Homeschooling.
When I was in high school, I read a book called Free at Last about the Sudbury Valley School. It was enchanting, and liberating, for me to know that there were places like that, and that my mother would support me in any sort of school arrangement I wanted to come up with for myself. From what I remember (and this is when Sudbury was one place, an experiment, not a “method”), kids went to school and then did whatever they wanted. Whatever they wanted. On a bucolic-sounding campus where anything seemed possible.
There were teachers, whom the kids could ask to be mentors or contract with to teach specialized courses, but the (I was going to say “onus” but that is the opposite of what the discovery of things, ideas, peoples should be, right?) — the planning and initial desire came from the students.
Marcy and Brad (who are three and five years younger than me) even homeschooled for a year while I was in high school, and though I stayed in public school (partly because the system worked, quite well, for me), I felt free just knowing that I was not a prisoner of the school system. Though there were times, when I compared some of the ridiculous bureaucracies of even my pretty-good school (think The Office applied to education with a twist of Kafka) to the freedoms of Sudbury, that if I had not been so ambitious/competitive at that time, I would have quit.
Now, I like to think that I can apply the principles of self-guided learning to my career as a mother and homemaker. If I have an idea that needs writing or a book that needs reading, I can ignore the cat food spilled on the floor, and last night’s sink of dishes and be glad there are waffles leftover from yesterday and that the kids know where the paper and crayons are (and the roller skates, doll stroller, and cat), while I do whatever I want, right here next to them on the kitchen table.
It’s a pretty good trade off for not getting a paycheck and not being known for having a beautifully-kept home.
The appeal of homeschooling, and my brand of “homeliving” is, as I see it — the freedom to do and learn what you want. Freedom from both actual regulations and others’ expectations. If I jumped up to clean my house right now rather than a couple hours from now, I’d be doing it for fear that someone will come over and see evidence of my “sloth,” not because I want it clean for myself (which I do, just not right now). This is also a financial freedom, of course, the freedom Mr. Bennet’s paying job gives me and also the freedom from extravagant wants. (Or at least the freedom from thinking that those wants, which I do have, are actually needs).
So that’s the biggest appeal to me of homeschool — freedom – and also the largest drawback, because I have always seen that magical time when my kids start school (preschool and on), as the beginning of my personal freedom — from them.
But lately, because they are getting older (they’re 8, 5 & 3) and I can imagine Sally babysitting in the not-too-distant future, and because I don’t know if we will or should even try to have another baby, it has started to not seem so magical.
We had two weeks off school for our vacation, and then another week off preschool because of teacher’s vacations and illnesses, and before I knew it, I was answering Susan’s interesting questions about why our garden is “hibernating” right now and directing as Sally made an entire pizza from scratch, realizing that she’s even old enough now to deal with a 450-degree oven. (Under supervision. Calm down, Nana.)
I see possibility now where before, no matter how I admired the homeschooling lifestyle, I saw chaos and cramping and never, ever getting to go to the bathroom alone.
So I’m thinking about it. The basic philosophy — that my kids can learn without an institution to guide them, that I can provide basic instruction and figure out how to arrange any other instruction, that my kids can socialize with an even wider range of society without the structure of 8-2 school, and that they can become anything they want to be, is something I believe in wholeheartedly.
The biggest drawback, now, is that they like regular school. Sally has never had an academic or behavioral issue, and she loves her teacher and friends. Susan and even Spot like preschool and are always eager to go. Perhaps that should be the end of it, because it is certainly easier to send them off in the mornings and welcome them home in the afternoon. (Susan and Spot only go for a couple hours at a time, now, but I have looked forward to full days of being kid-free.)
Here in small-town Utah, I don’t feel the pull of homeschooling for any of the other reasons I have previously thought would make it an easy decision — here the other kids are, for the most part, good influences on my kids. I don’t worry about drugs and sex and that sort of thing. Of course it goes on, especially in the high schools, but it’s not something that can’t be avoided quite easily, and it’s not something that’s accepted as, well, acceptable. The values and lessons we teach at home are taught in the other homes around us.
I also have no complaint about the school Sally attends. As far as public schools go, I couldn’t ask for better, except for the large classroom sizes, but that’s kind of an insurmountable problem in Utah, and not as important in the long run as a cheerful, enthusiastic, receptive teacher, something that Sally has always had.
