I was fascinated by the discussion on Rocks in My Dryer last year after Shannon’s Does It Matter? post. She asked whether a political candidate’s (non)fidelity mattered to voters. She had a bunch of great questions, but the one that I’ve asked myself is: “Can I fully trust a leader who cheated on the most important vow he or she ever took?”
Now, I know that there are no vows in blogging. And the stakes are much lower than a presidential election. Why, some people blog for fun. But other people view their blogs as businesses, and many are quite good. I enjoy their posts on blogging, especially, because I vacillate between seeing my blog as a “letter to the world, That never wrote to me,” and something that could provide income in a million years.
So my question is, on blogging: Does following the rules matter?
If you discovered that a blogger you admire appeared to be engaging in some shady practices, would that change how you viewed their blog?
Would you ask them to clarify the situation, hoping there was a good explanation for the apparent shady-ness?
Have you ever asked a question and then wish you’d never asked?
Last week my link on RIMD’s Works-for-Me Wednesday (WFMW) was deleted (long story, my fault, not the point). I was a little upset because my server was down, but the bottom line was that I hadn’t followed the WFMW guidelines, which clearly state that a post-specific url is required.
But it got me curious about Shannon’s enforcement of WFMW guidelines, especially when a friend pointed out to me that a blogger we both enjoy had not been following them. Have you ever asked a question and then wish you’d never asked? Here’s some advice:
For those who wish to continue in happy ignorance: If you see what looks like shady practices, ignore it. It doesn’t matter.
For those who wish to continue to appear honorable: Don’t lie about something that I can check on the internet in approximately four seconds. Especially if it’s something small, something that doesn’t matter.
Because here’s the deal. I don’t care what you do. I mean, I do care, especially if you’re someone I’ve practically idolized up ’til now. But I care even more that you would not be honest about it.
In blogging: Does honesty matter?
I explained this whole situation to my family over the weekend (sorry!), and my younger brother said, Who cares, it’s a BLOG.
True. Who cares?
One part of me wants to write a big expose piece, because DANG IT. SHE LIED. The other part of me (the better part, the part that reminds me I am far from perfect, the part that listens to Dick, who says we should ‘reprove in private and praise in public’) knows that there’s no way I wouldn’t sound like a jealous, petty tattletale (I prefer whistle-blower).
So I’m trying to forget it. I’m trying not to care. But here’s my take on blogging (and life). Following the rules matters. Honesty matters. The end.
Tags: blogging, honesty, rocks in my dryer, rules, works for me
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I agree completely with you. It does matter. Most of us who blog are quite serious about it. So much so that non-bloggers can’t understand our
obsessioncommittment to it and are amazed by the amount of time we spend reading and writing online. There are several blog authors out there whom I really admire, for their writing and their unique contributions to the blogging world. Blogging heroes, if you will. And when a hero falls, even if I’m the only one who knows it, it is disillusioning. It makes you question the truthfullness and validity of all the other bloggers out there. Makes me… cynical. And that just ruins all the fun. I’m with you on wishing we never found out.And Jane, when you say “something that I can check on the internet in approximately four seconds” did you really mean the better part of a day spent placating the children while you searched webpages and called twenty times to reveal the latest twist in the sinister plot?
Blogging is in its nature transparent. A good blog shares the intimate moments of the author. It allows us, the audience, to be witness to a life that we would otherwise never have a chance to become involved. We form a virtual friendship, a bond, a trust. When that trust is violated it is as if the friendship has been lost.
Yes, it matters. It is a direct reflection upon the author of that blog and perhaps just for a moment you may see beyond the face they present to the public.
You now know this person perhaps a bit better than you had ever wanted.
I wish you could reveal more specific details so we’d know more fully what you’re talking about. And so we can all be assured that it’s not us! I endeavor to be honest, but reading something like this makes me wonder if I may have gotten lazy somewhere and now people are seething over it and I have no idea. So I think you should write to this person, maybe she really doesn’t know.
Someone I know had her WFMW link deleted because it was full of profanity. I discovered this because I saw that she had a WFMW post that was full of profanity, then went to RIMD and saw her link wasn’t there and wasn’t surprised. I thought about writing an email so she’d know why her link was deleted, but then I realized that would make her think I was the one that got her link deleted. So I didn’t.
Another time I visited another blog I’d never been to before, and the very first post was verbatim a post I’d read on another blog recently with no credit given, and the blogger responding to commenters as though she really had written it. In that case I posted an anonymous comment letting her know that it’s against the law to appropriate content without permission or credit.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..And then a hero comes along
Marie — Sorry, I thought I included this — I exchanged emails about this with both Shannon and the blogger in question (NOT you). We all make mistakes in blogging (and life), and I’ve had to make amends for things I’ve done before. It’s embarrassing when someone points out things I’ve done that aren’t right, but I do try to fix my mistakes.
