I thought I worked out all my anger against the pretend feminist movement behind Hanna Rosin’s article The Case Against Breastfeeding when I wrote my satirical piece The Case Against Motherhood, but those pretend feminists are at it again, this time attacking the breast pump.
Because apparently the sound of a breast pump is so hideous that “Who could blame [your husband] for never wanting to sleep with you again?”
The Feminist Breeder (warning, a few swears) makes a great case for dumping a man that shallow. But I want to go one step further. I’m trying to think of an equivalent thing that women might see their husband do that could be grounds for never wanting to sleep with them again. It has to be something that sustains or supports life and involves mechanical or electrical equipment. Hmm. Men’s bodies don’t really seem to produce much in the way of nourishment for a child. But what if your husband were on a ventilator? Those make a pretty ghastly whooshing sound, right? So let’s say that turns you off completely and you never want to sleep with him because you saw/heard him using it. What does that make you? Right. S-h-a-l-l-o-w.
I’ve said before, and I’ll say again — I’m not “pro-breastfeeding” per se. I breastfed my kids for 12, 14, and 17 months, and I enjoyed it. I don’t think mothers who hate it or are unable to do it are bad mothers. I do think mothers should give it a try, if possible, and that we should support them in their efforts, but true feminism should be about respecting each others’ choices and circumstances. (Which is not to say that I won’t encourage my own daughters to breastfeed. I will. Because they are my daughters).
But I don’t get pretend feminists “hoping pump companies will just disappear.”
Because what do pumps do? What do pumps make possible?
Breast pumps:
1. Increase or maintain milk supply when the baby is sick or unable to nurse.
2. Allow dad or other family members to participate in the feeding of the baby.
3. Make it possible for a woman to both a) be away from her child for long stretches of time and b) provide her with custom-designed nourishment.
4. Alleviate the pain of engorgement.
What kind of “feminist” wants to ban a piece of equipment that does all this and more?
Hanna Rosin is perhaps the worst pretend-feminist I have ever encountered. She denigrates female experience, she mocks female desire to nurture, she blames a woman’s efforts to provide for her children when a husband no longer desires her, and she is not supportive of measures and tools that would actually make it easier for women attempting to have it all. She acts as though a man’s approval — his desire — is the highest accolade.
Perhaps most damning, she outs herself as a hopelessly privileged, out-of-touch “thinker” when she says that pumping breastmilk was “my least favorite thing I ever did in my whole life.” Huh. Hanna, tell that to the women who work nights to put food on the table or who die of fistulas in the third world or who are stoned for “adultery” that is actually rape. Tell that to single working moms who wonder if their exes who have abandoned them are going to pay child support next month. Then cry to me about how pumping breastmilk was so aweful.
Hanna, Judith, ladies. This is not good feminism. Good feminism celebrates what makes us women, it supports women in all the choices they make. It widens opportunities instead of trying to stuff women into only the roles that you deem worthwhile. Did you think that if a woman were chained to a desk instead of a kitchen sink she would thank you? Either way, you still have her in chains.
Jane
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Very nice. I simply didn’t have the energy for it. I do, however, have a post pending about my view of feminism in general. To me, it’s not actually about limitless choices, it’s about equality, and supporting anything that promotes equality without undermining our basic biological programming. We have to stop pretending that it’s necessary to cut off our clits in spite of our face.
I love you.
It absolutely angers me that somehow because I have CHOSEN to give up my career that means I’m obligated to turn-in my feminist membership card. I will do no such thing! I’m a thinking, educated, articulate woman who is fully aware of the misogynistic tendencies in our society.
I was unable to breastfeed my children, but the little bit I did I used a pump. It was my saving grace. The whole idea implies that I’m somehow more “liberated” by a bottle? Are you crazy? Have you tried forking out $25 a week in formula? or lugging bottles? Trust me, those things don’t somehow make me more of a feminist – they make me a mom trying to feed her kid.
