The other night at dinner, Susan (who will be five in October) told us that her sister Sally reads with her mouth closed, and so does Mom, unless she’s reading to the little kids. But when Susan looks at books, she said, she only sees the pictures and doesn’t hear anything inside her mind. We stared at her for a few minutes and then exchanged one of those she gets that from my side of the family looks.
When Sally was three or four, I decided it was time she learned to read. We did sight words and phonics and sounding out and pointing at words (it worked for Scout and Atticus) and I read/We read books. Every afternoon or morning she and I sat side by side on the couch and in between “Don’t you want to learn to read?” and “Just a few more pages” and “Sit up straight right now” and “Can’t you pay attention for five minutes?” I realized that story time wasn’t fun anymore.
So I stopped trying to teach her how to read. And instead we just read fun books. All the time. Everywhere. I never again pointed out a word to her or made her sound anything out, and even now, as she enters third grade, I conscientiously object to spelling word memorization and the building of morphological family groups.
I don’t think you can (or should) teach a child to read before they’re ready. Just as you wouldn’t force a crawler to become a walker before her legs can carry her. I also think knowing why we read (for the decadent, spiritual, sensual, illuminating pleasure) is much more important that knowing how to read. Love trumps know-how every time.
Sometime before she turned seven, Sally started reading. Six months later she read all the Harry Potter books in about four months. At eight and a half she reads Percy Jackson and Nancy Drew and Island of the Blue Dolphins and A Wrinkle in Time, and I have to tell her to put the book down long enough to eat her breakfast or get some sleep or flush the toilet all too often.
Now Susan, who I have never said the dirty phrase “sound it out” to, wants to know why she doesn’t hear anything in her mind when she looks at books. I pointed out that when she sees the first letter of her name she hears that sound in her head, right? And that warm feeling she gets when she hears that sound is the Holy Ghost telling her that Heavenly Father wants her to become a great lover of books.
She looked at me funny. Though Susan is always asking if today is the day we get to see Jesus, and Spot thinks our company tomorrow will probably be Jesus, we really don’t discuss the Rapture that much more than phonics around here.
But Susan’s observation made me wonder if I have been denying her one of the most joyous of human gratifications: that of reading oneself to a sticky-eyed, hollow-throated, hazy-minded hash. (Unless you’re the sort of person who sets an unfinished book aside at a reasonable hour of the night, in which case I’m sure your self-discipline only adds to the pleasure once the book is finally finished. (Though I find it hard to believe).)
Which is to say, I think I’m going to pull out some how-to-teach-your-kid-to-read stuff pretty soon. Between my having learned (some) patience and Susan seeming to be the nearest thing to ready, it just might work this time.
And if not, if ever a reading session turns sour in any way, we shall quit the learning part forthwith and go back to the hedonistic thrill of reciting Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy, all together now.
Thanks to @kirstyt for introducing us to this Australian gem.
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I learned early that pushing a kid before they’re ready is counterproductive. I am having a similar issue with my 5 year old lately. He is all but begging me to teach him to read, so I know it is time to start teaching him (although it is tempting to wait a couple months and let his kindergarten teacher do it).
Jane Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:19 am
I think I’d probably let it slide if Susan were starting kindergarten this year, but since she misses the deadline by 40 days (that sounds biblical, huh?), I better do something about it.
i slightly disagree with your post. that is not to say that you do anything wrong. you are a mother and you do what you feel is best for your children. but there are other good ways to parent and to teach how to read.
When my older children turned 5 i forced them to learn how to read. we started with a fun Frontline Phonics program and then moved on to easy read books and then to the boring Magic Tree House Series. There were many times, my kids refused, screamed, cried when it was time to read. but i persisted and even spanked them to practice. they were going to be literate and way ahead of their classmates if I had anything to do with it.
And so they are. Not only ahead, but avid readers. my oldest is famous for reading 10, 350 page books each week in the summer. He is ten and has read much more than his 13 or 14 year older cousins. He reads Young Adult and often recommends books to my husband. Harry Potter was fun for him, but he has moved on to bigger and better things a long long time ago.
My second son loves humor. so i research books that will entertain him, and he likes to stay up till the wee hours of the morning reading and laughing.
So being gentle is not the only way. Being firm has worked for us…
Jane Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Suddenly I’m not feeling at all bad for the “coercive” techniques I tried out on Sally.
LOL, I love this post! I was just like Sally at her age. My parents were always telling me to turn the light out and go to bed for goodness sake. And they made the rule of no reading at the table just for me. My oldest is a good reader, but I couldn’t force it with him, and even now he doesn’t really want to read for fun. My five year old has no desire to learn yet, and I don’t push it. Although I can’t help but hope that one of my kids will turn out like me someday.