So why even think about it? In the past I’ve always been able to shrug it off, or wait a few days, and the idea goes away. Maybe it will again this time. Before, I’ve known it was time for summer vacation because homeschooling was sounding better, and that it must be August when I am dreaming of class lists and packing sack lunches.
I need to do some more research. Observe Sally’s classroom (though I have “volunteered” for parties when cornered and attended parent-teacher conferences, I’ve never sat in on a lesson), and read some books. My sister-in-law recommended The Call to Brilliance, but I’m finding it too mystical so far to be inspiring. On Twitter I got recommendations for A Thomas Jefferson Education, The Homeschooling Option, The Well-Trained Mind, and The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling. Let me know if you have a book that changed your life. I’ll probably read Free at Last again (hoping it won’t have diminished as I got older).
And in the end, maybe I’ll revert to my default position, which was similar to my mother’s — that of support and interest in whatever my kids need, with intense relief that they are getting older and are (always have been) good at entertaining and “educating” themselves.
I asked Sally about it yesterday. What would you think of homeschooling? And she nodded, “That would be good.” Why? “Because then you could answer all my questions. Sometimes I have a question and the teacher doesn’t have time to answer mine, and that’s not good when you have a serious question.” Then she turned to me and said, “But would we still have recess?” And I reassured her that recess could be arranged.
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I wanted to add a link to one of the best posts on Homeschooling I’ve ever read, by Mrs. G on Pioneer woman.
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As I have considered home school for my daughter (not yet 2 years old), I don’t think the idea is right for us. My main argument against home schooling in our family, is a fear I will pass my own educational weaknesses on to my daughter. I understand teachers have weaknesses and preferences of their own they will pass along, however with teachers changing annually and our efforts I feel like it is a balanced approach.
I will freely admit however I have done very little in the way of formal research and maybe I should consider opinions of professionals rather than my own anecdotal thoughts and evidence. Thanks for the book recommendations.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I did really well academically, and I enjoy explaining things to my kids, but I am not always so patient. I do have major weaknesses in art, music, dance, that sort of thing. Would definitely have to outsource, so there is that cost to consider, but I worry my kids won’t get enough of that in school anyway, so outside lessons are going to be a factor regardless.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Oh, and what you said about the balanced approach — that’s a good point, but I think having the knowledge and experience of your own kid’s patterns and aptitudes and styles, over time esp. would help a lot in tailoring lessons.
We were having this discussion with another couple, neither of us have kids yet, but they recommended A Well-Trained Mind as well, do you have it? I was hesitant about it and I didn’t know why until Laura’s comment. I have my own educational weaknesses, would I be easy on my kids because history was never my favorite subject, would we skip it all together? Or would it be fun to learn it so that I can then teach it? One thing is for sure, our kids are never going to school in our school district; good thing we are moving soon.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I don’t have any of those books yet (except the Brilliance one), but I’ll look for that one first. I love the idea of going back and studying things (esp science and math) that I loved so much in school but then didn’t study at all in college. Maybe I just need to go back to school myself
.
Homeschooling does not have to be something you decide right now for the rest of your life. Maybe you keep thinking about it now because it would be good for your family now. In my family, all three of us kids homeschooled for 1 to 2 years, at times when it was right for us. (Middle school for me.) I learned I could be an independant learner, and that ultimately, where ever I was, I was the one resonsibe for my education, not the school or the teacher.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Yes. It’s mostly a matter of knowing that we aren’t hostages of the system. We are free to choose. Someone I respect on Twitter said that she worried that it would be hard to go back to public school and that HS is a one-way ticket. I see the point there, but my sister and brother had no problem switching to homeschool or switching back, so I could definitely see it being something we experimented — and that it would be good as an independence-fostering experience.
Heck, some days all we HAVE around here is recess.
As far as the weakness issue, it depends on how you do things. Teachers have systems and methods they adhere to, and are allowed very little flexibility. In a situation like that, their weaknesses are difficult to compenstae for. They can’t be creative. I, however, have the freedom to switch curriculi whenever I feel the current one isn’t doing it anymore. And I have the freedom to teach my children THROUGH their interests, as opposed to putting those interests aside to concentrate on something the schools consider separate. To give you an example, Max has a tutor he sees every Tuesday. This tutor used to be a teacher. Max can read to an extent, and I’ve taught him via sounding things out, which is how I learned. His tutor, however, has her method she always taught by in the public school system and insists on putting Max through the whole thing from the very beginning, starting with his letter sounds, which he’s known since he was 18 months old. Seems like a silly waste of time, but I figure it can’t hurt.
