With Dick gone I have a lot of time to spend on the computer that normally I would spend … on the computer, but with him right next to me on his computer. You’d be surprised how much quality time you can squeeze in between surfing the net and writing posts and IM’ing people in Arizona.
But for the next couple of days, I have some time to ponder these questions (while eating my girls-only dinner of chocolate milk, brussels sprouts and link sausage):
1) Can I yell at Sally to stop singing too loudly at bedtime in the room she shares with Spot if the song she’s singing is Mother Dear I Love You So?
2) Is expecting Susan to kiss her elbow better herself if I am busy doing something else too cold-hearted?
3) Will it scar Spot forever if she hears me discussing how practically comatose content she is sometimes?
4) Can I still get mad at Dick for not taking out the garbage if he is 1609 miles away on a business trip?
These are the kinds of conundrums I face daily. And I do wonder, sometimes, if I’m a good enough mom. I’ve decided the whole “good/bad” thing is an unhelpful dichotomy, and what I’m aiming for now is “good enough.” An alert friend recently sent me an article about a group of women who have declared their independence from the “supermom” mentality.
On the one hand, any reference to that great epic movie Independence Day (or to our nation’s founding) resonates with me. I’m obviously not a supermom myself. On the other hand, wallowing in mediocrity just doesn’t seem right (e.g. letting clutter take over until you have to literally rake it into a pile, and allowing lots (any — but then I don’t have boys) of video game time). And on the third hand, I wish they’d let me edit their homepage. Eek.
One last hand: one mother’s bad hair day is another mother’s (my) dream hairdo. Don’t you hate it when someone apologizes for how dirty something is, like their microwave, and you know that yours hasn’t been that clean since it left the store?
In many ways I like the pressure to clean my house for company — at least it does get clean then. Also, this is a great barometer of friendship. You know that you are truly friends with someone if you don’t rush around to clean right before they come over. Of course, you will continue rushing around to clean before your mother or mother-in-law comes until the day you die, but that’s different.
Today I declare my independence as a good-enough-and-working-on-it mother!
Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!” We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! (Independence Day, the movie)
Gives you goose bumps, doesn’t it? Poor Bill Pullman. Talk about unfulfilled mediocrity (except for in Spaceballs; he does get the girl in that one).
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1) Can I yell at Avery to stop singing too loud at bedtime in the room she shares with Lucy if the song she?s singing is Mother Dear I Love You So? No. Lucy is listening and learning.
2) Is expecting Callie to kiss her elbow better herself if I am busy doing something else too hard-hearted? Yes, but only because she can’t reach her elbow.
3) Will it scar Lucy forever if she hears me discussing how practically comatose content she is sometimes? No, it will probably encourage the behavior if you talk about it positively.
4) Can I still get mad at Tom for not taking out the garbage if he is 1609 miles away on a business trip? Absolutely!
I love Bill Pullman! In that movie and While You Were Sleeping.
I can’t declare my independence because I have too much of it. If anything I’m in danger of going the other way. My problem is holding up my kids to the behavior / capabilities / learning skills of other kids. I wish I could declare my independence from that, but I’m afraid it’s part of the mom gene.
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thanks for the input, Marie.
you’re right — i forgot about While You Were Sleeping — that is my favorite movie of his.
you might be interested in that Judith Warner book i reviewed recently. her anecdotes about competitive-mothering-type stuff were hilarious. because of course i want my own kids to be “above-average” — whatever average is.
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Definitely some things to think about. I’m with Marie though, I settle for good-enough too often and forget the “working on it.” If only I could transfer my worries about what other people think of me, my appearance, the appearance of my home, etc. to what my husband and kids will think of the same thing. And ultimately to what the Lord thinks of how I run my life.
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Hey, were you talking about my microwave?
I will just say that my sister’s microwave was so disgusting that I promised myself I wouldn’t ever have one that dirty. Unfortunately, it usually is as dirty as hers used to be. I just had to write that on my blog because I have some really, really clean friends and I thought I better aknowledge it before they did. But hey, they should already know when they come to my house that I don’t exactly make cleaning my priority. I do clean every day but I’m not crazy about it like some people.
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It was probably about a year ago that I stepped back from my housework and thought, “Why should my house look like a museum? We live here.” Who cares if the kids have their toys out all over the house? That’s fine as long as they clean up when it’s clean up time.
One friend’s housekeeping I really admire consists of not having much clutter. Meaning she keeps her toaster in a drawer. I thought that was very bizarre, but then I found out my other really clean friend keeps hers in a cupboard too. Anyway, what I take from the no clutter queen is that you don’t need to have lots of stuff in your house. If you have fewer knicknacks you have fewer things to dust, you know? I’m now doing a huge sorting project through my house–after realizing during our move that we had a lot of stuff we don’t use–and it feels so good to get rid of stuff we don’t really need. And I try not to buy stuff unless I’m sure it will come in handy frequently. Less to sort, less to pay for, less to store, less to move during moving time, etc.
Anyhoo, I’m pretty content with my pace as a housewife and mother except when I hear all the cool places you take your kids, Shannon! I think I’m just a real homebody. Am I not exposing my children to enough stimuli?
Adrianne, that’s funny about your sister’s microwave. Karin, our younger sis, has the funniest opinions sometimes about childrearing. She’s like, “Isn’t it fun and games all the time? What is there to get stressed about?” Karin, if you’re reading this, I love you. I just think you’ll have a wake-up call–like most of us mothers have–when you’re taking care of children 24/7.
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Just read the perfect quote from Bridget Jones’s Diary:
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funny! maybe i’ll have to read that book again. the first was great! i’m seriously thinking of going drug-free next time, thinking that it will be pretty easy compared, since lucy required a whole 2 pushes. i’ll have to do some education and learn new labor positions and stuff. but i won’t be burning any bridges, and i won’t be ashamed if i change my mind.
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I’ll be having lots of good drugs for my next c-section, thank you very much!
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bring on the drugs! although last time i didn’t get an epidural until i was dilated to 9 and thought about going without – until the next contraction came and they said if i waited any longer it would be too late
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This article about “un-supermoms” disturbed me because they all seemed lazy to me. They seemed to make excuses for themselves as to why they can’t be good moms, so they didn’t even bother to try to be good moms. I think that any normal mother wants to do her best, while it is ok to accept that you are not perfect, I do not feel that you should set your expectations so low like many of these moms do, that you don’t even bother to try.
Anyway, that is my opinion of the article! Thanks for posting about it. It seemed like something you would find interesting.
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I’m the only one in this world. Can please someone join me in this life? Or maybe death…
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