Comments on: Going to bed angry

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 02:08:26 +0000

My husband and I only fight about house responsibilities and communication. Like cleaning and carrying our share and such. And I’m always the instigator, which bugs. My husband prefers quiet and mess to confrontation. I just want it more sanitary.

By: steff

steff — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:28:12 +0000

We fight about the kids more than anything…he was raised in the country with very little parenting, and I am hands on watch everything they do. He wants me to let them run free more often. Our money fights are limited to me telling him he has to let me know what he spends when he spends it.
We are blow up fighters though, we both blow up, get it out of our systems, and then its over. Luckily neither one of us holds on to it after we have blown up good.
OHHH and sex…I want it waaay more often than he is in the mood.
Steff

By: vanessa

vanessa — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:08:24 +0000

We don’t fight about money, but we fight! Don’t you worry I need to be a nicer wife.

By: Renae

Renae — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 02:42:41 +0000

41 years later, it’s still a “favorite” topic that’s bound to bring about discord. The upside: fights are “gentler, kinder,” and shorter. RARELY, do we go to bed angry anymore. Can’t remember the last time, BUT it took a LONG time to get to this point. I imagine it’ll take a LONGER time to stop grumping about money all together. (Or is it altogether?)

By: b.

b. — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:47:45 +0000

We are fighters. Well, he is.
We are getting MUCH better about not fighting over money. It has taken me 20 years to convince him that I am on his side. That I have sacrificed my dream of staying home to take care of our children, home, and farm to remain in the workforce to help pay for the children, the farm, the horses, the upgrades.
Yes, I have harbored resentments,but I’ve also worked through a lot of that.
I prefer to sleep on it. I also try to avoid any discussion of money in the late evening. I hate it when something festers for longer than 24 hours.

By: Sharla

Sharla — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:58:32 +0000

It’s impossible to fight with Eldon, believe me, I’ve tried. So basically I get mad at him, then he gets this hurt puppy dog look. So then I feel like crap, and I apologize, and make up. He is definitely the rational one. Sometimes too rational. But we have fought about one thing…..my in-laws. That’s it. Although I must say, money is the biggest stress in my life. I hate it.

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:09:37 +0000

Oh, and I am so with you on not cleaning up after a flood again. I haven’t even done it once, and I am SO with you!

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:09:07 +0000

Those all sound like “valid” arguments, so . . . good luck? (And you make me realize, again, that Americans are, by and large, pretty spoiled when it comes to square feet. We will be squeezing a crib into Sally’s room, which is probably 10×11 (I should measure). It’ll still be tight, but doable.

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:06:14 +0000

Interesting about time being the most highly budgeted thing. I.e. whatever is your most scarce resource (or perceived to be most scarce, bec. I know theoretically we should have “enough” money.)

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:04:53 +0000

But do they taste quaint?

By: jennie w.

jennie w. — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 13:23:25 +0000

We fight about money all the time. About how I spend too much of it. Which disintegrates into a “who spends more” blow-by-blow bout. This last time he brought it up (credit card bill came), I just said, “yeah, I spent way too much” and left it at that. He barely knew what to say.

We also fight about brown eggs vs. white. Yes, I know brown eggs are 70¢ more per dozen but I love how quaint they look. I will buy brown eggs until I die (unless they are more than $1 more, then I don’t). We have been having this fight since we were dating. Seriously.

By: Shannon Rees Baker

Shannon Rees Baker — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:16:17 +0000

Shannon,

I just came across your blog and it’s terrific! It was so great to meet you at the Seth Godin event!

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 02:18:56 +0000

So we fight most about housework. How much gets done, and who should be doing it at any given time. In fact, come to think of it, we fight the most about time in general and how it is being spent. I guess in our life we that is what is most highly budgeted and always in short demand, so we fight over it.

