Last week I went with my sister to look at a house my parents were encouraging her to buy as her divorce approaches. My sister wasn’t very excited about the ‘cow place’ (it backs onto a pasture), and I had to agree with her. On Monday my mom took a plate of “Sorry!” cookies to the little old lady who lives at the cow place. Apparently the little old lady agreed with my mom (who heard from my sister) that I was “bombastic” when we were looking at the house.
Am I bombastic? (and does anybody know what that means? It’s not actually a synonym for obnoxious).
Look, all I said was that the floorplan was a little crappy, which it was, and that it’s kind of silly that they didn’t put in a master bathroom. Instead, a miniature pocket door connects the master bedroom to a miniature hall bathroom. That’s silly, right? And a major problem if you ever want to resell the cow place.
Since sellers are always completely candid.
When we were looking at the house, the little old lady told my sister that she really loves the floorplan (and the miniature bathroom), which would be nice, except the little old lady wouldn’t be trying to offload this crappy cow place house to move into her dream home in the next town over if she really “loved” this one. Am I right?
Of course I’m right.
Being right is such a burden when everyone around you wants you to go around whispering what you are right about, if they even want the benefit of all of your rightness. Which sometimes it turns out they do, because my sister decided to buy a different house that has an actual master bathroom. And no cows next door.
Mostly it’s enough to be right.
But sometimes I wonder if my parents think I’m kind of, well, annoying. I wonder if they ever looked at me and thought — this child is perfect. Did they ever want to stop all the clocks and announce to everyone that here is perfection. Here is more than we ever imagined coming from us?
But sometimes I feel a bit picked on.
I always knew that they would prefer me to be a little more quiet, a little more humble, a little less out-spoken, a little less critical, a little more nice.
Even though I’m a parent myself now.
I’m afraid Sally will remember that I told her ten times a day to stop screaming that high-pitched squeal in excitement whenever Daddy came home or Mommy gave you your book back or your sister walked by and looked at you. And Susan will remember that I put her in time-out for not helping to pick up the board games she dumped out all over the living room. And Spot will remember that I slapped her hand for pounding on the keyboard when Mommy was at the computer.
Will they wonder if I found them annoying?
Yesterday I saw Spot playing with Grandma’s dog, and as I looked at her round face and listened to her telling me repeatedly that Lindy was “a doggy,” I felt this warmth and pressure that wasn’t something I ate but felt like a thousand soft explosions of relief and hope and adoration. She is absolutely perfect.
Here is perfection.
Even though I had to change four of Spot’s toxic tar-poop diapers in one day and had to threaten Susan with Barbie-dismemberment if she wouldn’t throw her cantaloupe rinds in the trash right this minute, and even if Sally thinks it’s hilarious to say, “Mommy pooped in her diaper” in front of people I want to have think we’re normal.
Even though someday they’ll like boys.
Sometimes I sit and stare at Sally and Susan and Spot. Or I hold them on my lap and run my fingers over their baby-soft cheeks and tickle their smooth-squishy bellies and I feel this upswelling of wonder and almost panic. What will they remember? I want them to know: maybe you ARE annoying and like to ignore me and maybe I have to apologize for your loudness and stinkiness, but you are mine, and you are perfect.
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Sisters don’t bring you along on house-hunting trips to be nice. They bring you along to be glaringly honest. Good for you.
I sure hope my kids rmeember the good stuff more than they remember the inflection of my voice when I yelled their names. Unfortunatly my youngest has memorized that same inflection when I yell Thirdborn’s name. She can mimic me so well.
Scarehaircares last blog post..
I always thought “bombastic” was supposed to be a good thing. Like that song. Who was it by? Shaggy?
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Our Lady of the Downstairs Bathroom
I relate to so much of this. Now I feel kind of sniffly. By the way, one of the reasons I started my blog because I was afraid I was too annoying. The blog is a perfect outlet for that, because people can read it…or not. Interestingly, my family does read it – maybe they just have to be in the mood for me? Unfortunately, I’m still kind of annoying in real life.
Annies last blog post..My friend Angela is brilliant.
I feel like this all the time, as you know from my blog. I adore my children and they also annoy me all the time. It is nice to hear that someone else gets annoyed by their children. Sometimes I read blogs and I think, “Are your children always perfect? Come on, aren’t you a little irritated when they scream at you?” But then, maybe they are just nicer than me and realize that one day their children will grow out of it and be great and then won’t they feel bad that they just publicized to the world that they were irritated by their children?