That all being said, I would be going out of my mind if I wasn’t able to outsource a lot of the homeschooling we do. We’ve got tutors, we’ve got homeschool co-op, we’ve got science classes at the children’s museum, we have online curriculi. If I had to do things the way my mom did back in the 80′s with me, you’d have to commit me.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Sounds like you guys are in a great place to homeschool. We are in a good place for gardens and outdoor stuff, but pretty far from museums and other resources like that. Not too far for the occasional fieldtrip, but we are kind of isolated.
I love the idea of being able to take the time to study something to our hearts’ content without having to move on to something else as per someone else’s schedule. It’s not the end of the world that Avery has questions that go unanswered, but if it happens all the time … it might be.
I never considered it.
When I first moved into my ward, a lady welcomed me and asked me what I thought about homeschooling. I told her I only knew one family that was homeschooled and they were socially retarded. Turns out she is a big time advocate of homeschooling and owns a local bookstore which sells mostly homeschool curriculum.
Their entire family is socially retarded. Severely.
I know it is probably wrong…but based on their example and another homeschooling family in the area, I’m not a fan.
My world is small so I’m sure there are some good examples out there, I just don’t know of any.
Emily Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
This “socially retarded” family would probably still be socially retarded whether they were schooled at home, a Catholic school, or Pine Elementary School. Children who have parents who read are generally “good readers.” Same goes for the athletic, the funny, the bullies. I’m not suggesting that homeschooling is for everyone, just as I wouldn’t suggest public school is for everyone. Maybe that super weird family has found a place wherein they aren’t ridiculed (because of inexposure, if nothing else). I’ll bet they are considered perfectly normal in other circles.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I admit that I have thought of certain homeschooling families/kids as weird, but Emily makes a good point. (Every ward/town seems to have a Pye family, regardless of educational philosophies.)
I also worry that most of my good feelings about homeschooling come from written things, which are almost surely romanticized (as almost all good written things are, just by the act of being written down) — like posts by Mrs. G. And here is one that will make you laugh, B. (seriously go read it).
We homeschool our children and really do love it. Although I am not a stellar homeschooling parent, I do not think I am failing them either. I probably teach like I do everything else: mediocre, fine, B. There are some areas in which they are far ahead of their class, some where they are behind and some where they are perfectly average. My children are socially balanced, participate in activities outside of our home (scouts, dance) and play well with other children. Because of lack of exposure, they do not use phrases such as You’re not my best friend anymore or I’m not inviting you to my birthday party or _____current over-hyped and over-priced product_______ is soooooo cool! They are connected to family, they teach and learn from one another, they have regular, intimate conversations with their parents, and they have learned about the birds and the bees from their informed parents (not first graders that learned what they know from a fourth grade brother) at an age and in a way we deemed appropriate. Other perks from the parents’ perspective is the tighter control we have on friends and the child’s use of free time. We get to see the light bulb turn on and the satisfaction of accomplishment. I get to learn or remind myself of ideas and concepts learned so many years ago. We can take the chance to teach about the world with our moral compass instead of the states’ and we are at bat when important life questions are asked.
Cons? My house is never clean, I rarely get time alone, I have mastered reading my books amidst the chaos of five children on hardwood floors. I paint walls with a child on my hip, I cook with a child standing on a stool by my side, I fold laundry just a touch faster than my baby unfolds the laundry.
Some feedback from a soldier in the trenches.
Jane Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Thanks for sharing this portrait, Emily. It sounds great, and realistic!
I read “Free At Last” in college (ironically in an education class as part of a secondary education degree that I ultimately abandoned in favor of the far more practical biochemistry degree… right…), and it was definitely what started me on the path to homeschooling. I sent my kids to public school for the first 2 years. We are in a great school district (one of the best in the state and definitely in the top 5% nationwide), and my kids were doing well. But I couldn’t stop thinking about homeschooling. I knew I would always regret not trying, so last year I pulled them out and we’ve been going for it ever since.
