A Child’s Bill of Rights

I’m a mom; I talk to people (esp. women) about mom things. Yesterday it was Liz and breastfeeding; today it was Marcy and sleep-training. I talk to Tara and others about being a stay-at-home mom often. I believe very strongly in these three aspects of being a mother, and so, they’re the beginning of my Child’s Bill of Rights. Other things will come to me, I’m sure, but for now, here goes, in no particular order. (and please see the caveats at the bottom; I’m not completely rigid…)

Every Child deserves:

1) To be breastfed til the age of one. Mothers should be encouraged to nurse anywhere, anytime. I’ve breastfed while walking down Broadway in Manhattan, at church during Sacrament Mtg and while teaching Relief Society, while changing my baby’s diaper (only when she’s on the left breast because I’m right handed–and only if hand sanitizer is on hand), on the subway in NYC, at theme parks and the zoo, while taking the other kids trick or treating at the mall, at parks, in theaters, and yes, on airplanes. Start at La Leche League if you don’t know why breastfeeding is best.

2) To get a solid night’s sleep. In a bed of her own. With the ability to get back to sleep on her own. Children need sleep. This seems obvious–and it’s the subject of my next post. In the meantime, read Whose Bed is it Anyway? at nytimes.com for an example of the scary opposite extreme.

3) To have a Stay-at-Home-Mom. Now, I hate the staying home part; we go to the YMCA, the beach, the park, the library, the mall, playgroups, the zoo, museums, etc. My kids deserve to not be turned over full-time to someone who is being paid to take care of them–not because I am such a prize as a care-giver, but because I am the one who gave them life, and I want to give them the best I can. I freely confess to being eternally grateful that Florida has full-day kindergarten, because I do want Sally to survive childhood. I am under no delusions as to my (limited) reserves of patience. Successful homeschoolers are probably just about ready for transfiguration. This Ensign article quotes Presidents Benson, McKay and Kimball; that’s good enough for me.

4) To be raised with consistent and fair rewards and discipline. Unfortunately, this is more a belief than an ingrained practice–as yet. With Sally, Dick convinced me that spanking was out. His philosophy is that if you spank hard enough to hurt it’s abuse, and if you spank soft enough that it doesn’t, it’s a game. So no spanking. I read once that it takes 7 compliments to counteract 1 criticism, so I try to be really free with my compliments. And I’m working on losing the mean voice.

Exceptions:

1) If you adopt or have medical or other reasons breastfeeding is not possible, then, duh, it’s not possible. Your kid will probably be the next Beethoven anyway (apparently* his mom had syphylis and who knows what else while carrying him; my kid needs breastfeeding just so she can compete).

2) Ok, nursing babies are maybe candidates for this weird co-sleeping thing (notice babies), and if it really makes everyone happy, and the baby is really getting all the sleep she needs, then I wash my hands of you. (but, how do you have sex?). As for the getting up in the night with any infant over the age of four months, please see my next post.

3) If your husband is dead or a deadbeat, then you have to leave your children and earn a living. Otherwise, you don’t. (if you don’t have a husband for a reason other than death, he should obviously be dead, so that fits the criteria anyway). Also, husbands should “stay-at-home” as much as possible too, so that Mom can escape to the gym or the library or a part-time job if needed/desired, or, or, dang it, even the dentist for some personal time. Finally, I am super admirous of those enterprising women who figure out how to contribute to the family income (through nanny-ing, consulting, free-lancing, etc), in arrangements that take the kids along (or leave them with dad).

*actually, this is an email urban legend; Beethoven’s Mom died of tuberculosis, but it’s a good story, eh?