Mom heard me, stopped the vacuum and told me I wasn’t bad, she was just worried we’d breathe in that powder, she still loved me, etc, etc.
I hate when my kids feel bad about themselves (except at the end of a long day when Sally clobbers Susan’s feelings ten minutes before dad walks in from work and I stare at her blankly, thinking: what is wrong with you?).
But in the general swim, kids feeling bad about themselves is just the worst. Time enough for that in middle school, when best friend cliques rally, breaking off a little chunk here and a little chunk there of everything you liked about yourself.
Yesterday Sally came home with her second trimester report card. Three of her grades were great, and then her eyes fell on her math grade. And kept falling. It was a “C”. Wasn’t quite what I was expecting either, after her B+ at parent-teacher conferences a couple weeks ago.
So now I need a good 3rd-4th grade math book (any recommendations? I’ll look on some homeschooler sites) for us to work through this summer. Because it’s important to me that my kids do well in school, that they understand and learn and excel and feel confident. But even more –
Sally sat on the couch a couple hours later, her report card lying next to her, and sang a song about how she isn’t good at math and math is too hard for her, and if I told you that didn’t break my heart a little (or a lot) –
I’d be lying.
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Jane, Take a good look at her math book. “Modern” math books trends seem to be to introduce grade schoolers to algebraic notation early. Sometimes this just confuses the kids. They understand addition, subtraction, multiplication, and even division, but a sudden introduction of a new way of presenting the problems can throw them for a loop. Get Sally to show you what she doesn’t like or doesn’t understand in her book. If nothing else, get out marbles, buttons, or popcorn, and help her work through the problems with real objects. I bet it’s not the math per se that is the problem.
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Jane Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Yes, exactly, another reason I want to find a “good” book. A lot of times she understands her homework as soon as I have reworded the question. And real objects are a great idea.
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My daughter beats herself up with absolutes like that. It makes my heart break every time. I hope you find a good book! I like the computer games that are math based but sort of trick the kids into learning the stuff.
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My advice is to first find out where exactly she’s having problems. Maybe she wasn’t given a good foundation in a certain area of math, or maybe she began to see a certain aspect of it as scary. I read an article awhile back that made a big difference for me in how I teach math. This young genius explained that math was easy for him because when he looked at it he realized there was no reason to be intimidated by it. He didn’t let emotions get in the way. So when I work on math with Max and I see his eyes get big over a large number for example, I show him how to eliminate the parts of the problem that are irrelevant. Often it ends up being as simple as 9-3, but when he first looks at it it’s 32,459-32,453 and that’s just scary! If it’s fear, just look for fun math activities to do. M&M math was the breakthrough here to teach Max about variables (there were 17 M&M’s, now there are 4, how many did I eat?). If you discover that she needs more foundation in a certain area, just backtrack through that area and do some fun review stuff until she really understands and is ready to move on.
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Jane Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Yes, that’s an important point — and one reason I wanted to find a really strong curriculum/book as a base. Tom said “why don’t you just get the book the school’s using,” but I kind of want to start fresh with it.
And doing fun activities is a great idea of course, I just need some idea of the fundamental building blocks (I mean, I got a 5 on the AP calculus test, but I’ve never studied how to teach someone math, so while I can explain if she asks questions, I don’t really know where to start to initiate/introduce things at a “third grade” level. If that makes any sense. The other thing is I use math for so few applications in my daily life, that I’d probably forget a bunch of important concepts.
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Ok, feel free to ignore my thoughts, cos as you know, I speak my mind {g} but…
…I’d skip the maths book. Surely that’s just gonna make her feel worse? Like ‘you’re no good at maths so I’ve bought you this book to make you practice all that stuff that you think you’re no good at and then you’ll be better at it and then I’ll approve of you more.’ Ok! Ok! I know that’s not the sentiment from your side of things, but if I was a kid, that’s exactly how I’d interpret it. And it would make me pretty sad. Unless it was entirely my free choice – I asked for it – then it would feel like a punishment.