It would be much, much easier to send them to school. There are days when I am envious of the other mothers who have time to do laundry and read their own books and go to the grocery store by themselves. But the thing is, I only have 3 kids and can’t have any more. My oldest (twins) are 8. In a little more than 9 years, they will be grown and out of my house. 3 years later, my youngest will be gone. Then I am going to have a whole lot of time to go to the store by myself and read books and do my own projects. My kids will be gone, and any chance I might have had to create the kind of childhood and home I always dreamed for them will be gone.
My advice would be to just try it. Your oldest is in 3rd grade, right? If you pull her out for 3rd grade and it is an utter disaster, the worst thing that can happen is that you’ll put her back in school and she’ll be fine. Her life will not be ruined by missing out on public school 3rd grade! Maybe you’ll try it and it’s fine, but really not for you. Then you’ll know and you’ll never have any regrets about your choice to keep your kids in public school.
But maybe you will love it, and your kids will love it, and it will be the best thing you ever did for your family. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
I loved “Free At Last,” and I understand and admire the theory behind “unschooling.” Ultimately, for a variety of reasons, I decided to use a more structured, classical approach which I feel better prepares my particular kids for their future in the modern world. I really liked “A Well Trained Mind;” it fit my personality and goals for education. We don’t follow it exactly, but that is the beauty of homeschooling. You can do what works for you!
Homeschooling is a full-time job, don’t kid yourself otherwise. You will be squeezing in housework and errands and everything else in around your schooling, just like any other work-out-of-the-home mom. And it is really hard. But the benefits are real and as we go along I am more and more convinced that we made the right choice for our family.
I was starting to think that I would have to do homeschooling where we lived before, simply because the schools are bad. But if there is one thing that I have learned simply by trying to teach my own boys at home, is that it would never work for us. Not me with my boys. (Although honestly, I could imagine homeschooling your girls, but I guess I am already their teacher, and I love it). Anyway, the last thing my boys want to do is learn with me. Not to say we couldn’t go out and learn things, and we do, but I know that it would drive me and them both to insanity.
I got into a discussion with one Mom that was a strong advocate of Homeschooling and when I told her what I just told you she said: “You’re wrong. They are YOUR children sent to YOU and if there were no schools YOU would be the one teaching them. You are the only one perfectly qualified to teach them.” Then she went on to say what if you lived on a farm and yadda yadda, blah blah so I finally stopped her and said: “You know what? If we lived on a farm and there were no public schools I would send my boys out in the field with their dad. I STILL would not keep them home with me all day because I know we would kill each other eventually.” And I really strongly believe that. Yes, I would teach them, just like I do now, but most of their learning would be out with their Dad.
Needless to say, I am so thankful we moved to where there are good schools. Although my boys are having kind of a hard time making friends which is another thing that has been keeping me up at night. *sigh. There’s no winning.
P.S. I hope your girls weren’t sick today. Everything okay?
I admire families that homeschool, but have always know I do not have the temperament for it myself. If you want to try it I say go for it. Nothing says you can’t change your mind later.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Interestingly, I have an opposite opinion change from yours. I started out being extremely borderline to homeschooling, but felt that I should give public school a chance. If their first school had been terrible, I would probably be homeschooling now. Over time I have become more convinced that public school is the better option and homeschooling an exception (although very valid alternative especially if the public schools are broken where you live). I have never taken homeschooling off the table, but it would take an increasingly extreme situation to push me over the edge.
I have thought about homeschooling a lot and right now don’t feel passionate about either choice. Our public schools are pretty mediocre, in a small-ish town with a lot of undereducated, unmotivated parents who don’t really care that much about their children’s education. Then there’s the unversity bubble: most of the faculty’s children end up in the “giften and talented” track (there’s one class in each grade for this, so the kids are always with the same classmates every year). But on the other hand i wonder how I would homeschool and keep my kids from getting bored. There’s a homeschool group in town, but it’s definitely a strongly christian HS group and I don’t want that kind of education (and you know me–I am Christian, but no way I want to teach a certain religious agenda when, say, I’m teaching about biology or whatever). So basically I feel fairly conflicted about both options. what i really wish we had is some kind of charter school where kids go only in the mornings and with lots of opportunities for flexible learning. then afternoons would have optional field trips/activities. So most of the time kids could just be kids and play. Preferably outside. A lot. I think kids don’t get enough unstructured play time, and definitely spend too much time indoors.
Anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I was pleasantly surprised to hear you discuss this and am eager to hear how your thoughts on home/public schooling continue to evolve.
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