Jane Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I have decided Sally can read at the table for breakfast and lunch (usually the island bar anyway), bec. I like to have one eye on my laptop for those meals anyway (or two arms in the sink, to be brutally honest), but we have put our foot down about the dinner table. The only thing more sacred than reading time is family dinner time.
natalie Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Love that. I always read during breakfast and lunch. Lately, I’ve been trying to make things more sacred during dinner time.
PS I’ll be glad to help her learn to read as her preschool teacher! Sometimes having other kids there is a great motivation.
I’ll have to try that with Jessamine. “Do you see the grape? Do you see how round and purple it is? Isn’t it pretty? Doesn’t it make you feel happy? That’s because God WANTS you to eat grapes. Because they’re good for you. And because they’re yummy. And because they were on sale for $.99 a pound so you’re sure as heck going to eat them!
Jane Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
God smiles when produce high in polyphenolycopenicantioxidants are on sale.
That’s a precious explanation that you gave to her.
I also have memories of being told to “put that book down!” and I still have the habit of taking books in the bath, to the table (if I’m eating alone), and everywhere else. I can’t wait until Cora (going into 2nd grade) is rabidly reading her own chapter books.
As of right now, she can painfully sound out and read very simple books (for ex, Mouse Soup) but I end up reading myself hoarse each night because I’m reading aloud American Girl books and Anne of Green Gables. I’m enjoying the story time as much as the kids (or more?), but I wish we could take turns reading aloud already!!
Oh, and funny, the 4 yo calls it, unfailingly, “Anne AND THE Green Gables”. With that emphasis, like he’s correcting us or something.
As you know, I am a certified Bibliophile and would enjoy nothing more than to have my children join me in that addiction. However, outside of reading out loud I have not spent any time teaching them to read. I learned to read out of natural curiosity – I wanted to know what words said and so I asked. Over time this lead to me reading. I wasn’t an early reader (or talker for that matter) and I don’t remember my passion for reading really igniting until 5th grade. However, once lit it has never been squelched. As you said, reading should be a labor of love not a punishment. I hope both of my children will find that joy, but if not I’m okay with that too (only because I’m sure at least one of them will and that is all I really need).
I went to a parenting expo when I was pregnant with M, and one f the stands there had some dude with a PhD in Education, and he was from (take a breath) America, and this Aussie family was bringing his teaching methods to Australia. I spoke to the Father of the man who’d organised the stand, and he was so proudly telling me how through this DVD, card, whatever system, his 2yo grand-daughter was able to sound out and read the names of the stalls at the expo. On one hand, I thought that sounded great; I come from a family of readers on my Mum’s side. On the other hand, it sounded too much like forced learning and my golly goodness, wouldn’t that child be bored when they get to school (kind/pre-school) and they don’t have to learn to read and that’s what they’re all doing?
I spoke to my best friend about it, and she blames her early reading on her lack of ability with maths.She got accustomed to ignoring what was happening at school, even at that early stage, because she already knew how to read. Anecdotal, of course, nothing scientific.
My M is the same age as Spot, so for right now, my heart is just gladdened when she reaches for a book instead of asking for TV. When she wants to take her storytime book to bed with her. When she comes into my bed at 6am, pries my eyes open and asks me to read to her. I know I’ve got a reader in there, and at some point when she’s older we’ll figure out a way to help her learn how to read.
(and I don’t mean that the PhD dude from America was bad in any way, just more that there are times here when we value learning from elsewhere more than we might value learning from home. There must be something darn magical about that 14hour flight across the Pacific or 24hour flight from Europe!!)
Oh, and I LOVE Hairy Maclary! I’ve had so much fun reading it to M.
I don’t think I’d spank my kid for not wanting to read. Did I read that wrong? Really?
One of my favorite tricks for teaching silent reading is the pipe phone. Susan might like it (it worked really well with the six year olds in a first grade class I observed during student teaching). Connect elbows and straight PVC pipe to make a phone shape. It’s great for teaching silent reading because they can talk softly into it and still hear themselves. Once she gets the phonetics down that could help her get to the “read[ing] with her mouth closed” point.
I’ve been trying so hard not to force reading on my newly four year old, but she wants to read so much, that I think she’d benefit greatly from it. I’m thinking we’ll start in the fall and see how it goes.
Jane Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 12:08 am
Thanks for the tip, I’ll look into that (have never heard of it. Maybe I’ve seen one and just didn’t know the name for it?)