Holy Big Mommabloggasphere, Batman. I could spend the next ten years blog-hopping the UBP. I’m returning comments and checking out blogs, trying to narrow down some new faves for a post-party post about my new faves. I think that was almost a palindrome. Anyway, reading all these new (to me) blogs has made me feel a wee bit inadequate. The homeschoolers. Oh, the homeschoolers are out in force. I like granola as much as the next girl, but I have to admit that mine comes out of a box:
My box is open because, since I am a responsible eater and sleeper, I don’t eat after 7 and I go to bed at 10. So I didn’t have to have a bowl with 2% milk and the tiniest dollop of heavy cream right after I took this picture at 11:47.
Here are the people I admire, despite my natural inclinations:
Homeschoolers: Ok, it’s a little insulting that you don’t want your kids to be with mine in an over-crowded, understaffed, windowless portable prison for 75 hours every day. But I understand: you want to give your kids the best education possible. So do I, only, not enough to have them home with me for 40 billion 9 hours. In fact, can we skip Spring Break this year? Can I bring my kids over to your house that week?
People against vaccines: This is totally fine with me. The worst illnesses we’ve had were from intestinal parasites in Cairo, so I’m not too concerned about polio or diptheria. But let me know if you’re a conscientious-abstainer-from-vaccines. I need to warn my kids to not let your kids breathe on them. Just in case.
Unassisted Birthers: I am sold on the idea that birth can be more painless/less painful than it usually is, and that hospitals and most OB’s are way too interventionary. And I vow to give birth squatting in a field next time. But please don’t tell me your last birth felt like sex from the inside out. That just wipes out every good thing I’d come to believe about non-interventioned birth. Because. Sex? Labor and Delivery? I’m not into pain with my lovin’. Even a good birth pain.
Cloth Diaperers: Save the planet, love Obama, yada yada. Even though I choose to believe the argument that disposables use less cotton, water, chemicals, energy in the long run, I realize that this belief choice of mine is motivated more by my own laziness than a solid, scientific investigation of the various studies. And when a choice is based on belief, it’s pretty irrevocable — so I’ll just admire you clothies from afar.
Coupon Queens: I spent three hours online today trying to figure out how to save 16,000 dollars on my food bill. I don’t think I’m smart enough or organized enough, which makes me feel like a failure, and that makes me hate you a little bit. Because I passed the AP Calculus test. Double coupon days and matching coupons and coupon trading clubs shouldn’t make me feel inadequate. Dang quadratic equations.
Overall the UBP has been a great experience. But not so good for the ‘ole self-esteem. Maybe I’ll go have some more granola. With straight heavy cream this time.
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Yes, but the worst part about your blog-hopping is that you haven’t adequately commented on my wonderful non-overachieving blog.
Too funny!
My sentiments, exactly!
I actually went the cloth diaper route – “only the best for my baby’s sweet little hiney!” Then used Pampers for a weekend trip – dang! his lil ol’ bottom was actually drier!! Also tried breast feeding – we both cried every hour on the hour until I finally gave the poor starving thing some formula! Ah, the joys of motherhood…. I’m remembering why I only had the one.
Oh my hell this post was so funny-
I have to agree with you on all of them- The homeschoolers- ok great that their kids don’t bug them enough that they would love to keep them home with them, ya no thanks I enjoy my time and the public schools are just fine, of course I grew up with teachers all around me,, grandparents, my mom, uncles, my sisters.
Cloth freaking diapers, give me a freaking break, it’s freaking 2008 just buy the damn diapers already……
Vaccines- One of my really good girlfriends DOES NOT vaccinate her kids, whatever i respect that, but freak don’t make me feel like a bad mom for having my kids done-
and natural birthers or whatever- Ya I am all for the freaking drugs, thanks, I want to enjoy my time, and I don’t want to tell my hubby how much I hate him.
You crack me up and I am soooooooo going to be back.
Thanks for the advice on my blog about stranger danger-
The home schoolers and the knitters seem to dominate the blogworld. Or at least my blog circles. I am in complete awe of these home schoolers. I don’t know how they do it.