Anyway, I’m glad to hear that someone else gets frustrated and that you still think your kids are perfect.
I read some of your blog roll sites, and then their recommended blogs, and I gotta say how impressed I am. I’ve always known the female is far superior to the male. It’s just obvious. But now there’s proof for all to see. Not all women blog, of course, but a good percentage of them do. How many men have blogs that discuss their own lives? Men love their families, their children, their dogs, but they can’t put it into words. They can hardly get beyond grunting and pointing. So they can’t share and learn from each other. How sad. Only you women can help. Make your men more human, less vague and slurpy. Help them evolve.
This gave me mixed feelings.
I used to be that openly opinionated and I was surprised whenever anyone had a problem with it. But reading this, I thought, Why did you have to say it out loud to the lady? If your sister was interested in the place, she could voice the cons later to help lower the price. If she wasn’t interested in the place, all it did was hurt someone’s feelings. Also? I just built a brand new house and instead of opting to have two bathrooms back to back, one for my husband and I and one for the kids, I opted to turn them into a more luxurious, bigger bathroom with simply a pocket door to our master bedroom. One less toilet to clean. Nicer bathroom and ensuite access. What more is necessary? Why is four baths in a house necessary? (I know, you specified that it was a tiny hall bathroom but it sounded like your criticism really sat with the pocket door set up.) We also just sold a house where the previous owners did the same thing. I’ve been told by a number of people that it was a brilliant move. Everyone has a different opinion, I guess. Which is fine.
I kept reading your blog because I like that you’re so opinionated. I like that you don’t fit the typical mold of an LDS woman. I’m sure I will still keep reading and keep liking.
Also, I don’t know you and you probably didn’t actually say the floor plan was “crappy” right in front of the poor lil’ old lady. Right?
Natasha Becoming Somethings last blog post..How blogging has made me a better person. For reals.
Grampa — On behalf of all women bloggers, I thank you. I’m pretty happy with my slurpy husband. Thanks!
Natasha —
You make several good points. I’m 99% sure I didn’t say the word “crappy” in front of the nice lady (though I am scared to ask my sister to make sure). I did say (in front of her) that I thought the price was really good, and the backyard was ideal for children. Usually I try to say good things out loud too, though I’m not sure if I say 7 good things for every 1 negative — which is what I read somewhere you have to do (the 7 to 1 ratio) to make up for every criticism you offer.
The one larger, luxurious bathroom sounds great to me — esp when your kids are small; but what about when your daughters are teenagers and you don’t want them running into your naked husband (which would bother them even more than you?). Also, the hall bathroom in this house was smaller than the powder room by the kitchen (or the same size, but with a tub wedged in).
Hope I didn’t offend you! Of course you’re right that there was absolutely no reason for me to voice criticisms of the house in front of the owner. I was embarrassed/ashamed (perhaps rightly so!) that my mom felt she had to apologize for me. I don’t want to act in a way that makes my mom feel like that, you know?
I can be awfully candid, too. And it usually happens just when I think it’s just me and Knute with no possibility of anyone overhearing.
Then…poof! I’m overheard and I spend the next few minutes digging my foot out of my mouth.
That being said, when someone’s trying to sell a house (having sold 3) you sell, sell, sell! Honest descriptions get a good polish, ya know?
I’m probably annoying, too. But I do aim to be funny while annoying. That must count for something?
Well…it’s that old lady’s fault for showing you the house herself! It’s so easy to become defensive when you’re trying to sell your sanctuary. If she’d had a real estate agent or a friend show it, she would’ve never heard any negative comments!
ps: we learned that lesson the hard way when someone made a negative comment about our BEDSPREAD and I snapped back and told them the furniture & accessories are NOT included! ha!
Cristans last blog post..End of the day
Nobody’s looking for perfection. Perfect is boring. Flaws are fun and great for conversation starters…
traceys last blog post..So. What do YOU think?
Yes, sometimes I wonder what mine will remember, also. There are days when it seems that all I do is reprimand them and order them around and hide from them; yet I love them so much and cannot imagine life without them!
LOVE this post.
the mama bird diariess last blog post..the olympics are not on
I’m guilty of just assuming that words mean something that they don’t really, so I did check into bombastic. It’s not what I thought, but it could sort of mean obnoxious (in a pretentious sort of way).
These thoughts were really great. Thanks for sharing them.