Last night Nana Marian and Auntie Liz brought Cousin Rachel and dinner over to our house. It was delicious. We invited Grampa Dave to join us, since he lives just five minutes away. Dick’s parents (Nana and Grampa) were divorced about 20 years ago.
When I was growing up, I always thought … well, actually, I thought I’d be a scientist and that I wouldn’t want to marry anyone dumb enough to want to marry me. But during those optimistic (brain-dead?) Young Women Sunday School lessons on marriage, I thought I would eventually marry some nice Mormon boy from a large family. He would be an Eagle Scout and would have served a full-time mission some place exotic, and when I joined his family (as he joined mine) I would be getting linked to thousands of more Mormons. I had four siblings and almost 70 first cousins to contribute to the union.
What I got was Dick, who had a dad, a mom, and a sister. An aunt and uncle or two, and a few cousins. I still tease him about not being an Eagle Scout (on occasions, which are pretty infrequent, I admit, when it seems like that would come in handy). And his parents are divorced. Also, they’re not Mormon; Dick joined the church when he was 15.
When Dick left to serve for two years in Venezuela, his parents supported him emotionally and monetarily. They cheered him on at BYU. When we got married in the Manti, Utah Temple, his mom and sister flew in from Florida and his dad rode his motorcycle from Washington state. His aunt and uncle came from Minneapolis. They all waited, patiently and uncomplainingly, outside. I didn’t really think about it at the time, but fifty of my closest relatives and friends were with us in the temple.
Dick’s family must have wondered how things would turn out for two such young (21 & 23) kids.
Dick’s mom is the most generous person I know. Liz is the most enthusiastic and cheerful. Dave is the most … hmm a father-in-law is an interesting thing. My relationship with my own father is complicated enough. Dave is kind to me, even when I am a little bit arrogant.
But what I like most about Dick’s parents is how they treat each other. I don’t really know why they were divorced; I don’t think it’s a big secret, but they rose above the whole situation to such an extent that an outsider, listening in to our conversation last night would have been hard-put to guess whether or how long they have been divorced. In fact, I only wish most married couples could treat each other as considerately.
Liz and I got talking about breastfeeding. Dave remembered that when Marian gave birth to Liz, the nurse said she’d be right back to help with the nursing, but that Marian asked Dave if he thought it would be okay for her to just go ahead and try. Liz (as we’ve heard before) took to the “ninny” like it was ambrosia.
It’s kind of weird; it’s often warned that children of divorce are at much greater risk for divorce themselves, and I know that Grampa is anxious that Dick and Liz work hard to safeguard their marriages (I’m sure Nana is too, but Grampa is more vocal on this). I think we should definitely be active in nurturing our important relationships. I also think, though, that Dick and Liz are at risk for becoming as thoughtful and companionable as their parents are.
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Shannon, thanks for the nice post about my mom, dad, and sister. I like how we all get along so well in these family gatherings. I already miss you here in Minneapolis. Love,
Tom
Shannon – you are lucky to have good in-laws, and to appreciate them. My in-laws are so different than my own parents that I had a harder time adjusting and appreciating them. But after 6 years I can plainly see their many good qualities and sometimes… sometimes, I forget about the craziness.
That’s a beautiful tribute, Shannon. We in relatively healthy marriages could all take the hint and treat our spouses better!
The Mormon church’s emphasis on family is one thing I really respect about it. There are many things I respect about it actually, if it wasn’t for the strange underwear and the whole planet thing I’d be at a Mormon church with my family right now. I was a faithful Mormon for two years when I found out about that stuff and it scared me off… esp. since when I had spoken to the missionaries before I joined the church I had asked them specifically about those things and they assured me that stuff was all made up by opponents of the church trying to scare people away. Well it sure scared me away! (They LIED to me! *gasp*) Anyhoo, I don’t think there is any other church that comes even close to promoting family and wholesome living.
