See if you can spot all the problems in this pitch:
Hello Mari,
I wanted to tell you about a new month-long Bubbles and Bubbly Contest powered by Wisk High-Efficiency detergent, which your readers will surely enjoy. To enter to win, just answer a true or false question that tests your Bubble IQ and no matter if you get it right or wrong you are eligible for a grand prize drawing of a fabulous red HE washer & dryer. And because we know that all HE machines require HE detergent, we’re also giving away one-year supplies of Wisk HE detergent to 5 lucky runners up. Also, each day 5 people will win a free bottle of Wisk HE. You can enter up to once a day for a month for the chance to win, so do come back each day for a new question and another chance to win!
Please let me know if you have any questions and if you can help spread the word to your readers.
Best,
Kathleen
@LaundryHE
Done? Okay. Here’s what I came up with:
1. My name is not “Mari.” I’m happy to be called Shannon or Jane; even “MommyBlogger” would be preferable to a name that is not my name. Sally has been reading too much Calvin & Hobbes lately so she calls me “the Mom-Lady,” but she’s eight, you know?
2. “which your readers will surely enjoy.” Yeah, my dad is really interested in Wisk High-Efficiency detergent.
3. “Bubble IQ.” Really?
4. The statement I got upon visiting the site was “True or False: If you swallow bubble gum it will stay in your stomach for 7 years.” I asked Sally this question in case I was dismissing it too quickly. She gave me the look and said, “that’s impossible.” If your quiz doesn’t at least require my eight-year old to think for a minute, why would I enjoy it?
5. The contest entry requires that you submit both your street address and phone number. Uh, I don’t think so. And, maybe you could have mentioned that in this email. I can’t in good conscience encourage people to leave that kind of information on a site that has no visible encryption or privacy policy.
6. The results are the same whether I get the answer right or wrong? Why use words like “question” and “tests” and “IQ” if this is really one of those pinko feel-good non-contests where everyone is a winner (as long as they’re chosen randomly)? Kids gotta learn that not everyone can be the next American Idol.
7. Whatever you do, don’t say what brand the washer and dryer are (as long as it’s not Maytag — like the kind Dooce, oops, it is a Maytag.) But they’re red! (same kind as my laptop) and fabulous!
8. You just said that High-Efficiency detergent is only for those fancy HE machines, right? If you do a simple site search of my blog with the word “laundry,” the first result is this post, which has a picture of my old, ugly (yet reliable) machines. I know, your time is too valuable to pretend to do any research, even the most obvious and easy two-second search. You’re too important to waste time personalizing things for me. I get it. (thanks for the ego hit.)
9. Even if I did have nothing better to do than enter a quiz that isn’t a quiz every day for a month, you think I’d want to broadcast that fact?
—
I noticed this email (among all the other bad pitches I’ve gotten recently) because a guy I met at a blogging for business conference emailed me the other day asking for consultation about a pitch he’s working on. (SMART GUY.)
Seems like it shouldn’t be too hard to write a successful pitch, if you truly love a product and if you’ve ever written a letter to your mom. But of course PR people can’t expect to love every product they work with, and they probably don’t have mothers, either. Maybe if they could get into some sort of headspace where they believed in X product so much they simply HAD to write home to mother about it, the email boxes of mommybloggers across the land would be a much happier place.
—
Now I feel bad. I sent a link to this to Kathleen, and she responded so graciously. I’m a jerk. (But everything I said is still true. — I guess this is what they meant by cognitive dissonance.)
Also, Dick tells me they’re legally required to enter you in the contest whether you’re medically braindead or not. So, my bad.
Subscribe by email
I would do it but I also respond to every last one of those reciept surveys yanno where you can win 5K just for answering a few q’s online…..
someone has to win why not me?
steff
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I enter Pioneer Woman’s giveaway every time. Only because the stuff she gives away makes my heart beat faster.
The thing that had me laughing the most was the reference to WISK HE, which I kept reading as whiskey… Also I don’t know that the contest should be called bubbles and bubbly unless they are giving away some champagne with all their bubbles.
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Yes, with Martinelli’s sparkling apple cider as an alternative. I love that stuff!
What I’ve learned (and been surprised by) is that a startling number of PR who send out these emails are actually just college interns or people blowing through “another” job. A handful of my recent contacts have left, all citing the need to get back for the next semester or to move on to starting their real career. This doesn’t mean they can’t do just as good a job as a seasoned professional, but still, it’s been enlightening.
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 9:06 am
That’s a good point. Also, I read some interesting stuff — where was it, I think on Scribbit about product reviews: http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2009/10/are-product-reviews-and-blogging-rotten.html
LOL, I’ve gotten a couple where they have some random name at the top. Those go right to the trash bin. As do any pitches that don’t provide anything free for me or my readers. I guess you could say I’m a bit of a snob. And I like free stuff.
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Me too.
I have to admit that I missed most of the problems you mentioned but stumbled all over the poor writing. I usually figure that if a writer can’t be bothered to use good English (and their bosses don’t know the difference), the message can’t be very important. The amount of sophomoric drivel that passes for (supposedly professional) ad copy never ceases to amaze me! Does no one know how to use a comma anymore?
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I agree, of course. Somehow it seemed less personal (however erroneously) to criticize the content rather than the form.
I do prefer drivel to jargon, though.
I keep getting emails from PR companies, and if they only glanced briefly at my blog they would see that I stopped blogging in January.
Jane Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I linked to you in number nine. Something about the “internet urinal” made that post particularly memorable.
Shannon, aka Jane:
Thank you very much for the kind words and the link. I hope my pitch is better than the Wisk example! I’m sure it will be, thanks to your input.
I get 5-6 pitches per day. It’s interesting to be on both the sending and receiving end; I learn a lot about what to do (and not to do) from the pitches I get.
The WORST practice I’ve seen: I respond politely to a pitch, and then get a “reminder” email which fails to acknowledge that I’ve already responded. Argh! Nothing worse than treating any blogger as just another name in a database.
Thanks again for all of your help. I hope you have a chance to take a look at… No, won’t do it. Won’t try to sneak in a link here. I trust you.
Did you make sure all correspondence back to them was addressed “Dear Tide company”?
Is it bad that for the past 3 weeks I have STOPPED looking at pitches.
They just lately have been B-A-D