It was the response I got from the blogger (the inconsistencies and facetiousness in her responses) that upset me, far more than the ‘violations’ of the guidelines, and, as Tara says in her comment, we ended up spending almost an entire day digging deeper, because being lied to is such an insult. And once there was one inconsistency we got more curious and discovered more, and then we had to check other things, etc.
Shannon (RIMD) encouraged me to tell her if I found people not following the guidelines, and that she would definitely delete them (I had asked if there were any exceptions), but I felt weird doing that, and so I emailed the blogger directly. I hope she will want to come clean on her own. Because this wasn’t an isolated event, but a pattern of behavior over almost a year.
Besides admiring her blogging style, etc, I was impressed by her success at growing her traffic so rapidly while being so wholesome, positive, etc (unlike Dooce, who I love despite the occasional shock tactics). What I discovered painted her success, especially in the area of traffic/subscriptions, in an entirely new light. (It also involved at least one other carnival that I’m aware of).
Beth — Yep. The friendship thing I hadn’t really thought of, because although I’ve corresponded a little with this blogger before, she is definitely a more successful blogger than me, someone I wouldn’t presume to say that I’m close to. But it definitely was a matter of me feeling like my trust/admiration/etc had been misplaced.
Great questions. I think honesty is so important. There are way too many blogs out there to spend time on one that isn’t what it appears.
Queen Bs last blog post..Weekend In Review
It matters a lot to me. Rule breakers make me mad, but add lying to that?! grrr.
Also, I’m super-curious about the situation, because I’m a For Fun blogger, and I don’t even know what cheating might entail.
EMamas last blog post..Chili
I think it matters. I think that some people let their integrity slide in the “little things”, but the little things add up to big things and it really affects society as a whole. I understand when people choose to keep some details of their lives private when they blog, but to outright lie is completely different. And to do it for money and ad revenue just makes it even more disgusting. I was a part of a message board that evolved into a smaller, more personal message board over the years. 3 years into it, we discovered that an active member was completely lying about EVERYTHING, including her children (one who supposedly had cancer), her husband, some traumatic events she had told us about and etc., etc. I know that kind of thing happens a lot, but it really spoiled my view on relationships and the internet. It was a sad situation that a lot of people in my ‘real life’ dismissed b/c it happened on-line. Ok, I’m getting off topic, but I just wanted you to know I could empathize.
Karis last blog post..Love America, but Hate the 4th
Hmmm–
I am a BIG rules person. I am the one who makes sure that everyone is on the same page before we start a game so that there are no misunderstandings later in the game. Rules make things fair! Fair is important (don’t tell my kids).
However, in life, there are times that people make exceptions for their rules–for friends, for family–everyone does (even me, although probably not as much as some, because I DO love the rules and feel like everyone should live by them).
I think that’s one of the hard things for me to take about blogging. Just like in the real world, people have friends, and they treat their friends differently than they treat the rest of us. It makes it hard because no one likes being reminded that they are a nobody.
(Based on my amateur sleuthing, I can guess the blogger involved, and it does look like recent links have been deleted.)
You know, if blogging is supposed to be all about community (which it is for me since my alltime BlogHer ads revenue wouln’t pay for a trip to Starbucks), then honesty in blogging – and in our communications with other bloggers – does matter.
Ugh. I Have to admit I am a big rule bender. However, I hate lying, and I hate being lied to. So when I bend (break) rules, I don’t lie about it.
Lying is such a shattering of trust. When someone lies to me, I find myself wondering what else they’ve lied to me about. When we have conversations in the future, it gets filtered through my “lie detectr”.
So, the rule thing wouldn’t have bothered me as much as the lying. Although i have to tell you, if everyone else had to follow the rules, I definately would have asked about it.
Heather
I completely agree with your own opinion on this one. One of the participants in Shannon’s WFMW continually did not post anything related to the topic and it always ruffled my own feathers. I, however, did nothing because I thought Shannon routinely kept an eye on her own carnivals.
I wonder if we are talking about the same blogger?
Anyway, I can’t stand it when people lie to me and so I really truly attempt to never lie on my blog. I wish I could say “I never lie on my blog” but that might be, well, a lie. I hate that.
p.s. whatever happened to MMSM?
Marigolds last blog post..I totally won an award!
I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out if I lied about something on my blog. I’ve been blogging so haphazardly lately that I thought it probably wasn’t me. But, then again, there was that period there that I was taking those meds! I don’t think I can be held responsible for anything I said then.
Seriously, I think blogging is like anything else. If it’s in a person’s nature to lie, then why wouldn’t that person lie on his/her blog? Just because we’re in a faceless world here in cyber space, doesn’t mean that we’re allowed to change our personal value systems. If we don’t have integrity, what do we have?
tonis last blog post..My Bucket List
I feel for you. The web makes it so easy to post an expose calling someone out, it’s quite tempting. But I always tell myself that coming off as a jealous, petty tattletale isn’t going to help matters, and I’m starting to believe it. She (a different she in my case than yours) will get her comeuppance eventually. I don’t have to engineer it.
Skyes last blog post..This Is How It Begins
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