The blogosphere is in an uproar, and not because the guy who sang Achy Breaky Heart is (still) famous. I don’t know that much about Miley Cyrus, beyond the fact that she has a hit show on Disney, Hannah Montana, and an IMAX movie that mega-outsold U2’s recent IMAX movie (at least at our local planetarium), which is plenty of reason right there to mistrust her. One has to be negotiating with dark forces to upstage Bono. I think she also sells clothes at Walmart, or maybe that is Mary Kate and Ashley.
At first I wondered why Rocks in My Dryer and Musings of a Housewife were so indignant. I agree that a 15-year old appearing topless in a magazine is cause for outrage, but I can’t see that it’s cause for surprise.
Unless you rejoiced in the relative wholesomeness of Hannah Montana and bought into her image, her family-friendly vibe, and her insistence that you can have “the best of both worlds,” as her hit song proclaims. The best of both worlds being, one assumes, stardom and a Christian, down-to-earth family life. I think it’s safe to say that one can have anything one wants, but not everything one wants, as my dad says his brother Herb always said.
It’s interesting to see who bloggers and commenters think is to blame for the photo. Is a 15-year old responsible for her own choices? Should her dad have made a different decision for her? Is it Vanity Fair or the celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz or Disney who most exploited a child? Billy Ray’s heart is probably achy breaky tonight, knowing that he’s definitely winning the blame game, especially in Shannon at RIMD’s estimation.
But one thing about the handwringing bothers me. While I can only imagine how hard it is to have to explain to young sons about topless photos, I think we might miss a great teaching moment as parents if we approach it as Shannon seems to, angry that there’ll have to be an “unpleasant conversation in our house tonight, about modesty and decision-making and growing up too fast.”
Now that I’ve figured out what I want my kids to learn from this experience, I’m almost regretful that Sally, at 7 1/2, hasn’t shown enough interest in the Hannah Montana DVD Grampa sent for Christmas for a lesson on modesty and decision-making and continuing-to-make-good-choices-no-matter-what-our-age to be relevant. My almost-tween still likes Dora and Curious George and Arthur. And guess how eager I am for that to change? Right.
First of all, the conversation could be pleasant, I think. When we’ve talked about modesty with Sally and Susan, it’s been in the context of that other great Disney invention, the Disney Princess. We talk about how we can like Ariel and Belle and Jasmine even if we don’t like what they choose to wear. We can love the person and be happy for their good choices while recognizing that they might make some bad choices or choices that aren’t right for us. It makes viewing a Disney movie a little bit more complicated, but the lesson of the complexity of people — loving them, being happy for their good choices while choosing not to imitate their bad choices, translates well into real life.
But I think the greatest lesson to be learned here is about peer pressure, and how it can trick even parents, even sophisticated (one imagines), fame-experienced grown-ups. This is what Miley said originally about the photo:
I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie. She’s so cute. She gets this puppy-dog look and you’re like, ‘OK.’
Saddest words I never want to hear out of my daughter’s mouth: “you can’t say no to Annie.” She’s famous, she’s intimidating, she’s emotionally manipulative (puppy-dog look?). Miley’s dad Billy Ray had a chance to be a real hero on that photo shoot, to stand up and say, “No. In our family we don’t take off our clothes in public.” And then to his daughter, he could have said, “Honey, you can say no to ANYONE. You never have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and if anyone ever asks you to, I hope you’ll come to me for help.”
If he wanted to get real mushy, he could’ve added, “Miley, you and me, and your mom (and sisters and brothers). We’re a team. We decide what’s right for us, and no matter what anyone else thinks or does or says in the world, we can do what’s right for us.”
But I’m jaded about the Cyrus family business. I’m afraid they’re probably more concerned with spinning the blame and soothing fans to spend time correcting their daughter’s erroneous belief that “you can’t say no to Annie.”
Yesterday my 7-9 year-olds Sunday School lesson was on following the commandments. When I asked the kids for examples, one boy suggested traffic laws like “stopping at stop signs.” I started listing the 10 Commandments and got stuck on number two, explaining what an idol is. Another boy said, “Like American Idol?” and I said, “Oh no, like a statue that you worship instead of God.”
But the next minute I wondered. And now I wonder more. Who are our idols? I think God wants our children (and us) to have good role models, to look up to people who do amazing things and magnify their God-given talents. And those people don’t have to be perfect. We’re not perfect. Of course. But this photo is not the best of both worlds. The best of both worlds would be the opportunity to share one’s talents AND encouragement/support from one’s parents to always make right choices.
Show me that best, and my daughters and I will enjoy more from Miley Cyrus than just a great object lesson in the perils of peer pressure.
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vanessa (1)
I am surprised that it was even allowed… I haven’t seen the photo, but I would assume that it’s somewhat tasteful… for an ADULT. It’s very disappointing that it was even allowed to come to this. I agree, that her parents could have used it as a learning moment on how to say no. Sad…
tracey’s last blog post..A thousand words….
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Great post. I was also uneasy about RIMD’s post, putting all the blame on the parents and others, and none of the girl herself. Then again, it’s very easy to adopt parents’ low standards. That comes naturally.
Lady Lyn’s last blog post..Pooh & Honey
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I don’t think its really that big of a deal. She wasn’t really naked and was as covered as most people wearing a strapless dress, so whats the big deal? If you go to vanity fairs website, you can see a video of the photoshoot. If you look at how she was posing, she was outside in a field with a backdrop behind her. She was wearing jeans and had the satin fabric pinned around her. It seemed kinda innocent to me, but the editing, cropping and black and white made it look seductive.
Anyway, I think any teenager would be thrilled to be in vanity fair and she probably assumed that they were doing the right thing and trusted them too much. Her parents probably weren’t as attentive as they should have been, but they do a pretty good job with her otherwise.
