Comments on: Don’t slam the screen door

By: Mamma Mia is a Quantum of Silliness | What About Mom

Mamma Mia is a Quantum of Silliness | What About Mom — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 06:34:28 +0000

[...] Maybe it was . . . hmmm. I’m not really sure whether to be appalled or applauding. It sure was gorgeous — all set in Greece with the white-stuccoed rocks and that blue! sky. Meryl Streep, who I’m realizing is quite amazing. [...]

By: Heiddi

Heiddi — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:06:39 +0000

Jane great post. I loved how you broke down the movie this way. I didn’t quite get it when I first saw it years ago and several times since, but you did a great job explaining it to me. thanks.

Heiddis last blog post..Breaking News 10/31/08

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:42:01 +0000

This post reminds me of a scene in the book Angels in the Gloom by Anne Perry. Set in England during World War I, Hannah is at her home when a woman who recently lost her husband in the war stops by. It is clear the woman is in deep distress and when she finally shares her agony with Hannah. She tells Hannah that a fellow soldier of her husband visits her and tells her all these wonderful things about her husband. She is shattered because she hadn't seen those things. He had help himself apart from her ostensibly to protect her from the horror of the war. And yet in protecting her, he pushed her away. It pushes Hannah to beg her husband to share himself with her, the life he leads as an officer on a Navy warship. Doing so takes tremendous courage, because the reality is hard. I think sometimes we hide ourselves from our spouses in the effort not to bore, or to protect, or even to avoid confronting our own weaknesses. In the daily exchange of information about the mundane details of work, number of diaper changes, or catastrophic messes in the kitchen, are we sharing our feelings and really allowing our true selves to shine through? Tiffanys last blog post..The unabashed delight of Halloween

By: Lily

Lily — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:34:15 +0000

So true. If my husband thoughtfully took my kid away for days on end, I’d spend my time sleeping, reading fluff and sleeping. I would be so grateful, I wouldn’t nag him for a week.

By: 7yearscratched

7yearscratched — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:39:23 +0000

Great post. I’m living proof that the movie might have some accuracy. I’m the husband (still, I think) of a blogger who has had to face cheating, ironically while my wife was at a certain women’s blogging conference in SF. The problem in our situation was that we have a young daughter and while I’ve spent her early years learning to be a good dad, I’ve also forgotten to pay attention to Francesca, so to speak.

By: toni

toni — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 10:35:25 +0000

Another great post, Jane.
RJ & I will celebrate 28 years next week – pretty good, considering I was not EVER getting married! Of course we’ve had some bad spots, but it’s been mostly good – or I would have shot him! In the beginning, I expected him to “know” what I wanted – like he could read minds or something. I finally figured out that if we both just said what was on our minds, it worked a lot better. Also – treat each other with the same respect you treat your friends. Do you cheat on your friends?

By: Kirsty

Kirsty — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 03:35:42 +0000

I haven’t seen Spanglish, and haven’t seen Bridges over Madison County since years before Miss M, so it’s in that fuzz of pre-baby experiences that don’t stick in my brain.
As for what works for us: Communication. We’ve always felt our relationship was based on it (4 years of long-distance dating, seeing each other one or two times a year meant phone calls were all we had). We’ve had to work on communication more after being in the same country again, but every now and then I think we both wish we’d still take the time for half-hour daily phone calls.
Continually-evolving trust.
And me trying to rememeber to be touchy-feely-smoochy-affectionate. I am so not a girl in that way, but I try to be, because he loves it.

Kirstys last blog post..You doing, Mummy?

By: Steffj89

Steffj89 — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:21:11 +0000

very nice post!! my sister is divorced 4 years now and it is a struggle watching her and my neice sometimes. Especially when she tells me she wants a marriage like mine. It totally cracks me up because even though she asks advice she hears none of it.
Truly Prince Charming lives only in your fairy tales, Brad Pitt isnt going to suddenly leave Angelina and show up in yhour living room and take you away from all the tedium, the average married couple doesnt go out to the bar, or the opera, or the play, or XYZ every friday and saturday night….we are more into play dates at the zoo with the kids or going out and teaching them how to fish…
and honestly the sexiest thing my hubby has done in a long time was to get up this morning and take them to the bus at the butt crack of dawn because i think i am coming down with strep and feel crappy.
steff

Steffj89s last blog post..Christmas Traditions and such

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:46:35 +0000

Thanks for the poignany post. I think I take my saintly hubby for granted way too much. I think our relationship is pretty perfect, so I might neglect it on occasion. I will try even harder to connect now. Jens last blog post..The sights and smells of autumn

By: Grampa

Grampa — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:35:43 +0000

Your honesty, insight, and rigorous insistence on staying in the first person, I’m sure have made many of your readers’ marriages better, many lives better. I really hope that makes you feel good about yourself. I wish you’d been around when I was struggling with marriage(s).