No, instead I’d take my child aside, tell her how wonderful she is, sympathise that she’s disappointed in the grade she’s got and say that if she wants to do something about it then you’ll support her, but if not then you wont pressure her about it. Tell her that the best inventors and scientists were often not so good at their subjects at school, but still went on to do brilliant things! Then take her out for the biggest helping of ice cream ever!
You know, I was a good kid at school. Sometimes I got bad grades because I just didn’t participate enough. Sometimes because I was bored and couldn’t be bothered. Sometimes because no matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t ‘get it’ at that point in time (but I would later when I was ready). Sometimes because I had trouble with the kids in the class – minor bullying, teasing etc, which affected my grades – the sort of stuff that was so petty I couldn’t confide in anyone about. And sometimes because the teacher didn’t actually know who I was. Yep. In my experience often the teacher only notices the brilliant and the naughty – being the good kid, the quiet kid, sometimes means you get overlooked in the crowd. There are a million and one reasons for getting a not-so-good grade. And once you’ve left school and got a job and a family nobody gives a toss if you got a disappointing grade in maths at school 20 years before. They just care if you’re a nice person. lol.
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Jane Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Of course you’re right that the most important thing is for her to feel good about herself, but I do feel strongly that a) she needs to master math (within grade-level reason) and b) that understanding it will make her feel better about herself than any amount of ice cream cones.
I mentioned wanting a good curriculum bec. I have been so incredibly impressed by how easy my 5 yo is learning to read with the “right” book (Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons). So I am on a “just find the right/method book high.”
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big mamma frog Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 8:16 am
Ah..I guess we’re just coming from different angles, so we may have to agree to disagree
Perhaps it will help if I explain where I’m coming from, if I expand a little…3 or 4 years ago I would have thought quite similarly to you. But having home educated my children for 6+ years now my experience, and time away from an externally imposed system of learning, has led me to a whole series of revelations and ideas about how children – and adults – learn.
I strongly believe now that a child’s educational journey is similar to a person’s spiritual journey; i.e. it is not something that could – or should- be compared to that of another. We are all on our own learning path – we are not running in the same race. Therefore, grades, awards, gold stars, externally imposed levels of achievement or goals, whether a child has achieved someone else’s expectations, how little neighbour johnny is doing, etc etc are all irrelevant.
Therefore, say, if my child was upset because they perceived that they weren’t doing well at something I would interpret it as 1 of 2 possibilities.
Either 1) the child knows they messed up, can do better, is disappointed in themself – this is internal. If the child wants to solve this then they will, they wont need external input unless they ask for it.
Or 2) (more likely) it is primarily a self-esteem issue. The child thinks that they are not doing well because they are comparing themself and their ability to externally imposed grading levels/the expectations of others/the apparent abilities of others. My solution would be to offer unconditional acceptance and love to that child and make it clear that the acceptance is there, irrespective of grades/ability. To me (and of course this is a personal thing based on my experience!) buying a maths book for a child who thinks they are bad at maths, would simply reinforce the idea that they are not good enough and that the only way they can be good enough (i.e. gain parental approval) is to become better at the subject.
In contrast, if the child was ASKING me to help them become better at, say, maths i.e. If it was their own choice, then I would willingly offer the support. In the same way as I would offer help to an adult if they were struggling – but I wouldn’t impose that help if they didn’t want it. Hmmm…does that make sense?
Of course I can see where you are coming from, I understand what you mean, that you want your child to do well. And I understand that, like many other parents, you are trying to get the best for/from your child in a system that requires that you do that. Fortunately because I’m not in that system, my child is free to choose their own path.
I hope I’ve made myself clearer. It’s difficult to explain and easy to misinterpret things when they are written. I hope I haven’t offended as that isn’t my intention. I guess I’m so used to having this discussion with other home educators (who all have their own views on the matter!) that it’s difficult to know whether I’ve stepped over the usual boundaries.
I’d still go for the ice cream every time
with respect.x
p.s. for what it’s worth, I don’t believe that children need to be taught to read either – so I guess you could say I’m rather radical!
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Jane Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
What’s interesting to me is that, I would say: “Up until a couple months ago, I would agree with you!” Especially on the reading thing. As I’ve said elsewhere, homeschooling, unschooling, and the Sudbury no-school philosophies are extremely appealing to me in terms of personal freedom.
