10 things I hate about running 10Ks
1. People who run a few miles before the race to
warm up show off.
2. People who run a few miles after the race to get a ‘real’ workout.
3. Overly cheerful people. Why are you so happy? You’re back here running with me. Now you’re a bit behind. Hmmm, if I stay just a smidge ahead of you, I can’t hear you. Ok, keep it up, just a little louder. Louder.
4. Old people with hand tremors who are much faster than me. Old people who are ahead of me. Walking.
5. Overly cheerful people who patronize old people wearing Pike’s Peak Marathon (“America’s Ultimate Challenge”) t-shirts.
6. People who spit when I’m right behind them.
7. Size 2 people wearing itty-bitty shorts and tanks in 29 degree weather (“ooh, look at me, my body is an energy-efficient running machine”).
8. Getting my second wind halfway through mile 1 and realizing I’m gonna need a lot of second winds.
9. My awesomely sculpted legs . . . wait, what? is that . . . could that be cellulite and stretchmarks? Still?
10. My knees, oh my knees. Dad assured me at twelve that big thigh muscles boded well for strong knees. Thanks, Dad; I’d rather have tiny thighs and aching knees rather than large thighs and aching knees.
I could have summarized most of those as all the other people, but that might point to some deep-seated (but well-hidden) jealousy and misanthropy on my part.
10 things I love about running 10Ks
1. Really. Why else would I run 6.2 miles on an otherwise-nice Saturday morning?
2. Beating my goal time (75 minutes) by 8 minutes and 9 seconds. Life lesson: set ‘realistic’ goals, or just have really low expecations.
3. Hare-man. He speeds past me and then stops to walk. I pass him. Twice. Thrice. Frice? Slow and steady, baby.
4. One mile to go. I am awesome. I rock. I’m the best. I’m number 1. Number 1 thousand fifty-six, that is.
5. Exercise that doesn’t involve cute, coordinated arm movements.
6. Free food at the end, even if it’s all really healthy crap. C’mon, don’t we deserve a donut or three?
7. Cute guy telling me good job. He would never guess I’m the mother of three, right?
8. It’s like giving birth. Once you start, you can’t stop until it’s over.
9. Cool, LOUD running songs like Shake It by Metro Station.
10. It’s a lot shorter than a marathon. A lot.
I guess there should be something on this list too about all the other people. Without them, quitting in the middle would seem a lot less shameful. Oh, and Utah is beautiful to run in. Even in the winter (maybe especially in the winter because the lake is too frozen to stink). But those mountains, blue and white, some in shadow, some not, they hurt me. Hurt me good. Kinda like running.