Last night I was instant messaging Tara, whom I had not seen in eight months three days. When you’re IM’ing, you get a tiny adrenaline rush whenever you see the orange flashing thingie at the bottom of your screen indicating you’ve got a new message. (Dick says that’s the minimized window on the tool bar, but I think “orange flashing thingie” is much more descriptive.)
Even better is when you happen to be looking at the IM window maximized (see, I can do the computer lingo), and you see at the bottom that “Tara is typing a message.” Sometimes I see that message when I am typing myself, and then I hurry, hurry to get my message done first because I need the attention RIGHT NOW.
Last night we were both typing at the same time, and when the text appeared, hers was this long thing about being the worst mom, and mine was this long thing about being the worst mom ever. Twinner worst moms! Though I did manage to stake out a little more territory with that ever.
Then on the phone this morning another friend was telling me that she liked my post about complete strangers giving infant-feeding advice, because she gets annoying stuff like that from her mother-in-law complete strangers too.
That friend’s sister (who doesn’t even share the helpful mother-in-law), says that as long as you don’t do drugs, you are a good mother. But it was more specific that that, even. Apparently, as long as you don’t do crack when you’re pregnant, you are a good mother. Doing crack after they’re born is fine. Doing crack while you’re breastfeeding would probably be a gray area. (And here I had worried about the caffeine in one or, uh, four, Mountain Dews).
Also, we decided that we may not be perfect moms (even though we don’t really do crack, and would never, ever condone anyone ever doing crack, ever), but we are definitely FABULOUS moms, and that is way better.
This fabulous mom forgot to take the video camera to Sally and Susan’s Dance Class Performance tonight. I did drag their father there, which should count for something. Except, Dick really didn’t require dragging. He’s like the dad in those McDonalds’ commercials that ran in the early 80s — You deserve a break today . . . at McDonalds.
I left the videocam at home because I expected Sally to do fine and Susan to stand there like a post, as she did in every class the past three months. Not much scope for the imagination there. But Susan did the funniest dance which bore almost no relation to what everyone else on stage was doing.
I laughed so hard I snorted multiple times — usually after the first time I am self-conscious enough to cover my mouth or plug my nose, but tonight I couldn’t help it.
The man in front of me turned and asked, “Is yours the one off to the side?” I said, Yep, and he said, smiling, “She’s got some moves!”
I have to say that I don’t care if my kids are the smartest or the fastest or the best, as long as someone periodically turns to me and says, “Is yours the one off to the side?”
Yes. Thank you for noticing.
Tags: advice, dance, motherhood
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I like to say I am a GEM — Good Enough Mom.
Okay. YOU are hilarious. I feel like I made a discovery today when I clicked on the comment you left me yesterday. I live a day behind.
Anyhoo, you are delightful and I will be back.
Remember Max’s dance when we went Christmas caroling at the nursing home? I wish I’d gotten that on video.
I keep forgetting to tell you, I LOVE your new header. It’s so great on so many levels.
Ahhhh…doesn’t it do your heart good to know that you really ARE a FABULOUS mom! I know it does mine. Although I think I would be an INCREDIBLE mom if I were holding Audrey (6-months-old) instead of letting her scream in the other room while I read your blog… Oh well, fabulous is good enough for me! At least I didn’t do crack while I was pregnant with her right?
Sometimes I think commiserating with other moms about how terrible we are is not the best thing, I could be actually doing something to be better rather than bragging about how I suck. Other times I think I just need a break and I’m just trying to be funny by talking about how crazy my life is. Othertimes I hear about really bad family situations and am so grateful for my life and my small problems. It’s all in how you look at it. And I’m just glad I have Jane to talk to/IM/blog with about it all.
I love this post. You made me smile. Don’t you just love unsolicited advice? NOT!
My kids are the ones who are “off to the side” in so many ways. I guess it’s because I’m waaay “off to the side” myself. Maybe even around the corner. I’m okay with that.
I am laughing at your post. My mil, who smoked and drank while she was prego with my dh, still doesn’t think that it might have been a bad thing, apparently everyone in the 60′s was doing it that way.
I guess the fact that he was 2 pounds at birth, is missing a kidney, and had been plagued with health problems his entire life had nothing to do with the whole smokin/drinkin thing….
Maybe it would have been better had she just done a little crack….
Love the Post.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Sorry you were unable to view my page on the League ~ I really thought that it was viewable to others. Suppose I was being naive.
No, it’s not a high school thing. It’s a wonderful website and I adore it.
If you are interested in joining it email me and I’ll send ya the link ~ kendra.fultz@insightbb.com
fabulous post.
i don’t do crack and i feel better about my mothering skills already – so thank you.
Tooo funny! I’m going to HAVE to find the video of my daughter, about 3 years old, on stage in this beautiful green velvet dress and white tights. She’s singing with all her friends . . . and then. In the middle of the concert, she grabs hold of the hem of her dress and holds it up to her chin for the rest of the performance. Front row. I was NOT the only one cracking up. The video is very bouncy.
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I love the picture with Susan and her holy tights. So cute! I have very fond memories of my dance classes while I was a child.
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[...] can I tell you whether you are a good mother or not (though chances are, if you try to be, and if you don’t do crack while you’re pregnant, you probably [...]