So, I was right: people want underwear more than books. Though some mothers don’t have time to read, not one person said they didn’t need new underwear because their kids keep them too busy to shower.
I’m not sure what this means besides grooming being a bigger priority than reading, but I do think John Edwards could’ve learned something from y’all: if he’d only concentrated on wearing underwear at all times instead of reading one too many steamy Harlequin American Political Romances, he might still be on Obama’s VP list.
This week I’m offering a $10 iTunes giftcard to the winner of Things That Must Go. I know ten bucks isn’t much, but I’ve already blown this week’s ad revenue on a Happy Meal for the kids. Plus, iTunes is cool, right? I only ask that you download Lenka’s The Show with part of your winnings. Just kidding. Leaving a comment with your Things That Must Go is the only thing you have to do. Well, really you only have to pay taxes and die. Or go to jail and die, or get signed up as a Conscientious Tax Objector and die. Leaving a comment is sounding better and better, huh?
But first, here’s the winner of the Nora Roberts/Joan Wickersham book giveaway (email me your address and which book you’d like!):
Scarehaircare: Skimpy bikinis. If you are stupid enough to wear them, I am not going to stop my daughter when she points and says loudly “Mom, look at that!” because she sees your bum before you can pull your bikini bottom back up after coming down the water slide. (The same thing goes for jeans that are too low to sit in properly.) I am all for allowing the children to say what we cannot, in all politeness, say.
And two Honorable Mentions, which were in no way influenced by nepotism:
Grampa: One other thing that has to go are popsicle bags that can’t be opened without a lethal weapon (knife, scissors). No clever use of fingernails, teeth, or brute stength can open them. They don’t even leak when the popsickle melts; the sticks float, and the “soup” tastes like Kool-Aid. Such bags have spread to candy bars, cookies, and crackers. Away with such unopenable bags. Yes.
Tom Johnson: -Dryers that sounds like German army tanks.
-Feelings of inadequacy for not keeping your kids 100% reverent during church.
-Leaving your real glasses in the car and instead wearing sunglasses all day and evening in the house, looking like a retard.Do I make fun of how you look in your clip-on sunglasses?
-People who think hacking someone’s site and bringing it down is funny.
-Loud, angry voices in any context — at home, church, in the car. (Well, if you’re driving alone it’s okay.)
-Floam. Sounds like a cool idea, until it’s time to clean it up.
And here are my Things That Must Go for this week:
1. To the Nice Man at the Gym: I know it seems strange that I’ve ventured into your territory of pulleys and benchpresses; I don’t like it any more than you do. But I hope we can learn to share this maze of equipment, which is why I’m asking you to please stop grunting. Please stop grunting. Please. I realize you’re lifting five thousand pounds and sweating and bursting at your muscle seams, but I cannot count to fifteen when you are grunting, grunting, grunting. What’s that? You didn’t catch that? You can’t hear anything, much less your own grunting, because you are listening to Coldplay on your iPod? Well, at least you have good taste in music. Just. Please stop grunting.
2. Fax machines. The Chinese gave us gunpowder and fireworks and smoggy Olympics. I’m sure we could pin the fax machine on them too. Seriously. Why can’t we just email and scan and email some more? Is it just me or are fax machines about as modern as a horse and buggy?
Now it’s your turn: what’s buggin’ this week? iTunes giveaway deadline is midnight Saturday.
Tags: contest, giveaway, itunes, pet peeves, things that must go
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TTMG:
Matt Lauer & Bob Costas for being too PC during the Olympics Parade of Nations. YOU KNOW they wanted to make a joke after announcing the arrival of the Djibouti team. The pregnant silence was just BEGGING for the puns!
That darn spam that keeps telling me I’ve won the Irish lottery. That must go. I’m about to start spamming them back with the kind of photos of STDs they show in highschool gym class.
Mary Jenkinss last blog post..Meet Jack
i just ruined my punch line because i meant “health” class.. argh..
Can people count? Because seriously the people who apparently use the DVDs they borrow from the library as frisbees really must go. Our library has such a wonderful selection of DVDs, but it seems too often than not we pick a great one and it’s so scratched up it won’t even play. My kids occasionally get hold of our DVDs and they never ending up looking as bad as some of these library ones.
