Easter was just another opportunity for me to feel oppressed and traumatized as a child. Like Halloween but with less publicizing of how terribly awkward my parents were — at least we didn’t have to hide in the basement from trick-or-treaters on Easter. My parents were your basic conscientious-pagan-tradition-abstainers.
We didn’t get Easter bonnets or gloves or baskets or candy. We often got new spring dresses that my mom sewed by hand (and needle, I assume), but they weren’t “Easter” dresses, and by the time I was 12, I didn’t want home-sewn clothes anyway. Mom made cute dresses for her 5 granddaughters this spring, and while I’m calling them Easter dresses so I don’t have to shell out real money, they did wear them last week. So technically they’re Palm Sunday dresses, and next week they’ll be plain old spring dresses.
If Easter’s not about eggs and bunnies and chocolate (well, everything should be a little bit about chocolate), and I did get that message from my mean parents, and if it’s not about the pagan goddess Eostre, then I guess we’ll be celebrating Christ and the Resurrection and forgiveness, rebirth, new beginnings, victory over death and all that.
We could write Easter resolutions and plan our brave new lives, which would require giving up what our lives have been so far. And some parts of my life I really like, even (especially?) the self-indulgent lazy parts. And what if, because life isn’t fair, we have to start over when the good part, or what we always thought was the good part, is taken from us before we were ready, or when we would never be ready to do without it? Why isn’t life fair, when Christ suffered so much and bled and died and rose again? Why didn’t that, if nothing else, fix everything? How do we start over from what seems like scratch?
The older I get, the few answers I have (and the less original I can be, I realize). I do know the answer to one question: Are Mormons Christians? Whatever else we are (sinning, fanatic-ish-at-times, repenting, occasionally narrow-minded, generous as a people, devoted to our prophets and our heritage), we are Christians. As Joseph Smith said, “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!” (D&C 76:22)
Somehow, this makes everything better, even if it doesn’t fix everything right now, right away, right as I want it. He lives. And someday, that will make everything right.
Tags: Christians, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Easter, holiday
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The Jehovah Witnesses don’t celebrate Easter because it’s a pagan holiday. For some reason, not getting an Easter basket wasn’t really a big deal to me, but not being able to dress up for Halloween is STILL a big deal.
I will forever be over-doing it on Halloween because I wasn’t allowed to dress up when I was a kid. I wonder why that sort of obsession didn’t happen for Easter…
My dear, sweet, sister in Christ, I am so sorry for your very obvious pain. I am sorry your sister is suffering, or has suffered, an untimely death. I am dreadfully sorry that your faith, had it ever been firmly rooted, is being tried to the point of wavering.
I feel a need to share some thoughts with you, you who I do not know but have thought about for days now. A few short years after I joined the Church, the federal building in Oklahoma City was blown up. Hundreds were injured, and over a hundred killed, even babies died. My mother, who was not a member, looked me in the eye and asked me how a just God could allow it to happen. I then began my testimony of opposition in all things.
My dear friend is losing her 7 year old little girl to cancer. She weighs 32 pounds. She has fought cancer for three years, including a stem cell transplant. I have never seen a body suffer so much in my life. Why does she have to die? I don’t know. She has no children of her own who will miss out on having a mommy, but she does have a little brother and sister who will miss out on having her there to walk before them in life. Her mother will miss her terribly, as she will not see her learn to drive, graduate, marry, and have babies of her own. She wanted to be a cancer doctor when she grows up, but now knows she won’t grow up, there may be thousands of lives that she will not save.
But she has taught wonderful things to hundreds of people, not the least of which is teaching another 7 year old that having cancer does not mean you are not allowed to play and laugh.
I do not pretend to know why your sister’s body will not work for her to live to be a ripe old age. But I do know that there is a plan for each one of us, and that part of that plan involves suffering, that we might know joy when we see it. If it were never 20 degrees outside, we would not appreciate a beautiful 80 degree day. If the power never went out we would not appreciate electricity. If the sun never set, we would not know to appreciate its warmth, its glow. If children never died, I would not hug my own tighter every night, and be sure I told them I loved them every time we part.