Hi Marie,
thanks for sharing — i was wondering why you left the church, and i do think that our emphasis on families appeals to a lot of people. i also sincerely think the missionaries were not trying to lie to you, but, to say that those things would not seem “strange” to you once you learned more about their purpose. what i wear is not strange to me, though obviously i don’t dress like most floridians. i thought a lot about modesty and clothing when we were in cairo, when i could not for the life of me understand women dressing head-to-toe in black, in the summer, in egypt. but i did respect them for it.
i’ll tell you the strangest concept i have ever encountered: “borrowing” in subtraction. i was in second grade, and i took my schoolwork VERY seriously (more on that in my MMSM post). we had a big chalkboard in our family room, and i remember standing in front of it with my father (who wasn’t the most mushy guy ever) and just crying and crying, throwing tantrums, because it just did not make any sense to me. how could you take numbers from the column to the left and somehow make them part of the digit on the right? really, i’m not being facetious in any way. i was stumped. i don’t really remember how he got me to accept it; i think it had something to do with my just trying it out, trusting him, and finally, i was able to do it.
my dad really came through with the patience, sometimes.
I hope Harry and I will be able to rise above our (impending) divorce like that. Beautiful family post!!!
But what do you mean by strange underwear, Marie? And, fyi, Shannon, in my opinion you do not stick out as dressing in any unusual way.
Hi Gladis,
i hope things go as well as possible for you and Harry, too. (and for your kids!!)
Before Marie answers your question, I’d like to ask that she (and I and everyone) remember that what some consider “strange,” others consider “sacred.” I would be happy to talk to you, Gladis and Marie, in person or on the phone, if you’re really interested in this topic, but I ask you to not discuss what I consider to be sacred on the internet. I love the freedom of conversation and the give-and-take we can enjoy on this blog, but I am desirous, also, of keeping some things sacred. i hope that this makes sense and that we can talk about this some other time.
thanks!
oh, and thanks, Gladis, for saying i don’t stick out. what i meant is that i don’t wear shorts/skirts above the knee or tank tops or things like that (except when i’m exercising) in public. it’s a modesty thing. and so it was funny to me to go from cairo, where i was one of the least modest, to florida, where i am often the most modest (the most covered up).
I think Shannon should answer that question, I wouldn’t want to portray it in a negative light. I do remember the missionaries saying several times that they couldn’t give me the “meat before the milk,” but I did ask them point blank about those things, and they point blank told me those were lies.
Despite that, I have a soft spot in my heart for Mormon missionaries, I mean who wouldn’t??? They’re so cute and gentlemanly and innocent! I often gave the missionaries rides to their meals and laundry facilities and such back then. Just the other day I saw two young men walking down the street. Even though I saw them from behind I knew they were missionaries, and was surprised that they were wearing short sleeved shirts. Didn’t think that was allowed, and it isn’t even hot here, though if they’re from Minnesota or some-such it may be hot to them. Sure enough when I passed them I saw their little name tags, and I thought about offering them a ride but realized I’d only have room for one of them.
Shannon, I also never noticed that you dressed any differently, I never had any clue you were a Mormon. This is coming from someone that once drove through downtown Salt Lake City pointing out all the Mormons and all the non-Mormons based on clothing alone, LOL.
Shannon, I am glad you have such great in-laws. I do too! My family is very different from my husbands. When I took him home for the first time I really thought I had prepared him sufficiently for the crazyiness to follow but I apparently didn’t because he wouldn’t talk the whole half hour ride home. I thought, “Oh man, he’s going to break up with me.” I asked him if he was ok and he said, “I’m fine it’s just that everything that needed to said was said at your house.” Isn’t that awful! My family was a shock to him because we are so different than he is used to (he is from a very reserved family). Anyway, I love, love his family. I lived with them for three months when Will was only three months and Mike was at OTS and it was wonderful to get to know them better. It was hard because I was in a new environment with a new family that I had only see a few times but I will be forever grateful for the experience to live with them because now I feel very much a part of their family and understand them better.
So, I’m really glad that you have great in-laws too and wish that everyone had such good ones. I think your husband’s family background will be such a positive example to your kids.
Marie,
thanks! you are such a high-class gal; i’m feeling really sad that you moved right after i met you. i hope you can find a mommies group in nm — have you looked for something like that yet? i admire you so much on your budgeting and making things work so well for your kids. how’s Jessamine doing with her big-girl bed? (she is still pretty young, so there is plenty of time….)
Adrianne,
i have always thought that my in-laws were just the best, and i guess it kind of surprised me, because they aren’t what i had been expecting.
life is so much happier when you can easily love those that you know you should love, you know? i’m glad you are happy with your in-laws too!