Alisons last blog post..Friday Night Link Love: The Olympics Edition
1. The smell outside our office building that amplifies with the heat and humidity. At first I thought it might be just farmland smells, but it’s gotten worse and more pungent. Turns out that we’re down wind of the human waste processing plant. OH the HUMANITY! I’m just glad I’m not pregnant or I would lose it everyday on the way to the car.
UGH.
Those super-short-short shorts that are in style right now. I saw a girl at Target tonight (probably about 15 years old) shoppping with her mom, and the daughter’s butt cheeks were showing from the bottom of the shorts!! Hello, they are TOO SHORT when you can see the actual cheeks (sorry for being so descriptive, but UGH!!).
Please, don’t count me in on the contest, I don’t have an ipod, so I can’t use the prize. Just wanted to join in on the TTMG though:)
Eek, just wanted to apologize for my last comment. It seems a bit too descriptive upon re-reading (is that a word?). Sorry!! I’m sure there is a better phrase than “butt cheeks”. Feel free to delete if you feel the need to!
Karis last blog post..Too Lazy to Actually Blog, so here’s a meme..
The inability to find ANYTHING in Home Depot including a sales person. The place is huge and all I want is a light switch plate (and some nobs) and its like going on the ultimate scavenger hunt. Every sales associate points you in a different direction and secretly I don’t think ANY of them know where anything is.
Bratz Dolls. Seriously. When I actually find myself SUGGESTING BARBIE instead of Bratz you know something is wrong with this world. When I actually have to explain to my four year old daughter that I don’t want her to play with the obnoxious, over-made-up, scantily clad doll but instead I’d rather she play with the disproportionate, over-sexy, negative female stereotype enforcing, doll we need to think about what we’re telling our daughters. Not to mention whose great idea was it to actually name the doll “Bratz”. Because that is EXACTLY what I want my daughter to be – a brat. AAARRGGGHHH!!!
Beths last blog post..1 Bed But Many Sleeps
My TTMG this week is Brad using my KitchenAid mixer bowl for his nightly popcorn. I was complaining that he was using my best Tupperware mixing bowl, so he started using that instead. Like this is an improvement! I’m going TODAY to get him his very own dedicated popcorn bowl.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..In Which Time Travel Meets Self Flagellation
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The clothes the creapy guy wears.
He roams aimlessly around our house, going through our junk mail in the mailbox, looking in the windows of our (locked) cars, and not replying when I say hi. He has worn the same grey shirt, jeans, and dirty sneakers since we moved in. I hear that he lives next door but his wife won’t let him in b/c he “lost it” mentally and is basically homeless now. I feel sorry for the old unshaven alcoholic-man, but his clothes have GOT to go.
His wife should throw his clothes out on the lawn to him or something. Maybe they only do that on movies and commercials when there’s a balcony though.
Tiffanys last blog post..Look who’s cookin’
It bugs me when people don’t use their turning signal, and I’ve been waiting for them to pass. Then they turn into the street I’m coming from and it turns out I could have turned a long time ago.
I hope I win.
It also bugs me that songs cost $1 each!
Not sure if I’m too late for this giveaway. I hope not – I love iTunes!
As for my 2cents, I think this whole idea of tv signals going digital has got to go! Why must *everything* be upgraded in the name of progress? Seriously, we’ve connected our converter box, and I’d much rather take the fuzzy, consistent analog antenna signal than the frequently broken-up, pixelated digital signal.
Stacey @ Happy Are Wes last blog post..A Sleeper Hit
Things that must go…my top choice currently is people talking on their cell phones when their going through the checkout stand, etc. I was at Walmart last night and this lady was walking in with a return, obviously you have to get a sticker. So the door greeter is trying to talk to her, find out if she has a return, how many, etc. and she keeps talking on her phone! Won’t answer his questions, just holding her hand out for the sticker. I thought, put the phone down for 5 seconds and stop being rude! Drives me crazy!
Could we get rid of the happy, hyper ‘back to school’ ads yet? The ones that look like a Disney version of high school, where everyone is dancing and singing and so very excited to be back in school? You’re not fooling anyone. No one is THAT happy to be going back to school. And school started a week ago. Can we please cut it short now? Enough.
[...] know it’s been a long time since the iTunes Things That Must Go, but here are a few great entries from last [...]