What makes me a feminist is giving my voice to the issues that matter to me. I’m a feminist because I want my daughters to have the same opportunities at education and employment. I’m a feminist because I believe and respect the voice of women all over the world and feel that they should be valued and heard. I’m a feminist because I believe that women are an equally important part of this society. None of these things have to do with my choice to breast-feed, my choice to work, or my choice to marry.
I think we should start a club; “Feminist Moms”
Great post but I am confused by your statement that you are not “pro-breastfeeding.” When did being “pro-breastfeeding” become a bad thing or anti-feminist? As you say, feminism is about choice. But “choice” requires options and accurate information. Faux feminists like Rosin and Warner deny women the choice to breastfeed when they present inaccurate information and condemn options like the breast pump.
I’ve never understood the brand of feminism that rejects wholly the things that make women distinct (special, amazing, etc…) from men.
I am all for equality and fairness. To paraphrase Dr. King, I believe people should be judged by the content of their character, not the coupling of their chromosomes.
My wife is better than me at almost everything. I’m ok with that. I love it in fact. I love watching the innovative ways she solves problems. I think that may be part of why she stays at home rather than me. Our household would rapidly descend into utter chaos if I was running the show there. I’m not talking about cleaning, I’m talking about the hundreds of administrative tasks she takes care of. She’s like the best office manager in the world.
I just don’t understand why she would also need to pretend to be male at the same time to be truly equal.
Can’t we celebrate what is different and incredible about each other (as individuals and genders) while being fair and eqaul about opportunity and responsibility?
Oh my what a firestorm! I’m not even THAT OLD and the days of breastfeeding are such a distant memory! I will proudly say that I AM NOT A FEMINIST but don’t worry… I only say that because I refuse to accept the label – or any label, really. I believe what *I* believe, not necessarily what Judith, Hanna, or even the Great Gloria believe – just because one might label us all as “feminists” we likely have vastly different views on many things!
So here’s a little about what I believe:
* I have my own last name; my husband has his. I never ever considered changing my name, simply because “that’s what’s done.” When people call me “Mrs. Brown” (his name), I don’t get mad, unless they really know my name and just refuse to use it. Then the claws come out.
* I strongly oppose abortion. In all cases. People have argued “what if” scenarios, many deeply personal, and my head and heart still land on the “life” side of things.
* I strongly oppose the death penalty, war and guns. I had to strongly consider this topic when it came time to move from Iowa to Connecticut. I was not sure I could live in a death penalty state. I haven’t marched on the state capitol yet, but only because it would cause great embarrassment to my husband and kids. I will some day.
* I believe in the rights of all human beings to marry a person of the same sex – and have religious support of said marriage.
* I do not believe in Global Warming. I do believe in protecting the environment.
* I believe I have been right 100% of the time in decisions regarding my kids and how I’ve raised them.
* I’m scared to death that I’m wrong.
Maybe I am extra defensive about this because I stopped nursing just two days ago (after 16 months), but seriously, who cares about what little research there is to support it, how its an inconvenient burden, and the breast pump is basically torture. It is all about Rosen’s concluding sentence. After 3 pages of Rosen declaring how breastfeeding isn’t all that great, she sums up the reason many women choose to nurse in her last sentence, “But I also know that this is probably my last chance to feel warm baby skin up against mine, and one day I will miss it.” If she can’t own (or get enough back bone to be the feminist she is claiming to be) the first three pages of her article by concluding with this contradictory statement, why should I give her any credence?
I think you were just being polite when you called her an “out of touch thinker” because the term that came to my mind wasn’t nearly that nice. And I totally agree with TheFeministBreeder that she definitely needs a less douche-baggy husband.
I agree that true feminism is about being able to make choices, support each other and celebrate in our accomplishments.
I’m always thrilled to find another LDS blogging Mama.
I thought those bra-burning feminists (totally tongue-in-cheek) were all for breast feeding. This woman is a whack job and I can’t see either side (feminists and “non-feminists”) wanting to have anything to do with her. Yeah, pumping isn’t fun, but wasn’t it lovely that she had enough food in her diet to make milk for her children? And time to actually pump? And money to obtain that pump? Wow…I hate to say this, but she’s a freak.
i think people who write articles like this, just want a reaction and to become more popular. they want attention. and by reading, reacting, and linking to her article, you are just helping her out. she wants your rage… the best response is to ignore, and not read future things she writes.
