Ryan, who is no longer Sixteen going on Seventeen

I used to describe my little brother Ryan with words like smart, strong-willed, opinionated, just-a-tad judgemental, dog-lover, extremely handy with power tools and vehicles of all kinds, and might-fit-into-a-right-wing-militia-in-Idaho, except for the gun part.

Ryan is closer in age to my daughter Sally than to me.

Since we share absolutely none of those characteristics (especially not the first four), and since I am fourteen years older, there has sometimes been a bit of . . . friction in our relationship. Although I think I did impress him when I snagged Dick for a husband 10 years ago (Ryan was 7), as Ryan thinks Dick is the cat’s pajamas; perhaps the first thing we ever agreed on.

Last weekend Ryan wanted to know when my blog became all about sex. Apparently he was trying to find something on it to show to his friend, who happens to be a girl, and he was embarrassed as the word sex cropped up in more than one post. He said my mom agreed that some things should remain private, AND he admitted that he hadn’t read the posts in question, but was still willing to bet that they were inappropriate. WELL.

We discussed this rationally, calmly. At crescendoing volume. Ryan says he is so eager to avoid sin that he immediately shuts off at any mention of sex. While (hard as it may be to imagine in a normal teenage American boy) I believe that he is sincere in his desire to remain worthy of serving a mission for our church and marrying an equally pure girl in the future, I had to ask if he honestly expects me to believe that he has a) never watched a James Bond movie or b) never watched any TV or c) never read most books (including dad-sanctioned “classics” such as Ayn Rand’s).

My strongest defense, I think, is that it is appropriate (perhaps imperative) for married people to discuss sex (thought not necessarily on the internet, of course) and how it contributes to the intimacy and health of the marital relationship. And, as one person commented on one of my sex posts, it is CRAZY how sex is discussed so often (and so often misguidedly) by the un-marrieds.

But I digress. I was talking about Ryan, and about why anyone thought it was a good idea for him to join the Debate Club. Because that is so foreign to our natures.

As we argued discussed, I called him a liar, and then apologized and he said some mean things and then apologized. And all of the sudden we were talking more quietly and I could actually hear what he was saying and I realized that he has grown up and might not fit into that right-wing-militia-in-Idaho anymore. I don’t think he’s bugged me about my caffeine fountain drink habit in months. But that might be because he doesn’t know I’ve recidivisted, again.

Ryan is now someone I would choose to be friends with, especially if I were stranded somewhere or needed mechanical help or just wanted conversation with a lively, curious mind. He knows how to keep his promises. His word is good. He will make a great husband and father some day, and he will honor his wife and treat her with great dignity. And if he ever wants to talk about sex and how to please his new wife, I want him to know that I will be here for him.

Happy Birthday, Ryan. We love you!