By: Grateful for Grace

Grateful for Grace — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:12:35 +0000

Great post and valuable advice. I get so tired of women blaming when they aren’t giving.

Also, I don’t like Adam Sandler hardly at all, but Spanglish I liked and Reign Over Me is his best.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:34:42 +0000

Great post. I really need to revisit that movie…haven’t seen it in years.

I’m a relative newbie to marriage compared to some, but we’ve found the following to be true:

1. I need time to think and process “discussions” (disagreements/arguments). The best place for me to do this is Target. I’m not joking. Something about aimlessly wandering through aisles and yet having the ability to check something off my to-do list while letting off steam just touches me in a deep part of my soul. I come back calmer, and with laundry detergent, to boot.

2. I suck at saying “I’m sorry”. Mainly because I didn’t grow up in a home where we admitted it if we were wrong (as if that happened). I’m learning. Slowly. Husband is a master at it. Very gracious, indeed.

Ah, marriage. In some ways it’s the craziest concept on earth…and yet, the best.

Melissas last blog post..Come on Precaution, Take a Step Aside.

By: Marianne

Marianne — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:27:47 +0000

Beautiful, Jane.

I always tell the kiddos here that if you want something in life, you’ve got to ask for it. That applies to marriage, too.

Don’t play games and hope that the other person figures out all your clues: be direct, kindly so, but direct with wants, needs, hopes, and dreams.

Oh, and learn to let the little things go because when you really have to face something that’s potentially devastating, the little things are just crumbs on the floor.

Going on 14 years of being married to my best friend.

He truly is.

Good, good post!

By: Memarie Lane

Memarie Lane — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:37:10 +0000

it drives me nuts when brad asks me what’s wrong because he asks me every time i sigh, and i sigh a lot, and it’s usually because i’m catching my breath. i forget to breathe sometimes.

our biggest problem is that we speak different languages. i’m very direct, he just hints around and expects me to figure out what he’s trying to say. he ties up his emotions in his speech, i’m more rational and logical. supposed to be the opposite isn’t it? so i know how men feel.

By: Is This Mike On?

Is This Mike On? — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:33:42 +0000

After watching numerous husbands toss their wives aside for a fling or whatever, this has been on a my mind as well. Even after 20 years of marriage, I can never get complacent.
BTW, just discovered your blog through Twitter. You’re one of a half dozen on a feedburner subscription. This is good stuff.

Is This Mike On?s last blog post..How Carl the Spider got his name

By: niki

niki — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:40:16 +0000

Love this post…love it, love it, love it!

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:18:49 +0000

Just found you through WFMW- and Oh my goodness did I need this today! I had forgotten about that movie AND forgotten many of the ways my husband tries. Thanks for the post! Erins last blog post..

By: Deanna

Deanna — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:30:31 +0000

My husband kissed my forehead this morning and said, “I am taking the boys to school so you can sleep in a little while.” Do you know what I am doing? Anything and everything I can think of to repay him for his loving kindness… and when he gets home I will repay him some more. Marriage is 100/100.

By: Debsylee

Debsylee — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 09:36:26 +0000

We’ve recently debated the whole infidelity thing on my blog; it got heated but I think there were some worthy contributions.
You’re right; people don’t want to think it could happen to them, but what I’ve found is that it can happen right at the beginning of a relationship as well as those that are established (though for different reasons!)
The one common thread that runs through them all friendship, communication and commitment; if both parties have these in mind then most wounds can be fixed. I hope so anyway.

Debsylees last blog post..Unfaithfulness, pt. 2…

By: Kathy

Kathy — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 05:52:16 +0000

Great post!! Love it. Thank you for your insight. I think friendship is the biggest key. I also think that what helps us keep going is that we are committed as much as we are in love. There are days when love alone doesn't see you through... the commitment does. Thankfully, those days are few. But it helps. Alot. Kathys last blog post..FREE FAMILY PHOTOS!