One of my best friends came to stay with us for a few days. She planned her trip before I was struck down in the afternoon and evenings by this first-trimester-stomach-unhappiness, and I have been hoping that I can be cheerful enough to not rain on her vacation. (I am great in the mornings, which is why I am up writing this.)
So we were talking about pregnancy last night, because I wanted an early start monopolizing the conversation. I am sicker this time than ever before, and I weigh a lot more. I weigh more at the beginning of this pregnancy than I did at the end of my first pregnancy nine years ago. Though I am only 8 1/2 weeks along, I feel encumbered when I bend over, out of breath when I climb the stairs, and nauseated beyond belief at food that smelled good an hour ago.
My body image/contentment is at an all-time low, especially as I know how important good health and activity are to my labor/delivery/recovery and mental well-being.
Also, I just feel fat and ugly, and it makes me sad.
I mentioned my friend Beth who is suffering the hemorrhoids at the end of her pregnancy, and how she can’t understand how some women love being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move, hearing the heartbeat, and thinking about the new baby, but I do not enjoy being pregnant.
So my friend who is staying here told me that she liked being pregnant because it was the one time she was proud of her body. She’s pretty happy with her legs and arms in general, but her middle has always been a trouble section, with dips and rolls and when she is pregnant and that’s all smoothed out by the baby bump, she is happy with her body. She feels beautiful.
She is in awe that her body can work so well to grow a beautiful baby, and she just feels happy and proud, Look What I Can Do!
Good point, I thought. It will sound even better in the morning, when I am on the other side of this nocturnal barfiness.
About an hour later Chrysanthemum was here to watch Fringe with us, and we came across a post inviting shocked! outrage! over these Cotton Mother Dolls that Rixa highlighted (very favorably) a year ago.
My friend obliged, saying there was something wrong about that, the dolls are gross, and why would you want your kids to see that? My initial reaction to Rixa’s post was that the dolls were a little scary, but that was a year ago, and I am always ready to disagree, even with myself.
Because life is not as neat as a blog post, I stumbled around, settling with: “Would you rather your daughters played with Cheerleader Barbie who’ll teach them anorexia?”
These dolls are graphic, anatomically correct; they’re probably not for everyday play, though it’s hard for me to articulate why. Certainly they’re better than boob-job, impossibly-long-legged Barbie. Would it harm my daughters in some way to see and hold a realistic representation of a mother giving birth, on hands and knees, to a baby? Or to play with a doll that models breastfeeding?
Why don’t I worry about it when they worship everything princess, sparkly, and fake? Why don’t I cringe when we pass mannequins at the mall with Victoria’s Secret bodies and push-ups?
If pregnancy is the one time you’re proud of your body, shouldn’t that be an image to cherish?
I understand if modesty is the main concern, the feeling that the body (and its form) is too sacred to be played with on the living room carpet by cheerful, irreverent toddlers. But I hate to tell you: our Barbies are more often naked than clothed. And my girls just really don’t need to be seeing that.
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For being the self-professed feminist that I am, Barbie has never bothered me. I suppose that is because I LOVED my Barbie doll growing up and I never once wanted to be like her.
I’m so excited about you being pregnant!! I’ve never felt “beautiful” being pregnant. My face swells up to the size of a cantaloupe, my stomach just looks larger and my already large breasts take the shape of watermelons. Even maternity clothes never fit me right. I do LOVE feeling the baby move and I do LOVE knowing that my body does what it is designed to do and does it rather well. However, at this point – 34 weeks – I’m most definitely done having another human live inside of my body.
Jane Reply:
January 16th, 2010 at 8:01 am
I never had Barbie as a kid. But my mom buys second-hand Barbies for my girls, and modest-ifies the clothes for them. And my girls love them, so . . . I’m really not too worried about the body image thing with them, but I do think there’s a disconnect sometimes with what we’re comfortable seeing as far as the female body goes.
And yeah, I am positive this is my last time having another human inside me, too!
I totally love being pregnant (and that is coming from someone who has been pregnant nine times!) It’s such a magical time. It helps that I don’t ever feel sick.
I love that I have an excuse to eat like a pig, gain weight, and nobody cares. I love the anticipation of carrying a baby–it’s like months of Christmas Eve!
I’m really sad that I never get to be pregnant again.
Jane Reply:
January 16th, 2010 at 7:59 am
I’m sure my husband wishes he had a more cheerfully pregnant wife like you!
P.S. Once you have sons over the age of eight it’s best not to have any anatomically correct female dolls around the house. Even if they have saggy boobs. Trust me on this one.
LOL!! Oh wow, never saw those dolls before. I always thought pregnancy was cool – never had body image problems when I was. However, I do find those dolls a little on the creepy side. Not sure why. DH laughed and said “cool!” when I showed him the pic, so . . . My kids always decapitated their Barbies – or drowned them or rode bikes over them. . . Perhaps because they were egged on by their older brother? Not sure. . .
Always happy to be your source for weird/controversial things! I reveled in my pregnancy more the first time around. The second time around was a little more ho-hum, a little more uncomfortable.
I don’t really think Barbies teach unrealistic body image, anymore than Cabbage Patch dolls teach that it’s cool to be chubby. They’re just dolls – little stick figures kids can use to act out the stories in their head. I played with barbies when I was little – we tied them to the air vent on the ceiling with string and made them swing across the room so they would escape the “hot lava” pink shag carpet. We weren’t focused on the shape of their legs.
I don’t really think very many six year old imaginations are focused on placenta and breastfeeding. With a doll like this, the doll by its very nature is directing their play – instead of being a generic baby or barbie or unobtrusive doll that can be used as a character in any story they dream up.
