As we walked into church on Sunday, I looked around at my family. The hallways were crowded and my arms were full of snacks for the nursery, bags of diapers and toys, binders and scriptures. I thought Thank goodness no one needs to be carried anymore, or to have their hand held. I’ve been appreciating having a two-year old as my youngest lately. Compared to anything younger, two starts to look pretty darn independent.
So when we sat in our pew and looked around, it shouldn’t have been surprising that Spot wasn’t with us. We’re still new here, so a few seconds later when we found her in the aisle, she had a crumpled, scared face and easily-dried tears.
This morning after we got her sisters off to school, I heard Spot asking, “Are you Mama? Are you?” (which means “Where are you?”). Since she sounded tremulous and a little bit worried rather than demanding and petulant, I told her I was in the bathroom. She was relieved to see me and eager to hand me some toilet paper. She even gestured so I’d know what to do with it. (Yes, she is definitely showing interest. Getting the little potty out soon.)
Tonight we decided to try out the only Mexican place in Seagull Fountain (not great; will try Mi Ranchito in Spanish Spoon next time I’m desperate for chile rellenos). Sally and Susan went out to the car while Dick and I changed upstairs. Spot started screaming — the panicked cry of a child who thinks she’s been left. I rushed down (well, walked down, anyway) and scooped her up.
I hope I’m not completely degenerate in that I almost enjoy this phase because all mama’s baby wants is mama (or daddy or sisters (maybe even brothers, probably).
She wants to know she belongs, that the people who love her (and would die for her), are within reach and aware of her.
Soon enough Spot will catch the “I hate you” “You don’t understand” virus that Susan seems to be growing out of (finally!).
Soon enough Spot’ll try to make it out of the car at school without hearing mom’s “Love you so much. Have a great day,” as Sally sometimes does.
For now, belonging to a family and feeling secure in our love and attention is the most important thing in the world to Spot.
And, really, we never grow out of our need to belong — to an extended family, to a church, to a community, to a nation. People who feel like they belong to a church usually have more desire to serve in the church and be faithful. Same goes for a community and a nation.
I was pretty surprised throughout this election season whenever anyone expressed newfound respect or affection for the United States. A lot of the enthusiasm for President-elect Obama comes from a resurgent or completely new sense of belonging to a great nation with boundless possibility and limitless opportunity.
I don’t know if it was the time or place I grew up or the relative comfort of my family life, or my experiences living in a few foreign countries, but I’ve always felt like I belong in the United States, belong to the United States. I probably haven’t acted as grateful for this sense of belonging as I should. I haven’t served in the armed forces or been eager to pay taxes. I haven’t supported political campaigns since high school.
But I am grateful. And I’m happy that so many who have felt disenfranchized or disenchanted with the United States, here and abroad, are feeling a new sense of affection for or belonging to the USA. It’s worth any amount of ad nauseum discussion of hypoallergenic puppies to see so many excited to work for a better future because they finally feel as though they belong.
I’m afraid it’ll be all too soon before we’re back to “I hate you” and “You don’t understand.” Those who fought and continue to fight for us, who’ve fought for our right to belong, probably deserve better. So while I’m making sure that Sally and Susan and Spot know they belong in our family, and in our church, I’m going to look for ways to show them that they belong in our country.
Did you grow up feeling like you belong in your country? Do you feel like you belong now? What are you doing to help your kids feel like they belong?
Happy Veteran’s Day! (and Remembrance Day!) (and St. Martin’s Day, etc)
Tags: country, nation, patriotism, veterans day
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That was such a wonderful post. I have always felt such a sense of pride and belong for this wonderful country and it always come as a surprise when I hear people say things like “NOW I feel like an American” after their party won the election, as though somehow they didn’t feel very Americanish before. I always feel like an American and am so grateful to do so. My 5 year is now old enough to begin to understand that too. We have talked about it so much that one of his favorite craft projects is to make himself a flag to wave (always with stars and stripes). I love this great country and since I express that often, I think that my kids will learn to love and respect it as much as I do.
