(This started out as a response to tarable’s comment to my previous post, but it got a bit long…)
I think we can all agree that parents are responsible for their own children and have the right and duty to use whatever protections and restrictions (within reason) they feel are necessary to keep their own kids safe. However, I cannot respect fear of or unfamiliarity with technology itself as a reason for completely banning something such as blogging.
It’s true that my oldest child is only 6 (though she’s 7 in January). I hear that kids undergo a personality derangement when they turn 13, so maybe in six years I too will throw up my hands and start banning whole categories of interaction. And since I can’t even potty-train my 3 year-old, I probably have no credibility as a parent anyway. And I’m not even tech savvy, really. I’m just lucky in my husband and in my confidence that if there is something I do want to know or learn, I can.
In this partly hypothetical scenario (I say hypothetical because I don’t know all the details and I don’t want to misrepresent anyone, so let’s just say it’s hypothetical), saying that a child cannot have a blog because some are bad is just like saying that she can’t read books because some are bad. But that’s obviously ridiculous, because the parents could read the books and help choose good ones (although here also, this self-and family-censorship relies on parents being interested, involved, and willing to put in the time).
What about this: our maid in Cairo couldn’t read or write. She had three sons. Say missionaries go to Egypt someday and give her family a Bible or Book of Mormon and her kids want to read it. But she says, quite rightly, that she knows there are bad books out there, and so her kids cannot read books of any kind. Are we happy with her decision? Will this keep her kids from finding mischief? Will this keep them happy and safe?
What about podcasts? I couldn’t download a podcast to save my life (well, I could if I researched it on the web for a couple minutes, but you get my point). Since I would bet that there are bad podcasts out there, should I try to convince Dick to not listen to any ever? — even though I know that he often listens to LDS Voices, which distributes speeches and talks by General Authorities, among others.
I don’t mean to trivialize the dangers of the internet or other technologies. What’s truly scary, as I’m sure it has been for each parental generation, is knowing how easy it is to get into a lot of trouble even without new technologies in which to interact with the world. If I got in as much trouble as I did while being a thousand times more sheltered than some 13 year-olds today, how much trouble can they get into knowing what they know at such a young age?.
I don’t want my kids to have blogs that describe/glorify awful words, actions, and desires. Even more so, I don’t want those words, actions, and desires to be a part of any aspect of my kids’ lives. The blog is an opportunity to see what is going on in the rest of a kid’s life. To see what he or she is thinking and feeling. Why would a parent not want to know that? Why would a parent want to cut off any avenue of communication? It just smacks too much of laziness or indifference to me. If parents are unwilling or unable to take the time to interact with their kids on a blog, will they take the time to respond to letters written from college or conversations after school?
(and to Marie’s comment)
On the other hand, this encouragement of blogging is not to say that children should be sent off by themselves to blog wither they will. If we could look at blogs solely as journals or something, then we could say that even without parental interaction they are beneficial. I believe strongly in the benefits, emotional as well as academic, of self-expression and exploration. And I agree that a lot of teenage angst stems from feeling that ideas and opinions are unheard or unappreciated.
However, blogs, because they are interactive, and especially because they can be interactive in a global, unsecure way, should be treated differently than private journals. Even if our kids were to never express something we disagree with (whether just as a matter of preference or as a matter of serious moral significance), kids can be preyed upon by truly scary outside forces, and they are especially vulnerable if they post provocative pictures or stories about themselves and if they provide identifying information such as full names and locations.
Parents have a responsibility to monitor links and information on their kids’ blogs just as they check that all the doors in the house are locked before going to bed. I would monitor my kids’ virtual friends just as I monitor their real friends, and monitor where they go virtually just as I do in reality.
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I actually had the same thoughts Tara did when I read your post. I totally agree with you that fear of technology or a lack of knowledge of technology is a stupid reason for not allowing your child to have a blog. Like Tara said though, kids now days are way more advanced than a lot of parents when it comes to the computer and therefore, I think if you are going to let your child be on it, you need to know something about the computer so you can check what they are doing. If all parents were as good as you plan on being with Avery if she has a blog, then I think it would be great for all kids to have blogs.