Beth — I’d be happy to join your Feminist Moms club, except I’m beginning to wonder why I’m so desirous of having the “Feminist” label. It’s kind of like the post in which I said I’m a “Religious Fanatic.” I know that I don’t think women are inferior to men; do I need to make other people call me a feminist to validate that? (No.)
Jake — I’m not “pro-breastfeeding” in the same way that I am “pro-life;” for example, I would vote for measures restricting abortion for others, but find it hard to imagine a scenario in which I’d vote to force others to breastfeed. Make sense?
Jared — When I was a teenager and first learning about feminism, I insisted that I was an “Individualist.” Unfortunately, that word doesn’t have much tradition or weight.
Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable when men describe women in superlative ways. As if they’re protesting too much, or something, you know? But you sound sincere, and I’m glad you value your wife so much.
Kikibibi — It was interesting to read your list of beliefs. I believe similarly in many things, and differently on others. But I like your last statement best. People who are so sure they know best, and know best what OTHERS should do and believe, are really pretty intolerable.
Laura — Yes, her contradictions were crazy. As if she was trying to belatedly establish that she is, indeed, a good mother, instead of standing by her belief that she could feed her child in any way and still be a good mother.
Tammy — Yep. (Nice to meet you, too!)
Maggie — “Whack job” is one of my favorite epithets.
Cousin Sylwia — You’re right, I could withdraw from the conversation completely, but I don’t want to. I want to articulate my view and point out flaws in other’s arguments. You’re also right that my linking to these fake feminists could help their cause (increase their exposure and credibility), but I doubt it makes a difference.
They’re not paid by click-through or anything like that, and the fact that they’re already in the NYTimes and the Atlantic means that enough people think this way to scare me. I link to them as a reference, as I would in any academic paper. But you’re also right (if you implied this) that it’s better to write positively (actively? offensively?) rather than reactively/defensively/negatively.
Most of all, I want my own daughters to be able to look back at this and see what I believed.
I think there’s a lot of satire lost in the pieces mentioned above. I don’t think they genuinely believe that breast pumps shouldn’t exist. Instead, I think they’re railing against a pro-breastfeeding movement that makes you feel so guilty about making a different choice that you choose to hook yourself up like a cow in order to feed your children. I found the breast pump to be one of the most degrading experiences of my life. I did it because my son was simply unable to latch on (despite an army of support from friends, families and lactation experts) and I believed that breast milk was a better choice. I still do, but finally decided that my own dignity and my relationship with my son (which was negatively impacted by weeks of frustration) were more important. I have probably joked about banning breast pumps myself. Just like people in the strongly pro-breastfeeding camp rally with statistics about how wonderful breastmilk is and how horrible it is to have to wash bottles (really, it’s not so bad, ladies), these women are pushing back by some hyperbole from the other side. I don’t think it’s fake feminism, so much as frustrated feminism. I personally am tired of hearing about breastfeeding (on either side). I’m tired of the pressure and the guilt trips and the bickering. I wish we could all live and let live and stop judging and preaching. I think it’s such a heated subject that the slightest mis-step in language causes a storm of backlash. Each of us has a deeply personal reason for having children, for breastfeeding or not and for many of the other choices we make about diet, clothes, housing, work, etc. No one has the perfect formula (no pun intended) to raising healthy, happy children. We are all doing the best we can. I just wish that, as women, we could band together in support. I think that’s what feminism should be about.
Sometimes I wish I had more of a voice on these kind of issues. I grew up with a Dad that kept me very informed and who is a conservative like no other. I do care. If I had read that article (which in all honesty I probably would have given up on quickly) I would have felt exactly the same as you. But I know I wouldn’t have taken the time to write an organized, well written and thought out post like you have. So here are my questions. Am I bad for caring but not saying anything? Is it enough to teach my kids what I believe at home? Is it okay that I really don’t feel like saying anything?
i can’t understand why “feminists” would bash a product that actually allows us to return to work instead of being tied to the infant all day long during the nursing years. it seems like the sort of solution that would be right up their alley.
