your comment was really funny that i never acknowledge your points! i guess i usually want to continue a conversation, so if i have a differing opinion i share it. if i responded to the posts i agree with the conversation wouldn’t go anywhere…

I never breastfed – there it is I’m admitting it in public. My kids were bottle fed from the first day. My daughter was six weeks early, and couldn’t breathe. By the time she was stable enough to breastfeed the pain was unbearable, I was a wreck and within days we switched her to bottle. I never even tried to breast feed my son. Both of my children are VERY healthy having never once had an ear infection or the need of antibiotics and they are now 5 & 3.

I did feel judged for not breastfeeding – by pretty much everyone but my breastfeeding sister-in-law who readily acknowledged how difficult it was and that I should do what was going to make me and my baby happy. I did. I don’t regret it. It is very personal and neither camp is right, wrong or better. I feel very secure that I did the best thing for my kids who have ME as a mother. ME – they don’t have anybody else and as their mother this was the decision that was best for us. I’m cool with that. I don’t need anybody to approve, condone or stand by me and applaud.

I agree with what Adrianne said for the most part. I got a lot of “well if you’d just keep trying, breastfeeding will get easier” and “you should do it for the baby. think of how selfish you are by not breastfeeding”

Frankly, I hated it. I felt tied down and strapped to this little parasite who had already sucked the life out of me for 9 months. He had a hard time nursing anyway and that made it even worse. Don’t get me started on pumping. What a nightmare. I was constantly resentful of this little tiny guy just because neither one of us could work out a system.

It was a relief when I started using formula at two months and then stopped nursing completely at six. I was so much happier, with myself and with him. Sure I was a complete failure to every other nursing mom out there (“I nursed my son until he was two and i only stopped then because I was pregnant”) but I was finally able to enjoy my baby the way I should have been the whole time.

Sounds horrible, I know. But what can I say, I’m a terrible mother. Still he is a pretty robust, healthy guy now and stopping the nursing helped our relationship in ways most moms probably don’t understand.

I’m happy that most women nurse and I want them to feel comfortable doing it in public. The one time I did, I was mortified and embarrassed. Totally ashamed. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way. That said, I definitely appreciate the mom who covers herself. I don’t think it is the end of the world to throw a blanket over you and the baby.

Since I hated BF-ing I don’t think I could do the wet nurse thing. I don’t know really how to feel about it, but luckily for me, I won’t ever have to make that choice. If I have another baby, I’ll nurse two weeks tops. I’m not spending another six months resenting a little baby.

Most of all I think that moms/babies should do what works for them and damn the rest of the world who offer snide comments and glares.

And then I read closer, and saw that she was saying that Adrianne made good points. (which she did, but STILL!!!)

I am devastated.

This is a very difficult topic because I want to express how wonderful it was for me (not to even mention the baby’s health, etc), without passing judgement on women who can’t or don’t (for whatever reason). I don’t think choosing to breastfeed or not is a moral decision, but I do think that how we treat women who breastfeed (in public) and women who don’t breastfeed IS a moral decision.

And I know there are women who’ve breastfed adopted babies (after much preparation and herbs/hormones?) I’d think it would be (relatively) easier for a woman who has already breastfed to stimulate lactation again.

Many of the comments touched on that self reliant feeling that comes with breastfeeding and I think that was so important to me as a young mom. I definitely didn’t feel ready to be a parent when she was born, but watching my body know exactly what to do (after the initial painful period!!) was very empowering. I also marveled at how it was that I KEPT HER ALIVE and that as she grew, puny little Core’s newfound body mass had been created by me.