But, then I decided to try this reading program with Susan (Engelmann’s 100 easy lessons), mostly as a prelude to writing a scathing post called “Reading School Dropout,” about how children learn to read differently, about how a whole-language approach is just as or more valid than a phonics approach, and how kids learn to read when they’re ready, just as they learn to walk when their legs will carry them.
But 6 weeks and 40 lessons later, I am writing a post called “Reading School Convert.” My five year-old asks me each morning, Is it time for my reading lesson? And she loves it! She is learning to read so easily (1. because obviously she was developmentally ready and 2. because it is presented so well there is no discouragement) that she looks forward to it eagerly. This was initiated by me, but now our daily lessons follow the Sudbury model of the student-initiated, then student-teacher as equals contract of instruction. There is no bribery or coercion on my part.
The other thing I would say (with respect to your experiences and agreeing in principle with you) is that I think that my daughter sitting close enough to me and singing loudly enough for me to hear her, that WAS her asking for my help. I don’t think I should sit around until she figures out that I am waiting for her to articulate a formal request for me to help her learn something she thinks she should know. She has already asked for my help the way that she knows how to ask.
(Thanks again for your comments — you’ve helped me think more as I craft my post on the reading book.)
I would do the math during the summer; in fact, I do it every summer with each of my kids. And so far it makes them feel great about themselves during the school year because as concepts are introduced they think, “Oh, I know how to do that!” Plus, it is so much easier to make sure they are really grasping the concepts in a one-on-one teacher-student situation. As for books, I just head over to Borders and they have a whole section of home school books. I browse through until I find one that I like. In addition to doing math I have my kids do reading comprehension, cursive, and English in the summer.
BTW, would you be willing to mention the LDS Book Reader Survey on you blog next week? It is an 8 question survey about book readership and purchasing among LDS members. It takes less than a minute to answer. I am trying to get a higher sample size and am asking some bloggers to help me promote it. There are a few different links to the survey on my blog if you would like to look it over first. Thanks.
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Awwww….so sad, poor thing. I remember what that feels like. Ebug got a C in language arts his first quarter, and he didn’t care a bit. I did, though. Now it’s up to a B+. I’m not sure on the math books because Ebug is good at math, but I’ll look around!
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When I was first reading this post, I thought it was *cocoa* powder you’d sprinkled over the carpet. Now that would be something to get a bit more worked up about!
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OK first I want details on the reading series/lessons cause I need help w/ my pre k er who is determined/depressed cause he doesnt get it.
second I agree w/ you about the singing being her way of asking for your help.
I strongly recommend Saxon math books. You know its been 20 years since I grad high school and I can still do pretty complicated algebra in my head partly because of the way saxon taught it.
also with saxon since it starts slow and builds a new concept while also following with repitition of lesser concepts it builds on itself and lends to further understanding.
Steff
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Jane Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:13 am
Here’s the book: http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Child-Read-Lessons/dp/0671631985 It is highly scripted, and/but I decided to try it 100%, as a true experiment. It is phonics-based, but starting with lesson 13, the child reads a story (just 3 words at first, but a story) that is accompanied by a picture and comprehension questions. So they feel almost right away that they are doing it! They’re reading!
And kids don’t have to know every single letter, either, because you refer to them as “sounds” anyway, and with each lesson they also practice writing a couple sounds. The lessons seriously only take 10 minutes at first and now we’re up to about 15 or so.
All you need is the book ($15 on Amazon, and I didn’t get paid to tell you that ;p) and a pencil and the lined paper with the dots down the middle. No elaborate set of phonics books or anything. And I looked ahead the other day. There are helpful hints on what to do next after you’ve finished the 100 lesson. I really do recommend it. (Though I still believe kids learn differently, I think this is definitely worth trying.)
Thanks for the Saxon recommendation — I was trying to remember that name, but yes, that was what my mom used for my brother and sister the year they homeschooled (they went back to school after that one year, but both say it helped them be independent and confident learners. Maybe I’ll do a one year experiment.)
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