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And I did hire a doula, who was amazing. I highly recommend getting a doula, and as others have suggested, there are those who will work for free. My husband was of the “sure, whatever you want babe” mindset, but he is squeamish and doesn’t deal well with strees, so I knew I would need the additional support of a doula. I had my natural birth, but without a huge digression, let’s just say the hospital experience was horrible for me. My second and third babies were born under the care of midwives, #2 at a freestanding birth center and #3 at home. Had I required a transfer to the hospital or a c-section, I knew I had done what I could to avoid that situation, and trusted my care providers to know that it truly was necessary. In other words, I felt ownership over my experience- I didn’t cede it to a doctor or a hospital or anyone else. To me, that was really important.

Best birthing wishes to you, Jane, may you have the birth you desire.

On the amount of preparation that would be appropiate — huh. I like the analogy of birth to a marathon, and really I don’t feel I have done that much yet. (at all). Also, it’s not a chore or anything right now — it’s so fascinating that I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to, you know? Like that passionate feeling you get whenever you start learning something new. Also, since I, too, didn’t read anything (beyond What to Expect, which I think is awful) with my previous three, I’m a little more invested in doing it differently this time.

I’m glad your experience turned out so well!

Speaking from my own experience of giving birth at 37 years old, I did not pick up a single book about labor and delivery, nor did I spend a lot of time learning about what happens to my body during labor, childbirth classes etc… Don’t get me wrong, I planned to take a childbirth class and visit the hospital, BUT I got preeclampsia at 32 weeks and had my son the day before my husband and I were due to take the 8 hour hospital tour and lamaze class.
My lack of knowledge ended up being a hugely positive thing. I had less fear of pain, with each procedure from inducing labor to giving birth was clearly explained by my doctor and nurses. I had an epidural, a small episiotomie, and my baby was born in a relaxed pleasent environment. I did not scream, cuss or freak out at my husband even though I was terrified. The entire birthing process turned out to be like watching a movie without seeing the trailer first. Obviously I knew the outcome, but the innocence of not knowing what was next made it far more enjoyable for my husband and I.

I admire your tenacity to be well informed about giving birth. Overkill, maybe.

But that was MY experience. My friend had a natural labor with her first, worked really hard through it all and decided she wanted to have her next kids with the epidural. The pain to her was not empowering, but felt like it took away from her experience. She has liked her epidural births much more. And another friend was pushed into an induction that made her labor so quick she couldn’t get an epidural. She hated her experience. With these many birth stories I read and with my own experience I feel that birth really DOES matter! It matters to the woman having the baby very much. If she chooses abc or d in labor and it was right for her, she will have a more positive experience. If she felt pushed, manipulated, coerced, her birth will feel that way- natural or medicated. I do feel that for every woman knowing the risks, interventions and the whys of what modern technology does with labor is important. Because only when we know of these things can we more fully make the right choice and truly the most informed choice for us. And if we have supportive care then whatever the choice, the birth will be better in the long run, even if there are un-forseen circumstances. And most women will feel like their birth mattered. Otherwise birth would not be defended so strongly.

I think the only thing that matters about giving birth is that you were able to do it the way you want and feel comfortable with. Whether that is in your living room or on a operating table.

And PS… totally willing to become learned in the ways of doulaing and help you through. It would be my honor!!!

By the way, I had my first and only (so far) at a birth center with a midwife, and even though the pain was more excruciating than I could’ve imagined (I was screaming for drugs by the time I hit transition; luckily I was pushing before the nurse came back with the needle) and the way I tore required almost 5 weeks to completely heal, I have no regrets — because it was my choice.

Good luck to you!

Before I had Alex, I read a lot, watched a lot of birth videos (both natural and otherwise), even looked for a doula. My mom told me that it was better to go into birth without knowing a whole lot of details so that I wouldn’t be as scared. (My sister actually made it a policy to not read anything about the birthing experience before giving birth to her first!) I admit that thinking about the birth did make me a little more nervous than I would have otherwise been (mostly because I realized how many options there were). But I’m hypochondrial and obsessive by nature, so I just kept on reading. Based on what I was reading, the outside observer might have assumed I wanted a natural birth. Ultimately, though, I opted for an epidural immediately after being admitted to the hospital. Failure? No. I just decided I’d rather birth without the pain (or at least some of the pain–it didn’t work on one side) and was aware of the potential side effects, as well as the potential benefit to my state of mind. When my doctor ordered a pitocin drip to speed up labor, I hesitated to challenge his directive and let the nurse attach the drip line. However, I didn’t believe the potential side effects of pitocin were worth it to have my baby a little earlier. Five minutes later, though, I realized that I should be in control and called the nurse in and asked her to remove the pitocin. She hesitated, but did it anyway after checking with the doctor. I’m glad I spoke up. Altogether, my labor was just five hours, which I think is plenty short (for me, even if not for a doctor worried about making his 9:00 am appointment).

I count the experience a successful one, not because everything went as I had imagined, but because I had some basis on which to make decisions. Maybe this time I’ll do things differently. As long as I don’t feel like I am a passive observer of my own labor, I will feel like it has been a good experience.

My comments are in no way directed at you and your preparation, just a general trend that I’ve observed.

For me what matters is the thought and care I give to childbirth in preparation, not how things turn out, bec. I am ultimately not in control of how it ends. I do want to think and care as much about that first experience with my kid as I do with all the other milestones I enjoy with all my kids — my desire and preparation and responsibility are what matter — not the eventual/final method of delivery.

Thanks for sharing. I believe in personal revelation, and that Heavenly Father definitely watches over us and answers prayers.

And I do believe you completely about the epidural allowing you to relax enough to dilate all the way. I know I tense against pain, so trying to work around/through that will be one challenge for me (among so many ;p).