Also – and this is just a superficial reaction – I just think that doll looks… gross. I think even six and seven year old girls would snicker over the doll. We’re not prudes around here – my girls have seen me breastfeed, they see me take baths with the baby – we’re a little lax on the whole modesty thing, and they understand how babies are born – but I think this doll is just – not something anyone would want to play with.
Jane Reply:
January 16th, 2010 at 7:58 am
I think that’s the best argument against these dolls — that they can only really be used to play/teach one thing. And if I were going to direct my child’s play that much, I’d choose a Going to College Barbie or something.
Carina just shared a post on google reader abt an old lego ad that was praised for being so gender neutral compared to the pink pony lego stuff they now have. My girls L-O-V-E the pink pony lego stuff, and I am happy for them to play with it. I’d be even happier if it were pink pony lego Goes to College, but . . .
And I’m sure you look lovely.
I feel exactly like your friend who was (is) staying with you. Exactly! I love being pregnant because it’s the one time I’m not self conscious of my belly. And I have all boys so no barbies here, and I never had any as a girl, but I can say I am for dang sure glad I didn’t play with THAT doll. It’s just creepy. But that’s just me.
P.S. Is this friend the person who was in the car with you on Friday when you picked up your girls? I wondered who it was…see how nosy I am?
First… having seen you just the other day. You are neither fat nor ugly. You actually look gorgeous. And since I am an expert on fat and ugly you really should listen to me.
I think it is a good thing for kids to play with princess crowns, barbies, tonka trucks, and G.I. Joe. It allows them to enjoy the trivial things in life before responsibility sets in.
Have to say I feel best about my looks when I am pregnant, but since I have done that for the last time and it ended 13 months ago, have to find a new way to like my body, 2 c sec scars and all.
I did love being preg all three times, but got over it a lil faster each time, around 34 weeks first time, 30 weeks with second and last year I fell around 28 weeks and during the last three months i could barely walk because I pulled a GROIN muscle so ANYTHING would have beat the last part of that pregnancy….
steff
I did not enjoy being pregnant. Ugh. I was tired and uncomfortable and started showing right away. In fact I love labor because it meant I was no longer pregnant.
Those dolls are just weird. I can’t see them being a plaything (like Sue said too specific- I don’t like dolls that you feed, change diapers, or talk to you either) and as a teaching tool I would want something more detailed/accurate. Plus once kids got silly with it (like kids always do with toys) I can just imagine what they would come up with. Therapy creating type stuff I’m sure.
PS I’m feeling fat and ugly right now, too, but have nothing to blame it on except terrible eating habits, laziness, and lack of time to go to a hair salon.
I wonder if I’ll be proud of my body some day in that way. Interesting to think about.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Morning sickness has a real nasty affect on body image. How do you look good when you feel that bad?? Personally I greatly dislike being pregnant. From the aches and pains to the constant expansion. It drives me crazy that I can’t rationalize my hormone driven emotions. I have spent a lot of time looking forward to the labor that will end my discomfort.
With that being said. I am a huge fan of that little doll. I work as a doula and plan on continuing/finishing midwifery school in the near future. My daughter is two and lives in a very uncensored (birth centered)environment. Preparing her for the birth of her sibling has been a fun and long process. A doll like that is a great teaching tool. She watches home birth videos and seems to understand a basic process, but it would be nice to get down on her level and really play it out.
I find barbies a little silly. I wasn’t allowed them as a child and when I finally received one as a gift had no interest. Like Bratz dolls or the Disney princess’ They are designed to spark a little girls interest in anything pretty. And depending on your child’s interests and personality they are destroyed of charished. I don’t think the outcome is often an eating disorder or body image issue but more of an obvious distaste for anything less “glamorous”.
Hope you feel better soon!
Pregnancy just seemed like darned hard work to me and a way of making your body wear out at an alarmingly rapid rate (cos nothing ever goes back where it used to be, does it?). In the meantime, the Dad looks on, getting younger every minute and wondering why you’re out of breath and sulking around like a hulk with PMT in jogging bottoms. And besides, I was always foul to EVERYONE when I was pregnant, including the kids. All of which seem like good reasons to only do it 3 times. Nope I’ve had my last pregnancy…I’m going to enjoy the kids I’ve got now.
p.s. congrats on your pgncy. wishing you well.
Big Mamma Frog Reply:
January 18th, 2010 at 3:09 am
p.p.s. well actually i did it 5 times…but 3 kids were the result. And that’s enough – one kid for each hand and one spare lol!
You really bring up a some good pionts. Maybe that is the issue. These dolls are REAL. Maybe that is what throws people. Maybe the princesy barbie stuff is fake and thereofre safer for the brian to digest – when the reality is – that we only THINK it is safe. Satan really likes to present us with images, and then lie about the safety of letting into our homes. I think we aren’t used to something like these dolls that present what being a woman really is. It is not socially the norm – so it is freaky. I dont know – something to think about. Do we accept socities “norms” or to we tell the truth? and are we comfortable with that?
nothing wrong with the doll breastfeeding, let’s just skip the placenta! and i wasn’t a big fan about the baby coming out of the vagina while the doll is kneeling. i know it’s all natural and that’s the way things are, but so is urinating and defecating. i don’t want dolls doing that either.
i’m all for breastfeeding dolls, even with droopy breasts. let’s just stop there…
I have no problem with the anatomically correct parts, but the doll itself is kind of ugly. Why are her boobs so oddly shaped? And would a child really want to play with a placenta? And would I really WANT my child to be playing with a placenta?!?
Well why not my girls use the word vagina like it is an everyday word why not throw placenta in there too.
Eh maybe not.
I hope one day to be pregnant and love it…at least a little. That would be nice.