It has been two months since I went off the sauce. It was pretty easy, this time. I was taking strong painkillers for the miscarriage, anyway, so it seemed a propitious time. (Also the number on the scale at the doctor’s was sufficiently humbling.)
But now, two months later, I crave Dew’s lemon meringue-y chemical sweetness more than my lover’s arms. I wake up fantasizing about that first cold slip down the throat, the pop and hiss as you open a can or the still-slightly-illicit-thrill of making an unnecessary stop at the gas station, genuflecting at that holy miracle, the soda fountain machine, from which pours the heavenliest of nectars, unceasingly.
My tooth hurts, my voice is ravaged from swine flu (Dick says I should cut back to one pack a day. Of swine? I ask.) I have a few projects on deadline and I’m still sad about my weight (and my baby, though this would be what they call an unpropitious time to be pregnant.)
Mountain Dew is the ultimate comfort. The shangri of my la, the pot of gold, the beautiful oblivion from all cares and curses. Maybe if I promise to start running every morning I can afford just one taste of bliss each day. Or what if I stop yelling? Swearing? Complaining about the basketball-sweaty socks strewn about my bedroom? Surely there is some indulgence I can trade for the sin I covet.
(And before you suggest diet Mountain Dew, don’t. It’s spectacularly disgusting. And, anyway, it’s the caffeine too, as well as the sugar. I see myself as someone just crunchy enough to despise artificial stimulants while keeping well under the doesn’t-use-toilet-paper true-granola barrier.)
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I say that you actually go running for…what…three, scratch that, two weeks faithfully to see if you’ll actually do it. Plus, just as an FYI when you run a mile you burn around 100 calories. So as long as you run a mile for every single mountain dew you drink you’ll stay the same weight. 3.3 miles a day = 3 mountain dews.
Sorry, no advice here other than to keep up the good work. Don’t expect it to get easier. I’m just as tempted by chocolate now as I ever was, and it’s nearly been a year and a half.
I can’t help you with that. Dew has never appealed to me because its color looks a little too much like pee… sorry. Maybe that thought will help your addiction
I can say with complete empathy, that I KNOW! I KNOW! I have been off M.D. for over a month. This has never happened before. Ever. In my life. But I too have been humbled by the scale. And a little afraid of my addiction.
I don’t drink Diet Dew either (that disgusting imposter!) but I usually don’t drink fountain dew either (unless I’m lucky enough to find a restaurant serving it). I prefer the ice cold kiss of the can.
I just told myself that if I can make it until thanksgiving, then I can have one. But I’m afraid to start down that road again. It was a beautiful road. But it got out of control fast. And I can’t make my sorry butt exercise.
You have just shattered me. I’ve been planning to go off of my beloved Diet Coke with Lime soon (what? You can’t rush into these things) and I always thought “if I can just get over the initial heartbreak, I’ll be fine”.
Now you’re telling me this?!! I’m still going to crave it months later?
Shattered.
Alls I can say is that I don’t think it’s all that bad. We are just talking about soda here. I’m not saying to give up…I’m just saying that if you do, it’s okay. I’ll still love ya. So were you kidding about the swine flu? Is your tooth still hurting? Are you still sick? I’m so sorry if so. Please let me know if I can do anything to help!
My husband drinks the most disgusting form of pee-water available. Yep, Diet Mountain Dew. Yuck, yuck, yuck. So I can’t help you. I think it is a form of insanity to drink such an unnaturally colored soda. I prefer healthier, natural colored drinks (you know, like koolaid)
Good luck getting healthy again. You should seriously stop hanging out with those swine for a while. I hope you find the right bribery to make you comfortable la-ing your shangri again. (Sounds similar to my “do dishes = Ben & Jerry’s” deal I have going).
First Mountain Dew… what’s next? Chick-Fil-A?
I am deathy afraind of catching any swine related. Unless it is a bacon induced coma.
I think this post is supposed to be a sort of talisman or a message for me. I haven’t had diet coke (because I’m down with the artificial sweeteners) since Saturday and I’m jonesing for one, but the caffeine headaches are gone at this point and it would be better if I didn’t have the habit. Right?
Oh my goodness. I could not have said this better. I LOVE Mt. Dew. It’s like my strength. I haven’t had it in a while. But oh, when I do. It’s the best. The diet is terrible. Agreed!
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