Thanks for inspiring me to feel this even though I have not yet been successful at birthin’ a baby.

When I read the original bad mother post, I felt like they were taking a ridiculous argument to extreme conclusions to prove its silliness. Those mothers who believe their parenting philosophy is the only way to be a “good mother” drive me nuts. And since I disagree with a lot of their ideas, to them a lot of my parenting would be considered “bad.” There is no way to rationalize with illogical people, to them I will always (proudly) be a bad mom. I think they were trying to make the same point in their post that you did in this post, but in a different way.

That being said, I really enjoyed your statement on what it takes to be a good mom: desire and will. I also liked how you alluded to the same action from two different mothers could represent good or bad parenting. Bad if they lazily do it thinking it is wrong and good if they think it is OK. For instance, I believe children should learn from natural consequences. If they don’t wear a jacket after I told them they should, they will be cold while we run errands. If I believed 30 seconds of cold weather going into or out of a store was detrimental to their health, I would be a bad mother for doing the same thing.

Interesting post. I strive to be a good mother every day. I am OK that other people may think I am a bad mom (but I must admit I think they are probably a little nuts to think so).

I was a little surprised this one was so charged, though modesty insists I inform you that others who have written on the Bad Mother side have received many, many more comments. Either my writing, or my ideas, are not very popular compared.

(I appreciate your contributions to the conversation — and I love the “perfect for ME” thing. I don’t know if I’m perfect for my kids, but they certainly challenge me, and I often think my husband, while imperfect, is perfect for me.)

But what I hope for my own daughters is that they feel within themselves that they are good (or “good-enough”). “Good” just seems more positive to me.

Your daughter is lucky to have such a supportive mother of her own. I should be more grateful for my own mother, who never made me feel inadequate or bad.

It seems inequitable to me.

(And I think your Mother v. sperm donor thing is interesting, and I can say with utmost sincerity right now that Mommy wars are indeed stupid (or “counter-productive.”)

But where is the notion that there is only one way to mother to be good? Does anyone really believe that? (Am I hopelessly naive or stupid if I say I’ve never thought this?)

Minorities don’t say “oh, you don’t like the color of my skin? – okay, then I’m a (insert racial slur here) and proud of it!” No, they battle against those deragatory terms and don’t allow themselves to be belittled into accepting the terms set forth for them.

And if you don’t really give a crap what people think of your parenting, then why go to such great lengths to label yourself “bad”?

In 20 years, do I want my children looking back and saying I was a “bad” mom? No, I want them to think I was a fantastic mother that made all the choices that worked for our family – and there was nothing “bad” about that.

i consider myself an excellent mother. i picked just a few things that i thought were important in raising a family and that’s all i really concentrate on. everything else can go.

i pray and read scriptures with my family everyday without fail. i make my kids work and clean my house. i teach them to read. i bring tons of library books for them every week. i don’t let my kids watch tv (we don’t have one). i feed my kids mostly healthy non processed food.

that’s it, really simple. and that makes me an excellent mother!!