If I didn’t think I could control their actions on their blog I might just say no to the whole thing. It all depends on the kid and their age. But if they’re rebellious, disrespectful, etc. I might ban blogging just like I might ban any other priveledges. Or say no to a party that I know would have sex/drugs/alcohol or worse. Or say no to friends who are bad influences. Don’t you ever watch Law & Order anymore, Shannon? It’s full of stories (sensationalized, true) of kids who are doing so much more online than their parents know, understand, or give permission for. Obviously this is older kids – but teenagers are smart. They can keep secrets really well and can block out parents, download whatever they want, and talk to anyone online. I think this is going to be a really hard area for a lot of parents in the latter days. Things are so different now. Almost every high school kid and most in Jr. high have their own cell phones. And do you know how many text messages they send/receive in a day? Staggering. And how many parents do you think check every one of the texts to better know and understand their kid? And unfortunately not all kids are using their blogs to post hopes and dreams – let alone a daily scripture or their testimonies. I think parents need to stay on top of technology and keep up with their kids so they can monitor things while still giving their kids some freedom. Even then it’s really hard. I think for those of us who have little boys now – I worry so much about pornography on the internet. I don’t want to take away all the choices for my boys – but if I just got rid of all household computers when Alden hits puberty it would solve that issue at home, right? I wish. Ahhh, the whole agency thing is very hard for me sometimes – but as a parent I have to make the best choices I can to protect my kids. And I can’t in good conscience judge another parent for doing the same thing.
I have a story that relates to this discussion that I want to throw out there; tell me what you think about it. Brad and I have never had a TV, we just never wanted one. We have been debating whether we will ever get one. I once thought that it would be great to never have a TV, then I wouldn’t have to monitor what my kids are watching and I would know that they were doing more creative things and so on. Then I heard that some families don’t allow face cards in the home. I had grown up with face cards and I couldn’t see what was wrong with them. So I though to myself, why don’t they just teach their kids what games they can and cannot play and them let them make their own choices. It suddenly struck me that the same thing goes with the TV. We couldn’t I just teach my kid what they can and cannot watch and them let them choose and of course monitor just the same. Plus, I thought, they are going to get exposed to TV at their friends’ homes and they better be prepared to make decisions then about what to watch. So I guess I decided that I shouldn’t withhold things from my children but rather teach them how to use things wisely and carefully. I need to prepare my kids for the real world, I guess, and not protect them from it. Of course there are exceptions, kids are kids after all and parents are supposed to protect them. I’m not going to let my kids play in the street so they will learn to watch for cars, or let them chat online with strangers and such. So I guess I would probably let me kids have a blog but monitor. It means more work for a parent, more things to filter, but hopefully they are learning to make correct decisions for themselves.
I agree, 100%. I have to say though, that the majority, the vast majority, of kids out there are not the sort to post provocative pictures of themselves. Also, blogs are not like myspace, where anyone can search for and attempt to befriend (or take advantage of) anyone. Unless a teen put her blog in a “Naughty Teen Blog” directory, the only people likely to read it would be her friends and family.
Marie,
I don’t know if blogs on different platforms are searched by google in different ways, but I’ve been surprised by how random people have gotten to my blog by searching for really bizarre and varied terms. Not a dangerous example, but someone searched for “applesauce allergy” and got to one of my posts.
of course you’re right that the majority of kids are pretty good-intentioned and smart. i was really shocked by the one bad blog i saw by a 13 year old girl. i don’t think i’m very sheltered nowadays, but it was really disturbing, and from a “nice” girl. but in this case, i don’t think the blog is to blame, it’s her lifestyle and her family environment that are the problem. the blog is a symptom or a manifestation of her other problems, and if i were her mom, i’d be happy to see it, if only so i’d know how serious the problems are. better to know what’s going on in their lives, huh?