Mr. Bennet hasn’t worked from home in many months. I know, theoretically, that his job is to create help for software and that mine is, primarily, to raise children. In the abstract this is fine — I don’t want to waste my life writing instructions for some application that three people in the world will use. In the concrete, this is infuriating, because while he is typing away at a computer, I am arguing that one’s blue plastic Ikea fork does not have to match one’s green plastic Ikea plate in order to comply with the prime directive.
So Mr. Bennet is kind enough to not type away at his computer in front of me during normal business hours.
Last week I took Sally and Susan to that Thanksgiving Point thing, but I didn’t take Spot. It was actually for kids five and over, so Susan was pushing it. I told her to just say that she is five, but she said, “No Mom, I won’t do it.” Points for honesty, timeout for disobedience. (And a wash on sheer stubbornness.)
But Spot had to stay home. I asked my sister to watch her for the day, and then Mr. Bennet decided to take a vacation day from his day job so that he could give a 90-minute webinar through his professional association (like the AMA only not for doctors and not limited to Americans).
Mr. Bennet had no control over the webinar technology or how the webinar was set up. He did have a say in what to do with Spot. I suggested he could get a neighbor girl to watch her just during the webinar, but Spot is in general an easy child, so he thought he could work and parent at the same time.
And she was pretty good. She watched a movie downstairs and then went out in the backyard. About five minutes before the end of his presentation, Spot came back in crying. Mr. Bennet ignored her as he confirmed that no one had any more questions and wrapped up. Afterward, he discovered she’d been stung by a wasp, and felt bad for assuming she was just indulging in a temper cry.
The immediate feedback from the webinar was positive, but today he was informed that a woman who had encouraged three of her colleagues to take the seminar was very disappointed and wanted a refund. Many of her concerns were valid, concerning the overall setup (which didn’t allow for much interaction) and the focus of the webinar being different than she expected. Fair enough, refund her money.
Then she complained about the crying child.
I don’t know who I feel compelled to defend here — my kid whose hand swelled up to three times its normal pudginess or my husband, who has almost no experience as a work-at-home parent but handled things okay, I thought, or myself, who as the mother was off gallivanting with her two older children and left the youngest to not only get stung by a wasp from that hive I have sprayed already this summer but also left her poor, over-worked husband to do two jobs and open himself up to criticism for being a father. (And why do I feel guilty for either of those?)
Mr. Bennet says he wishes more people were understanding of children.
It makes me grateful that in my own work, as unprofitable as it may be thus far, I can tell a reporter or a PR rep or a sponsor or a fellow blogger to hold on a minute, my kid needs me. How lucky is it that I can tell the whole world to kiss my tookey if they don’t like hearing my baby cry when she needs her mama?
Also? That even when Mr. Bennet or I fumble the baton as we pass it to each other, we are a team. Don’t nobody mess with my team.
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Once again, your (two but one) worlds are like mine. I’ve had times where I’ve worked from home and done conference calls with M in the room. Of course, that’s when she falls over and smacks her head.. I hear some “awws” on the other end of the phone, as well as the silent judgement that I should not be working & should be devoting myself full-time to the care of my child.
Jane Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Interesting that the silent judgment you hear is that you “should not should not be working & should be devoting myself full-time to the care of my child.” I’m pretty sure the silent judgment Tom heard was that he should be working, and not caring for his child.
(I assume that’s probably a common gender divide?)
I agree with Mr. Bennet; people should be more understanding of children. I am on the other side of this sphere more often than I’d like; I would prefer to be home with my daughter, but have to work for now. I work at a call center, and at least once a week, get a call from a mom who has a screaming kid in the background. Normally, Mom says “Hold on a second,” and deals with the kid, which is fine with me. If she seems upset or nervous about it, I try to say something in the ballpark of “I understand, mine’s small too.”
The worst day of my work-life was a few months ago, when I talked to a Mom whose two month old was screaming bloody murder. She kept making excuses, was clearly trying to shush him from across the room, and I tried to gently suggest that it was okay for her to take care of the kid and come back to me. I finally had to say, point blank, “Okay, Ma’am, let’s take a second here. I have to type for a second, so you go ahead and get your son, and we’ll finish up with you holding him, that’s just fine.” And she says, in this tiny little voice, “I don’t want him to cry into the phone.”
And I wanted to tell her to kick the world in the nads and tell off anybody who complained about it. Instead I just tried for calm, and said “We’ll manage; you go ahead and get him.”
And sure enough, soon as she picked him up, he stopped crying — you could hear him cut off mid-howl — and was fine the rest of the call.
I’m glad for women who tell the world to stop while they take care of their kid. I wish more women would.
