You hear a lot about how diets are bad, and that what we need to do to lose weight (or fix some other problem) permanently is to make a “lifestyle change.” We recently held our first (and probably last) Johnson Weight Loss Challenge. After the contest, Grampa expressed frustration that he had not met his goal, and I suggested that we could have another contest. This time, I said, we should have a “one month, 10 pounds” goal. Holy Cow! You’d think I suggested running around naked or something (which I wouldn’t want to do in any sort of group setting — unless Dick and I count as a group).
A “lifestyle change” is usually a worthy goal, but I find it rather overwhelming, and also, sometimes impossible to contemplate or envision when one is right in the middle of the current lifestyle. I think diets have been the tragic victims of a pejorative campaign, and I’d like to rejuvenate their image. In this sense, a diet is any course of action that is 1) sudden, 2) widespread, and 3) not necessarily intended to last forever. I think a “diet,” from sloppy spending or caffeine or bad carbs or lazing around or excessive TV watching or [insert bad habit], can help us see reality a little bit more clearly.
For example, last week when I realized I needed to make a major (!) change in my spending habits, I stayed home for a few days with the three angels. Gas is expensive again (still?) and I just thought I should avoid all temptation by sticking close to home. I was surprised by how much food Sally and Susan ate at breakfast and lunch. Susan ate three man-bowls of Cheerios in one sitting (with powdered milk!). I was mystified, until I realized that usually the girls snack constantly on apples and animal crackers, etc, in the minivan while I drive around doing whatever it is I do (did).
Also last week, I was feeling really puffy and flabby, which is not unusual for me since I am the mother of three (and not a model), but I felt it even more so right then, and that was weird because I’m weighing less now than I have for seven years (I should feel at least some better, right?). The next day my face broke out as it has not since the night before my junior prom. What on earth was going on — early menopause?
And then, two days later, my period started. Now, this shouldn’t be such a surprise to a healthy 29-year-old (for 9 more days!) female. But it was only five months ago that I went on a “diet” from the artificial birth control hormones, and so I was surprised by a string of events (“reality”) that any 13 year-old girl* would have recognized.
So, if there’s some diet (of any kind, not just the food variety) you’ve been thinking of trying, I urge you to give it a shot. With a diet, you can see immediate improvement (or at least change), and even after it’s “over,” you’ve re-set your perception of the baseline, or of reality. And then, one small brownie is as big a treat (almost) as half a pan used to be.
*(if you’re male and uncomfortable with girly things, you might want to skip this, but if you have girl-children, or might have girl-children in the future, it might save you some trouble.) The August after I turned 13, some cousins came over to play for the day (I don’t know where they came from or which cousins they were — maybe it was even Cousin Sylwia’s husband’s family — or maybe I am misremembering and it was just neighborhood children). Anyway, I remember jumping on the trampoline and eating hotdogs off the grill, and, four times that day, going downstairs to our big laundry room and hiding a bloody pair of underwear in the hamper, after which I rejoined the party outside.
That night, after all the guests were gone and my dad was at the hospital, I finally told my mom that I was bleeding. She called my dad (a family practice doctor, husband, and father of four at the time) to tell him his oldest daughter was bleeding. He told her to have a look and see if I had a cut. My parents had an awful (plush and functional though) brown and forest green master bathroom with deep soft carpet. Mom had a look. No cuts. Hmmm. I don’t remember how long it took (but certainly too long) before they realized that I had grown up.
I don’t know why that story makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Not about having to have a period (or wear a bra or nylons or high heels — well, I only wear one of those). But somehow it’s so cute that my parents (and I) were not expecting that. When you think of how quickly kids grow up nowadays (how ‘tween girls are encouraged to dress like Paris Hilton), I think it would be a wonderful gift to be surprised when your daughter’s biology is ahead of her interests. I hope I can capture that reality for my girls, and let grown-up things come in their own time.
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I’m pretty sure that it’s the fake doctor in me (as opposed to the real doctor i will become when i actually know something about medicine of any use – Ask Melinda how useful i am right now) but i cringed at the last post. I think people get overwhelmed with “life changes” and think that they have to remake themselves in one sitting. They get frustrated with how hard it is (and usually unrealistic) and give up. I think something that is very helpful when thinking about weight loss is to look at some of the numbers. It takes 3500 Calories of food to gain a pound (or conversely 3500 Calories to lose a pound). The average diet for a female shoudl be around 2000 Calories per day and 2300 for a male. Every now and then google “calorie counter” and use the website to find out how many calories are in the foods you eat. Then keep in mind that for every mile you run you are burning a mere 100 Calories. Depressing huh? That translates into running 2.5 miles to burn off the calories from one Snickers bar.
THE POINT – Ultimately it is much easier to make small changes in eating habits (such as trying to eat smaller portions and or cutting out some things) than it is to exercise off all those calories. This comes with the caveat that doing both at the same time usually has much better results.
Sorry this post wasn’t that funny, but hopefully it was informative.
I’m depressed.