/sigh
i consider myself a *real* feminist and it saddens me that these so-called feminists have ruined the concept entirely in the minds of many. to me, feminism has always been about the idea that women have choices, and don’t have to feel tied to a pre-defined role or lifestyle that might not suit them. staying home with our kids is a choice; returning to work as soon as possible is also a choice. breastfeeding for 3 years is a choice, not breastfeeding at all is another one. something in between can work too, and for many of us, the pump makes it possible.
if pumping feels degrading for some, they should not feel forced to do so. just because a pump is available, why should that make anyone feel forced? get a backbone, people! but for many of us, the pump provided a solution where there otherwise wasn’t one. some of us longed to provide breastmilk for our infants, but also wanted the freedom to return to work. or the freedom to leave our infant with a babysitter or grandparent occasionally, or simply the freedom to not breastfeed out in public. lol @ the idea of men wanting to dump their partners for pumping. plenty of dads I know (including my own husband) truly valued the ability to feed their infants via a bottle. without the pump they are left out of the feeding process and miss out on the early bonding it can provide.
having a method that can, for some of us, fulfill all these issues seems like a fabulous solution, except to those people who still feel rigid in their belief that we all must behave the same way. as i see it, that is the direct opposite of feminism. the choice for one mom need not be the same as the choice for another, why is that such a problem for people on either side of these debates. the hardcore breastfeeding movement comes off that way for sure, and can be downright obnoxious. so how can’t these pseudo feminists see the irony in the fact that they doing the same thing.
Fake feminists. Thank for pointing it out. It’s women like these that give all women a bad name. Taking away the freedom to choose – even if that choice is to stay at home and/or breastfeed – is the opposite of what feminism should stand for.
MorethanMommy — You make a whole bunch of really good points, esp. about how the militant extremists on both sides can seemingly lose sight of what our common goals are.
But I don’t know if there was satire in those pieces. I would hope so, because this is how Judith Warner ends her piece:
I’m afraid that this only sounds like satire because it’s so completely beyond the realm of logic.
I have always been surprised when a die-hard feminist is insulted (or is it threatened?) by the choices I have made. I suppose they don’t really want choices, they want conformity. I don’t understand the hard core breastfeeders, either. I think most mothers instinctively know what is best for their children. And I don’t think it is the same for every mother. After having 6 kids, I don’t think it is the same for each child either (some I nursed longer, others not so much).
And hopefully no one is going after their man while on the ventilator. That could be dangerous. Unless you’re married to Darth Vader, then it would be hot.
I love this discussion! So many great opinions and experiences to share. For the record, I breastfed, I worked full time, and I stored milk during times when I could not be with the babies. I used a manual pump which was perfect. With my first, I was finishing college, and on some days I had to pump in the bathroom of the English-Philosophy Building and store the milk in my (male) prof’s fridge. Looking back, it seems like that must have been so awkward-uncomfortable, but I was blissfully content and confident. Nothing could keep me down! Girls were in and out of that bathroom all the time, and I wonder now if some of them were traumatized for life!
I may have not made my point very well. I probably got a little carried away with bragging about my wife. I didn’t mean to suggest that my wife is perfect, and it would annoy her if I did. I’m not saying she is, or women in general are, perfect. She has flaws, good days and bad days, days when she loves being a stay at home mom, days when she hates it, most days it’s probably a mix of the two.
My point was that men and women both have remarkable characteristics and abilities. I don’t know why they need to be the same to be of value.
I like individualist though. Everyone is a little different. I thought that was the original intent of feminism. Allowing everyone opportunity and choice. Not forcing women into being a different, updated version of the stereotyped woman.
“Jake — I’m not “pro-breastfeeding” in the same way that I am “pro-life;” for example, I would vote for measures restricting abortion for others, but find it hard to imagine a scenario in which I’d vote to force others to breastfeed. Make sense?”
