Comments on: Hello, my name is Jane, and I am a rage-aholic

By: rinnie

rinnie — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 08:53:25 +0000

This is a great article, thanks so much for you candor …very helpful.

By: Robyn

Robyn — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:54:33 +0000

You should step back and think what is really making you angry. It’s prob. not your husband. It’s something inside you. You just let him be the outlet. It’s really bad. Just think if it where him yelling at you constantly. It’s not a good place to be. It could lead to the break down of your marriage. He will resent you. So try to take a breathe and understand your anger. These days we all have reasons to be stressed and angry. But we can’t get through these tough times without the person we chose to marry and love. Good luck. I am hear because I yell too much at my children. It’s my stress level. I feel like a time bomb about to explode. Good Luck for both of us.

By: What a mother should look like | Seagull Fountain

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By: amanda

amanda — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:31:58 +0000

thank you all.

By: Krissy

Krissy — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 07:54:07 +0000

Thank you so much for this post!! I found it when I was looking for help. I come to you from the other side. My three boys and I are the ones that get yelled at daily… as my boys get older they have all started to think that this way of life is ok… My husband will yell at almost anything… If he wakes up in the AM. and he cant find socks to wear or if the dishes are not put away( they were washed and in the dish washer, but not put away yet) If I ask him a question while he is watching tv…. But he will want to have a full conversation while one of my shows are on… It is all very hurtful and as the day goes on it only gets worse… He will get to the point where he starts using bad words and calling us names. Usually if he starts yelling sometime during the day he will not stop until bedtime.I have tried many ways to try to help.. we don’t say anything to him and let him rant and rave.. Or after being yelled at all day I will calmly ask him to stop talking to us that way.. Well now I have become a B**** or a nag and why do I like to bring stuff up to fight about… He gets upset with me because we don’t have sex as much as we used to.. I really have a hard time giving myself to him after a day of being treated badly.. My husband rarely does any housework or cooking. He goes to work, watches tv and gets on the computer. My boys help me out alot to try to get everyhing done. We may have one or two”GOOD” days a weak.. Believe it or not I really do Love my husband . I know I will stay with him I just need some help… I have asked him to think about what he is saying before he says it.. I also have told him that he would never put up with me talking to him like that all the time… I try real hard not to yell back . I do this to show him that you can get mad or upset and not yell. I think it is our only problem in our Marriage, but I will say it has ruined my self esteem, my happiness, my confidence and my boys are the same way.. It makes me double think that he even loves or likes us….. If anyone has any idea on how to help us through this, I am desperate… Am I doing something wrong, How can I help someone with this problem if they don’t even want to talk to me about it? So, if I can’t help him with this can someone please help me and tell me how to deal with it how do I stay out of harms way… Thank you..

By: kel

kel — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:11:55 +0000

I have hurt my husband with words. So much so that I feel so much remorse, I refuse to forgive myself. I don’t know how to stop this cycle. I began getting very angry about 3 years ago. I believe that I’ve always had this anger, but never was able to release it emotionally. I have learned to blame circumstances on my rage, but I can’t do it anymore. I just want to love him. No matter how much I feel he is deserves it. I KNOW nobody deserves to be yelled at or belittled. Help!

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By: Monique

Monique — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:23:02 +0000

Hello Jane, I know it’s been awhile but I’ve been looking for support about yelling and found your blog. It is nice to know I am not alone. Well I guess it is but it isn’t at the same time. I’ve been yelling at my 14 month old and I feel so ashamed. I’m a single mother going to school and trying to work when I can. I was raised in a really abusive home growing up. My mother always yelled and hit me and we still fight to do this day sometimes. I hardly get a break. The only time I can afford to have sitters is when I’m giving a massage or going to school. So time alone is few and far between. Everytime I promise myself I’m not going to lose it it creeeps back in there. I feel even more terrible when she wants to kiss me after yelling at her. I tell her I’m sorry and I give her lots of hugs and snuggles but sometimes it seems it’s never enough. She wants to be on my boob constantly. I’m always exhausted but then when I lay down at night I can’t fall asleep! AAAH! My daughter is amazing and such a sweet loving child. I wish i wouldn’t let my patience fail. I know I need to seek help. I’m trying to find a balance in all this madness in my life. Whenever her father gets to me it seems worse. It’s probably better that he doesn’t live in the same state but I’m so angry at him for leaving us but of course he blames me for that. I feel so defeated and alone. Thanks for posting this and helping me to know that I’m not alone. Much respect, Monique

By: How to decide whether to have another child | Seagull Fountain

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By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:14:10 +0000

You’re definitely not alone in this. It seems like a lot of men walk away rather than engage in confrontation.

I confess I have not been as successful in my resolution as I hoped.

I am going to try harder. Starting now.

By: Vera

Vera — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:12:48 +0000

I did not yell at people before… but that has changed in the past few years. I now yell at my husband. He doesn’t communicate his feeling with me, other family members or even his closest friends. He walks away when we fight.

My mom sometimes lost her temper on us, but she always sat us down and talked about it for hours. So I’m not very sensitive to yelling, but a well communicated relationship means a lot to me. And whenever my husband ignores or walks away from our “talk”, that hurts me and makes me feel unloved…. and I yell at him more because I have become so frustrated with him… I want and need badly to communicate with him, but he shuts the door on me.

Your story makes me understand why he is so withdrawn, and why he always walks away during or after we fight.

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:06:43 +0000

I was thinking about this the other day. When we were trying to decide whether to try for a fourth kid or not — I found myself thinking, but… I could just wait until my oldest (8) has a kid. But that is a bit long to wait.

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:05:46 +0000

The best thing about the internet is feeling less alone, esp for us stay-at-home moms.

Good for you for getting help!

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:05:04 +0000

I wish I could help, Beth. I think that you recognize the seriousness of the problem and the possible consequences is a big step. My husband once told me he wanted to follow me around with a tape recorder so I could hear myself. I think therapy would benefit any (every) couple at some point. If you need help, please get it.

By: Vera

Vera — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:11:57 +0000

Your story makes me understand why he is so withdrawn, and why he always walks away during or after we fight.

By: Nancie

Nancie — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:59:10 +0000

Hi Jane,
Thank you for posting your story and made me feel that I am not alone. I stay home with 4 children and I recently found myself doing a lot of yelling. A little spill in the microwave, an opened granola bar by one of the kids that was left on the kitchen floor unfinished(my expensive “Whole Foods” ones!) or that dreadful light in the kids’ bathroom that’s ALWAYS not being turn off would turn me into a monster mom.
I think it’s about time for me to get some help. And I will.

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 23:28:00 +0000

everytime no matter what it is when my husband just talks to me get defensive with him i dont understand this and i yell at him alot its no wonder why he daoe not talk to me much or tell me he loves me what do i do to change this it is stressing my marriage to its braking point help plz

By: Blogging For Church Ladies | What About Mom

Blogging For Church Ladies | What About Mom — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 02:24:05 +0000

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By: Amanda

Amanda — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:22:39 +0000

Great post! Very real and honest. This is something many, many moms struggle with, including me. Thank you!