I’m a (very) reluctant acolyte of Dr. Sears. He’s such an institution now, as are his wife and children. Anytime a person is so universally lauded and commercially successful, I just feel naturally suspicious. And his attachment parenting stuff is interesting. Sometimes I feel way too attached to my kids.
Dr. Sears’ feelings on co-sleeping are problematic for me because I can’t believe statements like “Sleep-sharing infants aroused more often and spent more time breastfeeding than solitary sleepers, yet the sleep-sharing mothers did not report awakening more frequently” (I believe the first part, but not the second). Luckily, the seventh B of the Baby B‘s is “Balance,” and he also says, “Wherever all family members get the best night’s sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family.”
Although, if he really feels that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS, then I don’t know if I can respect him for telling me it’s okay to not co-sleep. Not that what he says is going to change my feelings on that either way, but, I have other strong feelings on sticking to your position. (but maybe that should be a more stringent requirement for politicians than pediatricians).
Anyway, I thought Dr. Sears might be being condescending when he says stuff like “Attachment parenting makes you an expert on your baby.” But today, I think I’ve done him a disservice. He says that he tells new parents “You don’t have to become an expert on parenting, but you must become an expert on your baby, because no one else will.”
Spot is an easy baby. For the past few days, though, she has been acting more like a normal 7 month old — crying when I put her down for naps and bed and wanting to be held more. And she did start running an intermittent fever of 101-102. But she had no other “symptoms.” I debated whether or not to take her to the doctor. It could be teething (but my kids are asymptomatic teethers) and it could be a growth spurt or ?just a phase,? or a cold. The long weekend was coming up, though, and then: the final straw. Spot was reluctant to nurse (just at one feeding, and only for a few minutes, but still!). I knew something was definitely wrong.
I suspected an ear infection (Susan is finishing up a course of antibiotics for ear and sinus infections). As I related all of Spot’s “symptoms,” I could see the nurse thinking that I was probably overreacting. But Dr. Lori is a pediatrician among pediatricians. Spot’s ears were fine, so Dr. Lori outlined three tests we would do as necessary: strep, white blood cell count, and urine. Dr. Lori and I together are an expert team: Spot has strep throat, which is uncommon in children her age, but not unheard of when there are older siblings.
Some people distrust or dislike “the medical profession.” When I have a doctor who trusts that I am the expert on my baby, even when I feel slightly sheepish for coming in, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I think I might give Dr. Sears another read.
Someone who said the following can’t be all whacked:
I wonder if modern parenting focuses on too much “stuff” and not enough touch, and if modern baby-care practices are a trade-off of increased convenience for increased risk. It may be considered politically incorrect to speculate on this kind of life-or-death role for a mother; yet for a few infants it may be physiologically correct. Over the past twenty years the importance of the mother to her infant’s well-being has been diluted by social and economic changes to the extent that the modern view of attachment parenting is that it is nice but not necessary. I challenge that view. As soon as we open our eyes to the time-honored fact that mothering matters, the better off — and perhaps safer — babies will be. My wish is that you practice attachment parenting … because you believe it is the best for you and your baby. By receiving the gift of attachment parenting, more babies will thrive …
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Dr. Lori is amazing – you can thank me later for that recommendation. There are usually good and bad with most parenting books – glad you can find some good in Dr. Sears.
What I question is the very phrase “attachment parenting.” The first time I heard that I thought it meant being the sort of mom who always has the baby in a sling or baby carrier or otherwise literally attached to the body, to foster a strong bond between mother and baby and to allow both parties to really relish the the short stage of infancy.
But as I have read more, I have found that this phrase is used to describe anyone that really pays attention to their child. It’s hard to dispute the benefits of paying attention to and knowing your child. But more and more, the phrase is being flung around as though it were a derogatory term, insinuating that things like co-sleeping and breastfeeding are habits of obsessive-compulsive perfectionists, people who don’t live in the real world and can devote the time and energy to such things because they aren’t important or educated enough to have other things to do with their time. Another way to highlight the diparity and incite conflict between working and SAH mothers when we really ought to be encouraging each other and working together for the good of mothers and women off all persuasions.
I like Dr. Sears a lot and have referred to his site often, I especially appreciate the photographs of rashes, which make it a lot easier to make a diagnosis than trying to figure out whether a bum is “raised” or “blotchy.” But I have at times been annoyed when other moms quote him or other sources to prove that their own method of parenting is better than another mom’s.
And I agree about his vacillating opinions. It gives the impression that he may feel that one way is really the way to go, like co-sleeping, but he’s too worried about public opinion to put any oomph behind it. It’s much safer to say that whatever you’re doing is fine, and it ensures popularity and book sales.
When I had Will I read some of Dr. Sears and only got as far as the co-sleeping part. That is when I stopped reading his stuff, other than the fact that I just had no time to read anything with my screaming child all day long! I agree with Marie though–you can generally read any parenting book and find things you like and dislike. It’s a good thing too because there are so many different kinds of moms and what works for one mom doesn’t work for others.
About being the expert of you baby…I totally agree! When Isaac broke his collar bone it was obvious to me that something was wrong and I was frustrated when I took him to a doctor (his doctor wasn’t in that day) and she said that he was just bruised. Bruised my butt. His doctor was there the next day and she immediately ordered an x-ray and sure enough, he had a broken collar bone. I know my baby and I know when something is wrong.
So, I’m glad you took Lucy in and that you have a good doctor who listens to you and believes that you know your baby.