God loves you. I do not know your name, but you are here on this earth, and so I know that He does. He loves your sister as well, and nothing will surprise her more when she passes through the veil than how well she knows her Father’s face. Take heart, and if you struggle in need of answers, ask Him, and patiently listen.
Peace to your heart this Easter.
Marie
Laura — I think I was just jealous of the cute hats many of the girls had; don’t think my obsession stems from the lack of chocolate, which isn’t that big a deal to little kids, and wasn’t scarce at our house anyway. Glad to know that other poor children survived this terrible childhood stress.
Marie J — I appreciate the obvious thought and love behind your comment, and I agree that opposition is necessary and that prayer can heal a great deal.
A couple points, though. I can’t be clearer here for privacy issues, but I tried to clarify in a comment to my original post that what my sister is suffering from is not a physical ailment. In many instances, I think death would be a much easier thing to deal with than some of the other trials we might face.
I believe completely in the atonement and in the literal resurrection of Jesus Christ. The atonement, however, does nothing to obviate our choices, or the consequences of our actions. It only works to cleanse our sin when we choose to repent fully.
So, for example, if a person were to have premarital sex and get (his partner) pregnant, the atonement makes it possible for the sin of that premarital sex to be wiped out completely. It doesn’t, however, cause the child that was conceived to cease to exist. In this way, the Atonement can be seen to have limitations.
That’s where I’m coming from when I say that the atonement/resurrection of Christ makes things better and will someday, I believe, make things right, but I don’t profess to have any idea how that is possible or what form that rightness will take.
This is especially true when we are dealing with the agency of other people (who we are covenanted with in some instances for our own salvation); the Atonement does not allow us to force others to choose the right. Unfortunately.
The Atonement doesn’t only work to cleanse our sins – it also allows the Savior to be perfectly empathetic to every person. No other person can understand all that we feel physically and emotionally. Without Christ’s Atonement I don’t think we could ever deal with or recover from (to some degree) tradgedies in our lives. Some of these tradgedies are caused by our own or other’s sins, but some are not.
We didn’t have a basement, we had to hide from the trick-or-treaters in our rooms with all the lights off. One year we went to a church that had a “harvest festival” and we got to dress up like Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Whoop-de-do!
I am glad you made your comment Jane. My husband and I have talked a lot about this in the past. Too many people believe that if you repent, everything is wiped clean but as you pointed out, sin has eternal consequences. Your example of getting someone pregnant is the perfect example of that. That baby will always exist as a result of your sin. But I’m so thankful that Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to repent.
The other thing my husband and I have talked about alot is about agency. People also say that a person has their agnecy and you can’t change that or make them use their agency a certain way. That is true but I believe you can LIMIT a person’s agency. An example is when Alma the Younger was making wicked choices. He father and others prayed that he would change. When the angel appears he says it is because of the faith and prayers of his father that he has come to convince Alma the younger of the power of God. So Alma is given two choices, repent or be cast off. He still has his agency, but his choices are limited. Does that make sense?
I guess what I’m trying to say is just that even though someone has agency, prayer and faith go a long ways.
Adrianne — thanks for your comment. I hate to be picky (well, I must not really hate to, since it comes so easily), but I have to disagree a bit. I don’t think we can limit a person’s agency except in how our own choices affect what choices they then have.
As in, when I married Dick I made a whole bunch of other men so sad that they no longer had the choice of marrying me as an option.
But with the e.g. of A the Y, I think his choices were exactly the same before and after he saw the angel. That visitation just woke him up as to what his choices were and to the awful seriousness of what his choices would mean for him.
I think that’s what we hope for when we pray for those we see making wrong choices. That they will change and make better choices, but the only thing God can force is an awareness of how important and consequential their choices are.
And you can see that as a limiting of choice down to RIGHT or WRONG, but really those were the two categories of choice always present.
I totally get what you are saying. I just interpret it differently. Anyway, the important thing is that we have agency.