Katheryns last blog post..Well Taught
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A beautiful Veterans Day post, Jane. This is one of the lovliest things you’ve written. It’s nice to have a (big) baby who shows her love and appreciation of mama.
Taras last blog post..A Vested Interest
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One fun way to promote a sense of belonging to our country is singing its songs. It might be harder now, with video machines in cars, blaring “educational” stuff, but people, including children, are a captive audience in a car, and can easily be egged on to being captive participants in singing. What family hasn’t sung “I’ve been working on the railroad” with great gusto while driving along? “My Country tis of thee,” the Star Spangled Banner, “You’re a Grand Old Flag,” and God Bless America are great car songs, too. Some singers are touched in unexpected ways. I remember such singing with my kids a lot, and my little girl always sang especially loud when we got to “stand beside HER, and guide HER,” recognizing that she belonged as well as others in the family.
Singing along with a video or CD just won’t do. The example of Mom, Dad, and kids singing together, to express a shared feeling, with fun and emotion, is what’s important.
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I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours. Children are so sweet and tender. It isn’t happenstance that we are commanded to become as little children. After 9/11 there were similar feelings. I too hope that we “don’t grow up”. If we can maintain that childlike attitude, our country would be a better place…
Oh — and Spot sounds SO cute. I have to go scoop up my 2 year old now and give her a big squeeze.
Thank you for a lovely post.
Kathys last blog post..The Proper Way to Eat a Peanut Butter Sandwich.
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i don’t know if i’ve ever truly felt like i belonged anywhere. i just make my own place.
my sister lives in spanish fork, is there a spanish knife somwhere too? a spanish spatula maybe?
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Puppy Cam!
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Seagull Fountain, Spanish Spoon! I get it, but I won’t reveal your secret. Now I can officially stalk you. Just kidding. I grew up in Canada and I am very proud to be a Canadian. I don’t feel like I belong in or to the United States or “The States” as we called it growing up. I can hardly bring myself to say The Pledge of Allegiance when I’m in the schools. Americans always seemed loud, rude and conceited. We would call them “GORBYS” (Good ol’ red blooded yankees) when I worked at a resort town. I’m now getting to the point where I have lived here almost as long as I lived in Canada and I’ve yet to take out citizenship. Part of me thinks if I did, I might feel like I belong here more. This is a good post because I’ve never really thought about it before. I make sure when my kids say they are american, I say “You are half Canadian too!” Maybe that isn’t promoting warm fuzzy feelings about their birth country. I’m going to think about this.
Sheas last blog post..I’ve got a problem
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Shea — I don’t want to encourage anyone to give up (physically or mentally or emotionally) the country of their birth. I think it’s like the “have to truly love yourself before you can love another person.”
I think the more we love our own country and serve our fellow country-persons, the more we’ll respect other countries and have a desire to care for our fellow globe-persons. I think it should be the same for churches — we serve in our own, and that should make us more open to supporting other churches’ good works. I know it doesn’t always work that way (look at the crusades or more recent atrocities), but it SHOULD.
(Oh, and I have a soft spot for Canada anyway — would love to live on PEI!)
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Oh, and totally click on that link I have on Remembrance Day — it’s to an Op-Ed piece in the NYTimes about how today is a much more somber “celebration” in the UK and other countries, as they lost so many, many people in the Great War (WWI).
I still remember when I finished Rilla of Ingleside by LMMontgomery. That book is all about how the Great War was a fight for civilization and freedom, etc, and was supposed to be the war to end all wars (what a great goal, and yet, a strange goal for a WAR). Anyway, I turned hurriedly to the author’s information at the end, and saw that LMMontgomery (who really believed the war to end all war stuff) and I just cried and cried because she died in 1941, so she knew what was going on in Europe.
It’s probably naive of ANYONE to think a war could end all wars, but I was about 11 at the time, and I just wept.
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Sounds like my day at church except I’m usually holding at least one baby and holding another child’s hands. It really is totally out of control for me. I have my church bag, huge diaper bag, scriptures, anything I need for Young Women’s,(last Sunday I was lugging a huge mirror). So I am with you there! I can’t wait until the twins can go the right direction walking on their own. I don’t know why they still want to be held so much.