By: Kirsty

Kirsty — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:46:55 +0000

Right now, our fights/adult discussions are more around a new house, new (replacement) car for him, and second child. If we fought about money, we should really be fighting now, as he’s potentially got a doozy of a tax bill for last financial year (as in the bill is more than I earn), but our accountants are going to appeal the tax office or something.
New house – he’s OK with dealing with another flood. I’ve pretty much said that if (when) this house floods again, I am taking M and checking into a hotel until the house is cleaned up. I am THAT unwilling to clean up again, even if we have WAY less stuff downstairs.
New/replaecment car – DH imported his car from the US when he moved back here 10 years ago, and got it converted to right-hand drive. (It’s just a 96 Mustang, and only a V6, not anything especially fancy). Now it’s starting to get old, need parts, which are only available in the US, and it’s been at the mechanic for over two months waiting on parts to be imported. It was at the mechanics for over three months last year, and that was the only reason it wasn’t written off in the second flood – it luckily wasn’t at home. Until DH found out that the parts would be available, he was considering a new car … now that it’s fixable, he’s not. Until the next time something in the 14 yo car breaks and it sits at the freaking mechanics for months …
Another child – Pre-flood, we were thinking of moving our study downstairs, and the third bedroom could actually be a bedroom for the first time in 10 years living here. Now, there’s no way we’d put our computers downstairs. M’s bedroom is about 2mx2m, no idea in feet (guess not quite 7footx7foot). With bed,change table, drawers, there isn’t room for a cot. Our formal lounge/dining area is a storage unit. There have been helpful suggestions that we turn our formal lounge into a nursery. Yeah, open room, right next to our bedroom, front door opens to this room, no fan, no air con, windows open up near the noisy-sex-making-neighbours windows … arrgghhhh.
Never mind what the heck do we do with the lounges and coffee table???
Sheesh, didn’t realise I’d vent this much …

By: rixa

rixa — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:04:55 +0000

Sex. He would like more, I would be happy with less. I suspect it has a lot to do with having another baby: all those breastfeeding hormones, feeling “touched out,” combined with waking up 3-5 times a night still, etc. I remember that when I got my period back 17 months after my daughter was born, I suddenly had some interest again. We don’t fight over it, in the bickering/arguing/yelling sense, but there’s definitely many moments of tension when he feels rejected and I just plain don’t want to be touched and want to sleep.

By: Big Mamma Frog

Big Mamma Frog — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 21:15:02 +0000

Lol! I wish I knew, it’s not like he’s goes out or buys stuff, but there’s just never much to go around. It’s probably not entirely his fault – if I ask then sometimes he’ll give me a bit, but then it feels like a handout. So maybe it’s my problem in that I just hate having to ask for money (I wish I didn’t have to). The occasional handout on request just doesn’t make an independent girl feel good does it? My hunch is that he spent far too long as a batchelor to change his ways…but the benefits are that he’s very proficient around the house and has an enthusiasm for cleaning floors

By: cousin sylwia

cousin sylwia — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:52:08 +0000

sorry to disappoint but we don’t fight. have you ever fought with Josh? it takes two to fight, and since he doesn’t fight, i can’t manage on my own.

luckily neither of us spends any money, other than on the basics like food and car insurance. neither of us wants a fancy car or electronics. our cell phones are used, old, and half broken. we have no intention of ever owning a TV and my father is generous enough to buy us a new computer every two years. so if no one around here spends money, what’s there to fight about? it just slowly accumulates in the bank…

the only thing i complain about is my husband’s doctor opinions. i always think that i know better how to treat myself and my children. what do doctors know about those things?

By: Brandi

Brandi — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:48:18 +0000

Big Mamma Frog,

I’m curious–what does you husband spend “his” money on if you are paying for all the household expenses? He lives there. He eats. He enjoys the benefits of the “household stuff.”

As for things like shoes for the kids, that’s just ridiculous! If they’re his kids, he’s just as responsible for the cost of their care as you are!

I’m sorry. I’m just furious on your behalf.

By: Big Mamma Frog

Big Mamma Frog — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:49:37 +0000

yeah sometimes talking things through before you go to bed is a really bad idea…those issues that seemed SO important and you were willing to defend to the death at 11pm often seem trivial the following morning.

By: Big Mamma Frog

Big Mamma Frog — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:47:54 +0000

I think dh’s answer would be ‘Well it was your decision to home educate, if you don’t like it put them in school and get a job.’ Actually I don’t think that would be his answer, I know. We’ve had that – er – discussion Still when there’s only a 2-week-old lettuce and margarine for dinner because I’ve been telling him for 2 weeks that I’ve got no money he gets the hint…lol