Anyway, I like your spin of what you can teach your girls about this situation. Thats a good way to look at it.
Danielle Waters’s last blog post..Maybe these are just funny to me.
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Thing is, over the past couple of months, Miley has released her own private pictures taken with a self-timer of herself showing her bra and such in provocative poses. She did those entirely on her own, so I really doubt she is as innocent as she claims.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Some helpful diagrams for pregnant women
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Check these out:
http://perezhilton.com/2008-04-21-fill-in-the-blank-146
http://perezhilton.com/2008-01-25-real-or-photoshop
She also tends to dress very provocatively when making public appearances, in micro-minis and hooker heels and such.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Some helpful diagrams for pregnant women
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What 15 year is innocent these days? But isn’t that why parents are supposed to have veto power until they’re 18? It’s sad Miley and her Dad went along with this - but not suprising, just more proof of what our society is turning into. I think the best part is the outrage on some parts - we need people who will not go along with the new norm.
tarable’s last blog post..Dirty Yourself Clean
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When the concert tickets were being fought over for unimaginable prices - parents were scrambling to pay 1100 - cyruses intent spoke loudest - and yet no one listens. Money. Miley is savvy, she’s not 15 in spirit - she’s a product. A product has to have a life-cycle. All Miley and her entourage are doing is preparing her for her next phase in product promotion…the sexy almost woman. Can you think of any other young women who weathered the wrath of a not so fading fan base to move on up to the big time?
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One thing the claims of “artsy” reminded me of was the scene in Titanic where Kate is nude for the artistic Leo. It’s all very tasteful, of course, and, darling, it’s ART. And then, two minutes later, it’s Kate and Leo having sex in the back of a model T.
A-R-T.
Marie — love the “hooker heels.” Better than the alternative I’ve heard, and nicely alliterative (or, as I read on a blog yesterday “illiterative,” which was highly appropriate for that blog). You’re right, of course, that Miley has worn other skanky stuff, and I do think a 15 year old (esp. one in show business, I agree, Cynthia) bears quite a bit of responsibility for how she presents herself.
Danielle — Good point on the editing adding to the inappropriateness of the image. I assume (knowing how risky that is) that Miley and her parents had veto power over the finished product. Of course she can wear whatever she wants, but she can’t be a role model for my kids if she chooses to undress in public. I mean, unless they start doing surgery in the streets or something.
Tara — read an article yesterday about nude vacations, and you’re right, we need to not go along with the new norm.
Tracey and LL — totally agree!
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Very cool lesson plan. My youngest loves Hanna Montana- I personally don’t see anything special about her at all. Or her dad- but then I can’t stand country. I stand by the old joke: Two guys are standing before the firing squad, and are asked for their last requests. One says, “I just want to hear Achy Breaky Heart one last time.” The other guy says, “Shoot me first.”
Loraine’s last blog post..MMSM- still trying to smile after Sunday
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I actually thought the photo was quite beautiful. It wasn’t nude or topless or disrespectful. I’m sure she has shown much more at the beach. Annie Liebovitz is an incredible photographer who just knows how to capture people’s creativity, beauty and spirit.
But I totally understand why some people think it’s an inappropriate photo of a 15 year-old. I get it. But I just don’t get why this is all such a big friggin’ deal.
Great post. Your first line rocked. funny.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..it’s a girls town
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the mama bird diaries —
You’re absolutely right that modesty is highly relative and dependent also on context. I wanted to say something in my post about this, but I had already gone on pretty long.
When we lived in Cairo, I was always the most immodest person around, by far, except when we were only with other expats, and even then, I wore capris and short sleeves. Some expats are more respectful of the culture than that, and tourists are usually much less respectful.
When we lived in Florida, I was usually the most modest person around — even at the beach, there’s a wide range of attire (in Egypt I saw women ’swim’ in the Med Sea and Red Sea in full clothing, including head scarves).
So every family, and then every person has to decide what level of modesty is appropriate for them, and then stick with it. And, of course (as evident from nude resorts and topless beaches, etc), some people think the entire concept of modesty is old-fashioned, repressed, naive, un-loving-of-our-bodies, etc.
Most mothers I know do feel that modesty is important, even if we all interpret what “modest” means differently.
What I object to in this whole brouhaha is that I think that the Cyrus family, in their promotion of themselves as family-friendly (her audience is heavily 6-11), and in Miley’s supposed statements of embarrassment afterwards, and especially in her initial “can’t say no,” indicates a disconnect between their own values and their own actions.
(I hope) I’m not trying to impose my own values on them, but I honestly feel like Miley/Billy Ray made a bad choice here (not) based on their own values.
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Jane- saw this recipe and thought of you. I’m making it this weekend.
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/02/apple_dumplings/
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Cream Puffs!
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Reading this reminded me of my own experiences with modesty growing up. My dad used to make up kneel down to see if our skirts touched the floor….no joke. Also, we weren’t allowed to wear tank tops or sleevless shirts unless we were coming inside from swimming or washing the car or something along those lines and then we had to immediately go put a shirt on. We were allowed to wear the uniforms for cross country (very short shorts and tank tops) and dance costumes for dance. Other than that, modesty was a big deal in our family.
Adrianne’s last blog post..What do you think?
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At four my daughter has no idea about Hannah Montana so we haven’t had to have a discussion about this. I like the way you approached the topic. I think that you’re correct in saying the the girl and her family all have responsibility and it could have been a good teaching moment. I also like your examples with the Disney princess’ clothing choices.
Teaching responsibility and accountability for your actions is so important. Any time can be a teaching moment if you choose to use it to explore it and teach a better behavior or response!
Jill’s last blog post..Recipe Box Swap
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