Brock — as long as it wasn’t the period talk that made you cringe — we don’t need any squeamish doctors, eh? (or fathers of girls).
it might be easier to make small changes, but i, personally, think it is more effective and enlightening to make a big change sometimes, so that we can see the whole problem more clearly.
take, for example, something more serious, like a sin. is it better to make small changes, hoping that eventually you’ll be able to give it up altogether, or is it better in that case to quit “cold turkey”? of course, i argued that a “diet” is not necessarily forever, and with a sin, we would definitely want the diet to last forever, but, even if we do relapse, we could remember how wonderful it felt when we were in the diet phase, when we were totally unencumbered by it, and hopefully that memory of being free would inspire us enough to go on another diet.
it’s interesting that you promote small changes over a diet so that people don’t get discouraged, when what i said was that “diets” are less overwhelming than a “lifestyle change” (to me). obviously, motivation and persistence are hard to come by in any endeavor in which we’re trying to change ourselves for good.
with my struggle with caffeine, i’ve tried both approaches, both “cutting back” slowly and going “cold turkey.” cutting back slowly is easier, but it also doesn’t motivate me to never drink caffeine again. with how terrible the withdrawal is on the cold turkey method i’m doing right now, the only thing is somehow remembering, for the rest of my life, that caffeine is bad. caffeine makes me dependent. it helps me be alert and awake at first, but then, like any other drug, i need more and more of it to get back up to the same level. my perception of reality is totally whacked. i need a complete change to see what is real. to see and experience what my brain is normally supposed to feel/think like.
on the sloppy spending, i’ve tried numerous times w/ Tom to be more frugal. we’ve set budgets monthly until we’re at daggers drawn. and then i shrug and use my credit card for just one more thing on clearance. again, a radical change has helped me shift my expectations of what i can “afford.”
i’ve been talking to my father-in-law about AA lately, and i’m impressed by how closely a lot of the steps resemble the repentance/forgiveness process. i don’t think you would ever counsel an alcoholic to make small changes. sometimes big changes (one at a time; i really think this can be applied in all aspects of life) are the only thing that gets the job done.
Marcy–i hope you’re depressed by Brock’s numbers rather than by me.
i’m feeling more optimistic about my ability to change (“take charge of my life”), right now, than i have since i was a teenager, practically. it’s an incredible feeling.
i think, ultimately, we’re (Brock and I) promoting the same thing — wanting to make changes (big or small) in our lives. making a change is what’s important, and if it is more inspiring (less depressing) to see those changes as small steps rather than as big radical shifts (which inspires me!), then that’s what one should use to fix whatever needs changing. i’m sure that after enough small changes our perception of reality could change, but i still think that a big change is more effective for this.
the whole calorie thing (and how much running it takes to work off one pound) is what finally convinced me that I have to cut back on my eating too, rather than just exercising more and more.
one thing i’ve realized about myself and my body–for how i feel, it’s all about exercising, but for how much i weigh, it’s all about what i eat. of course there’s overlap, but this is also a real difference.
Okay Shannon, you need to read Body Clutter. It’s not a “diet” book, it’s a “lifestyle change” book.
It helps people understand how they can make lifestyle changes but don’t have to do it all at once. In fact if you TRY to do it all at once you are almost guaranteed to fail. Such changes have to be made gradually, you have to get used to it. And pretty soon you’re there, without even noticing. We read it in book club and it inspired a lot of us to make different changes. For me it actually meant gaining weight. Now my weight has gone down again and I need to get back on the ball, but now I know how to do it without killing myself and getting frustrated. I’m sure someone there has a copy to lend you, but if not and if you’re interested I would be happy to send you mine. Just let me know.
Yes, telling myself I am doing x for y number of days or weeks allows me to get into new habits w/o stressing about what I am going to “miss out on” in the longterm. Of course, positive changes realy give you more in the long run, but it is so hard to see that when you are boxed in (addicted) to a certain way of behaving.
I am trying to really make some changes, too. We are a homeschooling family, or have planned to be, but now Harry is pressuring me to enroll Cora in school, put Conner in daycare, and “get a real job.” He thinks Cora is very far behind her peers and that homeschooling isn’t working out for us. So I recommitted myself to working with her on school stuff/motor skills everyday. It is a big change for me, to have a solid routine. I tend to just do educational stuff w/ the kids, not routine schooling.