I think I understand.
The lingo is problematic – particularly when conflated with feminism and choice. I am “pro-breastfeeding” in that I think that breastfeeding is a good (and important) thing and would support legal protection of it – which does not mean, imo, *forcing* anyone to breastfeed. I have only heard of one country in which there has been legislation sanctioning women for failing to breastfeed (and now I can’t remember which it was – an African country I think). Legally forcing a woman to breastfeed would not be feminist, imo. Protecting a woman’s ability to breastfeed and to make a fully informed choice concerning it – *that* is feminist.
I totally agree with you here. To complain about something so small as a breastpump, in comparison to all the other trials and atrocities in life, seems a very shallow thing.
Jane Reply:
April 9th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Um, but I’m not sure I’d classify a breast pump as a “trial and atrocity” regardless of degree. Although they aren’t the funnest thing ever. This is true.
This was really good…I loved the comment thread too.
Thanks for your words.
Clicked over very quickly to the link, then left.
I didn’t want to contribute any further to their traffic.
Amazing isnt it that in 25 years we have come so far to be standing in mostly the same place. The issues may change and even come and go, but somehow or another we still wind up in a place where women are judging each other on the basis of choices we make or don’t make and girls we are much harsher critics than men.
It is amazing to me that we still in this day and age will DAMN each other to hell for not making the same choice as we do. we judge the women that work because god forbid their kids might need their attention and we judge the ones who stay at home because that must mean their family is poor and we judge the ones who breastfeed because that pump must chain them to a babe and the ones who don;t because they must not love their babes enough….
if we spent half as much time trying to build each other up and affirm that whether or not we agree with the choices thank God they are our own choices to make as we do tearing each other apart maybe we would all be in better shape.
i think sometimes that is why blogging has taken off so much as it has in recent years…we seek out the bloggers who most seem to affirm whichever path we have chosen to walk, becuse it is always easier when you know you are not walking completely alone.
anyway….i am not sure what my point was or if i made it but here is my final thought
CHEERS to all of you women and men, mama’s and not, daddys and not,
whether you breastfeed/fed, work/stay home, protest /dont protest….
cheers that we made whatevre choices we made and walked the road that we walked to become the people we are today and may we teach our children to do as well.
Steff
Amen. What’s up with these so called feminists making life so hard? They need to back off and let people live. Fercryinoutloud.
You rock. I loved every word of this post.
Wow, what an interesting article, and such interesting thoughts and reactions. Two things bothered me a lot about Rosen’s article. No, three. 1) Her desires for her children and their health/well-being as she described them in the first few paragraphs seemed largely based on her trying to fit in. Like the way she describes with such scorn the food and toy choices her playground set make. It doesn’t seem like SHE cares that she’s feeding her kids 100% juice rather than chemicals and corn syrup. (Regardless of which she chooses), it seems to me she should be doing it because she believes in it, not out of social pressure. 2) It bothered me that the health benefits seemed to be her only reason for supporting breast feeding (or condemning it if they couldn’t be proven). Even if the proof of health benefits is only thin, there are still lots of reasons women might want to breast feed: bonding, cost, convenience–not carrying bottles around, not getting up to make a bottle at night–avioding chemicals, personal preference, enjoyment, etc. She even seems to agree to this in her very last paragraph, yet the rest of her article seems to bag on breastfeeding solely because the research can’t proove its health benefits. And that seems to invalidate women who want to do it for any of the other reasons. 3) This quote irks me: “This is why, when people say that breast-feeding is ‘free,’ I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It’s only free if a woman’s time is worth nothing.” It really bothers me that she considers her time with her baby “nothing.” That she considers nourishing another human being and keeping it alive “nothing.” I guess writing articles, or typing memos, or waiting tables, or driving buses are noble, worthwhile uses of a woman’s time, but caring for a child is just crap in her opinion. And that’s a sad opinion for a mother to have about raising her own children.
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Nice article, thanks. Can you explain the first paragraph in more detail?