You know, I didn’t think I knew anyone who had breastfed another’s baby, but maybe I have other friends that have and I just don’t know it. I’ve always been curious if it would feel different, or if it would feel more difficult. I hop to have the pleasure of giving birth again, but if I ever adopted instead, I would love to breastfeed that baby.

you made some good points. i feel like the breastfeeding population is very judgmental of the non breastfeeding moms. often it’s not just breastfeeding but breastfeeding 100%. my fist two children i breastfed but i did not enjoy it. i know the experts would disagree but i did not have enough breast milk for my second son. i had pneumonia for 6 months and he was crying all the time. i finally put him on the bottle at 4 months and he became a very quiet and happy baby. my sister and sister in law were very disappointed with me for quitting.

i think my choice may have had some consequences because my second son is the only one who had health problems–asthma.

my last two children i enjoyed breastfeeding and i had a ton of milk. but I still let my husband feed them at night. i had no interest in waking up in the middle of the night, when my husband was willing to do it. and i dont like to pump, so they had formula at night.

i get disapproving sighs for that choice too, but like you said we all do things differently. i believe most moms who love and feed and take care of their children are good moms. once i read the book “the glass castle” I realized what a truly bad mother is. that book has helped me not to be so judgmental of us regular moms…

I wish.

Both groups feels they have to defend their choice. You hear statements like, “I can’t/don’t breastfeed because….” or “I feel I should breastfeed in public because….” of course, not everyone feels this way. Not everyone feels their way is better than the other and not everyone feels they have to defend their decision. But it’s the same for the choice to stay home versus work, or for the choice to have a natural birth versus an epidural. Most people don’t come right out and say it but there usually seems to be an underlying feeling of judgement.

I have done both bottle-fed and breast-fed. I have gotten stares from people when I am in a public place feeding my baby with a blanket over me. I have gotten stares from people when I feed my baby a bottle in public. I have felt sad when my babies weaned themselves and I wasn’t ready to end that closeness. I have also felt those same sweet feelings when I am in a quiet room feeding my baby a bottle and he reaches up with his hand and plays with my hair or face. I still feel that I am the most important person to him. I gave birth to him and I’m feeding him and we are forming a lasting bond.

Does it really matter how we feed or children or take care of them if we love them? Should we feel guilty or defensive for the choices we make? Does it make me a bad mom if I can’t breastfeed my baby or don’t want to? Does it make me a bad person for breastfeeding my baby when ever they need it regardless of who is around or where I am? I don’t think so. I’m not sure why we as moms can’t just let people do things the way they think is best.

I’m not trying to offend anyone and I hope I haven’t. Maybe you are one of those people that honestly feels no guilt or judgement. I’ll admit that I have felt guilty and judgmental at times about these things. Anyway, it’s always interesting to me to hear the comments everyone has on this subject.

I also tend to think that this is meant to symbolize or promote humanity at its best, a sort of “love your brother as yourself” type thing.

I think the “broke in a window to steal a loaf of bread” thing was probably a reference to Les Miserables?

I dont know why some people find breastfeeding gross. My mother did and so it was the bottle for all her kids. One of the sweetest moments, I believe, is the act of holding an infant and giving it natural nurishment.

i dont mean to get off the subject, but you seem a bit naive. no matter how sickly a man is, sucking on a woman’s breast, equals an erection, not nourishment.

and besides if there is no soup or milk around, the woman better save her calories and her breast milk for the baby, not waste it on some man. her instincts would have told her not to feed the man but to save it for the baby.

but then again it’s Steinbeck writing; he specializes in the disturbing…

I was one of those moms that did not breast feed. I actually feel grateful that I never had the desire to breast feed, since I was unable to anyway. I think it made not being able to easier to deal with (long-short, I have MS and my meds were not breastfeeding friendly). I have though, never had a problem with others breast feeding in public, my husband & I both have always felt it was a beautiful & natural thing that society has turned into something wrong & dirty. I wish more women were vocal & brave enough to push subject.

And I must admit I was breast fed by not only my mother, but several of her sisters who had breastfeeding children at the same time. They looked at it as a blessing that they had ‘babysitters’ who could care for their children completely when needed. And I think I turned out okay. ;0)

Thank you Jane, for once again a great discussion of such a sensitive subject for some.