And, funny you mentioned it, but I am also on a spending moratorium. It just needs to happen if I am going to get my life in order. However it is Cora’s bday, so I get to go to the toy store and buy her a little something
Brock is not here to defend himself (he is at work) so I will write my response, though I make no claim that he will necessarily agree with me. I agree that “diets” can be a good thing. Sometimes we need to make big changes in our lives and a moratorium on spending or a complete stop from some type of sin, is something that we need to do. However, if these “diets” aren’t followed by lifestyle changes than they don’t have any lasting effect on our life. I know so many people who have gone on 1200 calorie diets and who work out for two hours every day and lose a bunch of weight, but after a few months they gain it all back (and sometimes more) because they cannot sustain that way of life. The same goes for a lot of the fad diets out there (Atkins, South Beach, etc.). I had lots of co-workers go on those diets, and some lost quite a bit of weight, but almost without exception they gained it back. The same goes for a moratorium on spending. You can maybe not spend any money for three days, or a week, but what is to stop you from going back to your regular habits once your moratorium is over. If you have a moratorium on spending for a few days in order to see what things you can do without, and to see what you really can cut out of your life, great. And then if you implement that into your daily/weekly/monthly spending habits, that is a lifestyle change. Lifestyle changes are hard, but if we really want to make big changes then that is what we have to do. I find it easier to eat very little for a couple of days and lose a few lbs than to every day eat better (and less) and exercise. However, if I want to maintain a healthy body over the course of my life, that is what I have to do.
When I look at our recent family picture I’m horrified at how fat my neck looks. I think I could actually do the calorie counting thing for the first time in my life–but maybe after I’m done nursing? Nursing really complicates things for me. I’d hate to compromise my little guy’s milk supply. On a high note, I have exercised almost every day this week!!!!
Maybe it depends on people’s personalities. Once I can make up my mind to do something, I’d rather do all or nothing. No sweets is easier for me than fewer sweets. That’s just how I am. If someone were to offer me inexpensive nutritious drinks with the exact amount of calories and nutritional value I needed to lose weight for every meal and snack of the day I think I could probably give up regular food altogether–if it meant having the perfect balance every day and being the perfect weight.
One thing is for sure. I do not want to be like a certain 50-year-old woman I know who complains about her weight and yet still buys and eats plenty of food she shouldn’t. That drives me nuts. Either fix what you eat or stop complaining!
When I wrote my comment I hadn’t read your second comment yet Shannon. I think you do both promote the same thing.
BTW there are ways to “shop” without spending money. You can “shop” on Freecycle and get free stuff. You can go on Amazon, and instead of buying stuff put iton your wish list. You can refer your husband to the wish list when your birthday approaches.
yes, Melinda, my overall point is that a diet (for me) is necessary before i can even see what lifestyle changes i want to make, and what that lifestyle that i eventually want even looks like. of course, what i want in the long run is a better lifestyle. so, on the food example, i cut back substantially for awhile, and pretty soon, i add back in some things that i had cut back on, but since i’ve done the “purging,” i can add them back in sensibly, without ruining my good work, bec. as i said, a single brownie is now a treat (as it should have been all along!).
Gladis–your first paragraph is exactly what i meant! how come i couldn’t say it that way in the first place?
I agree with Marie on the use of wish lists! I have a wish list document on my computer for myself, for hubby and for the kids. It helps to curb spending because it has to sit there for a while. If there’s something really unique on the list that you don’t want to forget you can at least have all the info written down about it so you can find it again. Then when you have a special occasion you just pull out the list and choose something on it. Sometimes I’ll come back to something on the list and decide I don’t want it any more–and I’m sure glad I didn’t spend money on it. If something has been on the list for a long time that’s also indicative.
But I would also say that the easiest way to save money is to not watch commercials (for the kids especially), stop getting catalogs and magazines that have lots of ads in them, and stick to your shopping list if you have to go to a store.
shannon
i don’t know if you are aware, but our church now has AA or addictions anonymous meetings in every stake. your addiction doesnt’ have to be alcohol or pornography, it can be caffeine or food or spending money. you don’t have to tell anyone what your addiction is. but there are meetings and a book that’s called someting like “delivered from bontage” it goes through all of the 12 steps with a gospel perspective. maybe that can help. ask your bishop……
sylwia
Sylwia,
i’m glad to hear that i didn’t sound too self-congratulatory in my post and comments. obviously my fear that i was bragging about my successes was completely unfounded.
Shannon
I think you have reason to brag. You have accomplished a lot.
Shannon, you have lost a ton of weight and look great. I am totally jealous how much you have lost and I wish I had your motivation. As for caffeine….I think you are crazy for giving it up , I can’t go a day without a diet coke, but maybe I am the crazy one for not stopping it. Anyway, you seem too hard on yourself, what is that scripture…eat, drink, and be merry, right? Im totally kidding.
Just curious, are you giving up mountain dew because you don’t want to drink caffeine anymore, or because you are trying to cut down on spending? Like if you came over and I had mountain dew, would you drink it?
I agree with your point Shannon. There are some things that need to be stopped cold turkey and simply giving them up little by little won’t work. I guess i view food as different because we don’t need soda (to use your example) to live or some other things that we need to give up. However food is more tricky because we can’t just stop eating. That’s where i’m coming from with regards to the food category. I’ve just seen lots of people who start something, do well on it for a while, and then can’t sustain it because it’s too demanding or whatever and fall back into old eating habits and gain all the weight back.
thanks, Melinda and Danielle!
Brock–you have a good point too. and maybe i should make a confession about my “diet,” but that’s enough for another post…