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A Woman’s Right to Choose

10.16.08 | motherhood | 37 Comments

Finding out that someone you like and admire is pro-choice or pro-life is like finding out that they enjoy kicking puppies or like to lock their daughters in the basement.

It’s surprising and unsettling to discover that a friend does not agree with you on something so fundamental as the right to choose or the right to life. McCain’s choice of the very pro-life Sarah Palin has brought these passionate feelings about abortion to the surface (again). And it’s made me rethink my own stance.

I’ve always been a “pro-life with extreme exceptions” kind of person. That’s what my church advocates,* as reiterated in a recent article by one of our apostles. I’ve always thought that, since we can’t seem to agree when “life” begins (or even how we should define “life”), that our intention toward life (or potential life) is what matters. That God judges us on our actions and our intentions.

This theory of intention toward life was strengthened when I miscarried five years ago. At the time I struggled with the question of whether my 11-week-old embryo/fetus was actually a child of mine who had died, or a biological mistake (as the doctors described it) that my body had corrected.

I came to the conclusion that I had not lost a child, but rather experienced a common occurrence of nature taking its course. For a while I wondered what that meant for my beliefs about abortion. (If I had not lost a child, was there ever a “life” in my womb?)

The difference between abortion and miscarriage is clear, though: intent. My intention toward the life/potential life I carried was the same whether it was actually a child or a misformed mass of cells. I felt that my intention was what mattered, since I had no way of knowing if there had actually been a life there. And so I continued on in my “pro-life with extreme exceptions” philosophy.

But lately I’ve been wondering about those exceptions (health of the mother and rape/incest). Sarah Palin was the first politician I’d been aware of who is pro-life with fewer exceptions than me.

The longer I thought about the exceptions, the more conflicted I felt. If we make exceptions, if we say that it is okay to end a pregnancy if the physical health of the mother is in danger, or if we say that abortion in cases of rape/incest is okay if the mental health of the mother is in danger, doesn’t that imply (or declare) that whatever life or potential life is in the womb is of less value (less existence) than the life of the mother? That the mother is more of a human being than the embryo fetus, because preserving her life is more important?

Then how do we evaluate women who are not raped, but who might seek abortions for their mental health?

Remember Andrea Yates? When her story first hit, I had no children, and I was quick to condemn her as a monster. Then I had kids, and I thought about her sometimes. Once you’ve experienced the dragging fatigue of caring for a newborn, you develop empathy for a woman who must have felt completely overwhelmed by the demands of her five children and tortured by her post-partum psychosis.

If abortion in case of danger to the mental health of the mother is justified in extreme cases, then perhaps Andrea Yates’ case is worthy of even more sympathy and excuse.

I find myself torn. The exceptions bother me. If I accept them, then it’s harder to see why abortions in certain other cases are not also justifiable. (Abortion as a means of primary birth control is not embraced by anyone, as far as I can tell. From a feminist or world-health perspective, women (and men) should insist on condom use to slow the spread of STDs, even beyond the prevention of pregnancy).

If I reject the exceptions as not valuing the life of the embryo/fetus enough, then I would be even more pro-life than Sarah Palin (and my church, incidentally).

I am sure of a couple things. First, that I probably won’t be a one-issue voter any time soon. And second, that a woman should have the right to choose whether she is pro-life or pro-choice without worrying that other women will label her “anti-woman.”

As women who have given birth or who contemplate giving birth, we have a unique perspective on bringing life into the world — what it costs us physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. And we know the joy it brings us, the compensation of having small children who run to us for kisses better and a hug to block out the world.

And — pro-choice or pro-life, most of us are pro-woman.

Jane

*All of these thoughts are my own, obviously; I’ve shared what I interpret my church’s stand to be, but any mistakes are my own.

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