. . . by how they interact with children in public.
I’m not talking about the obvious (and unfortunately ineffectual) abuse that’s so embarrassing at the Walmart. You know, the parents who whack their kids while shouting, “Stop hitting your sister” or “I told you not to use the #@%& word, @#%$-it!” And I’m not talking about those who speak to anyone under the age of 10 as though they’re braindead, either. Because let’s face it, my children are often in a sugar-/TV-/breathing- induced coma reminiscent of brain-dead-ism.
And I’m not even talking about people who treat their friends’ or strangers’ kids differently than their own. Those conscientious parents who’ll go out of their way to answer a question or offer condolence to someone else’s kid while their own flesh and blood howls for a half-hearted nod of acknowledgement. (I do this one ALL THE TIME.)
No, those are all posts for another time.
I’m talking about how we handle kid-sized interruptions when we’re lucky enough to be engaged in witty bantering and sparkling repartee with another actual adult human (where witty bantering and sparkling repartee too often equal hammering out the logistics of our next playdate).
What do you do when little Addison/Aidan interrupts a real conversation?
Do you immediately stop your selfish adults-only talk and turn your body so you’re open to your child and generally treat her as though the President-elect himself has asked for a minute of your time?
Or do you swat them aside vaguely, pretending you can’t really hear that screeching coming from the hordes now writhing on the floor?
Too much or too little? What do you think?
1) Children should be seen and not heard
2) Children are my reason for B.E.I.N.G.
3) What Children?
Comment of the day from Paula:
I think the best way to handle this is to give your attention to the child long enough to take care of anything truly urgent, or to remind them not to interrupt and promise they will have your full attention in a few moments. Then don’t forget to give them your attention at the appropriate time. I’m not in the “children should mold their lives around the expectations/needs of adults” camp, but age-appropriate expectations of politeness are in line.
That being said, most of the time my kids have to be pretty persistent in trying to get my attention before I even notice they are there, LOL.
Tags: kids, motherhood, parenting
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I don’t know the best way to handle this. I don’t want to embarrass the child. Still, they need to learn to wait. I usually take it one instance at a time, based of their tone… A whiney kid gets nothing. A serious one, I will take a minute out of my conversation to help them. After all, everything at age 9 is SO important. Then I talk to them later, alone.
Kathys last blog post..The Proper Way to Eat a Peanut Butter Sandwich.
A delicate balance. On the one hand, your child has something important to say and you need to pay attention. On the other, children should learn not to interrupt conversations because that can be rude. I try to listen when it seems important, I will ask them to wait a minute (and their turn) if they can help it.
I want my children to feel like I’ll always listen, but part of learning how to talk to other humans is to learn what’s appropriate and inappropriate conversational behavior.
Azúcars last blog post..Nov 9 Gear
p.s. but when I interrupt a conversation to listen to a child, I turn the full force of my attention and response.
Azúcars last blog post..Nov 9 Gear
Well it’s been a long time since mine were little but I always took a second to tell them not to interrupt when adults were talking and I’d get with them as soon as I or they were done speaking.. It didn’t always work.. ;-D
Donnas last blog post..Kris Kringle Kake & Candied Walnuts….
i’ve taught my son, who isn’t even quite 2 1/2 yet to say “excuse me” when he has something to say and i am talking to someone else. when he does say it (as long as my conversation isn’t almost over or life and death) i turn and give him my attention- mostly because he is using his manners. but most of the time i tell him “so-and-so and i are talking, wait just a minute and we can talk” and he waits- returns to his playing or whatever. i don’t think that is too much to ask of a kid.
ha ha, I must be the worst mom out there. My kids aren’t trained to say excuse me but they are trained (at least the older two) to not bother me when I’m talking. If they do all I have to do is put up my pointer finger in their direction without even looking at them and they take off until a better time. I think I’m a pretty good mom but I guess in this case you could say I just give them the finger. (ha ha, that really sounds awful doesn’t it?)
Sharlas last blog post..The big bad blog
I think the best way to handle this is to give vyour attention to the child long enough to take care of anything truly urgent, or to remind them not to interrupt and promise they will have your full attention in a few moments. Then don’t forget to give them your attention at the appropriate time. I’m not in the “children should mold their lives around the expectations/needs of adults” camp, but age-appropriate expectations of politeness are in line.
That being said, most of the time my kids have to be pretty persistent in trying to get my attention before I even notice they are there, LOL.
I’m glad I’m not there yet. Right now, Lucy’s conversation contributions come to “Mama, what’cha eating? Can I have it? No, really. No, I want some. No, I want it NOW!!!!” but since her actual vocabulary comes to “Ma Da Puh Ba Sa La” and really is mostly da da da da da, she is both easier and harder to ignore.
Kristines last blog post..I aten’t dead
For me, children CAN be spoken over.
I choose to ignore some pleas for attention when I am speaking with other adults, and will stop, if needed, to remind them that it’s RUDE to interrupt a conversation without saying “excuse me…”
When they do start with “excuse me”, I let the grown ups wait for a sec, because it’s pretty obvious I need to give the kids positive re-enforcement on that.
Gladiss last blog post..argh… it was either blog, or make pancakes!
I usually say “just a minute, so and so and I are talking”. Unless of course there is blood or a bone sticking out somewhere, in which I case I say to the person I’m talking to “oh my! I better take care of this. . . ” (grin) I too have used the pointer finger trick with my older kids. I think you can find a balance.
max has a real problem with interrupting. if he interrupts, i will tell him to be quiet when someone else is talking and to wait his turn. if he does that, i will listen, answer his question, and go back to my own conversation. i don’t think interrupting should be encouraged.
I’m not sure what it says about me (or my family and friends), but we are prefectly able to have dual conversations. “My husband would never go for that- no you can’t have a cookie now -because he hates driving out there- go get your own water -in the snow.”
Although I can also use my (pointer) finger to preempt interruptions. And we’ve been known to threaten, “something better be broken or bleeding” often enough that my chldren now know to qualify their interuptions when they are, in fact, bleeding.
I can’t even think of what I do when M interrupts me. Does she even interrupt me? Am I so self-involved I don’t notice? Is she so wonderfully of manners thanks to the etiquette books I bought 10 years ago that she doesn’t interrupt?
I guess I’m somewhere between 1 and 2.
Kirstys last blog post..Teething much?
i was thinking about this the other day when my daughter was interrupting me for the 10th time while I had an adult conversation. At a certain age, kids definitely need to start learning that it’s not ok to interrupt. Now the question is… what age? I think my eldest (4) is definitely ready.
the mama bird diariess last blog post..no climbing trees here
For my seven-year-old step daughter, I just hold one had up to stop her from talking, finish my sentence and then ask her what is up. After she tells me, I tell her “I’m talking for a minute and then we’ll discuss this further”
The 2 year old is harder as I’m usually holding him and he takes my head in his hands, turns me to face him and says “mama, no talk” we are working on it.
Jane these looked like a lot of work but yummy… good thing you had help while preparing them… Have a great day,
(((HUGS)))
Donna