My nephew is 2 and happens to be adopted. It’s not a secret, but I doubt my SIL and BIL have sat down with him to explain that he didn’t come to their family the same way his older sister did. (Maybe they have. I know they’re ready to, but I seriously doubt it’s crossed his two year old mind.) I believe he’s seen pictures of his birth mother, but he doesn’t know what that means—and I highly doubt that he considers her (whom he hasn’t seen since he was three days old) “family,” though she may be. (I’ll bet good money they’re saving the fact that his biological parents have since married and had another child for a time when he’ll be old enough to understand what that means. Again, it’s not a secret, but it’s also not something that he can understand.)

I tried to read the whole thing and I just couldn’t. That girl lives in another dimension. One where appearance and selfishness are everything and honesty and the wonderful gift of life mean nothing. I think she is just mad that $1000 goes to that kid every month. Honestly. She brought it up too much for that to not be true.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised based on what she said of her mother. I feel for that boy, and those “legitimate” kids. They’ve got one messed up path looming ahead of them.

I hope that the little boy is in a wonderful family of his own, one that celebrates the blessing that he is and the potential of who he can grow to be in this world. I’m quite certain from what I did read of that article that he is far better off spending no time with his biological family/step-mother; I cannot imagine that they would offer him anything but sugar-coated spoonfuls of guilt and shame.

My two cents.

One of my very straight-arrow cousins is married to a woman who has a baby from a previous relationship. And if that is okay in my very conservative family, it’s okay ANYWHERE. (Thanks for reminding us of the female experience w/ this).

Years after high school I made friends with a darling neighbor who had lived through that experience. She did not regret giving up her child for adoption, but she was still hurting from the pain of it all. However, she did feel a sense of relief with her choice speak freely about that time in her life. She chose NOT to keep the “dirty little secret” securely stashed away in a closet of skeletons, but to share the experience for what it was and how it affected her.

I can understand that there is a blight on the master-race image they’re trying to keep up, but I think it isn’t the boy himself, it’s that they care about the image too much. You said it right.

Perfectly said Jane!!

I think what made me the most insane is the idea that men never get a choice when a woman decides to keep a baby she didn’t intend to get impregnated with. Because the woman was the only one having sex, the woman was the only one who didn’t use birth control — I mean, it’s our responsibility anyway, right? — Clearly he is completely above reproach in this situation. And obviously, their own clear distain for the innocent child could have nothing to do with the mother’s frequent excuses as to why they shouldn’t see him. No, certainly not her urge to protect her boy from people who see him as a problem to throw money at and then ignore.

Ridiculous. And if I am being judgmental, then so be it. I’m comfortable with it.

But the truth is — I’m not against judgment.

What I am against is wrong judgment, or self-serving judgment, or acting in fear of someone else’s (wrong) judgment.

(When I said “Can we get any more judgemental?” that was parallel to “Can we get any shallower?” and I was saying “we” are NOT that shallow or judgmental, and that the writer is wrong to assume that people are — though maybe I have disproved that by judging her for something else entirely?)

I should have worded it better — where the writer fears judgment for having an illegitimate step-son, I think this is wrong for two reasons — not because “judgment” is involved, but because:

A) I think she’s wrong about the possible judgment — I don’t think that sort of judgment exists to the extent that she thinks it does. That was my point when saying that no families are perfect.

and

B) Whether that judgment exists or not, it would be wrong to order one’s life according to the judgment of others, to do the wrong thing out of fear of judgment.

(I hope that makes sense and doesn’t just sound like a bunch of rationalization, which it may very well be, but I hope not .

You are against judgment and being judgmental, yet you are judging the writer of that entry.

Just sayin’…

In my sister’s case there’s no chance of hiding it bec. she has three kids and lives in the same area, after having been married for seven years, etc.

But why hide it anyway? She did nothing wrong. (I mean, of course she did lots of things wrong — WE ALL DO), but she has nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing really to be gained by hiding the truth.