I am happy to apologize for feelings hurt, as long as I can still articulate my own thoughts and feelings. (and hey, I can do that on my own blog. All day long. And so can everyone else!)

I used to call myself a bad mother in a very self deprecating way, laughing while I said it. It drove my husband nuts, yet I continued. Sometime in the last few years I realized something. I have never really thought I was a bad mom, just felt a little guilty for not doing things the way I had once thought was the “right” way. Now when I hear moms say they are a “BAD” mom I think that it is very sad that instead of realizing the good we are doing in our childrens lives, we are focused on things we feel guilty about. Things that nobody cares about but ourselves. It’s time for moms to just be happy with what choices they make. Let’s face it, we will all let things go now and then, and maybe not do the job “right” all the time.

Thanks for daring to refute some other ideas that we should just embrace being “bad” and wanting women to realize we are good. I have been hoping for this type of attitude to prevail for a while now!!

I think I was really lucky in my mom. Sometimes I pity her because she didn’t get to go to college, but I guess I should really be thanking God that she was wise enough to never give the impression that motherhood was easy or soemthing I would just glide through (or something that she always thought was all sweetness and light).

I’ve got a lot of confidence in my mothering, but I know it was different at earlier stages (my oldest is almost 9 now) — maybe I forget how hard it was in the beginning, and my lack of patience is one of my biggest flaws. (And selfless? that is a daily struggle.)

(BTW, it’s not my business, but pjs at 1 pm and forgotten vitamins? NOT cause for guilt.)

Paris Hilton scares me, too.

I didn’t think you were purposely hurtful toward HBM or anyone.

My take on the whole thing is that it’s liberating (to me) to know that other mothers have done “bad” things as well, because I am deeply ensconced in (my mother’s ??) belief that mothering must be done perfectly and that there ARE definitive rights and wrongs.

For example, there is a bit of shame on my part if I forget to give them vitamins or if she “catches” me indulging in me-time while the kids run around in pjs at 1 pm. I GET that that isn’t a great thing, but it’s not abuse.

But overall, I question my abilities as much, if not more than, other mothers. I question my DESIRE to me a mother, because some days it wanes. But I was raised with the belief that the Good Mother always wants and wanted to be a mother and that She knows She has the skills to get the job done correctly.

Unfortunately I am a human with personal flaws, and being ever patient and selfless isn’t one of them, much less having confidence or resources.

It seems to me that all the Good, Bad, good, bad, alright, what have you boils down to semantics and… I’d say more, but I have to go take my me-time while I can!!

Frankly, using “bad” for “good” and “good” for “bad,” aside from fulfilling Book of Mormon prophecy, only has a place in Dada literature. Why would we want to redefine “bad” when we could redefine “good”?

I’d rather redefine the world’s standard of “good” (which, by the way, since when do we really just swallow media stereotypes? Are all cops fat, stupid donut-addicts? etc.) than abdicate the term altogether. Unless, of course, I decided that I will now be called a “Better” mother .