You don’t eat after 7 pm and you go to bed by 10? Now I am in awe of you.
Cloth diapers. I desperately want to switch but then I just buy another pkg of disposables and hope the guilt goes away.
Funny, funny post.
Okay, this has to be one of the funniest posts about the UBP I’ve ever read. And for all the reasons, and more, that you listed? That’s why I didn’t do it. I don’t really remember how I found you, but I’m so glad I did.
I stand with you and your right to gripe about all of the above. Except the homeschool thing – I do homeschool off and on – year by year. Whatever is best for the kids at the time. But I am NOT, SO NOT, one of those militant, crafty, every-day-is-a-learning-day-o’-fun homeschooling moms. More like a Hooked on Phonics, Costco workbook kinda moms. At least this year, for kindergarten.
Love, love, love this post!
I think you got it backwards. My unvaccinated kids are supposed to be the vulnerable ones, I should be afraid of your kids breathing on mine, not the other way around. Yours are protected, right? Funny though, my kids NEVER get sick.
And unassisted childbirth isn’t any more fun than assisted childbirth. Pain is pain, it’s simply easier to manage when you’re in a tub of warm water and not covered in tubes and monitors.
Maybe this is why I haven’t gotten around to getting my blog up and running yet. I don’t belong to any of those groups so I hesitate to put myself in the stay-at-home mom blogger group.
There is nothing better than a dollop of heavy cream on cereal, whether it be oatmeal (which I eat every day) or granola. In fact after having read your post, I think I might go have a bowl and maybe put an extra little dollup on it.
Not to be confused with Marie, who sounded a little testy….
AMEN!!! And for half a second I thought (about the labor comment) “Where did she read that?!?!?” Which was immediately replaced with, “I DON’T want to know!!!”
Didn’t mean to sound testy, but I guess it’s hard not to come across that way when discussing such a delicate matter. In my defense I thought Jane sounded awfully testy in what she said about people that don’t vaccinate, esp. since she knows I don’t vaccinate and knows I read her blog. I’m sure she expected my comment and doesn’t take it the wrong way.
So, this post was purely meant as humor, and Marie (the first) made a good point that the breathing-germs-on would be worse the other way around. I hadn’t thought of that. I just cracked myself up when I thought of what I wrote. Which is probably always the best sign that I might want to re-think something. Because NO ONE could ever be as funny as I sometimes think I am.
Thanks for all the comments, and I hope we can all get along. Good thing we all have different opinions, or the blogosphere would be incredibly dull, yes?
And here’s my favorite cartoon recently: (credit to someone named Russell, who’s blog I can’t find right now, sorry!)
Jane~
You are FUNNY!!! I like my granola from the box too (even though I homeschool and do not vaccinate).
I totally laughed out loud at the cartoon. Thanks for popping by my blog…
I am sure I will be back because you are so stinkin’ funny. And I like funny.
Ok so I am actually here from the party and this post just happened top catch my eye on the right hand side there. I just love it. I often laugh at myself when no one else does, but mostly because I think lots of things are funny that other people don’t . People take life way too seriously for sure. Anyway, nice to “meet you. I will be back to visit.
April
I completely wanted to use cloth diapers but then we found out it was “two for the price of one” and that went out the window. In response to your comment at my party – there are a lot of really great things about having twins. Definately some parts that are a 2 for 1 deal (like when they can share an expensive toy or the fact I only had to be pregnant once). Other times where I feel like a twin pregnancy should include free lottery tickets for life because it’s so $$$$. But I can honestly say that I love having twins and think everyone else is missing out.
I love this. Love your blog. Love your humor. You’re cracking me up!
Totally coming back, even if you don’t love me back!
This post is so funny! I actually feel inadequate coming to blogs like yours. I am so not funny…its funny. See, I warned ya…not funny. But you are a hoot.
Well shoot, I am everything you hate in the blogosphere, except I do not equate childbirth with orgasm. In any way.
Haha, this made me laugh. Good post.
I know what you mean…I have it with my real-life mom’s group too and sometimes it goes from silly to irritating.
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