Anyway, I did grow up feeling like I belong to this wonderful country. And I still do. I always have. As my little preschoolers said the Pledge of Allegiance today it actually brought tears to my eyes. We sang some patriotic songs as well and like Grampa above I have fond memories of singing in the car.
Sharlas last blog post..The big bad blog
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Oh my 2.5 year old is in that stage “you go mama?!” With just the right amount of nervousness. I definitely try to work on his independence, but always let him know I’m right there for him. I think that is how he learned “Me, right back, mama” (I’ll be RIGHT back) and “me grab something (I just have to grab one thing). Always trying to reassure.
As for country, I grew up with a great sense of pride in the USA. I remember hearing about people burning flags when I was in elementary school and I just couldn’t understand why anyone would do such a terrible thing. Although I haven’t had any close family serve in military, my parents always instilled in our family that we were most fortunate to live in such a land. When I found out my husbands grandfather had served extensively in WWII (think band of brothers because he was in that troop) I was amazed that those boys could love our country so much, that their parents could love it so much that they could send their babies over to fight for what we just take for granted. (at least I seem to).
Loved the post. I have no doubt the hype over “we all belong now/America has returned” won’t last long. But I guess enjoy it while it does. Stand more united whether it be family, church or politics.
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I didn’t want it to sound like I don’t like Americans because I do. Just, growing up my experiences with them were not always positive. There is nothing worse than a person who lives in a country but acts like they are too good for it. I think the U.S. has a lot to offer but I’m a Canadian at heart. I love how Canada, Europe and Australia honor Remembrance Day. It’s a big deal at home and I grew up feeling a lot of pride for our veterans. I was wishing I had a poppy to wear on my coat today.
Sheas last blog post..I’ve got a problem
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Hey, I work with http://www.mochaclub.org, a non-profit that works in Africa. I saw that you were on the NaBloPoMo list, and we’d love for you to blog about our new campaign on Nov. 24th. The campaign is centered around this idea – at Mocha Club, we have always cared about building an accurate perception of both the challenges that Africans face, and the BEAUTY of Africa. We need bloggers to help get the word out. Please email me if you would be interested in hearing the details!
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While I don’t think I wear my patriotism on my sleeve quite so much as I’ve noticed in America, I think I am quintessentially Australian and belong here (but I hate vegemite, so maybe I’m not that Australian). I know in our country, what makes you Australian can be a difficult point – is it passing the citizenship test? Having relatives tracing back to convicts? Serving the country at a time of war? Knowing the rarely-sung second stanza of our national anthem?
Thanks for the link to NY Times (still have to read the article tho). Remembrance day is a much solemner day here – I would not wish someone a “happy” remembrance day, but it’s obviously something that is done with Veteran’s day. It is very moving and humbling to visit the lands where WWI was fought. We have been to the Somme in France twice (first time for Remembrance Day 2003), as well as Gallipoli.
I already knew of the lives lost, but walking through cemetries filled with so many young men, so many unknown men, surrounded by farm lands was incredibly moving for me (there’s even a US cemetry in the Somme, Jane). Even more so earlier this year, walking through those cemetries with my toddler in tow.
Kirstys last blog post..Teething much?
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I’d just like to say that I long for the day when the 2yr old is the youngest and not the oldest. I still hold his hand, have one baby strapped to me, then debate on whether or not to carry my heavy scriptures along with the diaper bag and primary bag. I really did try to look presentable under all of this litteral baggage, but nobody will ever know. ‘Til the baby is 2.
Oh, and I do try to feel a part of my community by managing a Head Start Caries Intervention Program in this county, and other stuff like that. I help my kids feel like they belong by dragging them to everything with me. (Like your cub scouts I guess.) They have fallen asleep in the car on the way home for the last 7 days in a row I think. Schedule Schmedule. The 2yr old asks what we’re doing that day. Luckily he’s okay with “Change.”
Tiffanys last blog post..Good Daddy
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