Jane Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Thanks for sharing that, Kristine. It sounds like I would love to get you on the phone. Sometimes I am on the phone with my bank or something, and I find myself screaming at my kids to be quiet. Later I wonder why I am so much nicer to complete strangers than my own kids. Of course I am more exasperated and experienced with my own kids, but still. I think the whole world would be much nicer if we could all slow down and be more compassionate.
And along those lines, I can certainly sympathize with the woman at the webinar — what if she has kids of her own and feels guilty or sad for not being with them? Then to be inconvenienced by someone else’s kid at work might feel like a slap in the face…
Just lie and say you work next to a daycare. That works for me.
. I also say I work next to a vet when my dog barks.
I’ve tried working at home and it’s terrible. Or rather, I’m terrible at it. I always end up working in the middle of the night after kids are asleep so there aren’t constant interruptions.
There are a couple of work-from-home mothers on my former team at work. When we do conference calls with them and the babies are heard, I think everyone at my work is just jealous that they can’t do the same. It’s a mindset. Maybe a slight annoyance, but when the at-homers are so good at their job it’s hard to fault them that.
My husband works at home permanently and I rely on him way too much. I can’t imagine having to take care of little kids by myself all day with no hope of relief. I’m still getting the hang of this “mother” thing for a while. My guess is that every time I start feeling comfortable, some huge thing will change in our circumstance and I’ll have to scramble all over again. Kudos to those who have the rhythm down.
Indeed!
However, I do agree with your daughter. My OCD dictates that the fork and plate DO have to match!
Why I oughta smack that lady right upside the head. Seriously. And you have no need to feel guilty. Your team did the right thing.
I kind of conflicted on this one… I’ve worked from home as a tech writer for almost eight years now, and I’ve always had to have part-time help so that I have concentrated time to get my work done and quiet time to make phone calls / participate in conference calls. I expect my clients to pay me professional wages, so I have to cultivate a professional environment when I interact with them. They’re already taking a leap of faith by letting me work off-site, I don’t want to give them any reason to think that I spend my billable hours chasing my kids around the family room. (Although sometimes I do – that is definitely the life of the work at home parent, especially when the other parent works full time outside of the home. Life happens.)
I’ve always felt it would be unprofessional to let clients hear my kids in the background during those kinds of situations (I think your husband’s phone call was a different story though – that’s not his day job, an accident was involved, etc.). If you are supposed to be working, and it is obvious to the client that you are working but distracted by parenting, they may rightfully feel they aren’t getting their money’s worth.
Plus, clients aside, I honestly don’t know how I WOULD get any work done if I didn’t have a part-time sitter. I can only imagine the Lord of the Flies type scenarios that would be going on if I let them have the run of the house while I worked every day.
I’m a part time work-from-home, part time in-the-office mom myself. While my baby is only 9 months old when I’m while she’s awake I feel like an atom trying to be split into two different functions. I’ve found having someone else watch her, even if for just a few hours, so I can focus completely on my work then devote my focus on her when I’m done works best for all parties. But it’s not just her that distracts me away from work while I’m at home. Even when I’m locked in my basement office I swear the piles of laundry, dirty dishes and raw meat begging to be prepared for dinner are constantly calling my name and reminding me of more important, yet non monetarily subsidizing responsibilities. Those chores rarely cross my mind while at the office, though they’re in plain sight once I return.
It’s a balance and trade off like everything else in this world. I can see both sides, your husband’s and the dissatisfied attendee. We make commitments to be professional in exchange for flexibility from our employers, at least in my case, but a little understanding when life happens is always appreciated.
I adore this post. I love when families stick together no matter what. I love when my man tries to be EVERYTHING…it isn’t an easy task. Thank you, this is just what I needed today!
I’m kind of with Sue on this one. Granted your husband doesn’t normally work from home, so he should have explained his situation to the clients and they should have gone with the flow. But for an every day WAHP, I often wonder at how they can truly do either job really well. Not that parenting takes 100% of my brain power and attention the entire time, but it’s SPORADIC. To have a job that requires me to speak to clients on the phone or online with kids in the background seems disrespectful.
I am a SAHM and would like to work at home eventually. But I think certain types of jobs aren’t conducive with a home environment.
I’m kind of surprised that she would openly say that. Most people have a bit more couth than that. I mean, she already gave a long enough laundry list, right?
Aw, poor Spot!
I spent ten years working in online media and during that time I had MANY conference calls and webinars with people who work from home. I cannot count how many times I’ve heard dogs barking, kids crying, door bells ringing, etc, etc. It happens and that woman should get over herself and not take it so seriously. That is what working in this world of technology is all about. Has she NEVER worked with somebody with a home office? Holy cow.
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