(Spoiler warning. Caveat Emptor, etc.)
Sally, age 8, uttered that phrase all parents wait for this week when she asked if she could read Twilight. “But all my friends are reading it,” she said, when I told her no. (The funny thing about that is that she knew to ask. She doesn’t ever ask if she can read Charlie Bone or Enola Holmes, though we did have discussions about the later Harry Potter books last July.)
I said no, in part, because after watching New Moon at midnight with Chrysanthemum, who was my midnight-Twilight buddy last year, and Sharla, I went home and made my husband very, very happy.
Not that New Moon is great; it’s actually not even as good as the first one (which itself wasn’t very good at all except as a fantasy made celluloid). Oh, the makeup’s a little better, and … well, to be honest the best thing about it is Jacob’s chest. The music (one of the highlights of the first) was horrible. Either totally unsuited to the mood of a scene or completely over-the-top. (I think I stole that line from Sharla, but I was thinking it!)
Bella’s personality and motivations, never very sympathetic or believable, take a turn to the maniacally-self-destructive-self-hating, which can’t be blamed on anything but Stephenie Meyer. But the worst part is Edward, who is okay, if whiny-emo, at the beginning, but after an hour or so of reveling in the (literal) warmth of Jacob’s friendship and muscles, Edward, at the climactic moment in Italy, stepping out into the sunlight, looks like an angel hair noodle with bits of pubic hair pepper stuck to him.
Not appealing, in other words. Emotionally, mentally, or physically. Three strikes and you’re out, baby!
I’ve never bought that romance (and I read a lot of romance) is emotional you-know-what for women. I’ll take my level-headed, laid-back, not-libido-driven, loving husband any day over any fictional character, no matter how sparkly. But as far as regular you-know-what, New Moon apparently delivers (ask Mr. Bennet).
Which is why Sally may never read the books or watch the movies. (She will, but not any time soon.)
As we stood in line for popcorn last night (the outing itself was great fun and something I should probably do more than once a year), we talked to a mom and her eight-year old daughter. The girl was really cute. Cute clothes, blonde hair in a grown-up cut, dangly earrings. She loves the books, and she will probably have a wonderful life. Sally next to her would look old-fashioned, young, and probably repressed by a censoring mother.
And to that I say: you’re welcome.
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For Sharla, here’s the post where I compared Stephenie Meyer and Shannon Hale.
*Image from Fanpop.
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I read an article recently by a SLC professor (it’s driving me crazy that I can’t remember her name or where I read the article), but she described the sex (or, rather, the lack thereof) in the Twilight books (and movies) as “Abstinence Porn.” She asserts that young girls are now seeking out relationships with boys just to try to experience that extreme tension caused by wanting but not having, a la Bella and Edward. She explains it better, obviously, but it was pretty interesting.
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Jane Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I hope incidence of date-rape doesn’t go up as a result.
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My 9 yr old daughter is getting peer pressure to go see New Moon, too. I refuse. And i think it is sad other moms out there are willing to expose their kids to so many adult issues so young in life. I guess that’s not my place to judge, though.
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I believe parents should protect their children’s innocence and allow them to be children while they can. Let them wait until middle school or even high school to join the popularity rat race. We absolutely shouldn’t try give them a boost up the popularity ladder with “adult-style” or (a more appropriate term) “apprentice slut” apparel. Many who are super popular in high school find the rest of their lives anticlimactic. Those who spend their school days concentrating on learning, sports, and friendhip with other innocents will hit their strides in college, and find individual paths through life that suit their own personalities (not what the popular crow considers cool).
Stick to your guns on shielding them from things 8-yr olds don’t need (like twisted vampire love stories). Besides, would you like to explain some of the concepts in that movie to her on the way home?
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I enjoyed Brandi’s comment–never thought if it that way but now that you referred to that professor’s comment I can totally see it. I am not a fan of the series unless you consider them comedies rather than fantasy. (I laughed my way through book #4.) But I do enjoy a good set of abs so I may have to break down and see this one in the theater rather than on DVD like I saw Twilight! LOVED this post–it rocks!
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So, are you telling me you’ve gone from Team Charlie to Team Jacob’s Chest?
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Jane Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Well, I’m just sayin’ I’ll keep my options open.
Charlie was a welcome voice of sanity and (very gentle) humor, and his mustache is sexy, even though in real life they just seem problematic. I need to look up Billy Burke on imdb.com or something and see him some more!
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I haven’t seen the movie yet, but will be going with my 12 year old daughter. Although we have had multiple conversations about how unhealthy the relationships in the series are, and she understands that. She was read the series (minus the paper clipped sections in the last book). Of course she also read 1776 last month, so at least I am giving her a balanced diet of books a little above her head. When I was her age I was reading Of Mice and Men and the Pearl.
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At ten, my friend’s daughter very much wants to read the series, but her mom has said no. She can read it in a few years, there’s always time!
I agree, the first movie was better and it wasn’t great, though I did watch it a couple times after my first reaction and reading your review of it last year and I think that my initial opinion changed a bit for the better.
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When I watched it today the music actually didn’t seem as bad. I think I was particularly slap happy and noticing all the weird things when we went. And I had way more fun with you and Chrysanthemum! (Shh don’t tell). We should do it more often.
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I couldn’t read this until after I saw the movie. I love you but I have to disagree. This movie was far better then the first. Except the sparkly vampire parts. Those still sucked ducks.
And with that glowing movie review I am sure I will get offers to review movies left and right. LOL
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Ha! I loved the bit about the angel hair noodle. Very well written post–unlike anything Stephanie Meyer had ever done. Frankly, I will never let my daughter or any friend of mine read Twilight because they are so poorly written. But if you’re reading or watching for a good laugh, go right ahead.
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