Somehow, I have managed to strike a balance between SAHM and WOHM. I am a college student (either my mom or my husband takes care of the kids while I am at class), and I when I go to work.

10 hours/week at school + 5 hours/week working= 15/91 hours away from my kids each week, or actually 76 out of 91 hours each week employed in nurturing and educating my small brood. I say 91 hours in a week, because they sleep 11 hours each night, and I don’t count those hours in my time WITH them.

I love it, and most of the time I do feel fulfilled. My issues with being a SAHM have less to do with them, and more to do with my choice in a spouse.

As far as being a MC SAHM, the ideology of the UMC is the very reason many MC women don’t think it’s possible. They think they have to have weekly manicures and pedicures, daily Starbucks, a brand new car trade-in every two years.

Brad and I share a car, which means that I can’t get out very much when he’s at work. I don’t get new clothes, I get a haircut maybe once a year. Starbucks is a very rare treat. To take the kids to do things, they generally have to be things I can walk to and are also free. Meaning we can go to the park, but we can’t go to the indoor kid fun places. My interaction with other people is mainly limited to the computer and phone. When Brad comes home from work, I can’t just foist the kids on him and go somehwere: he’s just worked all day too, and wants a break as well.

So why do I do it? If I were to get a job, 75% of the money would o to childcare. The other 25% would have to stretch to cover a second car, a career wardrobe, more frequent haircuts, and more restaurant food. There would be no monetary benefit whatsoever. And I have simply never understood how working moms can stand to pay other people to watch / teach / influence their kids for the greater part of the day. I know working moms who take their kids to day care at 7 AM, where the kids have breakfast and such, pick the kids up at 6 PM, rush home for dinner and put the kids to bed at 7. One hour a day with your child???? And I just don’t see how a paid, trained stranger can give my kids the love and care that I can.

i can’t remember what you studied in college; I studied English after changing my major 9 times; so i read books and think about them and write about them (and just about everything else) for fun. that is a big part of what i do to feel fulfilled–i’m interested in the ideas behind what we do, maybe even more than what we do.

and, Tara is right, i do enjoy staying home; i also feel like it is the right thing to do. if i didn’t feel that i was fulfilling a grand and glorious purpose in making “motherwork” my most important work at this time in my life, i might make other choices.

the difference in the question was that before i just quoted from Warner’s book and asked why we stay at home. now, i have shared most of my understanding of her entire book, including what her agenda was for having said what i earlier quoted. i think this makes a big difference in how we answer that question. if we say that we stay home SOLELY because we enjoy it, then we cannot think there is anything wrong with working while our children are young SOLELY because we enjoy it. i do think there is something wrong with working (long hours, outside the home, having a husband who can work) while my children are young; therefore, there must be something right (morally, emotionally, etc) about staying home.

oh, and the time i took Avery to the bathroom at Walmart was when we were coming home from the beach as a family; Tom stopped the car and she and I ran in. i spend less time “at-home” than any other stay-at-home mom I know. and I couldn’t be more blessed in my companion-husband (well, if he’d take out the trash, just once, without my reminding him.)

the slideshows that were in the sidebar (and messing it up) can now be seen by clicking “slideshow” at the top.

Tara,

what? i don’t like to complain; i like to “discuss.” and i miss you even double more!!!

now, we’re off to the aquarium with Danielle and Danielle, where i’m sure i’ll still find time to ponder my fate.

What’s so horrible about staying at home? Maybe you keep your house too clean or your children have laceing shoes. My kids hardly even wear shoes when it’s warm, and I clean only what’s necessary. I chat with my neighbors a lot. we sit in the sun and let the kids play together. We go to the library. I really don’t see what about staying at home is so hard. If you are so unfulfilled, do stuff in the evening when your husband is home with the kids. Give yourself a break most evenings. Do grocery shopping then, and with a friend. So you can chat and shop and not take any kids into the walmart bathroom…….

sylwia

sylwia